InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "they taste like burning. "

Nathan Petrelli (aleaderwillrise) wrote in heroic_essence,
@ 2009-05-04 04:20:00

Entry tags:

nathan petrelli, peter petrelli

Who: Nathan and Peter Petrelli
What: Discussing how relationships never last ( while having a few drinks )
Where: The Petrelli Mansion
When: After the Nathan/Heidi break-up thread/later that evening

Fortunately Ma was out for the day, so he didn't have to explain anything to her yet. He knew she'd probably tell him to fight for his wife and kids, but frankly, he didn't see that there was anything else he could do to convince Heidi to stay - or rather come back to him. If she couldn't handle who he was, then maybe it was better for her to leave now. His deepest regret was losing his sons. Right now, they were still young. They didn't need him to be around to know that he loved them. They hadn't reached the age where they started questioning their father's priorities. That was a grown-up problem. And by securing a future for his family early on, he would be more available later. If only she had been able to see that. All he'd wanted to do was get a head start, and that's exactly what he'd done. However, it'd come at a price. Was it worth it? Only time would tell.

At this particular stage, he had chosen to drown whatever sorrow existed deep down beneath that gruff exterior with any alcoholic beverage he could find. His tolerance level was high, so he wasn't drunk, though he had drank enough to take the sting off. He'd also made up an excuse to duck out of a previous engagement: a dinner that'd been on his schedule for weeks. But at this stage, it didn't really matter. Either he would win or lose. He'd covered every base, visited every corner, and shook hands with all the right people ... if he hadn't made an impression by now, he wasn't going to. It wasn't that he was giving up or throwing in the towel. Not at all. He simply was taking the night off, even though he'd undoubtedly get an earful about it later from those who supposedly stood in his corner. In other words, the kiss-ups who benefited from his success the most, or his mother, who for some reason was so inspired by the idea of him becoming a Congressman.

He'd been prepared to spend his time more productively, but the FBI felt it was too soon to arrest Linderman. What exactly they were waiting for hadn't been made clear, but Nathan had been in no mood to argue with them. So he'd resorted to staying in and sifting through old photographs instead. There were a lot of memories that had been captured in those pictures, although it was hard to remember a time when they were all that happy. Everything had changed so fast, and he still didn't fully understand why or how any of the changes that'd occurred had taken place without him noticing - or how some of them were even possible. Despite his failure to observe what was happening to the people he claimed to care about the most, he'd lost just as much as he'd gained - maybe more. He was fighting to win an election his father wasn't even alive to see. Heidi felt unloved and unneeded, and she had implied that even if his boys didn't feel that way now, they would someday. Half the time Peter was angry at him for something he had or hadn't done, and then there was the whole flying thing.

On the plus side, he had a daughter, and she just happened to be in town at the same time his wife decided to take their children and leave. Much to his surprise, Claire also had a superpower. While it might've been reassuring for her to discover she wasn't alone ( and he assumed Pete would be pleased too that he finally found someone that understood what he was going through ), Nathan didn't think it was cool, not in the slightest. Had he passed it on to her? Was he responsible for all this somehow? Regardless of where she'd inherited her ability from, her life would never be normal, and neither would Peter's for that matter. They didn't seem to understand the levity of the situation. If people ever found out what they could do, their lives as they knew it would be over forever.

... Thinking about all this stuff at once hadn't improved his headache, so he decided to take a break from everything and go upstairs, maybe turn in early. He took a little something to help knock him out quicker, because the wine he'd started with didn't seem to be having much of an effect anymore. As for the photos, he left them scattered across the sofa.

After entering the bedroom and plopping himself down on the edge of the bed, he tipped the bottle of whiskey and filled his glass. That's when his gaze drifted to the papers that were sitting on the table nearby, right where Heidi had left them. He really didn't have to sign them, but what good would it do to refuse? Perhaps in the morning he would be more willing to cooperate. Tonight, he was bitter and lonely.

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reluctantmimic
2009-05-04 11:53 pm UTC (link)

Peter had been emotionally exhausted after meeting with Brooke and Claire that evening. First the chaos of Claire's near death experience, or so he'd thought at the time. And then he found out the truth, that his niece had the ability to heal from seemingly any physical trauma. In turn, he'd probably spilled a few secrets of his own; said too much in the excitement of it all.

Brows knitted together as he checked his voice mail. Cell phone had been tucked away in his jacket and forgotten about until he'd seen his guests off. One missed call from Nathan and from the sound of it, a call he shouldn't have missed. Concern etched his features as he listened to Nathan's message. Heidi had left and taken the boys with her. Nathan was hurting and even if his brother didn't want to admit it - he needed him. What alarmed him the most had been the way the call ended: "Take care, Pete. I love you." A sentiment not spoken aloud often, leading Peter to worry about the emotional state his brother might be in. Grabbing his coat, he rushed out of his apartment and headed over to the Petrelli mansion via cab.

Once there, he used the spare key entrusted to him and quickly made his way inside. Coat and keys were dropped carelessly on the entry way floor after he'd shut the door. "Nathan?" He called out as he passed through each room on the first floor in search of his brother. Lips dipped into a frown when he circled back to the entry way, unsuccessful in his mission.

Concern growing, he bound up the stairs to continue his search. Steps came to a halt when he noticed the bedroom door was ajar. He called out once more, softer this time in case Nathan had already fallen asleep. "Nathan?" A moment later Peter slowly pushed the door open and once standing inside the room, his eyes took in the sight of his brother - drink in hand and staring at a pile of papers beside the bed. His own heart aching for his brother, he took one cautious step forward. "Nate... you okay?" What a stupid question considering the situation and Peter inwardly berated himself for asking. He stood there awkwardly, although what he really wanted to do was rush over and envelop his brother in a hug. Comfort him somehow, if that was at all possible.

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aleaderwillrise
2009-05-05 05:03 am UTC (link)

He hadn't responded when his name was called because he hadn't heard Peter, not until he was inside the room. Then Nathan's gaze instantly shifted over to him as a small frown slid into place. "Pete, I didn't hear you come in." Though in all honesty, he hadn't been paying much attention. Still, he couldn't help but quip, "Please tell me you used the door." Rather than flying in some open window. As absurd as it sounded, there was no telling what kind of trouble Peter had managed to get into. What Nathan didn't get was why Pete was so excited to finally be somebody - as if he was a nobody before. Where did being somebody get you? Nowhere. Maybe he only felt like this right now because things weren't going his way, but it was true. You climbed your way to the top, and then what? Then everyone turned on you because your lifestyle was no longer convenient for them.

Was he okay? That was a stupid question, although he'd actually been expecting to hear 'i told you so.' After all, Peter was always on his case about how he should treat Heidi better, appreciate her more. This was his shining moment - his opportunity to gloat. Fortunately, it wasn't his brother's style, but he couldn't help but think that Pete did want to say something to the effect of 'you brought it on yourself.' So why wait for it? He stood, gesturing towards the pile of papers with his glass, the liquid inside sloshing with the sudden movement. "What do you think, Pete? You think I should sign them?" He didn't really have much of a choice in the long-run, but he certainly didn't have to comply with her cold request so soon. If he wanted to be cruel, he could draw this out - maybe even find a loophole or two that would give him an advantage when it came to gaining custody of their kids or splitting their assets.

Following a stiff, disbelieving shake of the head, he stopped to take a drink, before resuming his speech.

"Why don't you just go ahead and say it? I was no good for her. You two always agreed on that." There was a long pause as he glanced off to the side. Regardless of how it may have seemed, he wasn't angry at Peter. Realizing that he might have come across a little harsh, he toned it down a notch. "She said that if she stayed, she would've fallen apart." Nathan still didn't get it. "Maybe I was an absentee husband, but I never deprived her of anything." Nothing that money could buy. As for love and affection ... he'd loved her as much as he was capable of loving anyone. They'd even had two children together, and now she wanted out. This ... this was why he didn't get attached to people. Because people, no matter how much they professed their loyalty and devotion to you, could change their minds at any second and leave you with nothing. Therefore he had taken a page from everyone else's book and learned very early on that the only way to survive in this world was to adopt that same mentality - but on a few rare occasions, he'd let his guard down. If only he knew who he was more angry at: Heidi or himself.

"She knew who I was when she married me." And because she had been fully aware of what she was getting herself into when she accepted his proposal, he didn't feel sorry for her. He'd pitied her and beat himself up for her paralysis ever since the accident, and all she'd been doing was plotting a way to escape. "I don't believe you should have to constantly remind someone you love them for it to be true. Now I might not be husband of the year, but I loved my wife, and if she didn't feel any connection between us, that was because it was easier for her to justify walking out that door by blaming me for all of it." On that note, he tilted back his head and downed the rest of his drink.

He scrunched up his face slightly as he felt the familiar burn in the back of his throat, but it didn't prevent him from refilling his glass. However, he stooped and withdrew another from a drawer in the nightstand, then set it on the edge of the table for Peter. "You thirsty? Help yourself." Sooner or later he'd get around to asking how Pete had spent his day, but Nathan wasn't sure he was quite ready to hear the explanation yet.

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reluctantmimic
2009-05-09 10:30 pm UTC (link)

Greeted by his brother in the usual way: with a frown. "Sorry, probably should have knocked or something." Waltzing right into the family home, well that was his way and he probably wouldn't change that any time soon. Usually Peter would be greeted warmly by Heidi, but his sister in law had left. For good? He was having a hard time accepting this news. A moment later he scoffed: "Of course I used the door..." No, he wouldn't use that little jab as bait to start an argument. Not this time anyway.

Even though Nathan had gestured toward the papers, Peter's eyes rested on the glass in his brother's hand. It wasn't like Nathan to drown his sorrows in a bottle of booze like that, and so he was understandably concerned. Gaze lifted at the question. "I don't know Nate." This time he was the one frowning. "Do you think she'll reconsider?" Naive of him, for sure, but he desperately wanted Nathan and Heidi to work out their differences. They needed each other. He fell silent, arms crossed as Nathan took another drink.

A sigh fell from his lips when his brother spoke again. "I never said you weren't good for Heidi!" Voice had risen momentarily, before he took a breath and stared at Nathan. Peter wasn't there to say 'I told you so,' although he started to wonder if his presence would just make things worse. He wanted Nathan to know that he was there for him; to show that he was still by his big brother's side. No matter what. The rest of Nathan's words were taken in. As strong as Heidi was, she'd needed more of her husband's time. "She was lonely. How could you have not noticed?" Peter had sensed it and maybe that had been why he'd gotten so upset in Vegas. It had been painful to see Nathan lavishing attention on another woman, while Heidi waited back home. Peter had felt like his own heart was breaking for Heidi.

He'd nearly nodded at Nathan's insistence that Heidi had know who he was when she'd married him. "Maybe you shouldn't have to say it all the time... but sometimes it helps if you say it more often." As much as Peter had been alarmed at that declaration left on his voice mail by his brother - it still had meant a lot to hear it.

Peter shook his head and sighed at the sight of Nathan finishing his drink. How many had he had so far? He raised an eyebrow when his brother actually encouraged him to have a drink, but he took the glass anyway. This was probably a once in a lifetime offer. "Yeah, sure..." After filling the glass, he gingerly sipped at the contents. He wouldn't push his luck.

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aleaderwillrise
2009-05-10 03:30 am UTC (link)

A strained laugh fell from his lips. Would Heidi reconsider? If there was even a remote possibility, he wouldn't be reacting like this. They'd fought plenty of times before, but this was different. This was final, no doubt about it. As for Peter's tone, Nathan had noticed the way he'd raised his voice, but he chose not to address it. They were both overly defensive these days.

"I never said she couldn't have people over." In fact, he would've encouraged it. If she'd wanted company, she could've called someone and invited them to come and visit her. It's not like he had forbidden her from receiving guests, nor had he chained her to the bed or anything nearly that extreme. Slight exaggeration, but at times it felt like he was being painted as this tyrannical control freak ... and to an extent that was true. However, he wasn't completely insensitive all the time. Yes, he had asked her to stay in as much as possible until the campaign was over, but that's it. He'd never imagined it'd take this big a toll on her. Needless to stay, he still didn't get that when Peter said that Heidi was 'lonely,' he was mostly referring to Nathan's absence from her life.

His gaze suddenly lifted and morosely settled on his brother. "Saying I love you wasn't going to change what happened, Pete." There was nothing he could say to make Heidi walk again, and no matter how many times he looked into her eyes and failed to find the resentment he expected to see, he felt guilty for how she'd ended up. He'd walked away from that accident with nothing but a scratch, and she was paralyzed for life because of a decision he had made, and now there was no going back. Maybe letting her go was the only way he could do right by her.

For a moment it appeared as if he was going to say something else, but the words didn't come. Instead of going forward with the confession that'd almost left his lips, he walked over to the bed and took a seat on the edge of it, his back to Peter. Without having to face the one he was speaking to, he was finally able to quietly mutter what he was feeling. The alcohol helped him be a little more forthcoming with what was on his mind. "A little over six months ago, things were tense ... complicated, but manageable. Now everything's ..." There wasn't even a way to describe it.

"What happened to us?" Pete could take that to mean a lot of things, and any way he interpreted it, he would probably end up being right.

There was another long silence as he stared down into his drink. "I'm sorry, Pete. She's not coming back. Not ever." He knew his brother was fond of Heidi, but there was no reason to hold on to false hope. "If I were her, I wouldn't come back to me either." Nathan, to a degree, understood that sometimes the ones he cared about most didn't feel loved or appreciated because he didn't express his emotions openly or often. However, that didn't mean they didn't exist. It was just how he was. It was the way he'd been raised - who he'd been trained to be. It was who he felt he had to be to support this family. The irony in that was by trying to take care of them, by trying to be the strong one who made the difficult decisions even if no one supported him, he had driven everyone away.

Well, almost everyone. There was still Peter - for now. But if they kept going down the road they were on, who knew where they'd end up? Which was the thought that caused him to randomly change the subject ... not that lamenting over his failed marriage was anything he'd been comfortable with in the first place. So looking for something else to discuss suited him just fine.

"Have you spoken to Claire recently? There was, uh ... there was something she wanted to tell you, show you. Something I told her you would understand." Nathan hated what was happening, apparently to all of them. He hated not being able to control it, to fix it. But if Peter insisted on discussing their predicament, he wanted it to be with someone who had just as much to lose by exposing them - and it helped that she was his daughter.

As for him, he still wasn't admitting to anything.

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