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I've known better days... ([info]better_days) wrote in [info]haunted_roads,
@ 2008-03-23 21:06:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:bastian, maggie, sophie

Week Four: Monday
When: Early Night
Where: Old Town Towers
Who: Bastian, Maggie, Sophie

Somehow he had convinced Sophie that they should wait a night in going to the Towers. It hadn't been easy, no words really were explanation enough, but he had to make it work. It was better that then face them with such a cruel truth so shortly after he arrived in their home. Theirs....not his...such thoughts made him so heavy hearted. Everything had changed....he came back hoping it would be the same but he should have known. The world kept turning, everyone had to keep living....he had just never thought that things would go this way for all of them. He had wanted to give them all so much better...

Before daylight came Bastian was up, shutting every blind, making sure that not an inch of light could get in...he could have gone back to sleep then but instead he stayed awake. He sat there...watching his little girl sleep from the couch that he'd taken up as his bed for the night. He was afraid if he closed his eyes for too long she'd be gone. It was a foolish thought but there it remained all the same.

She was so much different now. He could so plainly see how the passing years had affected her. A tough women who no longer was a little girl at all. he wondered all through the night if Maggie had so much of the life he'd missed captured somehow. Of course Maggie would...but would he be able to look at it? To face completely just how much he had missed? Nothing could make up for those lost years...and nothing would make up for it if he was gone for so much more.

He told Sophie he had no want to leave again...but that tug at the back of his mind reminded him every second that she was out there and less then happy with him. His sire. The bitch.

Bastian pretended to be asleep when Sophie woke for school. It was difficult to let her leave at all but he had...and while she was gone he took that time to rest. Unfortunately for him she was back before night fell, leaving no chance for him to go out and try to feed. He was paler today then yesterday but Bastian dismissed the comment of it away, saying only that it was caused by a bad nights rest. That was all.

But again he had to stall; he hated the lies…the pathetic attempts of explanation that likely made no sense. He could only come up with so many reasons…but through them all he knew that she knew something was up. She was smart, too smart for all his attempts.

Still she let him wait till nightfall. Content it seemed, to simply be around him.

Finally the time came and Bastian got to his feet. He was nervous there was no denying that. Nervous…fearful….and half tempted to try to convince Sophie that they should meet somewhere else. But he knew that any that were after him would know long ago where both all his family lived. His showing there or not, wouldn’t change that.
So he took them outside, he turned in his key to the hotel as he could never stay at any for long…and used that stolen car to drive them to the towers. There he parked in the back; the car wouldn’t be used again. He couldn’t push his luck for too long.

Once parked it was up to Sophie to lead the way, pulling him along through the unfamiliar halls.



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[info]mother_maggie
2008-03-24 08:03 am UTC (link)
It had been a long sleepless night, capped off by a long shift at the hospital. Maggie hated it, hated it when Sophie did things like this. Gone all night without so much as a phone call. The rational part of her mind said that Sophie was a smart girl, an adult for all intents and purposes and didn't put herself in situations that would get her in trouble. But... the rational part of her mind all too often lost out to the mother in her. The mother that could conjure up any number of horrible fates that could have happened over the course of the night.

It had been the phone call to Sophie's school during a few moments break that had kept her sanity. Sophie had at least had the intelligence to show at school. She was alive and for that she could make it through the rest of the day without that sick pit of worry gnawing at her stomach. There had to be another gray hair sprouting somewhere on her head.

She'd returned from work and before even changing out of the colorful scrubs that she owned far too many of, she had a tuna noodle casserole in the oven heating up. Even if Sophie still wasn't home some of them had to eat.. John. Maggie knew that she wouldn't have a bite until she saw her daughter walk through those doors. It all felt off, it wasn't quite like Sophie to be gone this long. And Maggie didn't like it.

While the food cooked she had indulged in a shower and managed to find her way into a pair of jeans and a well worn and familiar t-shirt. It had clearly seen better days and it wasn't exactly her size but little facts like that didn't detract from it's sentimental value. Her hair was still damp when she took the plate over to John, she talked with him for a while and even had a good natured argument over the evening game of Jeopardy before she excused herself to head next door.

Where was Sophie. She'd better answer her phone this time.

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[info]felonious_punk
2008-03-27 05:19 am UTC (link)
Sophie actually felt bad putting Maggie through this. She always did, but this time especially. Hopefully what she brought through the front door with her would make all the difference.

She moved stealthily, or what she imagined to be her best stealthy movements. After all, Sophie was now acting under the assumption that her father had been stolen away by some crazed cult and was now avoiding detection by their gun-toting zealots looking to bring him “home” or just kill him for trying to leave.

She didn’t share this theory with him and new it sould be wrong. But it made sense, wacked out as it was, and would explain A: his being gone half her life, and B: his weird behavior since coming back. Made sense that the blinds were always pulled tight and he avoided moving about in the day light. Harder to spot someone in the night time. Yeah, made perfect sense.

But that wasn’t why Sophie hadn’t called her mom. Even if she told herself that was why. Maybe it was a part of it. Really though, she just had no idea what to tell her. Yeah, she was a good liar. She could tell her any number of things and not let out the big secret. But… well this was a really really really BIG secret. The biggest. Sophie was bursting wanting to tell her. And John.

She moved now into the back entrance of the towers, ignoring a few stray cats gathered around some something they’d found to eat on. She glanced about, to see if she could see anyone following, imagined she felt eyes on them but knew it could well just be paranoia, even if she hadn’t gotten high tonight. Her imagination alone was enough to feed that. “We should take the stairs.” She said quietly in a near whisper and realized she was waking just the same, almost on her toes. In the stairwell she relaxed a little, even smiled at her old man and squeezed his cold hand, but then in the corridor of their floor, she felt vulnerable again, like they could be seen by the baddies he was hiding from.

She had her key in her hand before they even got to the door and in a swift movement she’d inserted it, turned it, and the knob, and let them both in. “Mom, I’m home.” She called. Then with a wink to Bastian she squeezed his hand again, kissed his cheek, and disappeared down the hall to her room, leaving him standing where Maggie would see when she came out of wherever it was she was hidden.

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[info]better_days
2008-03-27 05:36 am UTC (link)
Bastian wasn't aware of the elaborate story she'd made for herself to explain all the oddities that he knew he was presenting her with. If he had likely he would have gone along with it. Not truly out of a desire to indulge the worry or paranoia but out of a simple need to have something to hide behind. It was better that then the truth...no he was not looking forward to the moment in which he would have to try to explain that. Who really wished to believe in monsters that roamed the night and fed upon blood? No humans really wanted their eyes opened to that world and yet he would have to do so...

He was sorry for that. Sorry for a great deal of things that he could not change.

Out of the car he allowed Sophie to lead, following her silent steps with ones of his own that did not take near as much work to accomplish. His movements were, in fact, unnaturally silent. But he was thankful she was far too focused on keeping her own self silent and stealthy and didn't much notice his own steps. No he did not deny the stealth...though there were no zealots after him there were others...and he knew they would be looking for him here.

She was looking through the halls but Bastian was listening, sensing, trying to feel the others before they could feel him. Not such an easy feat since they all held age higher then his own but he had to try. The attempt had to be made...as he'd not go easily again with them. He rather die then be stripped of his family again. It was a weight he just couldn’t endure again.

Likely she knew that.

His gaze traveled around the halls, sensing things that Sophie was unaware of. He could smell fae dust in the air; one had passed just recently through the halls. He could even hear the slowed beat of another vampire nearing their door to leave. He knew this place was crawling with supernaturals and it did nothing to ease his worry on his family being here. But he'd worry for them no matter where they were. No where compared to home.

Still as they approached the door his slow beating heart picked up pace. There was nervousness of course...doubt in every way. It had been so many years now...he expected the doubt, the questions just as Sophie had given. And yet at the same time he had no idea what to expect at all. His free hand drew roughly back through his hair...and before he knew it they were inside of the apartment and Sophie was making her sneaky dash away.

Leaving Bastian there, standing before that closed door with his gaze towards that hallway…if he had need to breathe he’d not be right now.

He felt frozen.

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[info]mother_maggie
2008-03-29 07:00 am UTC (link)
Washing the dinner dishes. It had been a simple activity that Maggie had immediately embraced once she had returned to the apartment, something to occupy her hands and her mind while she gave Sophie just a few more minutes to return home. Her fingers itched though, to move from the sudsy water and to the phone and hurriedly dial Sophie's number. A cell phone for all of them was one expense that Maggie would eagerly pay. She worried far too much to go without that communication link.

Scrubbing the remains of the casserole was the only thing that was keeping her mind from wandering to all the places a mothers mind could reach when they worried about the fate of a teenage daughter. But it was a tenuous line...

The sound of the door opening stilled Maggie, the sound of Sophie's voice following just after that sent a rush of relief through her that was so strong it was nearly palatable. Her hands were immediately pulled from the water and wiped on a towel that had rested on the countertop as she moved away from the sink and towards the entry way.

"Sophie. Is your phone broken? There had better be a..." her lips had pressed together in the anger she could feel now that she knew Sophie was safe. "an excellent reason why you didn't call to let me know where you we-"

She was stopped dead in her tracks as she rounded the corner and came face to face with the entryway. The towel dropped from her hands and she hadn't even noticed. It made no sense. her eyes blinked and she tried to make sense of what she was seeing before her. It couldn't be him? Could it? Her confusion showed on her face, brows pulling together as she tried... tried to hard to understand how what she had always wished to happen could actually be happening.

"Bastian?" the question was out of her mouth and her feet were moving, seemingly without her knowledge. Her body moved forward to confirm what her mind was having trouble accepting. She had to know... Maggie's hand was lifted, as if she had to touch him to know that it just wasn't some figment of her imagination.

God she wanted it to be real.

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[info]better_days
2008-03-29 05:36 pm UTC (link)
Bastian could only imagine what Maggie was thinking. Sophie gone all night, he knew the girl hadn't called her and yet he couldn't bring himself to tell her to. No he didn't want Maggie worrying but he didn't want Sophie lying to her either. He knew it was likely too little too late on that one but he could make it clear his opinion on that. In a way it felt strange, as though he had no right to play the role of some father figure after so long now. But time hadn't changed who he was to them....even if time had changed him all too drastically.

He heard her voice...standing there all too still. It was such a slap to the senses, a stark proof that she was so very near to him. It had been so long....so very long since he'd seen her. He didn't know what to expect...he didn't even know truly how he'd react. There was so much that the emotions nearly went numb and you felt separated somehow from the entire situation. Watching from afar as it all happens...

Sophie ran off, not answering Maggie’s motherly inquires. She left the two of them to stare at each other as though the other wasn't really there at all. Some mocking dream instead where when the eyes opened the other would be gone. Disappearing again right before their eyes...but Bastian was real. Worn, tired, but there. Standing right there.

It hurt to look at her, to see those changes the years had given her and have to face truly just how long he'd been gone. It hurt to be in this room, this space that wasn't home at all and realize that home was gone. Everything had changed...life had kept going...he needed for them to survive and yet it was so difficult to think of their lives moving forward without him. To have missed so much.

But they were alive…that brought relief to Bastian that nothing else ever could. He’d been so afraid of what he’d find in coming back to this city. But he had to take the risks…he had to know. Even if he only could see them for this one day…even if he was gone again tomorrow he had to know. Maybe that was cruel…maybe he should have just watched from the shadows. But he couldn’t keep himself away. He just…couldn’t.

He needed to see them…touch them…let them know he was alive.

The woman before him was changed...but she was still Maggie. The girl that had held his heart for so long now. He wanted to just...wrap his arms around her and never let go. Instead he reached out, curling fingers around the raised hand to draw it towards his cool cheek. "It's me..." not a ghost, not a specter come to haunt her… With Sophie he’d been afraid of pushing too far, to hug or even touch her hand. He was a stranger to her no matter how much of him she remembered from those younger years.

But with Maggie…without thought his free arm wrapped around her, pulling her close.

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[info]mother_maggie
2008-03-30 07:08 am UTC (link)
Sophie was intelligent, strong and independent. All good traits to raise any child with, but it was just those traits that tended to add a few gray hairs to Maggie's dark hair now that it was really coming time for Sophie to spread her wings and begin to make that push from the proverbial nest. Not that she hadn't been doing that for years now... and no it didn't seem to get any easier for Maggie. Though she did try and trust her daughter's judgment. She had never wanted to treat Sophie as her own parents had treated her.

But that didn't mean there wasn't a anger intermingled with that worry as she'd waited far more hours than she could stand for word from Sophie.

All that though was quickly forgotten as Maggie was confronted with the figure that stood just inside the door. Her mind couldn't seem to make the puzzle pieces fit together quite right. There were pieces missing or maybe it was the fact that her breathe seemed to have been stolen away, preventing her from thinking properly anymore. The steps she took forward were uneven, almost halting with their gate.

Her lungs filled sharply with air as his very solid hand connected with her own. The questions that threatened to overwhelm her mind were silenced for that moment. He was real, he was standing before her and for that instant nothing else mattered. Not where he'd been, what had happened, why he was here now. None of it. All that did matter was the touch of his cheek against her palm, the familiar rasp of his voice as he answered the question that had filled the one word she had spoken, his name.

As cliche as it was, time seemingly did stand still for those first few seconds as she took in his face. So... so much the same as it had been the last time she'd seen him. More wan, worn at the edges but... it was him. There were too many things to take in for her to even notice those small things that spoke of all not being okay. It was impossible for her to think past his presence once his arm banded around her back and pulled her in tight. Another sharp inhale of breath, catching in her throat with a muffled sort of sound, accompanied the quick movement of her arms that wrapped around his neck. Holding him tight, as if she still had to convince herself that he was real and not about to dissipate into the air around her.

But that scent of him was still the same. It was him.

Her voice was finally found again, though it came out stilted and edged with the sound of the tears that were brimming in her eyes. "Oh God it is- it is you. I-" What was there to say? So much, too much.

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[info]better_days
2008-03-30 08:37 am UTC (link)
There was a part of Bastian that sought to keep Sophie from rushing off, that need to keep her close enough to see. To know without a doubt that she was there. But as much as he wished to grab her hand and keep her near he let her go. She was safe, fine in their own home, and he had no doubt that she could take care of herself. But he couldn't completely still that worry. That knowledge that she wasn't really safe at all....that none of them were. He wished he could simply be happy to see them but he couldn't shake all the thoughts to the back of his mind.

Even now with Maggie right before him he looked at her with worry in his eyes. Such intense worry that if he had need for breath it would have stolen it all away. There was no where else in the world he should be...and yet this was the one place he should not have come to. He was a risk to them. A risk that should have stayed away but now with them back in his life that seemed a near impossible thing. How could he ever stay away? How could he stand not seeing them...

Bastian's eyes closed for just a moment at the touch of that hand, that warm skin pressing against the chill of his own. He could feel the rapid beat of her heart; hear it in the near silence of the room. Every catch of her breath, the slight shake...it was all so heightened now. How badly he wanted to sooth her...to pull her so tightly against him and speak that it was alright. He wished he had it in him to lie, to give such small comforts that he did not believe.

He couldn't speak it...but he could hold her. Drawing her to him so that he could wrap his arms around her. God he had missed just the feel of her against him, the smell of her hair....the little things that had kept him going at night when it seemed like giving in would be easier. Even his own slow beating heart quickened with her nearness and though tears burned at his eyes he could not let them shed...just like with Sophie.

It was a risk that she'd notice...that she'd see the red to the tears.

Still a kiss was pressed to her hair and arms tensed around her. He didn’t want to let go…holding on with that feeling, that fear, of it being the last time he got chance to hold her again. God he didn’t think he could take losing them again…he just couldn’t go through it again. He couldn’t put them through it again.

He had to find a way to keep them al safe. He had to.

A shuddered breath was taken as he forced some of the tension from his muscles, fingers moving to sooth against her back. “I missed you….” Missed wasn’t near strong enough a word but he had. He had missed them so much that it was all he could even feel anymore. He drew back just enough to see her face, to brush a hand against her cheek as his forehead rested against her own. It hurt to see those tears in her eyes; he had never wanted to make her cry. To hurt her…

“God I missed you so much…” he knew he needed to speak so much more then that. To give her all the explanations that she deserved. To answer all those questions he knew were burning in her mind.

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[info]mother_maggie
2008-03-30 06:49 pm UTC (link)
When her mind had time to fully take the situation in there would be questions. Where had Sophie come into contact with him? How long? Why now? Even just though questions that were tied to Sophie threatened to overwhelm her. Maggie knew that Sophie had likely told her share of half-truths to her mother. What teenager didn't but she didn't think this was something that Sophie could have kept from her. It was just too important.

And John. Oh God, John had to know that he was back. The man that needed his son back even more than Maggie needed the love of her life back or Sophie needed her father. He needed his son, he'd lost too much as it was. A tremulous smile peaked at Maggie's features as she imagined John's own expression at seeing his son again. He deserved that happiness no matter the circumstances that could possibly surround it.

The possible reasons Maggie had spent far too much of her time speculating on, heard too much from police officers that had told her the brutal reality of someone who had been gone so long. Dead or they didn't want to come back. Statistics argued that those were the only two options but Maggie had never truly been able to accept either explanation. The latter just... hadn't been Bastian and the former, she couldn't allow herself to truly believe that he was dead and gone.

And here he was now, proving it all wrong.

Her face burrowed into the curve of his neck, taking in the scent and texture of his skin. Just as she'd remembered. Perhaps a little too close to how she'd remembered but that thought couldn't even begin to work it's way to the front of her mind with everything else that warred for her attention. Like the feel of his lips as they brushed over her hair.

A watery sound escaped Maggie's lips as he spoke of missing her. True, the word didn't even truly begin to cover what it felt like to be apart for so long but was there a word that could fully comprehend that emotion? Maggie didn't know it if there was. "A-and I've missed you. We've missed you," she added, they all had and Maggie knew she could speak for everyone that had loved him without any worry. There had been a aching hole in their lives all the years he'd been gone.

Her cheek pressed to his hand as it brushed over her skin, not wanting the contact to end. Her eyes took in his every feature, beginning the look she gave Sophie every time she'd come home injured when she was younger or come home later than she was supposed to when she was older. Was he alright. Her fingers moved over his shoulders finding the same strong curve that had always been there, no injury that she could discern. Though he was chilled. That she had finally noticed. "You're cold, it's been chilly outside. Let me turn up the heat."

Not that she wanted to part from him for long enough to do that.

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[info]better_days
2008-03-30 07:42 pm UTC (link)
Likely some of those answers wouldn't go over so well. But though Bastian knew she'd question why he'd waited to show here...he was prepared to give some poor excuse. He wasn't ready to tell them full truths...not yet. It would be too much. Too much for all of them. And he needed them to not question him...to not wonder if he was really alright at all anymore. Who really wished to believe that a vampire was reality? Or that someone they loved now was just that. There was too much to deal with yet...too much to take in to yet speak such truths. But he couldn't deny it forever. No matter how he might like to.

He'd answer her questions...and he'd answer his fathers...the same stories time and time again. Half truths that gave enough without speaking it all. But he knew out of all of them that his father of all people would know just how bad off he was right now. His father knew him too well, too damn well. He'd seen Bastian at his worst; he could read his son like a book. Half truths wouldn't cut it with him. Maybe that was why Bastian hadn't asked Sophie to bring him here too. One at a time...

For a time Bastian had believed the police would find him. But as those days began to add up he knew his thoughts were foolish. No one was coming and the only chance he had for survival was to depend on his own self. He knew others would tell them he could have run away...but never would Bastian do that. Never. And dead...he wasn't certain yet if dead would have been the easier outcome for all of them. As it wasn't over yet....his getting away didn't make everything better. Not for any of them.

He couldn't care right in this moment. All the pain, all the pain to come, it was worth it to just hug them both one more time. Like with Sophie he didn't want to release that hug. He wanted to keep hold of them for hours...but he knew the longer he stayed close the more those...oddities...would be noticed. He knew the chill was noticed...would the barely beating sound of his heart be next? That wasn't so easy to explain. If he had fed he'd better able to keep the lie of being human. But there'd been no time..no means.

"I'm alright..." he assured as she smoothed hands against him, he knew looking for wounds or any other signs. But all the wounds were closed and only scars now showed their place upon him. The shirt he wore was long, covering up all that flesh. Speaking and seeing were different and speaking what had happened was hard enough for him.

"But I know you'll persist..." some things did not change and her worry and need to mother everyone, to take care of them all, would not. She'd worry on that cold till she did something to change it. He couldn't tell her that no matter of warmth to the room was really going to warm him. So he let her slip away, parting for just that moment. It was only then that Bastian made himself move, walking away from the door into the unfamiliar space that held some familiar items.

He forced his tense form to take a seat, to be still rather then pace and check out the windows like he wanted to. It wouldn’t do anything to help keep her at ease and right now that was more important to him then letting out his own nervous energy. More important then his justified paranoia.

He sat and his elbows rested against his knees with his hands pushing back roughly through his hair. He knew he should just begin to speak but always the explanations choked in his throat. They seemed so…pathetic. Never reason enough for being away even though he couldn’t change it…he had tried.

“You know I didn’t just walk away…that I never would have chosen to stay gone…” the words were statement and yet held questioning as he looked over at her. He thought they had all known that…but such long years could make even the most loyal person wonder.

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[info]mother_maggie
2008-03-30 08:38 pm UTC (link)
It was hard to say exactly how it would all go over. Hard to say but just as hard to imagine. Much of what had to be said would be things that had never been contemplated before, or rather never been contemplated as complete reality. Maggie had seen her fair share of oddities in the world, there was no denying that. Miraculous things had been known to happen in the hospital. People recovering from injuries that should have killed them. The occasional burn victim that just didn't seem like the ordinary burn victim, and animal bites when Seattle proper didn't seem to have that many wild animals. But such was the way of the world and Maggie had always taken such things in stride.

She was an accepting person, her love and desire to see the good in things had always aided in that. But still, if she had the news to share that Bastian did... she'd be just as wary.

There was little Maggie wanted to know more than why? What had happened and what let him come back to them now. He was here now and Maggie knew without a doubt that there was something that had prevented it before. It had to be the case and all she needed to know was why and how to prevent it from ever happening again. So they could move on as a family again? That was what she had always wanted but it was more complicated now.

Somehow Daren just wasn't in her thoughts at the moment though. That would come later. Painfully and confusingly.

Maggie slowly nodded her head as he assured her that he was alright. "I will persist," she said softly, she might have changed over the years but she hadn't changed that much. She did have to make that assessment for herself. She lived with a family that knew her tendency to worry and knew exactly what to say to keep her from worrying. She was, of course, onto them when it came to those words and always made her own judgment regardless. Here and now, all she could find was that painfully tired look in his eyes and the coolness that seemed to radiate out from him.

Her fingers lingered as long as they, finally dropping away from him as she hurried over to the thermostat and punched it up a few degrees (above the normal 65 she kept it at, she was pinching penny's after all). She turned and watched him as he moved, body stiff, towards the couch. Her hands came together, knuckles almost white with her own tension as she watched that ragged pull through his hair. Whatever it was he had to say... weighed at him heavily. Just as he hated to see those tears that were still brightening her eyes, she hated to see the strain that was all too evident on his features.

As be began to speak she quickly crossed the floor, socked feet moving over the rug that had once been in the house they had shared. Nearly all the furniture was the same. But it wasn't their home, that was all so painfully clear seeing him there now. One foot curled under her body as she sat down on the sofa next to him. "I know," the words were spoken softly, but held all the conviction in the world. She knew in her heart of hearts that he wouldn't have stayed away if he had the choice. Believing otherwise would have killed something in her.

Maggie's hand shifted and reached for one of his, to cradle between her palms. "What happened? The police, they searched for as long as I could keep them trying. But there was little to follow." She looked down at his hand and then back up to his face. "What's changed?" What about now let him be here. Was it going to change again?

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[info]better_days
2008-03-30 09:34 pm UTC (link)
Bastian had reason to believe that she'd accept him no matter what had happened. He knew Maggie...he knew it would take far more then that to make her turn away. But knowing that didn't amke him anymore eager to admit to it. To have to tell them that all that they'd thought in the world was wrong and that these...things...exsisted. Love outweighed much but that didn't mean you were eager to strain those you loved. It was news that he'd have to speak soon however. He could only deny the sunlight for so long before they began to worry.

They were words for later...it seemed much was put off out of that simple want to not speak it. He'd given Sophie little in the way of answers, brief and to the point as the details of all of it weren't something he really wished to share with anyone. No father wanted to tell their daughter such things...no matter how aware of the darkness in the world they might claim to be. Bastian had thought he was too...but he came to found out the worst he'd seen was nothing compared to how dark it really could be.

He wanted to focus on just being back...but even that was marred heavily by the worry burning in his chest. At the least he knew they were okay...okay enough. Though the truth of Maggie and aother Sophie hadn't felt the need to tell him. Likely a good thing truly, as just like his news there was a line when everything became too much and Bastian already felt to be nearing it with the crushing weight he wore on his shoulders. He tried to make it seem as though he really were okay but he knew she could tell.

Bastian wasn't that good of an actor when it came to his family. He was tired...so utterly tired and he knew that there was no time to really rest...no time to settle and feel as though everything could be as it once had. Everything was changed. The world they'd created together was turned upside down and Bastian didn't know what really remained of it anymore.

She'd persit...just as Sophie had. The girl was so much like her mother at times, he wondered if either even saw it. He could see so much of Maggie in her. It had taken him back...how she'd grown. They were both changed from how he remembered and yet he was so very similiar. So little had changed besides those shadows that hung harshly against his features. But that wear made him looked aged and maybe that was his only saving grace..the only way they could brush aside how little he had changed in these long years.

There was a slight sigh of relief to her words, an exhale of breath that he hadn't had need to hold. He knew she'd not think he had and yet he had feared still. He did not know who had been here...he didn't know what people had said. He didn't want to think that anyone could have swayed her from knowing who Bastian was and what he'd never do but he could not really know...not without asking. Not without that certainty.

Bastian's gaze turned to her hands closed around his own. Such a little thing but it made his heart ache so badly that he wasn't even sure he could speak. He was terrified now....so utterly afraid of losing them again. Bastian closed his eyes, taking a slow breath before finally speaking. Trying to give those poor excuses all over again.

"The people that attacked the bar that night...they never let me go." a reason...but never no matter how many times he spoke it did it seem reason enough. As though he should have somehow been able to stop it or do more. "It..." features tensed and there was a look in Bastian's eyes that rarely was ever seen. Hate. Cold, painful, hate. "It was that woman." he had known something was wrong about her. He hadn't wanted her in the bar but she never did anything so strange. Just a drink and gone come morning. Now he understood why.

He rolled his neck slightly, as though that could somehow curb all that anger but it didn’t. Not even a little bit. “I escaped….I tried hundreds of times before but this time managed to get away.” Barely, just barely…and he knew it wasn’t really much of an escape at all. Not with them on his tail. “I know they won’t just let me go….but I had to see all of you…” he tried to keep his voice calm, to not let it catch slightly as it tried to. “I…had to make sure you were alright.” That they were even alive.

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[info]mother_maggie
2008-03-31 07:18 am UTC (link)
There were few things he could say that Maggie wouldn't accept. Fewer things if she actually tried to list them out. It was hard to imagine, as long as they'd known each other. But that didn't mean there wasn't possibly some surprise hidden under all those years of knowledge. Mixed up in drugs again? She couldn't picture it, knowing that he'd already faced those demons. It was the fact that there were very real demons that she didn't truly know. And if she were in his shoes she wouldn't be able to blame his reluctance.

Who could? Too many reasons not to want to speak those words. But they were just words. A reality that she hadn't known existed but Maggie would be the first to say with a conviction that she perhaps had little fact to reinforce... those words and reality hadn't changed who he really was.

Whether the same could be said for her... she hoped it could. The trappings were different, there was age and worries that had worn on her skin... there was Daren... a fact she couldn't quite think on just yet. But she liked to think she was still the same woman underneath it all. Perhaps that was almost to a fault though. Too trusting and too willing to see the good in people where sometimes seeing the bad was the more prudent choice. But that was just her, for better or for worse.

Maggie's lip was tugged between her teeth for a moment as the sigh of relief escaped Bastian's lips. It pained her to know that he'd held that worry, that maybe she hadn't known. Maybe she had really thought he'd left of his own choice. There had been people who had tried to convince her of that fact, but it was just not possible. She had her stubborn streak.

Her hand squeezed gently around his cool digits, giving that small bit of reassurance that she was here to listen to everything he had to say. That whatever it was she was there now to face it with him. Like it had been before. No matter how complicated it was now.

Maggie's brows knitted together instantly as he began to speak, the story coming together, albeit not entirely whole. Pieces perhaps missing here and there but it was enough to make her breathe catch in her throat and her hand tighten around his. Her spine stiffened at the mention of the woman. She remembered her, but had thought her... mostly harmless. At least not capable of this. "Her? But..." Maggie's lips pressed together trying to make sense of it all. "But why? Why you?" What had she wanted with him...

Her hand never released that contact with his, the grip only tightening. The emotion he held as he spoke, nearly vibrated from his form her thumb moved a soothing circle over the back of his hand. "We are now... we are alright now." She said with the emphasis clear on what mattered, that he was here now and that was what made all the difference in the world. "They are going to have to." Maggie said firmly. "It has to end, whatever reasons they have... we'll go to the police. Move. Whatever needs to be done." All the faith in the world that they could fix this filled her as she spoke.

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[info]better_days
2008-03-31 08:15 pm UTC (link)
It was that trusting nature that Bastian loved about Maggie. Her desire to see good in others rather then to view all through jaded eyes like so many others. But while he loved that about her…he now worried for just who had been around her. It was that trusting nature that made it so difficult to tell her the truth. She saw such good in everything and Bastian now saw all the dark parts that he’d been blind to before. It pained him to have to open her up to that world…but at the same time he knew if he didn’t they’d be at risk. Weren’t they already though? Hadn’t they been for years now…

He had to stop that train of thought. To tell himself that both were alright…Sophie would have told him if something had happened. Or at least that is what he needed to believe right now.

He told himself to not believe she’d think the worse of him…but the truth was that Bastian didn’t know what to believe really. For all he knew his sire herself could have come here and convinced the family into lies. He had no idea what had happened through those years or just how…badly they might view him. He wished to think they all knew him too well…bt he knew Sophie had questioned it. Doubted…and he couldn’t blame her. He wouldn’t have blamed any of them for it…

She hadn’t doubted him…but any of them really forgive him for coming back here and bringing such risks to all of them? He tried to go over all of it time and time again in his mind. Trying to play out all the possibilities to justify his coming here. In the end he took the selfish route…he had to see them and now he didn’t know how long he’d be able to be with them. Was it crueler this way? Possibly…but it was too late now to turn back from it.

Why….always the why and Bastian still, to this day, didn’t have a real true answer to it. “Because they could.” Bastian answered in a tone that held that hint of anger there. There hadn’t been reason beyond that. No they did it because they could, because they had the means, a power trip, a game… “I don’t know why me…I’ll never know why me.” So many others out there and though he wished to say she’d picked any of them over him, he couldn’t wish what he’d gone through on another person.

Bastian shook his head slightly “Pets…” it was like a hiss and he knew it wouldn’t fully mean to her what it meant to him now. As a human he never would have thought of something like that. You heard twisted stories of people being kept but groups? For years upon years? That would have made him question. And yet now he knew the reality of it.

How nice her words sounded, great in theory, so comforting to speak. But Bastian knew that it didn’t matter. Cops couldn’t do anything, that was proven already. Moving wouldn’t stop them. No…he knew the only way to stop a supernatural was to find one that could…and that was the problem. But he couldn’t tell her that none of that would matter.

He only nodded his head.

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[info]mother_maggie
2008-04-02 06:14 am UTC (link)
In her own world, it often seemed as though that was exactly where Maggie lived. Viewing too much of it through rose colored glasses. But it wasn't that Maggie didn't see the darker side of things, quite the contrary she knew it was there, pained her to see it. She just... always tried to find what could be found in a situation, pull it free if need be. In the abstract that was exactly what she'd do with... what he was now.

Theories were hard to put to the test though, when it came to matters as close to the heart as this. That she couldn't fault him or anyone in hesitating. They were safe and together for now. That would always be the good.

Would Maggie be angry at him for bringing any danger their direction? How could she be when she would have gladly faced that danger with him before. Sophie made the situation more difficult. The love for a child wishing to keep them safe more than any other desire. But Sophie wasn't a small child anymore, she likely had as much a say in the matter as Maggie did. Somehow Maggie couldn't think that Sophie would ever take the wish of complete safety over having her father around again.

Her fingers remained strong over his, her warmer digits curled around his that didn't seem to want to warm up no matter the grip she kept on them. Her head nodded slowly, not wanting to accept that there was no real answer as to why. Nothing that they'd done, nothing that they could prevent from happening again... but it was the case and there was little that she could do about that. "I don't... well I don't like that answer," Maggie finally admitted with a little shake of her head and a curl of her lips. "But I have a feeling my disliking it has little bearing on the situation."

Her brows came together quickly in confusion, dark brows puckering. Pets? The term truly didn't make any sense to her. Dogs, cats... those were pets. People were not. At least not in the world Maggie lived in. But as much as the words were confusing, the tone of his voice tightened her muscles. "Pets?" She had to repeat the word as if that would help her to understand what it meant.

More likely she didn't want to have to understand what it meant.

Maggie's hand tightened around his, her free arm moved and curled around his shoulder embracing him again. The nod of his head was all too telling a gesture even after all these years. She raised their joined hands and pressed them to the space over her heart. "It will be okay, it has to be." If only saying and believing those words were enough... "You're here and I-" Maggie paused and tightened the arm that had wrapped around his shoulders, bringing her cheek to rest against his. "I can't let you go again."

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[info]better_days
2008-04-02 04:00 pm UTC (link)
Even if they wouldn’t be angry at him for this, he was. He knew what the others were capable of, the full reality of just what was going on and despite that knowledge had made the decision to come here. At the time it seemed as though he had no other choice. He had to make sure they were alright; he had to let them know that he was alive. And yet…now thinking back on it, seeing them, he had to question….he had to wonder. Had he only set them all for an even, somehow, greater fall? He wasn’t sure he could live with himself if that was the case and in a way that might have been his only saving grace.

She wanted Bastian alive not dead…and she knew him well enough to know that if he doomed his own family that life wouldn’t be such an option for him anymore. But would that matter now? Did she even now care to keep him alive? He’d gone against her word and he knew first hand what sort of punishments were dealt out for that. The thoughts were a plague on his mind but he had to shove them nearly violently away for right here and now.

He didn’t want to focus on all that negative when she was here, in front of him. When he could hold her again….that’s what he needed to focus on or he’d just drive himself mad.

“I didn’t either…but it hasn’t changed in all these years.” A number that for a time he wasn’t even fully aware of. Days slipped away to a black unconsciousness, time was lost and made hazy. His heart had sank when he realized just how long he’d been gone..all those years missed of their lives. There was no making that up…no recovering what had been taken away from all of them. “Some people don’t need a reason…” nothing more then that simple answer of they could. They wanted something, they took it. Where it belonged or what that object felt towards it didn’t matter to them.

He wasn’t the only one to be snatched away from their lives. He’d heard sob story after sob story from those kept. The number always changed and people were cycled in and out. Bastain didn’t know why he was kept or why he was even alive still when so many others had been killed for lesser insults then ones Bastian had made. All that he knew was that he was alive, was away, and did not want to go back.

“Pets..” Bastian repeated with a solemn nod of his head. He did not exactly wish to pain the picture of what that term really meant to some. “Like one would keep an animal.” Except there were no real daily feedings or walks. No pets were for entertainment and when they no longer entertained, they were disposable. Thrown away carelessly as though their lives meant nothing at all. Shoulders tensed with the thoughts and his free hand was clenched. No the term pets here didn’t include cuddles or petting of any desired kind.

Bastian sighed softly, shifting so that he could wrap his arms around her and pull her close to him. “I can’t either…” he replied, speaking against her hair almost as he rested his head atop her own. “I’ll do everything I can to prevent it.” He didn’t know who to ask for help…but he’d find them. He didn’t care what he had to do or who he had to owe…so long as he was able to stay here, with his family.

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[info]mother_maggie
2008-04-04 08:26 am UTC (link)
Maggie would be the first to argue that there were risks always worth taking. That life could be a short and fickle thing and that to live without what you most loved and cherished so close yet so far... was no life at all. But with the facts as hidden from her as they were... that was a much simpler thing to say. Could she put those people she loved and cherished at risk? Could she ever put Sophie's life in danger? It was hard to say. But she had always had faith in Bastian, faith in him and the decisions he made. That wouldn't change now.

She couldn't really trade anything for seeing him here right now.

A long breath was drawn in, Maggie held it a moment before letting it ease back out. Her eyes reopened and fell on him sitting next to her. The reason he'd been taken from them might not have been satisfactory, it didn't even begin to cover the pain that his absence had caused them but... as she took the cleansing breathe she had to remember that it was simply what it was. the past could not be changed but she could only hope to mold the future. With him. And that was the key. It would have to make up for what had been lost.

An instant shot of anger whipped through Maggie's form. Straightening her shoulders and stiffening her spine. People treated as animals. Kept and used as seen fit. It didn't sit well with Maggie and not simply for the fact that it had been Bastian so abused. But anyone. "No." Maggie said softly shaking her head. But denying it for that second didn't make it untrue. "Who... who could do such a thing, to another person?" The question was rhetorical in many ways but not entirely. "Who was she that she could... I don't understand."

There was a soft shake of Maggie's head before she spoke again. "You don't have to answer that now, even if you can." Her eyes closed for a moment, her cheek pressed against the familiar feel of his skin. "There will always be questions and I could ask them for days. But..." she didn't want to entirely spoil this moment with him or tire him out. Her arms tightened around him for a moment, palms running briskly over his back trying to instill some warmth to his form. Little though seemed to change the temperature that had sunk into his bones, nagging with worry at the back of Maggie's mind.

Her head pulled back slightly, hands slid from around his shoulders to cup his face between her palms. "I know you'll do everything you can and I've always loved you for that." Even know she held that faith that he was the man who had left. Maybe it was just hope, or maybe she could tell. For Maggie they were nearly one in the same.

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[info]better_days
2008-04-04 05:16 pm UTC (link)
There was no turning back the hands of time to regain what had been taken from them. But Bastian couldn’t help but feel such…anger for it. Especially knowing now that he would live to see their deaths. It was not a feeling that sat well with him and it plagued him every time he looked at them…every time he kept himself from saying the truth of what he was now. So much had been taken and it felt as though that trend would only continue. He knew it was negative thinking but it was difficult to think with such optimism when he knew the reality of what had happened and could happen.

All he could now was try to savor what time had with them and hope that he came to find a way to make sure that he was never again taken from them. Hope….it was such a difficult thing to keep to. But it was all he had now…

He wished to think to the future but he knew that they couldn’t simply dismiss all that had happened with a wave of the hand. It mattered…and Bastian knew that it had changed him. But that didn’t mean that he took any joy at all in speaking to her about it. He knew it was the last thing she wished to think about or hear the harsh reality of. No one wanted to hear about someone they loved hurting. But if he said he was fine, that nothing had happened, it was doubtful she’d believe him. He could try to spare her the…graphic details however. Those he’d keep to himself. Talking about it only made those memories far too fresh again.

“It’s not something that can be understood.” Bastian spoke in return. He hadn’t understood it in the beginning and he didn’t understand it now. He knew only that it took someone with a cruel heart and no soul to rip others away from family and use them in all the ways they didn’t want to be used. It took caring nothing at all about other human beings to treat them with such little respect. The bitch had no heart and she was the first person, in all of Bastian’s life, that he wished to see dead. That he’d feel no remorse in seeing fall.

“I know…there will be time for those questions later.” Bastian spoke, sighing faintly as he pulled her near. She would ask, it was in her nature to and Bastian knew at some point he was going to have to answer questions he didn’t really wish to. But she had right to know. There were many conversations to be had…so many words that he needed to speak…But he didn’t want to push her anymore then she wished to push him.

He rather take the time to simply….be in her presence…then to spend all the hours before the suns rise talking about things that haunted him.

Bastian’s eyes closed for just a moment when she spoke with such certainty about him. Yes he’d do what he could…but he was left wondering if it would be enough. If anything he did would ever be enough to still her from acting out on her anger. He knew nothing would remove her blood from his veins. But instead of saying any of that he simply brushed his lips against her own. A chaste kiss, fleeting as he knew any true press would hold the risk of her feeling those fangs.

“I love you…” spoken as he opened his eyes and wrapped his arms around her. That, at least, had never changed.

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[info]mother_maggie
2008-04-05 10:00 pm UTC (link)
Hope Maggie had in spades, she always had and even though it had every reason to falter it hadn't. Perhaps waned in it's intensity but never once had she entirely given up home that he was still somewhere out there. That she would apply just as strongly to the current situation. She was a stubborn woman and this was her family. She didn't think anything could change that.

"Maybe it's all for the best not to be able to understand it?" Maggie questioned softly. "Maybe to understand it would change more about who we are then we would ever want." Words that were perhaps spoken a bit too close to home without Maggie's knowledge. But regardless she couldn't see any change in him that was great enough to change that very fundamental part of him.

That time was of the essence in a way, was something that entirely escaped Maggie's consciousness. Looking at his face again and she saw all the time in the world. Hours where they could answer all the questions that had been raised by his return and solve all the problems that went with it. And more importantly time to make up for all that had lost. Even though he spoke words of warning, that he wasn't so very free as he looked... she couldn't make that change her line of thought.

He was here and she wouldn't ever let him go again.

His lips brushed over hers and it was far too fleeting a gesture. That was all Maggie was able to discern at the moment. Maggie's arms slipped around his neck and held him tighter for a moment. "I love you too," she said softly, the words bringing a small smile to her features. How long had it been since they'd said those words to each other. Saying them though... it ached for a moment. The complications that the years apart had brought began to rear their head in her mind. Daren. Was she self-ish to not want to say the words to him yet? This was what she had always been waiting for Daren knew that and... yet it still pained her to know that she must speak with him and soon.

Always so easy to read, emotions easily crossing over her features, it undoubtedly showed. Her moment of concern was written all over her face before she looked once again at his eyes and the thoughts were pushed aside, for tomorrow. Because tomorrow mattered now.

Maggie melted into his arms, hard not to when she'd been imagining this very moment for years now. "You need a hot shower. Do you have any things that need to be brought up before that?" Maggie made the comments, her face pressing into the crook of his neck. The assumption was already made that he would be nowhere but here from now on.

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[info]better_days
2008-04-05 11:05 pm UTC (link)
Hope was something that Bastian had once been able to hold. But after so many years in the hell he'd been in, hope began to seem like a foolish thing. Something more there to be held over his head then to actually ever be a reality. Perhaps being here should give him some means to hold that hope again....but it was too soon yet to think hope was enough to change anything. He knew hope wasn't what was going to stop him from being taken again if his sire wished it. It was going to take far more then that...more then Bastian even really knew at the moment. The how was up in the air but he knew he'd figure it out. He had to. For him there was no other option now. Not after seeing them again...he couldn't ever put them through that loss again.

The words did hit close to home and thought there was a near want to flinch Bastian resisted it. He had changed with the passage of the years. He'd changed in ways that couldn't just be seen. Not just by his turning...but by all the events he'd been put through. In a way it was strange to be here, to have them looking at him as though he were the same man when deep down he knew he wasn't. Not as they remembered him...not as they likely wished him to be. Before he was able to smile, laugh, and think of the world without such negativity. Now paranoia had replaced those smiles and a deeply etched anger had replaced that laughter.

"I know it would..." Bastian responded finally with a solemn nod of the head. Though changed it wasn't so twisted that he'd become like they were. He could never do to someone what they had done to him and to all the others that had been kept. He could never, and would never, understand that desire to just....tear another down so completely. But a part of him now understood, more then ever, that urge to hurt. Not innocent or random...but those that had hurt you. Bastian had been in his fair share of fights as a youth but this...was different. But in the past he'd never been hurt like he had been now.

Such words were soothing to speak however. A reminder of just what he knew was real. But the change to her demeanor afterwards of course caught his notice. Not just by her features but by those subtle changes to her entire demeanor. He did not know what she thought of and it was...likely a good thing he did not. He told himself time and time again that she'd likely moved on, that he wouldn’t have wanted them to stop living because of him. But telling yourself that and having the reality of it thrown in your face...was another matter all together. There was no telling just how Bastian would take it.

"You okay?" he questioned, managing to avoid the question of what was wrong as that was quiet an obvious wasn't it? Much was still despite having each other in their arms right now. But it was no surprise that she rushed into worry over him. "I have nothing really." he had nothing to his name save the clothes on his back and a few others in the car. He'd get those before the sun rose. But the hotel was not a place he'd return. He knew better.

A hot shower…tempting as it was how do you really explain still being cold to the touch after that? No…he wasn’t in a rush to have that be shown. Or the changes to his own flesh for that matter. But he knew denying her worry wouldn’t do him any good at all. He wasn’t going to be able to keep this going for long..he hated evading, lying, but he wasn’t even sure how to begin that topic.

So in the end he nodded only, he’d simply have to linger awhile after the shower, give the illusion of time for his skin to cool. “Alright” he wasn’t eager to separate, but she was nothing if not stubborn at times. “Should I go hit up that old man for some clean clothes?” he wanted to see him…and at the same time held hesitance towards it just as he had them. With the hour growing later and later..Bastian knew he had to be careful. His old man would talk and talk…the sun would rise long before he was done. But the statement was more then just that, it was question to if anything of his own still remained in this house. He wouldn’t blame them if it didn’t. Everyone had to move on…

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[info]mother_maggie
2008-04-06 06:36 pm UTC (link)
Hope could be such a painful thing. Uplifting one moment and painful the next. It could take you through the worst of times or make those times... far worse than you could have ever imagined. But Maggie had never been able to give up on it, or push it aside. Without it... she didn't think she could have mustered up the courage to keep moving. What future was there without it? Life would keep moving and that she knew, but it would have killed off some key part of her and perhaps for that alone it had always remained.

She really was stubborn.

Maggie's chin lifted and she looked up, catching his eyes with her own. "Just because you've seen things you should never have had to, lived through things you never should have had to..." Her hand moved from where it had been around his neck and came to rest on his chest. Her words and the intensity of what she had to say obscuring any notice of his faint pulse. "Doesn't mean you've changed." She said simply, her fingers moving slowly over the fabric of his shirt. Whether it was true or not, she believed it with all her heart.

"I'm fine." Maggie gave a swift nod of her head. She would be fine, it was just complicated and a fact that she didn't care to think about in the here and now. There as no question in Maggie's mind who she had always loved, who she had always wanted to be with. Those feelings had often made her feel guilty for being with Daren, guilt overwhelming her that she was doing him, both of them so wrong with her actions. "It's just there's more to think about with you back then I ever really imagined." It was almost overwhelming.

But more than worth it.

Maggie frowned slightly at the mention that he had nothing. It was something that would have to be remedied immediately. There were some things still around not many. It had been hard to justify keeping half a closet full of clothes that were not worn through a move. But sentimentality had won out on some things. Like the t-shirt Maggie was currently wearing, the jacket Sophie loved and a few other items in the house.

Her eyes widened immediately at the mention of Bastian's father. The tears that had been at bay sprung back to brighten her eyes. But it wasn't the same as earlier, it was purely at the thought of how happy John would be to see Bastian. "Oh God, he's going to be so..." Maggie didn't even know if she could find the right words to describe how John would react to his return. "So beyond happy to see you." Maggie finally settled on, her eyes warm with the thought of their reunion. "I'm sure he has things you could wear, there's some here. I don't know how much your clothes appreciated being used as pajama's but they're still here. I'll leave what I can find in the bathroom." It was that whole underwear issue that would be a problem. "And then you can head over? He's just next door."

Maggie finally pushed up from the couch, as unwilling as her body seemed to be to leave his side. Standing, she held a hand out to him. Neat and orderly as the place was, it was new and Maggie was ready to show him the way back to the showers, to the rooms that she fully expected him to take up as his own. "I'm sorry... we're not at the house anymore. We just... taxes kept going up and up and..." her chin fell an inch at the memory of having to leave it. She'd hated that with every fiber of her being. "I tried to keep everything here as much the same as I could." Family pictures lining the hallway walls back to the bedrooms. Knick Knacks that had been there before. It wasn't the same but she had tried.

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[info]better_days
2008-04-06 07:30 pm UTC (link)
Bastian held her gaze as she spoke. Her words had such certainty, as though nothing at all could sway what she said. And yet Bastian couldn't bring himself to believe it all with the same conviction. She saw him for the man he had been and when Bastian looked in the mirror he saw himself for the man he'd become. He felt less of a man now. He hadn't been able to protect his family; he hadn't been able to save himself. All that strength had been faltered, all that confidence shaken. He kept up a brave front here, in front of them, but he didn't always feel it. He knew what was in store for him if he was caught again...and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't terrified. You can only numb yourself out through so much. He wasn't sure how much more he could do that through before something just...snapped.

Still he offered that once familiar smile. It was all he could really give her, some sign that maybe he thought she was right.

A brow arched slightly at her statement, wondering what exactly she meant by it and yet not questioning it. "I'm sure there is..." Bastian finally replied with a faint nod of his head. He knew that he had much to think on, much to try to figure out. It wasn't safe for him to stay here. Not just because of those looking for him but because of all those windows that were just a waiting hazard for him. How was he to avoid those blinds being opened all day? Especially with Maggie and her desire to open up those curtains and lend light to the gloom. He remembered that much....and knew rushing away as his skin burned was not how he wished to tell her the truth.

"So much to think about..." repeated with a slight sigh to the words. He had no time to waste though...and even if he wished to spend the days and nights with them he knew he was going to have to quickly start seeking some solution. He had already and so far had come up empty handed. Going to anyone with age or power held risks of their own but he'd take them, he had to.

A faint smile curled his lips at the thought of his father...the old man that had helped him through so damn much. He knew he had to expect vast differences with him. Knew that the old man was struggling with all that had gone on. He wished he could tell him that he'd make it right. That he'd get the bar working right again, that he'd get them out of fucking apartments and get them a home again. But Bastian was out of promises....he knew such things were hollow. "Hopefully it isn't too big a shock for him huh?" an attempt to make light but it was obvious in his eyes that he wanted to see the old man. That he needed to. And yet at the same time was all too aware of that ticking clock over head.

"We'll see yeah?" old man needed his rest right? Poor excuse but Bastian apparently was the king of them lately.

He took her hand, pushing himself up to his feet to follow her. "You have nothing to apologize for...I know you did what you could." no the blame wasn't on her, likely it wasn't on any of them and yet Bastian felt the weight of it all the same. "I can tell..." but among those familiar pictures were ones not so familiar. Gaps of time he'd missed displayed on the walls. He had to pause, fingers of his free hand tracing over an image of a Sophie he'd never had chance to know.

His hand fell away, silently he let Maggie lead him the rest of the way to the bathroom. It was difficult to part but after a moment the door was shut and Bastian was left staring at the mirror. Fingers curled about the edge of the sink to keep from shattering the image. He saw the fangs, the paled skin, the dark circles and strained features. He didn't see anyone he remembered anymore. Despite all that hope…he’d changed.

Roughly he pushed away, starting up the shower. The heat wouldn’t do anything, it wouldn’t even sooth. But it gave him a chance to try to get his thoughts together…

A task that seemed near impossible right now.

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[info]mother_maggie
2008-04-07 06:18 am UTC (link)
He was here now though... that showed strength enough to Maggie. They hadn't been held, abused, mistreated over the years. The years had been lean and they had missed him more than Maggie could ever put to words... but they had survived unscathed. He however, had gone through more than Maggie could ever comprehend and made it back to them. In her eyes, he would always hold that strength. He just had to believe it, see it through her eyes.

At least that was all Maggie could think to do, to wipe away that look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Maggie said softly with a shake of her head as she realized just how confusing the words. Confusing and cryptic, neither of which she wished to be with him. She had always been honest with him. And here she was holding something in and she couldn't stand herself for it. She just... a few more minutes without having to have that discussion. Was it too much to ask? She hoped not.

Mention of John though, cleared all feelings of worry or guilt from her face. He always had that effect on her, she loved that old man maybe as much as she loved his son. He had been as much a father to her as her own had been, even more so after her own had passed away. "It won't be. If not, I do have some cpr training." Maggie added with a wry little smile of her own. "He's been waiting for this for years. I'm just glad he's here for you to come back to." Years had gone by and the years had been harder on him than it had been on Maggie and Sophie. But that didn't matter now, he was back and Maggie knew that John would be more than glad to see him. "Tomorrow?" Maggie suggested. "He'll probably be over for breakfast." She added, part of the morning ritual that she tried to hold to as much as she could. Small things like that helped her hold it all together.

"It never felt like enough." Maggie said simply as they moved through the hallway.. Maybe if she'd worked more hours at the bar, or more hours at the hospital. Or maybe if she'd asked for the help that she was in her own way too proud to ask for... too many maybes when it came right down to it and that was what was so painful. "I wanted to stay, so many memories there." Sometimes it had almost felt like too many memories. But those moments had been few and far between. Only in the darkest moments where she almost doubted the faith she held. Maggie watched with sad eyes as he took in all the photos that had been carefully hung along the hallway. Pictures from before and pictures from after. It was those last pictures that were the hardest.

Maggie left him to the bathroom. She returned to the bedroom and quickly went to work sorting through the drawers that held most of her clothes. She was able to come up with a shirt and an old pair of jeans that she'd painted in once or twice, luckily like in most things Maggie had been neat with that as well and only one paint mark or two remained. She waited until the water had been running for a few moments before she cracked the door open and placed the clean and folded clothes on the closed seat of the toilet, a fresh towel covering it all.

While the steam formed in the bathroom and the water ran, Maggie made her way to the kitchen. Somehow it was fitting that the kitchen was exactly where she went to get her own thoughts together. A kettle of water was placed on the stove to heat. A tea bag was placed in a mug for her while a glass and a dusty bottle of whiskey was pulled from the cabinet above the refrigerator. She rarely kept much alcohol in the house, there was a teenager in the house and Maggie worked long hours, but this bottle of whiskey had always remained. The kettle was whistling by the time the water turned off and Maggie was wondering if she needed a short of that whiskey in her tea.

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[info]better_days
2008-04-07 03:46 pm UTC (link)
It was going to take time for Bastian to be able to see himself through another’s eyes again. Those he was around before were not the sorts of people you wished to see yourself through…and now he couldn’t trust the sight one gave when they didn’t know the full truth. Strong…not….Bastian knew what he had to do. For him it wasn’t a matter of being strong anymore, it was just a matter of having to do it for them. Family had always come first for him, always, and that hadn’t changed. If he was strong it was because of them now, his reasons to keep pushing forward.

All he could hope, if he could even hold that, was that he didn’t fail them again.

Bastian spoke nothing to her apology, it was obvious whatever it was that had her so confused she didn’t want to speak on and right now Bastian wasn’t going to push. If he did, she might, and his words he wasn’t ready to speak yet. He didn’t know when he would be…likely when all methods of evasion were exhausted. Till then they kept their secrets, today wasn’t the day to lay all that weight down as though it were now or never.

Glad he’s here for you to come back to…had the years been so hard on the old man? Bastian had known it so but still he knew the man was a tough. He’d always been. A rock for the family, but even rocks could be worn down. What Bastian wanted more then anything was to forgo all logic and just go rush in and see the man. Give him a big ol hug and stay up all night talking. But Bastian had to be aware of the time, of the situation, he had to wait… “I’m glad too.” But he nodded in agreement to tomorrow…even though it wouldn’t be breakfast like she so imagined. He’d have to do as he did with Sophie. Feign being so exhausted that getting up wasn’t an option. Play sick if needed. Anything to keep him in the room where it was easier to secure that no light got in.

Again that solemn nod of his head to her words. Half the time he didn’t even know what to say anymore. He wanted to ask how they were able to sell it, but it didn’t even matter now. It was gone, everything inside of the place was stripped away. There was no home in those walls anymore. It hurt to lose it…but compared to what could be lost the house was nothing. The family in it was still there. “I know…but what was done was done….we all do what we have to do.” No matter how painful.

Bastian had to push himself through the hallway, turning away from images too painful to fully stare at right now. He needed that second to try to…keep himself together. A second to try to bleed out the tension. Some feel more like themselves after a shower, as though washing everything away. But today Bastian didn’t. He stayed for a time, letting the minutes tick by, watching the too hot water swirl below him. He was killing time, ensuring that by the time he got out it would be too late to change her mind about when they’d see the old man. Needing to be certain he’d have excuse as the sun began to rise, to sleep the day away.

Finally the water in the bathroom shut off, Bastian stepping out to find the clothes there. He dried off and changed, walking out to find Maggie where he knew she’d be. In the kitchen, fussing over something to keep herself busy. Instead of taking seat somewhere he came up behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist and pressing a kiss to the back of her head. He needed the small comfort of it, that show similar to how things used to be.

Something to make him feel normal even if just for a second.

It was easier to have this then words half the time now. There were only so many to speak…and only so many that could be handled tonight.

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[info]mother_maggie
2008-04-13 01:43 am UTC (link)
It was often hard to see oneself as others did. Maggie knew that fact, hypocritical as it could be she had her own... qualms about accepting more than her own inner vision of herself. She could see herself as a strong woman and mother, not a floundering child. See herself as good at what she did but, it wasn't always so simple. She had let things fall through the cracks. She knew Sophie had deserved a mother who was around more. She knew that she had sullied her memories of love in a way that there were times she had trouble looking herself in the mirror. Dark moments of the night where she could actually think on matters that she tried to avoid.

No matter how she saw herself though, Maggie wanted nothing more than to have Bastian see him the way she always had. Cracks could be repaired. Or at least she had to have faith that they could be.

Things had changed, too many things probably. But as he'd said, they'd done what they had to do, what they all had to do. Whether they liked that fact now. The important part Maggie always tried to remember was that they were all here, all alive and here to patch the holes that had formed over the years and to make a new future. Her optimism perhaps a bit too... unfaltering. But it was what she had now and what she would cling to.

The kettle was nearly boiling, that soft hiss that came from it before the steam built up enough strength to form a full whistle, her cup was ready though, tea bag settled deep in the porcelain, tab hanging over the edge. Staring at the words printed on the tab, she barely heard the press of his feet against the floor as Bastian moved into the kitchen. Absorbed in thoughts she was almost startled as his hands came around her middle. God, such a familiar gesture... it had never been the same when Daren had done the same gesture, never the same fit, never the same scent.

Not that Maggie had ever wanted it to be the same.

Maggie's breath came out in a soft sigh as his lips pressed against the back of her head. Her hands lifted and covered over his, she was quiet for a moment just taking in the feel of his arms around her in an embrace that she'd wondered if she'd ever feel again. Her head fell back against his shoulder, turning to look up. "Feel better?" She asked softly noting that his skin still held that pallor he'd arrived with. "I put out a drink if you want it, warm from the inside?" She offered, her lips trying to curve into a small smile.

Fingers moving over his hands, tracking small patterns over his wrists and forearms she stayed just where she was not moving to actually pour a drink or tend to the kettle that was getting all too close to whistling. Too many minutes to sit and think and wonder. Too many minutes had passed while he'd been under the warm spray of water for her to question it all and worry. Maggie had always been far too good at worrying. But if there was a better moment for it, Maggie didn't know what it would be and maybe didn't want to know. "If we fall sleep tonight, is this all going to be gone in the morning?" She turned in the circle of his arms, eyes pressed close and tucked into the curve of his neck. "Am I... stupid for asking that question? Promise me you'll be here." She couldn't help but plead.

She didn't care that she should already be in bed with a long shift at the hospital the next day, didn't care that Sophie had a grounding coming her way and didn't care that there were far too many unanswered questions. She just wanted the answer to that one...

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[info]better_days
2008-04-13 02:54 am UTC (link)
They did as needed to survive...did as needed to just make it through the days. Bastian understood what such a statement meant...and knew that by it likely things had come to pass that he'd not be happy with. The selling of the house perhaps was just the start...or maybe it was the worst. He did not really know...all he knew is what he had before him today. He couldn't think that far ahead to the what ifs right now. He couldn't push on what she was holding back...he couldn't push on what he was holding back.

Right now he simply wanted this moment for what it was. He needed it. One day at a time, one hour even. He didn't know how he was going to manage to stay. He didn't know how he was going to tell them what he needed to tell them or what would happen. He couldn't know really. But they were fears for later...worries to plague his mind the second he gave them chance. He just...didn’t want to let them right now.

He needed the break...the second to just feel at ease for once in so very long.

Out of the shower Bastian actually attempted to put more sound to his walk then normally would be there. Though his steps were still heavy there was a different movement to them, a subtle shift that so far no one had caught. But he didn't want to spook her...and there were only so many times you could justify not hearing someone approach before you had to begin to wonder if there was more to it.

But though much had changed this hadn't. The feel of her in his arms, the way her weight settled back against him, the way her hair smelled. The slight skip of her heart when his arms first came around her. Such small things to make that bigger familiar picture. He had feared it would change...that nothing at all could ever be the same. "Thanks.." he remarked for the drink and yet didn't yet move at all to get it. He stayed, lingering just where he was. Not wanting to yet lose that feel.

Her words made his eyes close for a moment, a vague sigh parting this lips. "Your not stupid for asking..." he wondered if she realized just how possible it was. That someone could show here and rip him away just as easily as before. That he could be gone and she'd wake and not even realize it had happened while she slept. Yes this Bastian feared...and he knew he'd not sleep tonight because of it. For many reasons. Still...he could not deny her plea.

He just couldn't.

"I'll be here when you wake...I promise." He wished that he could promise her so much more then that. Bastian reached around her, turning off the stove burner and shifting the kettle from that still warm burner. "Come on...it's getting late." for her, though for him these were the prime hours.

But he'd lay with her. Hold her as she slept...he'd stay, awake, aware of how careful he had to be. Awake enough to ensure that come morning no drapes were opened.

A worry for tomorrow. Tonight he just wanted to be with her.

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