Tony (ohthecleverness) wrote in hallowed_times, @ 2013-05-11 16:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | anthony goldstein, samantha fawcett |
Who: Anthony and Sam
When: Saturday afternoon
Where: Sitting by the lake
Summary: Tony is trying to figure out what to do about Gemma's request
Rating: Low
Anthony studied the parchment in front of him for a moment before adding another thought to the list. He was using one of his history textbooks that he had balanced on his knee as a writing surface. He could have been in the library working comfortably at a table or at a desk in his dorm but he chose to sit out in the sun. Besides, he wasn't doing homework or revising for his N.E.W.T.s and didn't want people asking what he was doing. He avoided telling any of his friends about his situation, he wasn't sure how anyone would take it. There were times he felt no one took him seriously and he was afraid that no matter what he did people would think he made the wrong decision.
He was listing his thoughts, the good and bad that he had about Gemma's request. He had tried writing a list of pros and cons but some of his concerns were neither a pro or a con so he decided just to write a straight forward list and hoped it would help him come to a conclusion. He hadn't had much contact with Gemma since he left her flat at the end of Easter break with the exception of a couple of owls telling her that he hadn't made up his mind, that he needed time to think. Finding time to think wasn't the problem, coming to a decision was. Anthony knew Gemma was robbed of something precious during the war, not just her husband but the child they were having. He cared for her and cared about her happiness but he wasn't sure if this was something he could do for her.
He knew he was lucky, luckier than most, his family was alive and healthy having come out of the war mostly unscathed. He hadn't been thrown in Azkaban like Stephen or suffered the loss of a sister like Kevin. There wasn't anything he could do for them either except to be there if they needed to talk or someone to lean on. With Gemma, she was done talking and knew what she wanted from him. Could he do it for her?
He ran the feather of his quill absentmindedly across his lips as he read over his list, wondering if he was missing something.
--- I'm too young to become a father. - I don't even have a job! --- She doesn't want me to be involved at all. - Does that cancel out the above? --- Do I want to change her mind about that and get married? --- Should I ask to be involved in the baby's life? --- If not as the father maybe as an uncle? --- Could I impregnate someone and walk away? --- Could I live knowing I had a child out there? --- What happens if I have more children 5 or 10 years down the road? --- Do I tell my future children the have a half sibling out there? --- Do I tell my future wife? --- Do I tell my parents? My sisters? --- What do I tell my family? |