InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I hate everybody, you're next"

Hell in her Eyes (hell_inher_eyes) wrote in halcyon_halls,
@ 2008-05-20 09:54:00

Entry tags:

james, roz

Week Ten: Wednesday
When: Late Afternoon – Early Night
Where: Hallways near her office
Who: Rozlyn and James

Rozlyn had been trying to do better. Though a part of her wished to simply leave the island and put space between her and that worry, she knew that it would do nothing in the end. She had to stay, had to force herself to face her fears and move beyond them. A process that was far from easy…and one that had come to affect all of them. Her worries the others could feel…and her presence stirred the youngest demoness. It was as Rozlyn worried, the little girl didn’t know yet how to manage emotions and Rozlyn’s own were too much around her. She tried to keep them contained…tried so hard to ensure that she was calm around the child. But there were times when she had to simply…get that space. To go for a walk, to leave the room, to simply not overwhelm them both. Considering that Rozlyn trusted no one save Xael and Axel around the girl…at times getting away wasn’t always so easy. But both men in her life had gone out of their way to try to be around more. To help. Aidan tried as well but he was still too young to be the real help he wanted to be.

This morning had gone alright, Jadyn slept through most of the day actually and that time of quiet allowed Rozlyn to distract herself with some work for awhile. Mostly picking up the house and seeing to a bit of research, scanning articles and so forth to see if anything struck her as supernatural. The job of a scout wasn’t just traveling around the world looking for supernaturals. But a large part of it was actually simply sitting down and looking for them. In news stories, blogged encounters, whatever the source it was often that which lead scouts to supernaturals in need. Lately, however, Rozlyn simply passed the information off to another scout. She didn’t exactly have the means to go rushing off anywhere right now. But that didn’t still her from wanting to help. Though perhaps it was more a need to. Distraction right now, was a good thing.

It was also something Aidan helped with. That boy could distract anyone at all. He was always eager to get Rozlyn’s attention and he knew that when his little sister was sleeping was the perfect time to get himself just that. That was when Roz wasn’t sleeping, he knew better then to even try to wake her then. Axel told him how Rozlyn needed her rest and how he had to be quiet around those times. Rest was still fitful for Rozlyn but she tried with that as well. Laying there all day at times only to gain an hour or two of rest. But it was better then nothing. Both she and Axel knew that.

Yes the morning had gone smoothly enough…but the afternoon was another story. Something got Goliath barking, very likely a little demon boy, and once he started up Jadyn was awake. Her screams jarred everyone and all too quickly the house erupted into that sort of chaos that only children can manage to make. It was a flurry of feeding and entertaining and cleaning and…at times nothing more then a mess. Especially when Jadyn refused to cease screaming. There were times when her boys cries jarred her but Jaydn…there was simply no comparison.

Rozlyn was more then grateful for when Axel arrived home, Aidan quickly leeching himself to his father as Rozlyn glanced over with that look that said the afternoon had not been a good time. Thankfully Jadyn calmed quickly in Axel’s embrace and once she did…everything else began to settle. Everything else except for Rozlyn. Trying to relax after all of that wasn’t always the easiest feat for her.

“I’m going to go for a walk…” she stayed for a time after Axel arrived but now that everyone was settled she wanted to get out for just a moment. Likely it wasn’t any surprise to Axel. She had no real destination as she left Head of Halcyon. She wandered for a time, this way and that, avoiding most as she went. Eventually though she ended up at her office, recalling that the substitute had wanted her to look over the final for the class if she had time.

If anything it would give Rozlyn a distraction for a bit. An hour or so spent going over information and checking in on some student’s progress. Though she welcomed the distraction Rozlyn didn’t like to stay gone for too long. Eventually she finally got to her feet, logging out of the computer and turning off the lights. The door to the office was locked up and papers gathered from there were tucked under her arm as she started back through the halls.

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jamesownsit
2008-05-20 06:59 pm UTC (link)

The days had not been going so well for James either. The news that Natalia was going on vacation with Noah had went over like nails on a chalkboard. He hated that man. He hated him with a fiery passion. He was the first person to ever make Natalia doubt his love for her and he was the reason she had left. It wasn't him. He knew he had a part in it, but it wasn't him. Noah was the reason. Noah, Noah, Noah. He couldn't wait to see the look on the asshole's face when she showed up. It was destined to be nothing short of entertaining.

Where he was going, he didn't know, but James had found himself wandering the grounds and halls of Halcyon more often than not, too afraid of bumping into Natalia and Noah in his own common room and losing his temper. That would do no one, least of all him, any good at all. He had it in mind that his eventual destination was the rooftop garden where he and Natalia had last seen one another, but he was in no hurry to get there. Or maybe he was afraid to get there, afraid of the thoughts that would follow his arrival.

It wasn't until he heard footsteps and looked up that he realized that he had headed towards his Guide's office, not that he was looking for her, or that he expected her to be there, it just so happened to be where his wanderings had led him. And lo and behold, who was walking towards him? Fate's intervention? Probably not. Fate had nothing but shit in store for him, he was sure of it.

"Evening, Mrs. Hecatomb?" For an older woman, as in a woman that had lived numerous years and had children that were his age, she was rather attractive. He had seen her husband and he was enough to keep anyone from stepping out of line, but James was a natural flirt and that couldn't be helped. Or at the very least, he wasn't yet melancholy enough to allow it.

"Could I be of assistance with that?" He was trying to be anything but transparent.

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hell_inher_eyes
2008-05-20 10:30 pm UTC (link)

Rozlyn couldn't say that she had been spending near as much time on her guide students as she likely should have. Then again she rather had her hands full. With a new child and feeling as though she couldn't keep her thoughts straight....it didn't exactly make her a prime candidate for guiding anyone really. Thankfully Axel had taken up some of that weight as well, sneaking on to answer questions and so forth when she wasn't looking. He wasn't near as sneaky as he thought himself to be but she didn't deny the help. It was quiet obvious to her family that she needed it.

However beyond family, Rozlyn always kept herself appearing simply fine. Maybe a bit worn but she had a small child to keep her up at night so that was rather typical. Nothing strange in that. Still despite being a bit off she was aware of those new and under her guidance. She had plans to contact them all after break, maybe even a little before just in case any had questions on classes.

She felt one of them near however, it took a second to place the who but she did. Her file did have a picture of every student she was a guide to as well as information about them. She'd gain enough about this one to believe he was the sort to sweet talk. Unfortunately for him Rozlyn wasn't so easily swayed. In fact it was often the other way around. Not that Rozlyn had need to put much effort into it. She was a succubus after all. Naturally people were drawn to her. But any persuasive or charm she held because of that she kept in check. Unlike many she didn’t see need to use that to her advantage at every turn. There was a need to...respect others more then that.

A fact that Halcyon happened to think rather important for its students to learn. Rozlyn knew full well that some would never learn that lesson or care for half the others that were offered. Sometimes life was the only way one could learn. Those hard lessons.

She paused in her steps, tipping her head slightly in regards to the other. "Good evening James." she returned, offering a touch of a smile to her lips. Genuine enough. She worked hard to not take out her...own troubled thoughts...on others. There was no need. A separation between work and personal life.

A brow arched at his words and that smile turned to a hint of a smirk "I think I can manage. But you could walk with me for a moment if you'd like. I haven't been nearly as around as I likely should be. I'd like to know how you are settling in here." she did care that those she was a guide to were doing alright. She felt the school had much to offer others if they simply took advantage of it rather then being too distracted by their own selves to really learn.

Not that she couldn’t understand that of course, all got a bit distracted at some point or another. But it was best to take advantage of what was offered to them freely now, rather then wish they had later.

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jamesownsit
2008-05-26 02:15 pm UTC (link)

She was much more aged than him and married and so it was apparent that any charm he tried to use on her would more than fail, not that he was all that interested in charming her regardless. Attractive, yes, but far too old for him and far too strong-willed. He liked women that he could control and Rozlyn, as little as he knew about her, was nothing of the sort. So he dropped it, and the smile dropped along with it.

The question gave him cause to laugh, chuckle really, more like a scoff, and he shrugged his shoulders a bit. "I'm not." And that was the truth. He was neither settled here nor was he settled anywhere else. Never had been. Never would be. Not without Natalia.

"You'd think the appearance of old acquaintances would help remedy that but it's done nothing make it worse." A hand ran up to run fingers back through his carefully groomed hair, making the messy strands even messier, and this time not in intentional patterns. "One could say that I loathe it."

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hell_inher_eyes
2008-05-27 12:19 am UTC (link)

Many had sought to try to charm or sway the succubus but that was no easy feat. Rozlyn knew all the tricks and all the ways in which to do so. Even those with some age on her found that she wasn't so easy to play games with. But those younger...they quickly came to realize they stood no chance at all. Rozlyn could guise her emotions behind a smile but others....she much rather get the truth of the matter from them.

Especially when it came to students who needed to face what they were going through rather then attempting to just charm their way through all life’s obstacles. It was good to quickly begin to realize that was not going to always work. Was risky, and dangerous, to rely on it.

Rozlyn turned her gaze towards the other when he spoke, her features patient and demeanor unchanged even if a part of her always reacted to such...hostility in others. Those emotions that made the air charged. "And why is that? You have choice in being here, if you hate it so then why do you stay?" there was always a reason. She'd heard hundreds of students complain and claim they hated the school or had no use for it and yet everyday they remained. Everyday they went to their classes and did the work. Something kept them there despite all their bitter words against it.

"Loathe is quiet the strong word to use without any real reason why..." she shifted her papers yet continued to walk for the moment. She didn’t think the other really wanted all attention on him just yet, so walking gave distraction. "Seems more like there are a lot of mixed feelings involved. I know how conflicting that can be."

That want to stay and to go. To hate and to not. The back and forth battles were always the most difficult and were never easy to get past. No quick solution to make it all make sense or be better. But that’s why the school was there, to help in all of that. Ones blood, ones powers…sometimes they took over and the personality or real wants and desires got muddled in all of it.

Rozlyn was prime example of that through most of her life in fact.

If control and ease was so quick to teach then no one would struggle. But it wasn’t. Sometimes it took hundreds of years. Far more then the school had to give. But it was a start. One Roz was thankful her children had.

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jamesownsit
2008-05-27 09:21 pm UTC (link)

If there was one thing that James hated to do, it was admit that a woman was stronger than he was. But there were times in life when denial was just not feasible and this was one of them. If there was another thing he loathed doing, it was admitting weakness. But he had them. He had plenty of them. Sometimes it just took a while for others to find them out.

"It's better than prison." He shrugged his shoulders a bit. "I should think they'd like to send me there were I to leave this place." They knew. He knew they knew. In fact, it was because of them knowing that he ended up here. Apparently the school had resources all about and it was someone who was to investigate the crime that had turned them on to what he really was. And between being here and being in prison, well, it was close, but this was still better.

"Oh I have plenty of cause to loathe." He stated, glancing over at her from the corner of his eye. "I love her. And she loves him now, and always will and has, more than she will ever love me." Not that Rozlyn would know of whom he spoke, but did the who part really matter?

"I want to kill her. And him." He sighed, exhaling heatedly. "But I could never bring myself to kill her and I could never kill him because of her, because of how much she would hate me and how.." A pause. "It would be the same as killing her." Another sharp exhalation and then a glance in her direction. "Ever felt that way?"

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hell_inher_eyes
2008-05-28 12:04 am UTC (link)

"Perhaps. But to think you have only two options is only to limit yourself. There are always other means, other choices, if you truly hate where you are or what’s around you." Rozlyn remarked. She knew a bit of his story, the files on students always had some. The details weren’t spelled out but she'd seen enough demons and struggled sorts pass through to have more then a good enough idea. She was, after all, a killer. She knew the looks, the anger, the heat that came with it. She also knew how completely, and utterly, self destructive it really was.

"Often we limit ourselves only because somewhere we know that where we are is where we need to be. Despite that all too consuming desire to deny, fight against it, and hate it with complete passion." if at such young years all he had was that sort of emotion...then here really was where he needed to be. To learn something beyond it. To take that chance to, one that many others never got.

"Ah...love." Rozlyn bemused almost, a look to her features that spoke all too clearly that she understood the pains of love. The heartache. The anger. And the feeling that no matter what was done, it would never be right again. "And do you think that’s the end? That there is nothing else beyond that one person in all your long years of life?" her questions were calm, never hinted with anger or even push. He could answer, or not, though there was no denying that there was something about her that made people want to talk. Succubus charms maybe, or possibly just the feeling that she'd gone through hell and back and there was little out there that she'd not be able to understand in some way or another.

"I've felt like that before. A broken heart that made me want to kill the other. To make him hurt as I had hurt." in her case he had deserved it, a cruel son of a bitch but the feelings were still the same in the end. That love that just ate at you. "But killing them doesn't change it. Doesn't strip that love away. Doesn't somehow cure it all. If anything it only deepens it. Feeling...tricked somehow that doing so didn't fix what you felt."

It never did. Extremes rarely did. But no one really wanted to hear those words that "time heals all wounds". It always seemed so petty. So minimal. "So you’re left with only yourself to change. Nothing else. No one else. Not that is always an easy thing." far from it in fact.

Some teachers would go up in arms for his words. Often that only made it worse. Kill…Rozlyn could understand the urge to do so. How that seemed like the answer. If she believed him true threat then she’d do something about it. But she felt, at least in this moment, that they were more words then actions. But guards here at the school were always high for that fact. The just in case.

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jamesownsit
2008-05-29 07:51 pm UTC (link)

"Perhaps." James admitted, giving a small shrug of his shoulders. "Though I can't say that any of the alternatives I can think of are any better than being here." He was just having a day, a week, a month, and he knew it. Things were bound to get better eventually, and if not better, then at least they would become more entertaining once Summer entered into the picture. She better show up soon. That was all he could say about it.

"It was the beginning. Why shouldn't it also be the end?" He asked, glancing over at her for a moment thoughtfully. "Did you love someone else completely before your husband came along?" Perhaps that was too personal of a question, but if he were going to speak of the things he thought deep down inside, she should be willing to do the same. Right? It made sense to him that way.

"It wouldn't be the first time that I killed her." In his head, he had done it that night. Granted, it wasn't her, but to him it was. And for him, he had murdered her that night only to come here and be face to face with her once more. "That's what I came here to do. To change. And now she's here and it feels impossible." And he was too afraid, truth be told, to even think to attempt to get close to anyone else.

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hell_inher_eyes
2008-05-30 07:01 pm UTC (link)

"Maybe not. Never know until you truly try to figure all those options out." Rozlyn remarked with a side glance at James. "Or you can resign to the fact that here is where you will get the most help, no matter how you came to loath it." all other options out there would be better then jail, likely. But would they really aid him the way he rather obviously needed? She doubted it. Halcyon did what few other places, few other people, could do. Preparing the young not only for the world but for themselves. What they would become. It wasn't easy and it took a lot of varied personalities to really help anyone. The pro, and con, of the school. So many there to help.

"The end to one thing is often the beginning of another. You’re far too young to think that is it. Trust me when I say that you have a lot of years left. Best not to condemn them all before they have even come to pass." it wasn't always easy to think of the years beyond now but the life he'd had so far was nothing yet. He was mostly human yes, but that demon years would give him more years, and more chances, then humans had.

"You have to love, love deeply, to get a broken heart that wounds so harshly you'd want to make them hurt as you hurt." there was the want for revenge, the petty anger. But to hurt, to really hurt another, that came from a love scorned. "So yes, I loved another before him. As Axel is still alive isn't he?" she gave a vague smirk to the words, to lighten them, but the truth of the matter was the same. If Axel had hurt her so deeply she'd not be with him. She'd not be here with words to speak of how one had hurt her in such a way. Rozlyn spoke honestly, as much as she could, when she asked others to do the same. It was not quiet fair to make another dig deep into their emotions and yet be unwilling to show a bit of your own.

"And it never does satisfy does it? In the end its nothing...A flash of anger and what seems like peace that is gone just as quickly as it came. There’s noting to be gained in holding onto that. No matter how hard it is to let go." she knew. For years she'd held onto her pain, her anger, that bitter hate that ate her up. But if she'd not moved on, not forced herself through it. She'd not be with Axel. She'd not have her family. And that…that wasn’t something she wanted to think about. Her family, her boys and now that new little girl…were her life.

"Feels...and is...are two separate things. No one else can still you from changing if you truly want to. But that’s always what it comes down to...the level of real want for something. I've struggled in my life, back and forth from calm and anger...I won't lie and say it’s easy to move above all of it." but it was...rewarding once you did. When you really felt as though some of it was...left behind. When it no longer stung the way it used to.

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jamesownsit
2008-06-01 11:00 am UTC (link)

"Oh I know that." And he did. If he hadn't thought the place would help, he wouldn't have come here. Granted, it had not helped yet, but how could it when he had yet to even take one of the classes designed to do so. "It's not the school that I loathe." It was the situation that it put him in, the people that it placed him around. If they weren't here, he'd be perfectly content, but there was no way to keep them from being here. It then became a matter of choosing the lesser evil.

"But the anger is good while it lasts. In that split moment, before it fades away, I feel like myself again." It was worth it sometimes, for that reason and that reason alone, to hurt others, to inflict pain. It never lasted long enough, and oftentimes he felt worse afterwards than he had before, but for a brief second, just a moment, everything was right again. He wished he knew another way of making that happen and sustaining it for longer than that.

"Fuck it. You're right. It'll get better." And he was going to make it better as well. Soon, everything would fall into place. Soon, he would make Noah suffer just as he did. Or so he hoped. Summer better not be a disappointment.

"Thank you for your help." He would leave her now. She didn't need his help and he was done talking. Any more and he would just become frustrated and lose the place that he was in right now which was better than where he had been before. "Have a nice night."

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hell_inher_eyes
2008-06-01 12:52 pm UTC (link)

Difficult to make good use out of anything when you allowed all else surrounding it to influence it. Allowing those outside sources to ruin what it is that you were looking for. That is if you were really looking for it. It was always easy to say you wanted to change. Easy at times even to make others believe it. But to really want it. To really be ready for it. That was an entirely different situation. Rozlyn wasn't sure if it was one James really was striving for. Or if he simply liked the idea of it.

"Perhaps. But there are other ways to find it. Other ways that aren't so...hollow. So empty afterwards." the split second seemed like enough. But afterwards you felt less and less like yourself. It was nothing more then a false illusion of ones self. A damaging cycle like so many others out there. Hurt to make yourself feel better and after you did, you hurt internally even more. Around and around it went.

"Lets hope you believe it." she remarked idly, giving a glance back at the other. She could feel the hostility still. That red hot energy to the air that tugged upon her. She knew it so well. Hate. Need. Hunger. There was a part of her tempted to tell him to indulge it rather then not. To give it room to grow rather then deny it. A part of her that wanted to do the same....

A part of her denied.

"Anytime you need." would he take up the offer? She wasn't certain. What she did know was that she'd be keeping an eye on him when she was around and when she was not...guards would. Just because she understood his hate didn't mean she could condone it. Especially not if it put other students at risk.

"Goodnight James..." she mused lightly, not stilling him in his need to retreat away from words and company. She’d watch him go, lingering just a moment before slowly making her way back to her home.

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