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Teritus "Wesley Drakon" Venizelos ([info]tattooed_skin) wrote in [info]halcyon_halls,
@ 2008-04-12 05:47:00

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Entry tags:starbuck, wes

Week Seven: Friday
Who: Starbuck, and Wes
When: Late afternoon
Where: Wes' classroom

As if the day hadn't started off bad, it seemed to just turn into a complete shit slide, as it wore on. Too much booze, drugging, and sex the previous night, had left him exhausted, and rather off his game the entire fucking morning. In fact, his classes had one of the easiest assignments, that they had ever had, in one of his lessons. That was to draw whatever the fuck they wanted, while Wes enjoyed the peace, and quiet, and graded older projects, that he needed to tend to. Everyone seemed to catch on that he wasn't in a mood to be bothered, seeing that only a minimum amount of questions had been asked. There would be no more partying, on a school night, ever again. He could only imagine how the students were feeling today. Especially those who had morning classes. Haha, sucks to be them.

If that weren't enough, he came to find out, that Xael had a big mouth, and had told Kat that he had asked about her. Great... It wasn't that he expected to get away with it, but he was hoping that it would come, after he was able to talk to Starbuck. Now, he would have to be more careful with his questioning. If he gathered that Wes was fishing, and Kat found out, there was no telling how she might react. She could very well cancel that Monday meeting. The one that he was dreading, but needed to happen. It seemed, unless Starbuck told him something that completely blew his theory out of the water, that he was going to tell Kat, was he suspected... that he, was in fact, her dad.

Fuck, this was what he deserved. For all of his screwing around, and slutting it up over the years. It was amazing that this sort of thing hadn't happened before. He should have more than just three kids, if he lucky was really so shitty. Not that having children was a bad thing, but fathering a kid, that you didn't know about, had nothing to do with for years, was torture. It killed him to think what sorta life she had, and what it could have been like, if he had only know from the begining. Granted, his kids were far from spoiled, but they were loved, and taken care of. No kid deserved less than that.

Reaching up, he tugged down the brim of his trucker hat, further shielding his eyes, from the over head lights. He looked like shit, there was no denying that. Felt like it too. But, there were things, that needed to be done. Which was why, there were two canvases set up at the front of his class room. Paint, brushes, water, the works, everything they would need. He was willing to venture back into Starbucks comfort zone today, but not without some direction. Otherwise, it wouldn't be much of a lesson, now would it?



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[info]starbucky
2008-04-14 03:14 am UTC (link)
Starbuck was oblivious to all that was going on with this baby daddy business. Kat hadn't mentioned anything to Starbuck, and there was really no need to. It was doubtful that Wes was the first dude to go snooping around in Kat's business, what with her being so secretive. Wes was gonna have to learn the same lesson Starbuck had... you only got to know Kat if she allowed it, and asking a lot of questions would only make her bolt. It was best to just let her come to you in her own time.

Following that philosophy was starting to pay off for Starbuck. He and Kat were closer than ever. This whole week had been a good one, and Starbuck was doing his very best not to jinx it. It seemed Kai's new fortune was the start of a new, better chapter in his life. Maybe money really did solve problems. Starbuck sure as hell felt great since his bank account had swelled!

He'd not done much abnormal spending, but he had bought some new art supplies, and he'd been painting a lot more as a result. Since his last lesson, Starbuck was trying to continue on with abstract work, breaking down and doing the sort of painting he felt more comfortable with only a few times. He really wanted to show Wes that he was making an effort.

When classes were done, he ran back to his dorm to change into some old clothes and then headed off to Wes' office. Starbuck felt a bit like a stealthy criminal as he slipped inside and shut the door behind him. He really didn't want people to know about these lessons. Kat was the only one he trusted with such information. Well, maybe 'trusted' wasn't the right way of saying it. Taylor and Kalli were definitely trustworthy friends, he just didn't care to publicize this side of himself.

"Hey," he muttered, walking in and looking around, seeing the supplies set up for their lesson. "What're we workin' on today?"

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[info]tattooed_skin
2008-04-14 04:37 am UTC (link)
"Call it a compromise. Well, sort of. Ever heard of Gustav Klimt?" Wes felt it was a compromise. A mix of abstract, and surrealism. "Klimt was a Symbolist painter, from Austria. He was best known for depecting human figures, with a very abstract, orinate backdrop." Klimt had always been one of Wes' favorite painters, and at times pulled inspiration from the mans work. Now, he only wished, that he had been able to meet the man. That would have truly been something. Moving to his desk, he plucked a rather ragged, aged looking leather bound book from it's surface. Thumbing through the pages, he paused, before presenting it to Starbuck.

"That is the Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer. You see how the two are mixed, but still harmonious? That's today's challenge, or lesson, whatever." He waved his hand flippantly, before returning to his own canvas. "This sort of painting, relies heavily upon the sort of colors, and shapes you use. It's not just throwing random paint on there, like we've been doing before. This has more form to it." Some might see this as more of a challenge. Others might think it was an easier task. It all depended on the persons ideals, and where they rested on art.

Wes had never been the sort to work from still life, especially not a bowl of fruit. "As for the subject matter, that it completely up to you. You've got a good eye for remembering detail, so I doubt you would need a model." He smirked lightly, recalling how perfectly he had drawn the aquatic life, during his trip to the shop, on that first meeting. "So, you know how this works, sketch out first, if you need to. I've got paper, if you don't want to jump straight for the canvas." Some people liked to have a base idea outside of the canvas, himself being one. So, it wasn't surprising when he sat down on the edge of his desk, pulling a sketch pad into his lap, before he began to draw. "So, how's life?" He asked lightly... building up was always a good idea.

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[info]starbucky
2008-04-14 04:53 am UTC (link)
"I like Matisse better... but, yes, I'm familiar with Klimt's work." Starbuck couldn't say he was a fan. The strange patchworks wrapped around human forms never really suited him. He'd seen The Kiss poster in plenty of stores, and it was likely on dorm room walls of heart sick young women around the world. True, there was passion in the work, but it still failed to capture the essence of love in Starbuck's opinion.

He kept that opinion to himself. It was clear that Wes admired the artist, and Starbuck didn't want to be rude. He appreciated all art, even if he didn't actually find it all appealing. Everyone was attracted to something different, saw beauty where others might not. He respected Wes' admiration of the work.

Starbuck shook his head, "I don't sketch. The canvas is fine, and no charcoal needed." He'd never really taken art serious enough to feel the need to lay out a plan ahead of time. Starbuck only painted when the urge struck him, so he would simply dive right in. And that was what he did today. He went right for the paints, immediately applying color to the canvas. Usually, he started with no particular idea in mind. His hand just sorta moved, and before he knew it, he'd found a path to follow. The flow of the paint called to him in a strange way, dictating how it should be manipulated. Starbuck had never tried to understand it. Sometimes he started with an actual idea, but usually he didn't. A design would emerge, and he'd go with it. Today, the lines curved and had an elegance to them, a soft sensuality, probably the result of his good mood. He wasn't trying to paint Kat, but it soon became clear to him that she was an inspiration.

Without looking away from his work, Starbuck smiled and piped up, "It's going really good. Great, actually. I got some news from home earlier in the week, and everything has sorta been perfect since then. I think it's like that sometimes... good things follow other good things, while the bad stuff tends to cling together as well. So, I'm reading a happy chapter right now. Probably just the set up for more conflict."

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[info]tattooed_skin
2008-04-14 05:24 am UTC (link)
"Ah, the French Fauve, as they called him." It amused him to consider the labels placed upon artist, in retrospect, to the time they lived in. In his time, Matisse was a seen as a edgy painter or sorts, but now, he was considered to be one of the greatest French tradionalist. Funny how time changed peoples opinions of things. "I was rather fond of his Back series. It reminds me a of the Greek, and Roman dipictions of warriors." Considering he'd been born in Greece, that was right up his alley. Though, he wouldn't admit to being fond of his home country, beyond the art, and gorgeous beaches. The Greek, he felt, were far too over the top for his taste.

Wes didn't care if someone agreed with him, or not. It wasn't going to change his mind, nor make him think less of the person. Fuck, at least it showed that they were thinking for themselves. Starbuck could be like his own kids, and not really give a damn about art. Frida, she could at least draw a bit, but she wasn't interested in learning about the woman she was named for, nor any other artist, who might have picked up a paintbrush at one point, or another. River... pssh, unless it could get him in trouble, he didn't give a damn.

After a short time of sketching, he slipped off his desk, removing his cap, before placing it down on the wooden surface. It was time for a haircut, he thought. Now, he just needed to convince Cat, that it was a good idea. Not too short though, otherwise she might hurt him. She uh.. seemed to enjoy the length, haha. "The positive attracts the positive, and the negative attracts the negative." That was how Wes saw things. He also thought that it had a lot to do with attitude, or karma, if you will. It was always strange to him, to not work without music, but today, he wasn't sure if he could stand to have it on. So, silence was in order. Besides, no distractions from conversation was a good thing.

"Mind if I ask what the good news was?" Moving to his own canvas, his eyes moved to Starbuck's current project momentarily, noting the progress, and what not. He didn't look long, he didn't want to be unconsciously influenced by what he had seen. All ready his fingers were gray, when he lifted the charcoal to the canvas, lines, and shapes began to appear, as he stared beyond them, into the white.

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[info]starbucky
2008-04-14 05:38 am UTC (link)
"He uh... has this painting of goldfish that I really like the best... for obvious reasons. Anyway, I like the way he uses color," Starbuck added with a shrug. It was always difficult for him to explain what it was about some works of art that touched him. It was much easier to critique the stuff he didn't like, than to explain the stuff he loved. The same was pretty much true with everything else in his life, even with Kat. It was impossible trying to put into words why he felt the way he did, he just felt it. "I'm not really good about discussing art. Hard to find the right words to describe some things, you know?"

"So... you telling me to look on the bright side or something?" Starbuck asked with a slight chuckle. It sounded so cheesy. But, hey, maybe there was something to it. Since his mood had improved upon learning of his mom's new found fortune, other good things had come Starbuck's way. Perhaps staying positive would keep the bad from finding him again. It was worth a try. Kalli had told him to stop being so paranoid, to stop thinking the bottom would drop out any moment.

Starbuck dropped his paintbrush after a while, choosing to use his bare hands instead. For some reason, the work called for it, it begged to be touched. "I don't mind at all. My mom was in Vegas on business, and, well, she sorta struck it rich. So, we got shit loads of money now!" Starbuck beamed and his hands worked faster. The painting was starting to take shape. The feminine form to it was now clear, and there were references to flowers scattered about... lotus blossoms to be specific. "It's just a big relief. We've never had money, and I've been worried about her ability to keep up with the bills now that I'm not there to help. I've been working part time here on the island, but it's not enough to really be making what we were before I left. So, yeah, I don't have to worry about it anymore." He could still worry about other things, and he would, but at least he knew his mom was financially secure. That was a tremendous relief.

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[info]tattooed_skin
2008-04-14 06:04 am UTC (link)
"I can't imagine why you would like fish." He said sarcastically, in that ever dry, unchanging tone of his. "The colors are very bold, and uncensored." He never seemed to have muted any of them. That was true expression, not altering something, because you wondered what people might think of it. "That's okay, kid. I'm not good at discussing anything really." Talking wasn't his thing, but if he had a passion for it, you might be able to get a word, or two more out of them, than usual. "Eh, language only hinders feelings." So many people relied on words to dictate who they were. When really, it should be about actions. Most people didn't fucking think before talking, but actually doing something took a bit more planning.

Wes shrugged at that, "Well, if I were nailed to a cross, and singing, it might be more fitting, but... yeah, I guess." It seemed odd that he should talk about being positive, but really, he'd had a good life, why not think of it as good over all? "Sometimes you can't, but I think doing it over all, it's just good for the soul. So long as your not doing it blindly." Some people were so optimistic, that they couldn't see when the shit was about to hit the fan. Then they wondered what the hell had happened. Maybe you should appreciate the good, but not expect it.

All those years in Vegas, and he had never won anything. Ah well, it seemed to only happen to those who were visiting. "Having a bit of money is always good." Of course, this was more than just a bit, but having any was better than none. It seemed that if anyone was deserving, it was Starbuck, and his mother. It was always good, when those sorts of things happened. "I congratulate you both then, it sounds like you are both deserving of it... also ask your Mom what game she played, so I can hit it up, when I go home." He said with a smirk. That would make his ex happy, if he did happen to win something. It meant he would have more money to send his kids. Though, that wasn't likely to happen anytime soon. "If I may pass upon some words of wisdom... Johnny Cash once said, that having money, only means that you don't have to worry about money anymore. In other words, if doesn't fix everything. But fuck, it sure can't hurt."

Wes knew he couldn't put things off the entire lesson. Now seemed like a good time, when his mood was up, and he seemed open to sharing good things. "How are things with you, and the 'girlfriend'?" He knew she wasn't technically that, but it was easier to say girlfriend, rather than the girl he was messing around with.... Yeah, Wes would rather think girlfriend, especially given the circumstances.

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[info]starbucky
2008-04-14 06:21 am UTC (link)
"I talk a lot. Too much sometimes. And it gets me into trouble." He wished he could be more eloquent. Still, he was able to get his words right from time to time and say exactly what he was feeling, but that was rare. Most of the time he just bumbled. "But, you're right. Feelings are what matter most, and they're usually best expressed without words." He and Kat were much better at communicating when they both shut up. Though, sometimes his actions spoke so loudly, he worried he frightened her... the way he had that night out by the beach when he'd first realized he was in love with her. He'd not said it, but Kat recognized it in him just the same. Maybe it was like the way he 'talked' to sea creatures. It wasn't about words, it was about something else.

Starbuck was reluctant to comment about the 'good life', but, hey, he did warn Wes that he sometimes talked too much. "It is good, but there's been a lot of bad mixed in too. Anyway," he quickly added with a shrug, "Maybe things are back on the right path again." He'd been lost for a few years now, so it would be a nice change of pace to feel like he had direction once more.

He smiled broadly and nodded his thanks, "I don't know that I'm deserving, but she certainly is. I'm probably biased, but then again, I don't think anyone who has ever met my mother has anything bad to say about her. She's pretty damn likable." Starbuck racked his brain to try and remember what game it was Kai had said she was playing. "I can't recall... it was some slot machine at the Bellagio. She was only playing out of boredom for a few minutes when all the bells and whistles went off. Crazy, right?" Quoting Johnny Cash was a nice touch. "Always loved the man in black. Very wise."

Starbuck paused from his painting at Wes' question. "Well, she's not my girlfriend. But, things are really good. You know, same stuff to deal with, but it's getting easier." Kat hadn't really changed, Starbuck knew that, he was just trying not to think about all the other stuff and simply concentrate on the good. If he was able to simply live in the moment, enjoy the time that he spent with her, then did it really matter what she did when she wasn't with him? It did, and he couldn't ignore that, but he tried to just the same. He loved her, and he'd keep doing so for as long as she allowed. If that meant he had to make some allowances along the way as well, then so be it.

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[info]tattooed_skin
2008-04-16 08:13 pm UTC (link)
"At least you have something to say." Most people tended to be so dull, that nothing which came from their lips, was worth hearing. If what he was saying, happened to get him into trouble, that meant that it carried weight with it. That it had meaning, so much so, that it would effect whoever might be hearing it. That was powerful, in Wes' opinion. So many people talked, without ever really saying anything. He himself, rarely talked, but when he did, he was sure that his words were not just there to fill the silence. "I think of it this way... emotions were around, long before language. I think they were meant to go hand, and hand with action, not word." True emotions, and passion would be frightening at times. It was because of the sheer power behind it all.

The only time a person wouldn't have trouble to deal with, was when they were dead. You just couldn't avoid it, but you were able to chose how you approached it. "Hopefully." There needed to be good, to combat the bad, so he did hope that Starbuck's life was taking on a new direction. "Well, considering what type of person you are, I don't doubt that she is a good person." He was a good kid, made mistake from time to time, but fuck, who didn't? "The Bellagio... that fucking place has eaten more of my money, than I'd like to recall." He'd never been lucky, when it came to gambling. "It was certainly her day, because that happens once in a blue moon." Then, the casino people usually tried to talk you into gambling it all away again. "Cash was a good man. A good Christian. Not saying being a Christian made him good, but he wasn't judgemental. He respected peoples flaws, and thought everyone deserved to be treated fairly, no matter the course life had taken them. More people should be like he was."

"It's her, that won't allow the title, right?" He could recall the little comments she had made to him about the relationship previously. Called the guy a pain in the ass, but he couldn't help but wonder if it was maybe the other way around. If she was his kid, that was likely the case. "What sort of stuff are you two dealing with?" He asked, a brow raised, as he finally put brush to canvas. He thought that knowing about their dynamic, might give more clues, than any. Especially if she took after him

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[info]starbucky
2008-04-16 09:10 pm UTC (link)
Starbuck shrugged at the comment that he 'had something to say'. "I don't know about that. I seldomly say anything worth repeating. No one's likely to quote me," he added with a light chuckle. Sure, there were times when thoughts and speech connected in a way that made sense. Those were the moments when people tended to look at him all dumbfounded, wondering who the fuck he was and what he'd done with the real Starbuck. Kat had looked at him like that a few times. It had been in rare instances when he'd managed to vocalize exactly what he was thinking, and considering that his thoughts surrounding her were so damn intense, putting words to them was sure to get her attention. He hoped it was a good thing.

Actions were good too. Really good, but he wasn't about to dish. Starbuck respected Kat far too much to ever talk about their sex life... especially with a teacher. That would just be weird. "I think it's definitely easier to express yourself through actions than it is through words... well, maybe not where poets and writers are concerned... but, you know what I mean." For Starbuck, action took several forms. There was painting, surfing, fighting, loving... it went on and on. None of those things required talking, and maybe they were better for it?

"I don't know anything about Christianity... least not anything outside of what I've read and heard. The bible's cool and all, but I didn't grow up memorizing shit about saints and all that. I'm sure for the people who believe, it's a really good thing. I'm just not one of them." He didn't exactly consider himself an atheist, because he felt that there were strange forces much greater than himself and everyone else on the planet, but he wasn't about to join a church or whatever and believe that a book had all life's answers wrapped up in a few cool stories. Humans and supernaturals were highly flawed, there was no fucking way any of them had gotten everything right where religion was concerned. So, yeah, he just respected the people who believed that stuff, and hoped they'd respect him for taking a pass on it all. "Flaws make us more interesting. Everyone hates their own, but we'd not be who we are without them."

Starbuck cautiously nodded in response to Wes' question, feeling awkward sharing anything more than that. He'd gotten into trouble for talking to Nat about his relationship status with Kat. So, he wasn't about to make that same mistake again. See? He could be trained... like a dog... er something.

When Wes asked another question, Starbuck looked away from his canvas again, eyeing Wes suspiciously. Ok, so him and Wes had shared some cool chats and art shit together, but they weren't exactly swapping BFF necklaces. Starbuck had no intention of telling Wes about the stuff he and Kat still struggled with. He looked back to his canvas and resumed painting, "It's nothing I really care to discuss. It'd be disrespectful," he said with authority in his voice.

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[info]tattooed_skin
2008-04-18 01:50 am UTC (link)
Wes rolled his eyes, "Kid, most people, who had anything worth saying, didn't gather an audience, until after they had past. Same with a lot of artist. People don't know about them, until after they've died. So, I wouldn't write yourself off so quickly." No one wanted to be appreciated only after they were dead, but most of the time, that's how it tended to happen. Though, with the world being more connected now, than ever, people were being heard sooner. Sadly, those getting most of the attention, weren't worth listening to. "As I say, you have a gift, fucking use it." With a final little nod, he went back to work on his own painting.

Ha, Wes wasn't looking to hear about their sex life. Not even close... he knew River was far from innocent when it came to the romance, and sex department, but that didn't mean he wanted to know details, so long as they were safe. The same extended to any maybe children that he might have. Wes could know about it, and not freak, but that was where it left off. "Writers are cool, I think they are a bit like painters. When you have a lot going on in your head, you need some way to get it out some way. That works for them." He wouldn't say it made them less passionate, just different.

Wes gave an audible chuckle at that, "I've never read any of the text... can't touch a bible, can't set foot inside a church. Damned from birth, you see." That didn't mean he didn't know the stories. Christianity went hand in hand with demons, and hell. Being born on one side of the conflict, guaranteed that you knew the other sides story. That was one thing, that he could recall about his mother. Her biblical teachings. She seemed to want the boys to know, that they were better than everyone, because they were part demon. Fucking stupid, in Wes' opinion. They weren't better, it just meant they were more likely to be hated. "I have a friend, who is actually a priest. Nice guy, thinks his goal in life is to some how safe my soul. If it didn't give him so much joy, I'd tell him it was a lost cause."

When he nodded, Wes felt his heart sink a little bit. Damnit, couldn't there be just one thing, that said no? Everything was pointing to a big ol' yes, and it was starting to annoy him. With his brow raised, he shrugged. "Fair enough." He couldn't force him to talk, especially when he obviously didn't want to talk about it. Did that mean he wouldn't say anything else about it? Normally, yeah, but this wasn't intended to be an everyday type conversation. "It's none of my business, and... I might be completely off the mark here." He began, never lowering his brush, as he continued on with his work. "But, she doesn't mean it... She can't help it, it sounds like a complete bullshit line, but it's true. People like her, are hard to love... they will break your heart, without meaning to, over, and over again." Laying down his brush, he took a step back. "It's her nature."

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[info]starbucky
2008-04-18 02:33 am UTC (link)
Starbuck paused and stared at his painting for a moment, then he stared down at his paint-stained hands. He'd been using blue paint mostly, his favorite color, and it was a pale blue... frighteningly familiar. "I uh... I really only have one gift that matters... and I sorta suck at using it. Doesn't work when it should. Not when it matters anyway..." he trailed off in a softer voice. Then, trying to distract Wes from the near confession, Starbuck added, "And, you know, the painting shit is just something I like to do. Mom loves my stuff, and I like seeing her smile, so, yeah, don't really need to share with many other people. Well, Kat knows. Gave her a few, but who knows what she thinks of them." He shrugged and went back to painting.

Wes' relationship with his kids was pretty different from the one Starbuck had with his parents... maybe. Starbuck told Kai absolutely everything, even about sex. They didn't keep secrets, though... he'd not told her about the whole thing with Kat having been pregnant. But, that wasn't Starbuck's secret to tell... and neither was the thing about Kat's mother beating her. Those were Kat's secrets, and she'd shared them with Starbuck. The information wasn't easy to hear, and it made Starbuck's heart sore thinking about the things Kat had been put through, but at the same time he felt good knowing that she trusted him enough to tell him.

"Oh, right, demon stuff. That must be weird. Painful too." Starbuck motioned to Wes' tattoo-covered arm, "How much do those blessed needles hurt?" He remembered Kat having needed a blessed needle, which had puzzled Starbuck at the time, and he'd said something, but Kat didn't comment on it. He figured it was one of the many things she didn't care to discuss. Still, it was weird, because he thought she was just a watermage. She must of had some other stuff in her blood.

Starbuck was relieved when Wes seemed to let the topic drop. He liked Wes, and he didn't really want the dude nosing around in his business. But then Wes started talking again. Fuck. But, Starbuck listened, because the topic definitely caught his attention. Putting down his supplies, Starbuck started wiping his hands on his old shirt and jeans, which were already stained with paint. "Don't talk about her like you know her. Don't fucking assume that you know anything about her or her feelings for me. Because you don't know anything. I'm fucking sick of people thinking they know what she wants and who she is... or saying she's got a type," the last word was nearly spit out from the bitterness in Starbuck's voice. He angrily grabbed up the biggest brush he could find and dumped it into a tub of black paint, immediately fucking up the canvas with large angry strokes, before throwing the paint brush to the ground. "You don't know anything about it," he reiterated, starting to collect his shit to leave, quickly adding, as he glared at Wes, "And I'll love her regardless how many times she breaks my heart. She can break the pieces too, and I'll still love her."

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[info]tattooed_skin
2008-04-18 09:27 am UTC (link)
He found it strange, that he didn't know Kat's opinion of his work, nor it seemed that he had never asked. Maybe it was that fear of rejection from her? If you didn't ask, you wouldn't hear an answer, that might hurt? Made the most sense to him. Though, if you couldn't speak with her person you were most intimate with about those sort of things, it didn't seem that anyone would do. "Getting it to work, when it should, comes down to training, and learning all you can about your gift, and where it comes from. Now, that can be both good, and bad. Good, because you'll be able to tap into that creative center, whenever you like. Bad, because that often means you lose the passion behind it. You always want it to be something that you love, not something that you do." That was why Wes had never been a commission painter. Those types of projects, didn't have the same emotion behind them. No matter how big the pay check.

"It's weird for other people. You really do think it's weird, if you're born that way, and are used to it." He said with a shrug, by now, he was more than used to people finding it odd. "Painful?" He asked curiously, looking over to him, when he saw that he was admiring the tattoos, it made more sense. "A lot. It burns, sorta like a chemical burn, and throbs afterwards." His eyes moved over the two sleeves. "My chest, and back are covered as well, so it's tolerable enough, I guess." So much so, that he would likely get more ink done eventually. He was obsessed with it. "But, a blessed needle, or ink... I think the ink hurts worse, are the only way vamps, and demons can get the bastards to stay. Weres have silver in the ink. They'd fade off, otherwise." It all came down to what you were willing to withstand, it have it done.

Wes hadn't been sure how he might react, but, he knew it would be telling. That final line, that connected all the dots. He would have rather had a 'I don't get what you mean?', sort of reaction. It would have meant he was wrong. He simply stood back, his arms crossed over his chest, as he watched him... well, throw a fit, for the most part. "Love her, regardless.. I'm not saying you shouldn't. Just don't take it personal what she might do, or say." He liked the kid, he wanted him to understand. He could see that he really did care about Kat, and she needed that in her life, whether she knew it or not. "I probably know more, than most people. Not because I know her, but because I'm like her. Our nature is the same, this distance, the disregard for others, with our actions.. The screwing around, I'm sure it's happened. It's not because we don't care, or don't return the affection... it's an impulse, we can't help it." Sighng, he ran a weathered hand over his beard, before sitting down on the top of his desk once more. Wes felt he had reached his talking max for the day, but still more needed to be said. "Love her regardless, and blame me for how she is." He should wait, speak to her first, he knew it. But, this was his too, his to share, and he wanted him to understand. "She's my kid, you see..."

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[info]starbucky
2008-04-18 03:44 pm UTC (link)
Kat usually offered up a casual 'it's nice' type of response when Starbuck gave her a painting. Which, for Kat, was a really big compliment. She rarely gushed over anything, in fact, the only time he'd ever seen her incredibly enthusiastic about something, was when they'd gone swimming near the kelp forest that night and she'd 'met' a sea otter. He'd never seen that look on her face before, the pure joy she felt. It was really something amazing to see, and he was sure she felt that way other times, but she was just better at holding it in. To let others know when you were really happy or really sad was to reveal weaknesses, and Kat avoided that at all costs. Starbuck also knew she hated to be questioned, and he definitely wasn't the type to fish for compliments, especially not where his art was concerned. And, yeah, may have had something to do with fearing rejection. If Kat didn't like his stuff, he didn't really want to know.

Starbuck simply nodded as Wes talking about how to use and strengthen such gifts. Practice really was the key, but it was difficult to practice something like healing. Someone really needed to be injured, and serious injuries didn't just present themselves, plus, who wanted an untrained dude trying to fix their problems? Then there was the whole thing with learning to stay calm under pressure, something else you only mastered with experience.

"Yeah, I get ya, just like it's not weird for me to communicate with sea creatures. I've always done it, even before I realized I was doing it. So, I guess if I was born being allergic to religious shit, I'd not think much of it either." The pain involved in getting tattoos for demons and such made Starbuck wonder why so many went through it. Regular ink and needles hurt a bit, but maybe Starbuck just had a high tolerance for pain, because it didn't bother him too much. He couldn't imagine having to sit and endure the feel of a chemical burn for over an hour for even a small tat.

Starbuck had thrown some shit in his bag and was ready to bolt, more than done with this conversation. He didn't want to talk about it, because he was still feeling a little raw from his exchange with Jeremy, and the doubts it had placed in his mind. Now Wes was rambling on and on about how Kat couldn't help it, how he understood because he was the same. Frankly, Starbuck didn't want to hear any of it. And then Wes went and dropped one hell of a bomb. Well, fuck, if this wasn't the week for huge revelations.

Dropping his bag, Starbuck took a second to soak in the information. He had glanced at Wes upon the man saying Kat was his 'kid', but then quickly looked away, staring at a random spot on the wall instead as his mind raced. "Well that's just fuckin' great. Really. You give her some shit genes, bail on her, and then show up here to make things even more complicated? Great parenting, seriously." Starbuck's words were dripping with bitterness. He was suddenly even madder than he had been a moment before. Did everyone fuck Kat over and leave her? Did this mean that she was genetically incapable of having a relationship? And was it supposed to make him feel better... make him realize that it had nothing to do with him doing things wrong or right? Or should it make him feel worse... because this basically meant there was never any chance she'd love him and only him? Fuck!

He still had some wet paint on his hands, but he didn't give a shit, he ran his fingers back through his short hair, his palms squeezing the sides of his head. The pressure of all this new information made it feel like his scull might crack in two. After a moment, he took a deep breath and spoke in a calmer tone, "I take it she doesn't know..."

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[info]tattooed_skin
2008-04-19 02:11 am UTC (link)
Given his nature, keeping his temper in line, had been something he worked on for a very long time. He knew he was capable of completely losing it, he knew he could be dangerous. Which was why he didn't let much get to him. However, Starbuck had managed to touch upon one subject that he could not deflect his anger from. He was off the desk without a moments hesitation, his voice no longer carrying that slow sardonic tone, that it normally had. "Fuck what you think you know, what you assume. You don't know shit about me, nor my parenting. If I had known about her, my first born, she wouldn't have grown up with Sky. She would have been with me, she would have been raised properly, like my other kids were. I didn't fucking know she was my kid, till I came here. So fuck you, Starbuck." His voice was shaking with anger, as he glared up at the kid.

"Yeah, I gave her my shit genes, you think I'm happy about that? Do you honestly think I like not being able to control certain aspects of myself, and knowing that my kids will probably have the same struggle? That, I can not help, but I did not bail on her. I would never do that to my own... it's been killing me, ever since I found out... I missed out on so much, I lost the chance, to give her a better life. That fucking kills me." No, had she grown up with Wes, life would not have been perfect, but it would have been a better fucking improvement, to what she had grown up with. Swallowing thickly, he took a step back, trying to calm himself down, as best he could. He had to put distance between the two of them, which is why he moved to the other side of the room, his hands still clenched. "Don't judge, unless you have the whole story."

He didn't think that Starbucks anger was unjust, but he felt that it was misplaced. Wes was no saint, but he wasn't some uncaring monster, who had abandoned his child either. "Not yet... I wanted to be sure, before I said anything to her. I didn't want to possibly get her hopes up, only to have it not be true." Which is why he had been asking around. Talking to those close to her, hoping they would provide some window into what she was like. They had, to an extent. "I'm going to talk to her about it Monday... I don't know how she'll react, or if she'll care..." He didn't know what to expect from her. Whether she would think this was good, or not. Fuck, Wes wasn't sure whether it was good or not.

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[info]starbucky
2008-04-19 02:28 am UTC (link)
Starbuck wasn't phased by Wes barking back. In fact, he might have been irritated if Wes didn't show a little fucking emotion in return. This was one enormous issue, and if Wes wasn't capable of getting worked up over it, couldn't put his cool exterior aside, then Starbuck would really question the man's sanity. It wasn't natural to be calm and collected ALL the time.

"She needed a family..." Starbuck growled through clenched teeth, but went no further with that comment. It wasn't his place to tell Wes that Kat had been abused as a child, that she'd grown up in the worst environment possible. That was Kat's life, and only she had the right to discuss it.

When Wes talked about how much all of this hurt him, Starbuck felt his anger fanned once more, "This isn't about you! This isn't about your regrets and how much it all kills you," Starbuck snapped with disdain. "This is about her. About what she never had, and the shit she'll have to deal with for the rest of her life. You wanna start being a good parent? Then stop sounding like a selfish child and put her first... it's about time someone did." Starbuck was fairly sure he knew more of the story than Wes did. He doubted Wes had gotten to know enough about Sky to realize the sort of 'home' Kat had grown up in. Starbuck didn't even come close to knowing everything, but he was pretty sure Wes was missing some key information.

The idea that such information would 'get Kat's hopes up', was a puzzling one. Starbuck wasn't sure what Kat would do with the news. Knowing her, she'd likely shrug it off as no big deal. Still, it wasn't something she should be kept in the dark about. Starbuck sure as hell wouldn't be able to keep such information from her. "I won't keep my mouth shut about this for long," he warned. "You better tell her on Monday... or I will."

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[info]tattooed_skin
2008-04-19 09:22 am UTC (link)
There was a difference between being dry, and being emotionless. He wasn't the most expressive person, when it came to emotions, but if he was moved enough, he'd fucking show out. He didn't exactly think of it as a cool exterior either, it was a control device. "You think I don't know that? I know she only had herself growning up... Sky wasn't exactly the type who should be a mother." From what little Kat had told him, he was able to fill in the blanks. Fuck, she mentioned being watched by other prostitutes, that alone told volumes about what sort of care she had received. As for the abuse aspects, he had no way of knowing. Though, it would surprise him, people did crazy things when they were strung out. Not to blame it all on the drugs, but they did change people for the worst.

"Actually kid, this is about me, me, and her." Wes understood that he didn't give a shit about anyone's feelings, but Kat's. Why would he? He didn't know Wes, he couldn't possible understand the position he was in. He would never understand what this felt like... Well, he hoped like fuck he wouldn't. It wasn't pleasant. "I am putting her first, I'm getting my shit straight, before I say anything to her. I'm saving her grief." Wes didn't have any plans, to express how he had been feeling over the last few weeks to her. But, he did discuss them here, because he was being accused of being an insensitive, dead beat father. Fuck off, if you thought he wouldn't say anything. Wes would give is all, to make sure his kids were happy. Whether he had raised them, or not. "Maybe I don't know everything... but, neither do you."

Wes had no way of knowing how she would react. When she discovered that he actually knew her mother, she had seemed genuinely interested in talking to him, knowing about the time he had spent around her mother. There had been something hopeful there. Which is why he had entertained the thought that her having a possible father, would give her some hope. He didn't want to build that up, then have it not be true. She didn't need that disappointment. "Don't threaten me, kid." He said, his voice calm once more, though his anger wasn't any where close to being gone. "I made an appointment with her, I'm keeping it. That's all you need to know." Wes couldn't imagine hearing this from Starbuck would make Kat very happy. In face, he was fairly sure that it would land them both in trouble. No, he wasn't going to wait on this, not any more. He couldn't stand to.

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[info]starbucky
2008-04-19 03:34 pm UTC (link)
Dry, emotionless, whatever... it was just nice to see a change. If you never saw people get upset or excited about stuff, you started to wonder if they lacked a soul. Starbuck didn't trust such people, just has he didn't trust those who seemed to have no fears or regrets. Those weren't the kind of people he wanted to associate with. So Wes at least had a few things working in his favor, even if he was very low on Starbuck's list of favorite people right now.

Starbuck was angry with Wes for unloading this information on him before telling Kat. It wasn't right, and Starbuck didn't like knowing it... made him feel like he was betraying her somehow. "Don't back peddle, Wes... you dragged me into this... not the other way around. So now it does involve me whether or not it should. And it might involve me again if she reacts badly to the news... when you tell her. I know I don't know everything, but there's stuff I do know, stuff you're probably better off not knowing, stuff there's no way in hell I'm gonna share with you." He'd never tell Wes about any of the 'baggage' Kat was carrying around, that was up to her. Considering how hard it had been for Starbuck to earn her trust, he wasn't about to ruin it by spilling any information.

Glaring at Wes, not at all thrown off by the change in the man's voice, Starbuck answered back just as calmly, "It's not a threat. I'm just letting you know that I won't keep something like this from her for long. I shouldn't have been the first to know," he mumbled under his breath on the tail end. Kat would likely be upset that Starbuck had found out before her. It was the kind of information that she might not want to share with others, and he never forced her into talking about any of that shit. They had respect for one another's secrets... both in sharing them and keeping them. "You tell her Monday. I'll know if you don't."

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[info]tattooed_skin
2008-04-20 01:11 am UTC (link)
It wasn't for a lack of emotions, nor not being able to show them. Most of the time, he just chose not to. He had always been that way. You don't grow up with a domineering demon mother, and hedonistic father, and not be a little messed up. You had one telling you should concur all, while the other insisted they should run around all crazy like. Wes had long ago decided, that neither had been for him. But, he also knew that the type of person he was now, wasn't exactly the most popular. Piper had always complained about his dry personality, it annoyed her, that he wasn't more expressive. So, Starbuck's list, wasn't the only one, that Wes was low on.

Back peddling, he wasn't back peddling. Rolling his eyes, he crossed his arms over his chest. "Yes, you are involved now. I shouldn't have told you, I know that." He had merely been stating that Kat wasn't alone in this, as he was so adamantly stating. But, he didn't get his position. "Not until she knew, that was a mistake." At least he was willing to admit, when he made them. "Whatever she has said to you, keep to yourself, kid. If she wants to tell me, she will." It may not have been his intention to say anything, but just hinting towards it was bad enough. That sort of thing made one curious, and he wasn't going to drive himself crazy wondering. Especially when he may never come to find out the whole truth.

"I'm not asking you to. I mean what I say." If he was anything, it was genuine. Lies, and keeping them up, that was all baggage that he didn't need. A demon, with his own demons was enough to carry on ones shoulders. "She'll know Monday. Whether she says anything to you about it or not, well... that comes down to her." If they were indeed close, Wes figured he would know soon enough. Or he may not, she might not tell him. There was no way to tell this time around. "I think we're done here." The lesson had gone to shit, and there wasn't much else that could be said. Starbuck seemed to agree, because he took his stuff, and left. Now, he didn't know whether he wanted to bother cleaning up, or just go to his room. Neither was all that appealing.... fuck it, the shit could sit over the weekend.

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