Title: Need
Author: sdk
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing/Characters: Sirius/Harry, implied Harry/Ginny
Rating: PG
Length/Word Count: Ficlet, 504 words
Warnings/Content: Crossgen, AU in that Sirius survived
Summary: Gryffindors may be lauded for their courage, but Harry knows his desire to confess is fueled more from the firewhisky he gulped down on his way home than any bravery he might possess.
Notes: This is written for a prompt torino10154 gave me three years ago. Yeah, I'm timely! The prompt was "Harry/Sirius, Dress robes". I tried to make it porn darling, but it just wasn't working. Unbeta'd so please forgive and point out any typos or errors. Thanks! <3
Disclaimer: The following is based on fictional characters I don't own doing fictional things in a fictional world I did not create. No copyright infringement intended.


Need

Gryffindors may be lauded for their courage, but Harry knows his desire to confess is fueled more from the firewhisky he gulped down on his way home than any bravery he might possess. The words trip over his tongue, fighting to get out as soon he tumbles through the Floo, but Sirius never gives him a chance.

"Your wedding-" he asks. "Is there something wrong--Ginny or-" And all Harry can do is shake his head. No, nothing's wrong except for this giant sinking hole in his chest and he's been such a coward, and his dress robes are too stiff and he can't breathe and all of his life he's never been able have what he wants and just breathe, and can't Sirius see?

"You weren't there." Harry's words finally get through. They aren't the right ones, but Harry can't say what he needs when Sirius is looking at him. A hysterical bubble rises to Harry's throat as he imagines asking his godfather to turn away.

"I can't--the Ministry-"

"I know."

Sirius is stuck in this house because the Ministry still believes that Sirius is guilty and Peter Pettigrew is dead and there is no one around who can tell the truth anymore. Harry can't save him. Harry saved Narcissa and Draco and Lucius fucking Malfoy, but not the closest thing he has to family and Sirius is trapped in this house and refuses to leave.

And Harry knows why. Harry needs Sirius too much, so Sirius will never leave.

"It's just pre-wedding jitters, Harry." Sirius lays a hand on Harry's shoulder. His touch soothes and hurts all at once, but Harry's chest loosens enough to take a shuddering breath, then another, and another. His secret, this secret, it's been trapped inside, eating away at him for far too long, and he can either let it out or let it devour him whole.

“No,” Harry says. He lets out another breath, this time slow if still shaky and he forces himself to keep Sirius’ gaze, sinks into the depth of Sirius’ dark eyes and silently begs him to know. “I’ve left her.”

“Oh Harry.” Sirius slides his palm to Harry’s cheek, his fingers rough against Harry’s skin, but Harry leans into the touch. He inches closer, hands trembling as he reaches for Sirius’ chest. He curls his fingers into soft cotton and the ache that started years ago flares inside his belly; it’s fueled by the way Sirius looks at him, by the way he strokes Harry’s cheek, by the way Sirius doesn’t pull away when Harry tips his head back and silently begs. Sirius’ lips come closer, breath hot and ragged against Harry’s mouth, and Harry yearns, but Sirius stills.

“You deserve so much more than this,” Sirius whispers. Harry feels as if he’s teetering on the edge of a cliff, and he’s been here too long not to jump.

“This is what I want.” Harry closes the remaining distance between them and flies.



-Fin-







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