Greykitty - AWZ: Letting Go (Marc/Roman, Deniz/Roman; G; Ficlet)

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17 July 2010 @ 03:51 pm

AWZ: Letting Go (Marc/Roman, Deniz/Roman; G; Ficlet)

Title: Letting Go
Author:

sdk
Fandom: Alles was zählt
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Marc/Roman, Deniz/Roman
Rating: G
Genre: Angst
Length/Word Count: Ficlet, ~230 words
Warnings: Spoilers for ep968
Notes: IDK. I scribbled this last night when I woke up from a dead sleep and Marc wouldn't shut up. But I love him, so I listened. <3 I took some liberties with the bits of canon dialogue I used--just for flow. I believe the meaning is intact. ;)

No one looked over this before posting, so please forgive and point out any typos and/or errors.
Disclaimer: The following is based on fictional characters that I don't own doing fictional things in a fictional world that I didn't create. No copyright infringement intended, no money's being made.

Letting Go

"I didn't make a choice. Deniz did."

Roman needn't have said those words aloud. He brings them to bed with him every night. They linger in his touch, flavor his lips with each kiss, rest on Marc's chest when Roman curls into his embrace.

The words echo through Marc's head whenever he's alone--when no one else can see them reflected behind his eyes.

Second choice, they say.

Marc pretends it doesn't matter. Second choice is better than no choice at all.

And one day, Roman will let those words go.

~

Marc's bags are packed. Goodbyes are said and done. The taxi rumbles down the street, and Deniz appears.

Marc wants to hate him. This boy--this man--who greedily holds onto Roman's heart so no other can have it.

But that isn't true, is it? Roman never wanted his heart back in the first place.

"He still loves you."

It's all Marc can do to make it to the taxi with his mask in place. He needn't look out the window; he knows what he'll see. The same longing he glimpses in the mirror every morning will echo on Roman's face.

Just not for him.

He still loves you.

Marc pretends it doesn't matter. Pretends the words hold no meaning for him.

And one day, he'll let them go.

-Fin-

Fic Index

Tags: character: deniz, character: marc, character: roman, fandom: awz, genre: angst, length: ficlet, pairing: deniz/roman, pairing: roman/marc, rating: g

25 comments | Leave a comment

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lilithilien on July 17th, 2010 08:04 pm (UTC)

SHELLY!! <333333333333333333333333 Just when I thought I'd managed to duct tape the pieces of my heart back together, you had to go and shatter me again. Oh Marc, oh Marc, this is killing me and forcing me to say things like "he doesn't DESERVE this" and "IT'S NOT FAIR". *digs down into couch for spare change* But seriously, this is just lovely and heartwrenching, and it makes me long to see the day when somebody will put Marc first. SO GOOD!

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sdk on July 17th, 2010 08:20 pm (UTC)

EEEE, yay thank you! I mean...not EEEE that you're shattered again, although yes, that means I did my job here because I'm still shattered, lol. But EEEE yay, thank you for this awesome comment. I swear, I get so nervous posting fic lately that it's always a relief when the first comment comes and it's not "Uhm...well, that was interesting." Hahaha. /babble

<3333333333333333 *HUGGLES LOTSANDLOTS* I've stocked up duct tape if you need to borrow some. ;)

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vitacrudelis on July 17th, 2010 09:07 pm (UTC)

OUCH OUCH OUCH, OH MARC. :'C

I thought I could already cope with his departure, but I was so wrong. Silly me. WHY DOES THIS HURT SO GOOD? *SOB*

I just want to cuddle him and tell him that one day, he won't be second choice. Gah. D:

Lovely, Shelly. <333333333

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sdk on July 18th, 2010 05:37 pm (UTC)

I just want to cuddle him and tell him that one day, he won't be second choice. Gah. D:

I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW. DDDDDDDD: HE'S MY FIRST CHOICE, DAMMIT. *loves on him*

Thank you, honey. Yeah, I am not coping very well with his departure either, thus ANGSTY FICLET. :C

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aldiara on July 17th, 2010 09:21 pm (UTC)

Oh Shelly, oh Shelly *clings and hugs and sobs* Oh Marc, oh Marc. This is so lovely and heartwrenching and oh god, this:

Marc pretends it doesn't matter. Second choice is better than no choice at all.

JUST KILLS ME. God.

I love this, Shelly. It's also making me sad for Show, because in 230 words you've fleshed out that week-long relationship better than they obviously cared to do on screen, and that shows that it doesn't matter how much time/words you have but what you do with it. And this ficlet somehow encompasses a whole week of doubt and sadness and denial and trying to tell himself it can still work and it doesn't matter HOW he ended up at Roman's side as long as he's there, until inevitably they get to a moment where they can't pretend anymore.

But I'm not going to rant against Show in your feedback comment, lol. Just going to be happy that you gave us this, because it makes it so much more real and stabby as it is, actually makes me feel better about the whole thing.

Marc wants to hate him. This boy--this man--who greedily holds onto Roman's heart so no other can have it.

*whimpers* GUYS, YOU COULD'VE GOT ALONG. YOU SO WOULD HAVE. GAAAAH.

I LOVE THIS, SHELLY! AND I LOVE YOU!

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sdk on July 18th, 2010 05:42 pm (UTC)

I needed something, or my inner Marc voice needed something because I was so unsatisfied--not about the actual break-up scene (although the taxi bit at the end HURT SO FUCKING MUCH OMG) but because there wasn't anything before...IDK. I just expected something more before he was out the door. Even just one scene that showed the cracks before break-up day. FIVE MINUTES SHOW. YOU COULD HAVE DONE IT!

Thus angsty fic happened.

hahah, now I am ranting about show in my reply!

*HUGGLESYOULOTSLOTSLOTS* Thank you so much, honey. NOW I NEED TO GO READ YOUR 3SOME 3PART LOVELY FIC AGAIN. I swear, it's like a daily requirement now. <333333333 ILU2BB!

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geekchick1013 on July 18th, 2010 04:53 am (UTC)

*uncurls self from around vodka bottle enough to type*

GGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH SHELLY. SO BEAUTIFUL. AND STABBY AND BEEEEEEEEEEAUTIFUL. SOZ, HAVING A HARD TIME BEING COHERENT HERE.

Roman needn't have said those words aloud. He brings them to bed with him every night. They linger in his touch, flavor his lips with each kiss, rest on Marc's chest when Roman curls into his embrace.

OMG. Just... so perfect. This is EXACTLY how I would have imagined it if Show ever bothered to, well, SHOW it. Oh man. It's fics like this, that fill in the blanks so perfectly, that make it almost tolerable when Show drops the ball. So, yeah, thanks BB.

*curls back around vodka bottle*

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sdk on July 18th, 2010 05:44 pm (UTC)

OH HONEY HONEY HONEY. *CUDDLES YOU AND YOUR VODKA BOTTLE* Thank you, sweetie. This was very therapeutic for me, so I'm glad filling in a small blank worked for you, too. NOW WE NEED MORE VODKA. STAT! KEULE! FRAU SCHOLZ! ANYONE?!

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buggie1988 on July 18th, 2010 05:32 am (UTC)

Oh shelly!! U've brought out Marc's pain so beautifully in this lil fic! *sob* it's just wonderfully stabby and full of heartbreak babe :( you've just abt left me sitting here at my laptop, on a Sunday morning looking like someone killed my puppy!!!! wahhhhhhh! I WANT MARC BACK so bad!! and i want someone to treat him like he's the first choice dammit!! :( :( ok so basically wat i wanted to say is ..... this is awesome, ur awesome, i wish i had ur writing skills and ILU! <3 :) *noserubs*

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sdk on July 18th, 2010 05:48 pm (UTC)

Oh honey, thank you! *huggles tightly* Marc deserves so much more; this whole storyline killed me. But I'm glad you enjoyed my angsty little ficlet even if it did make you look like your puppy died--errr. Yeah, that doesn't sound good, lol. But you know what I mean! *cuddles*

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redcouchaddict on July 18th, 2010 06:48 am (UTC)

Shelly, Shelly, Shelly! OMG. I …just… *weeps uncontrollably.* I was doing relatively fine and this just broke me all over again. How did you that with just 230 words? It’s unbelievable how such few words can make me/us so emotional. Tears Shelly. Salty tears

It's all Marc can do to make it to the taxi with his mask in place. He needn't look out the window; he knows what he'll see. The same longing he glimpses in the mirror every morning will echo on Roman's face.

That’s the bit that made me cry Shelly. It is so so sad and exactly what I imagined was running thru Marc’s mind. The not wanting to look back because of the fear of knowing that if he was to look, Roman will not be looking back at him. OMG Shelly. OMG…I <3 You so much. You have no idea Shelly. NO IDEA. <33333333333333333

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sdk on July 18th, 2010 05:53 pm (UTC)

*HUGGLESHUGGLESHUGGLES* I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not because I had to share my pain! ;) But yeah, SLKDJFLKJDSKF the taxi scene pretty much killed me dead and I had to write something so that Marc didn't actually see that he was being...ignored. That afterthought of a goodbye, even though I'm sure he very well knew what was going on, I just...it would have been 100 times worse in my head if he'd actually seen it so I told Marc he wasn't allowed to look outside the window. SOZ MARCBABE.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TOO BABE. <33333333333 *CLINGS*

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antiteb on July 18th, 2010 02:49 pm (UTC)

And one day, he'll let them go.

Oh no. This is so sad and at the same time it gives me hope that Marc will be happy and the number one for somebody some day.

Shelly, this is so beautiful. I have to read it again! ILU!!! <33333

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sdk on July 18th, 2010 05:55 pm (UTC)

Aw, thank you sweetie! ILU2BB <3333333

Dude, yes. The only thing holding me together is that Marc will be able to put this behind him (PAST IS PAST YOU KNOW) and some fabulous beau in Hamburg will sweep him off his feet and treat him in the manner he so richly deserves.

I just wish we had a camera following him for that. IT WOULD HELP!

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jquinn15 on July 18th, 2010 03:13 pm (UTC)

Every single word is perfect! Seriously!! As soon as I read "Roman needn't have said those words aloud. He brings them to bed with him every night" (SECOND SENTENCE!!), I just broke *aches* It is truly, truly fantastic!

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sdk on July 18th, 2010 05:56 pm (UTC)

Oh sweetie, thank you! I'm sorry it made you ache, but...then again I'm not because it was supposed to. ;) *hugshugshugs* <3333

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placebo_effect on July 18th, 2010 08:22 pm (UTC)

Shellyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! :'C
This was so fucking sad and poignant. I have to pretty much second everything that has been said here already. Show could have so easily shown this and the whole storyline would have made so much more sense. (And would have probably been even more heartbreaking than as it is, lol.) So thank you so much for filling the blanks so beautifully. Made me weep.
Fantastic job. <333

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sdk on July 23rd, 2010 07:08 pm (UTC)

Aww, thank you honey!!! <3333 I had to write something, even though it wasn't much, just because I was so disappointed that Show chose to skip over this part.

(so sorry for the late reply!)

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amberbluebell on July 19th, 2010 11:39 am (UTC)

This is so beautiful IDEK what to say, it's just lovely. I really wish that Show had allowed Marc true on-screen closure, so it makes me really happy that you wrote this. Thank you so much, it's gorgeous and makes me feel a lot better about the ending we got. <3333333333333333333333333

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sdk on July 23rd, 2010 07:09 pm (UTC)

Thank you, sweetie! <33333333333 I had to write something because I was so disappointed with the way Show skipped this part. I loved the break-up (or rather, not LOVED because my heart was being ripped out) but it could have been so much more powerful, and yes, HALLO CLOSURE, if we'd had just a little bit more leading up to it.

(so sorry about the late reply!)

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giorgiakerr on July 19th, 2010 12:11 pm (UTC)

Shelly! Oh. Oh, my. Just... wow. And ow. Seriously, I'm always amazed at how much you can get across in so few words. *awe* And this piece is far from an exception.

This boy--this man--...

This semi-distinction... reminding himself, almost, but... man, I can't even. I don't even have words to describe how much those four words mean... It's amazing, Shelly.

As torn as I was before about Marc's leaving, this just made it so much worse, but in a wonderfully painful way. /emotional masochist

But yes, Marc's face when Roman said that... the only time Marc ever realy got angry, or that his frustration spilled over, was that moment, and it just shows how much it hurt him. Seriously, I'm tearing up a little, here. So much love for this story!

*cuddles pillow*

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sdk on July 23rd, 2010 07:13 pm (UTC)

Oh thank you, honey! Or uhm, sorry about making Marc's depature worse? lol But I'm glad it made you weep? Or not...hahaha. [I never know how to be all YAY when the feedback is weepy, because I am YAY because that was the point of it all (bc I was weepy, lol) but it feels a little bit like delighting in someone else's pain, and IDK I AM RAMBLING NOW. SOZ.]

But in any case, thank you so much for this comment and your feedback. It feels really good to hear (err read.) <333333333333333 *huggles you and your pillow*

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giorgiakerr on July 24th, 2010 02:31 am (UTC)

Eeeeeh, there will be no apologies, missy, you hear? *clings* (I know, I never know how to react, either. Haha, sorry!) But the wibbling is a good thing. It adds so much to what Show gave us *points to Aldi's feedback above* This feels more like an appropriate sendoff for Marc (not that there should have been one, because MARC!) than just something on top of Show's canon.

(I just realised that I have RoMarc woobie icons but none of them are on my account. *rectifies immediately*)

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4nn4 on July 19th, 2010 10:29 pm (UTC)

gaaah Shelly! [I wanted to quote you, but I can't even pick]
I'm fighting to keep my tears from streaming.. MARC NEEDS TO STAY! MARC NEEDS LOVE!! *wibbles*

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sdk on July 23rd, 2010 07:14 pm (UTC)

*HUGGLESTIGHTLY* YES, MARC NEEDS TO STAY. OR COME BACK. OR SOMETHING. IDK. I MISS HIM DESPERATELY.

Thank you, sweetie, for reading and commenting and everything. :D <333

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