Title: Colm Meany is Amazing
Character(s): A Leprechaun
Further Reference(s): Morrígan/Colm Meany/Warwick Davis
Folklore Used: Ireland
Rating: G
Summary: A conversation between a leprechaun and someone else, where we only have the leprechaun's side of it.



What am I? You mean, you don't know? My stunning attire doesn't give me away?

Ok, ok, don't get yourself all worked up. You'll give yourself a stroke.

If you really must know, I'm a leprechaun. Don't look at me that way. I'm not crazy, and neither are you. What else did you expect to find, wondering around the hills the way you were. You're just lucky it was me that found you, boy-o. You really could have come across someone, or something, rather nasty, wandering through broken down castles the way you were.

It's really lucky you didn't come across Morrígan. She's down by that creek down there, and she's in a foul temper today. What do you mean, 'what creek?' The one that I'm pointing toward. You know, it's amazing you found me at all ... or that you can, I assume, find your way back home at night.

Yes, I was serious about that. It's really astounding that you can find your way anywhere. Oh, you mean about me being a leprechaun. Of course I meant that. You didn't really expect me to look like Warwick Davis, or Colm Meany, did you? Because that's not really what we look like ... either version. Though, I really do like Colm Meany, especially in ... are you having a fit? If you are, could you do it outside? I don't want you lumbering around, breaking anything.

Of course you'll break things. It's not really your fault, though. What can you do to stop it? You're only human. No, it wasn't an insult. It was simply a statement of fact. Well, there's no reason for you to get insulted, I was just telling the truth. People have a bad habit of hurting things, sometimes without meaning to ... but it happens on purpose more than I would like, which would be none at all, if you were wondering. Yes, I know you didn't ask. You really are testy, aren't you? Are you having ... what is it called ... moon cycles? Yes, I can see that you're a man ... not much of one, but you are technically one. Does that matter?

Are you having a stroke? Do you smell burnt toast? Here, bit down on this belt. I don't want you choking on your tongue. Or wait ... was that for a seizure? Not that it matter much, they both look the same from this angle.

You know, it's amazing that your kind have survived evolution at all. You all seem so frail. No, I will not shut up. Need I remind you that you're in my house? Think we own the whole world, do we?

What do you mean, you own this place? This is my home. I've been living here since before you're great-great-great-great-great-afewmoregreats-grandfather was even born. Well, of course leprechauns only live in Ireland. Where else would we live? Nowhere, that's where. There's no other place in the wide world with air that is quite as conducive to our souls.

I am not a blowhard. You may be in Ireland, but you obviously never really experienced it.

That is where you are now. I can tell by your accent that you aren't from here, so I can't see how you would have missed the trip. It would have most likely taken you a bit of time to get here, since we are on an island.

Why are you laughing? You don't have a nervous condition, do you? Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just don't want you to hurt yourself ... or, more importantly, me.

Is there anyone I can send for, to come and get you. You certainly should not be operating machinery with that condition of yours. It wouldn't be safe, for you, or anyone else.

Oh, wait, I hear someone coming.

Ah, hello, lass. Do you happen to know this young man? I want to make sure that he gets home safely.

Don't be absurd, this is my home, not either of yours. I don't know what the two of you are playing at, but it has ceased to be funny. You need to grab all of your things and clear out.

Yes, you can clear out, and you can do it quickly and easily. Now, get to it before I start to get annoyed and make you leave.

Oh, sweetheart, I'll do more than --