She hadn’t gone out. She always went out, but tonight she hadn’t gone out. Now, Allison Burke was laying on her back staring at the white ceiling of her bed room with a blank stare on her face. Zander and Az were off somewhere, though she hadn’t the slightest idea where. She knew that the had said something as they left the house about being away, but Allison had been laying in the same position staring at the ceiling and was unable to listen. She felt bad that that this had been her first day off all week and this was what she was doing. She hadn’t the slightest idea what was wrong with her or why she had been laying in the same position for hours, she hadn’t the slightest idea why she hadn’t called Ruthie to see if she wanted to go out or even Luci or Averie. Maybe she had grown tired of her life, maybe she was tired of the things that she spent her time doing. Most everything she did was a cover up of some kind. She would dance so that no one knew anything was wrong. She would toss back drinks because the world was ugly and they made things pretty. She would smoke a little pot because she could be chill and forget the world for awhile. Nothing in her life felt real, nothing felt like it was really happening. Everything that blurred through her eyes was as if it was on a screen far, far away. And she was only an audience member in the macabre theatre.
Tired of laying in the same position, she turned over on her stomach, letting out a sigh, she stood up and walked across the room to grab the glass bottle of vodka that was sitting on the windowsill. Allison laughed beneath her breath, having no idea when she had bought or opened the bottle. She pulled off the metal top and tossed it across the room on to the desk. Taking a quick swig of the clear, searing liquid closing her eyes tightly. She wanted to get drunk. She didn’t know why, except that she was bored and angry and sad all at the same time. What else did she have to do. The blonde sat down on the edge of the windowsill and pulled her legs up. Her eyes scanned the dark night on the other side of the glass that her body leaned against. She could see a group of guys throwing a football around in the middle of the street and she couldn’t help but wonder why they were doing that at one o’clock in the morning. Closer to the building she could see a girl pressed against a dark wall, locked in an embrace of some kid. She rolled her eyes, why didn’t they just go to one of their apartments? On the side walk there was a group of several girls all scantily dressed who must’ve been coming home from a bar or club or something. One of the girls looked in pretty rough shape and was unable to walk without the help of her friends. She let out a sigh and let her head fall back against the inner pane of the window. She took another drink from the bottle before closing her eyes again and wishing she was somewhere far, far away.
As she felt the world around her closing away she felt her breath slow and her mind drifting off to somewhere else she head the loud screeching of her cell phone ring. Her eyes snapped open and she rubbed her forehead gently, sliding her legs off the edge of the window and on to the floor beneath her. She ran a hand through her long hair as she tried to remember where she had left the phone. Tugging at the oversized grey sweater she had pulled on over her undergarments after a shower earlier in the evening, she tumbled on to her bed, spotting her cell phone near her teal pillowcase. She sighed, wondering why Luci or Ruthie, hadn’t called earlier when she could have actually gone out for the evening. Then again, maybe they needed Allie to come pick them up from some random location because they were too drunk to know where they were. Though, for the life of her Allison didn’t know why they would call her. Lately it seemed that the chances were likely that if it was one am, she had consumed too much liquor to drive. Tonight she hadn’t, she had only downed a couple sips of the pungent clear liquid. But, that wasn’t the point.
Allison grabbed her cell phone and looked at the blinking screen, planning to see one of their names. Things didn’t quite go that way. Instead RICHIE flashed on the screen, a reality call to the half-asleep girl. She felt her lungs tighten as her mind raced, wondering why he was calling her. Her stomach was immediately in knots as she twisted the hem of the sleeve of her sweater in her free hand. She bit her lower lip hard as her hand trembled slightly. Things were weird between them for obvious reasons and Allison was terrified of hearing his voice. Hearing his voice would mean that she couldn’t ignore the things that she had pushed from her thoughts any more. Letting out the breath that was building in her lungs, she closed her eyes as she pressed the answer button. She felt as if she might be sick or die of nerves, she wasn’t sure which. She gently tucked some hair behind her ear as she brought the phone up to her face. She was biting her lower lips harder and harder as she anticipated what it would feel like to hear his voice and what he could want. She had thought about this moment more times in recent days than she cared to count, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to live it. For a moment her mouth hung open in silence, wanting to allow sound to escape but finding herself unable. She blinked, crossing her legs underneath herself as she tugged at the sleeve of her sweater again. "Uh, hello?" It was a simple sentence, not even a full sentence really. But it was one of the most difficult things she had found herself spitting out in some time. She was wrapping the sweater more and more tightly around her hand as she kept her eyes closed.
Why was he calling? After her greeting she was still shaking, still feeling anxious, and still finding it difficult to speak. How she had choked out the words, she was completely unsure. Now there was nothing but a long pause, a long, horrible pause. Did he call her on purpose? What did he want? A million thoughts raced through her mind as she chewed on her black, painted fingernail. "Hey Al" He came out with the name softly, as if he were unsure of what to really say to her. "God it’s good to hear your voice…" There was another long pause after that and Allison pulled the phone away from her ear to make sure the call hadn't been dropped. "Can...Can I see you tonight?" "Hey," she said again. She knew she was being redundant, but it was the only thing she could say. She didn’t really know how to feel about Richie calling her. She didn’t know if she should be happy or to be upset because she knew that the call probably didn’t mean anything, everyone like to remind her that she and Richie were never getting back together...too much time had passed, they had broken it, and caused each other too much pain to recover from, it was over and she needed to accept that. Hell, even Ruthie had told her she was like Corey Matthews in the fact that she refused to believe they could really be done that easily "Yeah, you too," she replied quietly. She didn’t know what she was saying or why she was saying it. She wondered if she should have even picked up the phone, or maybe she should have just left it on the bed. Another awkward silence. "Where are you?" She didn’t know if she actually wanted to know where he was or not. That was the question wasn’t it....could he see her tonight. She didn’t know how to answer. She didn’t know if she should see him or not. She bit her lower lip and wrapped a piece of hair around her index finger as her mind raced. "I, uh" she paused, unable to think of a reply. "I don’t know, Rich…I mean…" she took the phone away from her ear for a moment and buried her face in her hands. Her head hurt, and she didn’t know if was from the vodka or from hearing his voice.
He wanted to see her, her mind spun from the back and forth. God her heart ached for him. She couldn’t say no. She had never been able to say no to him. "Of course," She smacked her hand against her forehead, "Of course you can." She stood up and began pacing around her room. What was she doing? She was setting herself up for something she didn’t know if she could handle. If things in her life weren’t complicated already....they would be now, her friends were going to kill her, she should just stay home, but it was Rich. She couldn’t say no.