Hail to the Muggleborn Hero? by Rita Skeeter, Special Correspondent
It almost seemed too good to be true. The Dark Lord, with his plans for pureblood dominance, defeated by three intrepid children: a pureblood, a half-blood, and a muggleborn. Well, dear readers, it may very well be too good to be true.
Granger, age 19, is purported to be the only child of two muggles, Roger and Jean Granger, who both have a career involving teeth. However, Witch Weekly, in an exclusive interview with Esmerelda Wythewicke, has learned that Jean Granger is actually a squib.
"Of course, she's magical. Her family was heartbroken when little Jeannie's eleventh birthday came and went," said Madam Wythewicke, 102, and a former neighbor of Jean Granger's family. "I wasn't surprised at all when Hermione Granger's name began to appear in The Daily Prophet. Of course I would have rather she hadn't broken that poor Harry Potter's heart. Shame that he's picked another girl who's done the same."
Jean Granger, born to Jonathan Crumholdt and Melinda Toke in Norwich, attended muggle primary school and university. Some longtime readers might recognize the Toke surname. Tilly Toke was awarded the Order of Merlin, First Class, for her role the Ilfracombe dragon attack of 1932. Seems a bit too coincidental, dear readers.
"[Jean] was off at someplace called dental school, to do with teeth. Why anyone would want to spend their life looking into people's mouths, I'll never understand," Madama Wythewicke explained. "Married that Roger Granger boy and never came back. Broke her parents' hearts, I tell you."
Witch Weekly's efforts to contact Jean Granger for comment were unsuccessful.