Dr. Ellis Shepherd (ellis_grey) wrote in freedomtownic, @ 2017-12-03 19:59:00 |
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Entry tags: | !thread |
Who: Ellis Shepherd & Emmeline Vance
Where: Emme & Marlene's apartment
When: Backdated to last week, shortly after this scene
After the conversation she'd had with Zola, it was now clear as day to Ellis: as much as it was going to hurt, she had to break things off with Emme. The woman had been so wonderful to her... she'd given everything to help put Ellis back together, but that was the problem: there really WAS only one person capable of truly doing that in a permanent way. And now that the woman in question was here? She couldn't even pretend not to still be infatuated with her.
Emme deserved better than to be a back-up love, and Ellis knew it. So it was time to do what was right for Emme, and she knew it was not going to go well.
Taking a deep breath, she knocked on Emme's door and called in.
"Emmeline? Are you there? I... I really need to talk to you."
Emme had been carrying tension in her neck for weeks. Her life, which only so very recently felt like it was edging somewhat toward being on track again, had careened off into a ravine of chaos. Nothing made sense anymore. The woman she loved didn't love her back, her relationship with her best friend was strained, there was a fucking demon running around, and nobody seemed to be able to quit bloody singing. Her head ached. She was tired. She felt heavy with it all.
She'd been drinking a glass of red wine and debating the merits of taking a very long, very hot bath when she heard the knock and Ellis's voice. While that once would have sent her over the moon with happiness, now all she felt was dread. She placed her glass down gently on the table and moved to open the door for her girlfriend.
"I'm here," she said, once they were looking at one another. "Hello, love."
While normally, Ellis would have happily bounded into Emme's arms and planted a great big kiss on her, this time she leaned in and just gave her a long, tender hug. "I... owe you a huge apology. I've been pretty much the worst girlfriend ever the last couple of months, and especially since Arizona showed up here. I just.... I know we both have a lot going through our minds right now, and I really think we need to talk about it."
Emmeline hugged her back, already feeling a lump of emotion rising in her throat. She swallowed it down, though. As she usually did. She generally preferred to keep her emotions private. Even among the people she cared for the most. "Of course," she said once they'd let go of one another. "Come in." She stepped back and gave Ellis room to come in, closing the door after her.
They both knew exactly where this conversation was heading, and Ellis was right, it did need to be talked about. "Go take a seat on the sofa. Can I get you anything to drink?" Some manners were too ingrained in her to ignore. Even at times like this. "Water? Tea? Coffee?"
"No thank you..." Ellis said with a sigh, walking over to the sofa to sit down. She did love Emme. And she was going to be dangerously lonely after this. But she wasn't going to be selfish anymore. Emme deserved to find someone who would look at her the way Ellis looked at Arizona. "I've... treated you like an afterthought lately. I never meant to, but... I realize now that I have. And I'm ashamed of myself. You're a beautiful, wonderful woman, and you frankly deserve much better."
Emme had automatically headed toward the kitchen to fetch a drink, but she stopped and turned back to join Ellis after the offer had been turned down. She joined Ellis on the sofa and tried to keep herself from fidgeting too much once she sat down. "Yes," she answered after a moment. "You have. And yes, I do deserve better." She knew she wasn't perfect. She was just as broken as Ellis was, but that didn't mean she deserved to be treated badly. Emme was self-aware enough to know that. She gazed at Ellis, their twin blue eyes locking with one another. She sighed and took Ellis by the hand. "Which is why it's probably best that we're splitting up."
Ellis nodded, silently. If nothing else, she was glad to see they had been thinking the same thing. "I do love you, Emme. I always will. But asking you to stay would be more selfish than I'm willing to be. You deserve to be the stars in someone's sky. And you don't know how much I wish you could be that for me. But... fuck... I'm so goddamn broken... I think sometimes I'm better suited to just being the town bicycle, you know?"
She squeezed Ellis's hand. "I know. And a part of me will always love you too." A few tears had shown themselves in the corners of her eyes, but hadn't yet fallen. She gave a small, sad smile. "We were good together for awhile. But we both need different things in our lives right now. And it's unfair to both of us to try and force this when it isn't what we need anymore." She sniffed and a tear finally fell. Her free hand batted it away quickly.
Ellis leaned in, placing a palm on Emme's cheek, and giving her one last soft, but passionate, kiss. "Do me a favor? You make damn sure that you don't settle for anything less than someone who will thinks the whole damn world revolves around you."
More tears fell as Ellis leaned in to kiss her and she could taste the salt on her lips as they said their goodbye. She ran her fingers down the length of Ellis's arm, trailing gently over her skin. She would miss Ellis, but they both knew this was the right call. They couldn't be as happy together as they might be with others. And they both deserved the chance to chase after that love. Marlene probbed at the edges of Emmeline's mind. The words she'd sang, everything she'd said. She smiled softly and wiped away her tears. "I'm fairly certain I can manage that."
She leaned over and gave Ellis another hug. "I hope you can achieve everything you want," she said. "With Erin, with work, and with Arizona." She pulled back just enough so that they could look in each other's eyes again. "We both may be broken, but that doesn't mean we always will be."
"I hope I'm not asking too much..." Ellis said, shame, sorrow, and yet hope in her tone. "But in time... once you've completely forgiven me.... do you think we could still be friends? I really... want to have you in my life. And my family adores you. Zola especially." She smiled, realizing that regardless of what had happened, Emme felt like family now, regardless of what spot in said family she filled. "And thank you. I'm... really working hard to keep myself sober and focused. Erin deserves a mom. A good one. And if I want to be that, I have to earn it."
"I think I'll need some time. To focus on me and getting my own life back where I want it to be, but with that and some forgiveness, yes. I think we can still be friends in the future. I can't imagine not having you or your family as a part of my life.
And you're right. Erin does deserve a good mother. And I'm sure she'd love nothing more for it to be you. You'll earn it. I have faith in you."
"That makes one of us." Ellis admitted with a snort. She looked around, feeling like, even though everything looked the same, somehow everything felt different now. Cold. Empty. "...that definitely makes one of us."