umbrage_embrace (umbrage_embrace) wrote in freedem_uni, @ 2010-11-13 04:14:00 |
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Entry tags: | #log, locke lamora, sayuri saitou |
Who: Locke and Sayuri
What: The Little We Know
Where: Sayuri's Room
When: Friday, December 29th
Rating: PG-13
Status: Complete
One hand running along the wall, Locke traced the hallways of the dorm, heading towards Sayuri's room. He walked past her door often enough, but it was rarely his destination, making the walk there a tad foreign. Maybe it was the value he held in trust and secrecy if necessary, but Locke found himself lagging, hand catching every corner and imperfection along the walls to impede his advance. It's not as if she doesn't know his story. Gods, he trusts her more than you, and for good reason. They had history. Still, Locke didn't feel comfortable divulging Touya's secrets, but it had to be done and after yesterday's display in the weapons class, he needed to know what he was dealing with. Or who. Locke reached the door, half ajar, and knocked lightly twice; the polite, Japanese fashion.
Whenever she felt agitated, or her mind wouldn't stop working, Sayuri reached for the nearest book and made herself read it. Today, it was a medical dictionary, and she was taking notes, simply because she couldn't keep still. It had been happening more and more lately, stray thoughts and questions and worries piling up in the back of her mind until she needed to keep her hands busy as she worked things out in her head. It was a way to be productive, but she had a tendency to go on automatic, so her reaction to the knock on her door was a little belated. She forced herself to stop writing, pushing away from her desk and approaching the door to peek outside. "Oh," she said, slightly wide-eyed at whom she saw. "Locke. Come in." She held the door open further for him. "Hello."
"Good afternoon, Sayuri," Locke replied, giving a slight bow in thanks before entering her room. He scratched the back of his head, as he walked in, trying to jump start the thought process as to how he would broach the subject, but found himself searching the room for details. Stop that, that's rude. He turned to her and clenched his jaw slightly, before releasing into his question. "How has Touya been lately?" He slipped his hands into his pockets, thumbs extruding and shifted his weight onto his back leg.
Sayuri nodded, gently shutting the door once Locke stepped inside the room. She didn't think this was a pointless visit; Locke had never come by to see her before this, after all. She wondered if she should ask if he needed anything, but before she could even decide, he was already speaking, and she had a thought that she was never sure if she liked Locke's straightforward manner or not. "Touya..." Sayuri thought back just some time before, when Touya came to see her in the middle of the night. "He's been...stressed," she said quietly, gaze downcast. She felt that was something of an understatement; Locke had been there when Touya had attacked Professor Shields, after all. "Things are a little difficult for him." But didn't Locke know? He was Touya's roommate, after all. Sayuri glanced up, "Why do you ask?"
Locke nodded. Things had to be difficult for Touya, remembering the strangeness of the world that he had showed him. A disfigured, ugly world, that, in many ways, was more truthful that what most saw. "I'm sure you recall last night's...happenstance," surely he wouldn't have to explain the strangeness of that dissolution, "but prior to this, did Touya ever talk to you about...hearing voices?" A cold feeling welled up in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to say it, to say everything he was thinking, but it wasn't the right time. It was barely even his place. "Screaming voices, too loud to think?"
Hearing voices, huh? Sayuri pressed her lips together, more than familiar with that aspect of being a hunter. She wondered if Locke had walked into Touya arguing with himself, or something like that. "They're always with him," she finally said, meeting Locke's eyes. "The voices...some are quieter than others but." She shrugged, smiling mirthlessly. "They're always with him. It's part of who he is. Is he talking to himself?" Sayuri almost hated the way she sounded so calm about it, hated the way this was something she was already expecting.
So she knew. Some of the tension released, but Locke found himself unnerved. This still doesn't make it commonplace. "Sometimes, but his dreams seem worse than before. Touya was always a restless sleeper, but he's gotten worse. Violently so." Locke mulled it over in his head. He's always heard voices. It made a sense in a horrific sort of way, but it didn't make things much easier. He paused as the stressful feeling crept back. Touya's last large nightmare involved her in some way and he couldn't help but think the voices were connected to this. "Who..." he stopped, licked his lips and started again. "Who is Teru?"
He's always getting worse. Sayuri bit the words back, but barely. Locke was a good friend, and he was worried, but he didn't understand much, and it wasn't his fault. She wouldn't snap at him, because he was trying. It was more than almost anyone else had done for Touya, and Locke was even trying to make sense of things. She smiled at him, and this time it was genuine, though it quickly faded when he asked the next question. Sayuri flinched, an involuntary thing, but quickly composed herself. What a question to ask. How in the world was she supposed to answer that? "How...?" She stopped, taking a quiet breath. "Did...Touya tell you about Teru?"
She twitched. His stomach sank. He thought it might hit the floor if not for being nailed to his chest with the incessant pounding of his heart. Locke shook his head. "No." His eyes fell to the floor, as if he was ashamed. As if? "He didn't." Locke took a deep breath, drawing his eyes back up to Sayuri's face. "His nightmares leak out into waking life, it seems. And your reaction is as good as his assent; I wouldn't think him pleased to know his secrets leave him in reverie."
Of course Touya wouldn't voluntarily talk about Teru. Sayuri felt stupid for even having asked the question, but she couldn't take it back. She wished she did, though, if only because she didn't like the look on Locke's face right now. "Touya's never pleased about anything," she said, shaking her head with a faint smile. "And, Teru...he's not a secret." He was a subject both she and Touya avoided, but she wouldn't say he was a secret. Besides, she felt that Locke had a right to know. "Is he the reason you're here?" She took a deep breath and let it out, heading over to her bed to sit down, and gesturing for Locke to sit at her desk if he wanted.
Locke thanked her and took the proffered seat at the desk. Was he the reason why he was here? Locke wasn't sure who he was or what relevance he held pertaining to Touya's behaviour or progression, but there was too much that he didn't know and Teru would explain a great deal about things, maybe even as much as Touya's death. "I assume as much." Locke had to be careful here. This was uncharted territory and as close as Touya and Sayuri were, Locke didn't know how much he could divulge. Some things you could say to a stranger easier than a loved one. "He seemed to cause Touya deep distress. And I can't help but think he might have done something to you."
Sayuri laughed, the sound soft and abrupt and quick, an exhale of dry amusement. "It's something like that," she agreed, nodding at Locke. "Teru and Touya don't..agree." She wasn't sure how to explain; she'd never really had to explain this to anyone before. It was so difficult. How could she ever explain Teru? "Touya, he doesn't want to meet Teru ever again, but, they can't really...escape each other." She paused, struggling with the explanation. "Teru and I, we knew each other before I knew Touya."
Locke frowned at the answer. It didn't quite fit the little he knew of Sayuri, but it crumbled against what he knew about Touya. Touya and Sayuri had history, back to nearly as far as him being imbued with his sight. Furthermore, Touya died and is now in Massachusetts, so how could they not escape each other? It couldn't be so simple. Even if he was a voice, Sayuri claimed to know him first. Wheels spun in Locke's mind as he scrutinized Sayuri's comments. She, being comfortable in her beings, but pausing in her delivery, suggested to Locke that though she wasn't lying, these were half truths. Thoughts clicked into place and he made a plan of attack. Push forward with hypothesis. "So he is a split personality, then." Locke leaned back and frowned as if in thought. "And what did he do to you?"
"That's..." Sayuri bit her lip, nodding hesitantly. She supposed that was one way to view Teru, though it wasn't exactly right. Locke continued asking questions, though, and they were only getting more difficult, because she couldn't say what she wanted to say. What did Teru do to her? Teru did a lot of things. "Wait," she said, shaking her head. She couldn't explain this properly by saying so little. She'd already decided to tell Locke, and giving him a half-assed explanation wasn't fair. "I want to try again."
Locke raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" This was progress, but he wasn't out of the woods yet. It was a delicate topic and trust wasn't quite second nature. Locke had to be fair; he couldn't be that hard on her for not being completely straight forward. He too wasn't saying everything he could be, but everything isn't always relevant. He would settle for answering to her what was asked completely. "Then let's try again. Who is Teru?"
Well, Locke was being a little literal, but a retry was a retry, Sayuri supposed. She sighed, curling her fists into the sheets in slight frustration. She didn't like this conversation, but she wasn't going to back out. She just wished it wasn't so hard...oh well, straight up was the way to go. "Teru was Touya," she replied quietly. "When we first met."
Locke leaned forward, sensing a shift in the conversation. Teru being Touya sounded completely outlandish which was exactly how everything else about Touya sounded. Teru, the person he was before he died. Making singling out what he did to Sayuri a much more difficult question. But if Teru came first...Locke's breath caught for a second. Too many connections were being made for him to start the conversation. It was like playing double-dutch and more ropes kept adding themselves to the equation, wavelengths forming an image. "Teru's fighting for control, isn't he?" It was more statement than question. A soul banished to hell would break; it had to. And putting itself back together wasn't so simple. Who could be the same after that? But to have the ego of your former self reassert itself? It was frighteningly mad. And madly frightening.
"I don't know." Sayuri looked up at Locke, uncertain and hesitant. "Teru...left, and when he came back, he was Touya. They're the same, but they're different...I don't know how to explain it well." She crossed her arms, glancing away. "Teru isn't a split personality. He's...what Touya doesn't want to go back to." There was a better way to say that, and Sayuri wracked her brains for the words until she had them. "To Touya, Teru is the worst of him." She made a vague gesture to her head. "Back then, when it was...really bad." And it was happening all over again.
Questions ran through his mind, but he couldn't ask all of them. Most of them were for Touya(Teru?) He would have to think that over, but they were for him alone and Sayuri to learn if he wished. "Teru was...stronger too. To my understanding," Locke' mumbled, eyes searched the floor, as if it had the answers. Rubbing his chin, he continued, "and his powers disquiet him, though he said he lost the ability to cause others to fugue." Things sunk into areas that fit in his mind, but he wanted to consolidate the datum and solidify it so he could make his mental image of Touya(he'd have to think of him as Touya for now) more complete. "When was Touya revived?"
Sayuri nodded. She was well aware of the discrepancy between Teru's abilities and Touya's, but a lot of Teru's physical strength came simply from the fact that he didn't give a shit about much of anything except fighting. And hunters, as far as she knew, diminished over time. Maybe it had something to do with them going crazy. She set her jaw at the thought, hating it, and hating even more that she couldn't do anything about it. She closed her eyes when Locke spoke again. Asking when Touya woke up was the same as asking when Teru died. "Not long, before we came here." Her voice was soft, but she was glad it stayed even.
Locke starred at her in the deafening silence. "Then this is the first time Teru's come back." Locke tensed. "And you've been expecting him." Too much to think about indeed. Too many prodding questions. It wasn't fair to be kept in the dark like this. It wasn't fair for Sayuri to lose one and gain another so alike, yet so different. It wasn't fair for Touya to go through things he couldn't conceive and be expected to function again. Underneath that gruff exterior, did he really understand what had happened to him? What was still happening to him? How afraid was he really? Those were questions that maybe even Touya couldn't answer even if he wanted to. Locke could only deal with what was in front of him for now. "How much does the university know?"
Sayuri didn't respond; she wasn't expecting anything. She had just wanted Teru to live again, and Touya had been the one to wake up. That should've been the end of it, but of course it wasn't. It was never going to end, not for Touya. He would have to keep struggling until he died, because that was just the way it had to be. Some part of her knew that, but the way Locke had said it, that she was expecting Teru...it was a little difficult to take. But she'd deal with it, because she had to. "I don't know." She paused, spoke in English. "I don't know...do you mean about Touya?" Or did Locke mean about hunters in general? "I'm not sure. It's hard to know very much, you know, about...about Touya's powers."
Locke shook his head. "Not about his powers. About him." Locke put his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands as he starred at the floor. "About his past. I know Takahashi knows some, but what about the rest of the faculty?" Were they that ignorant of Touya's plight or did they just decide not to tell Locke? Weren't they aware of the damage Touya could have done to him? The damage he could have done to Touya? Locke leaned back and covered his eyes with his hand. "Last night, Touya came back and slept the most soundly I've seen him sleep since we boarded together." He rubbed at his temples. "They must know something, if not all of it, but at what point does it diverge from knowledge into ignorance or mere coincidence?"
Sayuri watched him, chewing on her lower lip. She'd never been in a place like Freedem before. Here she'd been able to meet people with abilities she didn't even know existed; if there was a place where she could find out more about hunters, then this was the place. But about Touya, and whom Touya was? "Professor Takahashi knows the most out of everyone. Except maybe me." She looked down, twisting her hands on her lap. "I think...they're maybe finding out more and more, while Touya is here." Saying that felt a little unnerving, like Touya was something they were studying, researching.
Locke sighed heavily. "Each day a greater lesson. Each night a bigger problem." He leaned forward, a crooked smile on his face that slowly slipped into a normal expression, if not slightly wistful. "I only hope you will teach me faster than they. Thank you, Sayuri. You've answered me fully and left me full of questions. I must think on this or make mistakes I do not wish to." He looked into her eyes and felt a profound sadness in him. "I'm so sorry. For things I had no part of and cannot change. I will do my best not to prod old wounds."
Sayuri tilted her head, feeling confused. She wasn't sure she understood what Locke was saying, and it had nothing to do with a language barrier. She didn't know why he was thanking her while admitting she'd given him more to ponder. And she didn't know why he was apologizing. Regardless, she found herself liking him more and more. Locke could be sarcastic and wry, but he was kind. "I don't really understand, but. You're welcome. Come by again, if...you want to ask anything, I can try to answer. And don't apologize, if you didn't do wrong. But you're sweet, Locke." She smiled. "Talking to you isn't so bad."
Locke stood. "I'll take you up on that offer, but hopefully our next meeting will be under far more...desirable circumstances." He bowed to Sayuri and made his way to the door, stopping once more to look at her. "I'll watch over him from my side if you do from yours." He chuckled. "Goodbye Sayuri. Until we meet again." Walking away, he traced the walls of the hall, deciding on his next destination, but hoping to be snagged by something, spirited away where he could think a way out of this box he found himself in. Luck, Crooked Warden, luck.