Road Trip to Texas
Things to Pack for Week @ Mom's House
*20 outfits
*Stolen strappy sandals (my bad, D)
*iPod (download 'Best of ABBA'... annoy Tyler)
*Shampoo and conditioner
*Loud sex toy (buy batteries!!!)
*Cell phone charger
*Cooler w/ ice packs
*Blaaahd
*Deodorant, perfume, body wash
*VOGUE!!!
*Cowgirl hat and boots
*Tampons? Ha! Never again, suckas!
*Toothbrush
*Jack Daniels (not your mother's road trip)
*Put bricks in suitcase. Make Ty carry.

Things to Do at Mom's House
*Eat her food
*Drink her drinks
*Leave hair in the sink
*Use the last square of toilet paper
*Have kinky sex on the white couch
*'Borrow' the Lexus
*Pretend Tyler's the boss of me
*Drain her boyfriend (just a little!! for real)
*Cut pictures out of Redbook
*Adjust her bathroom scale

*****

Dear Vivian,

By the time you get this note, we'll be in the driveway. There's no escape!!!

Love, STAR

*****

Dear Leah,

Here's this month's rent check! Sorry I haven't been around much. Weird nocturnal clock resetting. I'm going to visit my maternal figure in TX. When I get back, let's go out for drinks. Need to suss out when I'm moving into my new petite-yet-sophisticated condo!!! 4 blocks off the Strip, yay for money! BTW I quit the hair salon.

You're the best roommie ever. (Code: Please don't wig and hang garlic around the door while I'm gone. Not that it works well. It's just rank.)

I left you a present on the counter. It's an extra giveaway bag from the 'Carmilla' after-party. Ignore the lame-ass plastic fangs (distribution company woes). Skip to the perfume and Dior sunglasses!

Love, STAR

PS- Curious about funky gray shavings in bowl on kitchen counter? Comfrey root... spell for safe travels! Please don't toss! Spell is WORKING!!!

PEACE.

[Star Exits Stage Left!]