||[17 Jul 2008|09:03pm]
I'm in shock.
That's what it is, right? Shock. When you kind of can't move? And, like, you need to keep doing things, 'cause you're afraid if you don't, everything's just going to fall down around you? And how you never expected it'd feel like this, but it does, anyway?
I'm glad Star left for her mom's before this letter reached me. I was sort of worrying how Mallory might take the film. I told her to try and ignore all the advertising for it. Heck, I even warned her there'd be some, because I needed permission to do this.
That's what led to us going nuclear.
And now... Now she does this. And my hands are shaking. And I need to keep thinking or I'll do something bad.
I called her. Just. Before she got on the plane. That helped. Just. I think it's what she wrote. It just... It dredged so much up for me.
I think I cried.
I need to wait a few hours before I call Star. She doesn't need to sense me in this state. It'll go, anyway. It always does. Eventually.
Deanna's here now. That's what counts. We're over our thing. And that's kind of weird, too, isn't it? Me and her, here in Las Vegas. Fang Noir, once again no more. It's like... A circle's been completed, you know? Back at the beginning, again. Except now the world's changed, like, forever. In a good way, I suppose. Always figured it'd be something like this, except with maybe a few more pyrotechnics - which, granted, we've had before. Several times, actually.
I'm looking back on everything now. I've pretty much done it all, huh? Remade Fang Noir bigger and better than ever. Fell in love, which I'm supremely grateful for, no matter how rough the ride(s). Turned someone. And no, I'm not getting bored with her, thank you very much! She's my little dark angel... I'm going to come through with my promise and try to help her be everything I said. She's got real potential, that one. I even met with a Slayer (vampire-girl interviews Slayer; got to be a sitcom in there, somewhere). Gosh, now I'm even a vampire movie star! How cool is that?!
Things I've still got to do?
1: Think up my next film. If any. I'm going to have to think about this one, considering the present climate. I'm winning the ambiguity battle, so far, but maybe I'll get another director in, for my next.
2: Continue the research for my book. Everything on the supernatural going through the roof, but I started writing this thing a while back, damn it. It will be finished.
Come clean to my family. Maybe I should wait a little longer on that one, huh? See, told you Star's stronger than me.
4: Find a way around this curfew. It's getting hard to find decent food around here!
5: Have oodles of sex, until I stop feeling sorry for myself. Because, y'know, why break the habit of an unlifetime?
All of which is starting to bring me to the rather sorrowful conclusion of needing to have a vacation. I wonder if how travel restrictions abroad are. Australia might be nice.
Hee! Vegas, Vegas, Vegas! Who knew I would've got to it, right when all the big stuff started to go down? Well, I've done my bit to transform it into a lesbian vampire paradise. I like to think my work lingers on. Yes, I do.
I feel better now. Lot of memories, here. Know what I think I'll do? Try and visit some of my favourite places, assuming law enforcement doesn't catch me on CCTV. I've met a lot of people. Killed even more, I suppose. Gosh... I even went back in time. Which now makes me feel bad. Because I've haven't visited Hawaii, since then. Think I'll recognise a few shops? Maybe. Wonder if I'll come back here in fifty years or so, too. Hope it's still nice.
I think it will. It's as if this place has a life, all of its own, don't you find?