Another truth about marriage [06/11/2009 @ 16:53] elfwreck I was looking for statistics* about same-sex marriage opposition when I ran across this precious article posted back in June. (Warning for extreme sexism and various other acts of privilege.) The author--Sam Schulman--goes on at length about what he objects to about same sex marriage, and what he thinks marriage really is. Bolded sections are emphasis added. The relationship between a same-sex couple, though it involves the enviable joy of living forever with one's soulmate, loyalty, fidelity, warmth, a happy home, shopping, and parenting, is not the same as marriage between a man and a woman, though they enjoy exactly the same cozy virtues. These qualities are awfully nice, but they are emphatically not what marriage fosters, and, even when they do exist, are only a small part of why marriage evolved and what it does. Got that? It's important. He's tackling the key issue of what is marriage, which is absolutely crucial to any non-religious discussion of and why same-sex couples can't have it. Brace yourself... 'cos he hits the same conclusion about "traditional marriage" that I got, only he thinks it's a good thing. Marriage, whatever its particular manifestation in a particular culture or epoch, is essentially about who may and who may not have sexual access to a woman when she becomes an adult, and is also about how her adulthood--and sexual accessibility--is defined. Marriage is not about raising children, or living together and sharing resources, or being a unit in the community. Marriage is about female sexuality--and the control thereof. In case that wasn't obvious from his earlier quotes, he makes sure you understand: This most profound aspect of marriage--protecting and controlling the sexuality of the child-bearing sex--is its only true reason for being, and it has no equivalent in same-sex marriage. He also points out that "A same-sex marriage fails utterly to create forbidden relationships." He seems to think they are important--nay, mandatory, because, "without social disapproval of unmarried sex--what kind of madman would seek marriage?" He then goes on to talk about the "kinship" that marriage creates: Even in modern romantic marriages, a groom becomes the hunting or business partner of his father-in-law and a member of his clubs; a bride becomes an ally of her mother-in-law in controlling her husband. There can, of course, be warm relations between families and their children's same-sex partners, but these come about because of liking, sympathy, and the inherent kindness of many people. A wedding between same-sex lovers does not create the fact (or even the feeling) of kinship between a man and his husband's family; a woman and her wife's kin. This kinship is important to him--he says In a world without kinship, women will lose their hard-earned status as sexual beings with personal autonomy and physical security. Children will lose their status as nonsexual beings. That latter seems like a bit of a red herring, and he doesn't explain it well. But it does tie into some of his other points, about marriage and illicit sexuality and the importance of at least giving lip service to the idea of virginity. Marriage, to him, is all about men getting access to women's sexuality, and since same-sex marriage turns that concept on its head, it is wrong.And he doesn't even spend much time grumbling about the "wrongness"--he's bitching about how the inevitible failure of same-sex marriage (because marriage can't survive without illicit sexuality and forced kinship) will destroy the last vestiges of men-owning-women marriage. Umm. Yay? * Stats: Specifically, I was trying to find out if the opposition splits equally along gender lines, or if more men oppose same-sex marriage than women. Any relevant research info would be welcome. This entry is crossposted at http://elf.dreamwidth.org/280002.html. You can comment there with OpenID from your LJ or IJ account. Comments so far:

SHINY!!! [06/11/2009 @ 09:12] sanacrow It's presciousssss..... Elisem's opened the Shiny Clearance Sale!! And the Beads of the Month listings are up for next year!! YEA!!

WriSoMiFu [02/11/2009 @ 22:20] elfwreck I joined wrisomifu. I am writing Little Brother fanfic. Because the half a dozen WIPs I already had, just weren't clicking. When I get this done, I'm going to strangle my muse. This is one hellishly ass-backwards way to learn Morse code. This entry is crossposted at http://elf.dreamwidth.org/279339.html. You can comment there with OpenID from your LJ or IJ account. Comments so far:

Since last Samhain [31/10/2009 @ 16:17] elfwreck In the cold and dark, we mourn those who are gone from us, and cherish the memories of their lives. Among those who have died since last Samhain, these are some whose works touched my life, whose presence in this world I will miss. So it goes. ( 25 people, listed in chronological order of their deaths ) As I step into the new year, I remember those who've shaped my past years, and try to understand how the world will be different without their voices, their actions, their lives. May Hecate guide their souls this night as they are remembered, and release them to wherever they belong next. So mote it be. This entry is crossposted at http://elf.dreamwidth.org/279155.html. You can comment there with OpenID from your LJ or IJ account. Comments so far:

Got Recs? [29/10/2009 @ 19:00] elfwreck I'm looking for fanfic. I've been reading thete1's DC fic like crazy, and found some that hit hard & deep, just the kind of angst and headgames that's going to leave tracers in my mind for years, and parallels a little too closely some RL stuff going on, and also I'm surviving on 5-6 hours sleep/night right now (which is terrific for reading DC fic, usually), and... I'm feeling a bit battered and raw. In a good way, and when I'm a bit more coherent, I'll send her feedback, 'cos she needs to know (if she didn't already) that some parts were just perfect... Except, um. Ow. (The story is "A Way So Familiar." Consider this an unfinished rec.) So I'm looking for something... lighter. Fluff, I suppose. Except I might not be able to tolerate some types of fluff. Point me at something where the characters aren't hurting for all the possibilities they can't have. ( Details behind cut )

Brainz, I haz dem nawt [27/10/2009 @ 19:01] elfwreck We're into week three of Up At 5:30 Ayem to get Kidlet #2 to school on time. I feel like I've settled in for a siege. There's a cheese slicer next to the computer. (I did remember to put the cheese away. The crackers can wait.) Two plates to my left, with a fork on top; I assume they held dinner at some point. Dunno when; it wasn't last night or the night before. Didn't eat dinner last night, and Sunday we had pizza. The printer still isn't connected to the spiffy new Vista computer. I am terrified that the drivers for it won't work. Also, the printer's been low on ink for, um, months, and likely needs new ink before it can print. Printer is ancient; it worked on Win95. Still haven't installed all the software I had on the old computer. Also, Vista slows down at odd times and I have to figure out what it's running, and then fret about whether I can safely close processes I don't identify. (I generally don't bother. They seem to be system processes. Mem-expensive ones.) Cable has deteriorated badly. We need to switch. I'm leaning towards Dish Network; anyone got better things to say about DirectTV? We live in a very urban area, if that matters. Kidlet #2 wants a "lightning spirit" costume by Friday. This, apparently, involves white, yellow, silver, and shoes that light up when you walk on them. Fortunately, she has that last part. Kidlet #1 is too old for Halloween costumes that you wear to school. She will be wearing a t-shirt with skulls on it. This entry is crossposted at http://elf.dreamwidth.org/278432.html. You can comment there with OpenID from your LJ or IJ account. Comments so far:

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