Entry tags:

pansy/ginny, pg

Happy holidays, bribitribbit! (Pansy/Ginny and others, PG)
Title: Bet On It
Author/Artist: ???
Recipient: bribitribbit
Rating: PG?
Length/Medium: ~2200
Pairing(s): Pansy/Ginny, Pansy/Ron, Ginny/Ron (no actual Pansy/Ginny/Ron, sorry :(( ), Susan/Pansy, Susan/Hannah (implied), everyone/everyone basically.
Summary: It all started when Hermione accidentally Accio'd a play from the future.
Warning(s): Crack. High School Musical. Incest(ish). AU as of, like, Goblet of Fire or something. Non-canonical HSM pairings. More genslash than actual femslash. Staunch OOCness, both on the parts of HP and HSM characterizations (Pansy and Ginny are more like Karen and Pamela from the BSC than anything, for the first half. Except not). Sorry :(
Note: bribitribbit, dkhfg. I really really really hope you like this. Also, thanks to my beta, who almost died reading this, because it's so weird.

---

It all started when Hermione accidentally Accio'd a play from the future.

"High School Musical?!" everyone said, not quite meeting the eyes of anyone in the Great Hall. "What?!"

But Dumbledore (who must have been driven totally batty by You-Know-Who's spectacular demise-by-U-No-Poo) decided that putting this show on would be the perfect inter-house activity slash 'ding-dong the wicked wizard is dead!' celebration, and he informed everyone over Halloween dinner that auditioning was required by the brand-new schoolwide drama class that was conveniently starting as soon as he finished his treacle tart.

After Dumbledore sat down and food appeared on everyone's plates, murmurs of conversation ran through the room. "I shall get the lead role!" Zacharias Smith proclaimed. "For! I am fabulous."

His sentiment was echoed by few, however: most of the people turned to level glares at Hermione, who promptly flushed and hid behind the script. Harry elbowed her, though, so she lifted her face and smiled, fiercely, at everyone. Everyone cowered in appropriate fear as she spoke, voice ringing loud and clear. "I get to be director, right, Professor?"

~~~

Auditions went horrifically. Millicent Bulestrode sang like a songbird, but when she attempted to dance, her foot indented some of the flagstones on the floor of the Great Hall. Zacharias Smith was quite loud, gestured widely, and could not stay on key at all. Luna Lovegood stopped her audition, claiming that something-or-another didn't approve of her singing (she would later reveal that this 'something' was her grandmother). Neville Longbottom, who had had an adverse reaction to a Canary Cream earlier that day, started molting in the middle of his audition. Innumerable other mishaps occurred, but the auditions finally ended at quarter of midnight, and everyone went back to their rooms with the promise of the cast list being posted the next day.

As everyone went to bed, Zacharias Smith could be heard proclaiming his skills and virtues to the school at large. When they got back to their basement, the other Hufflepuffs shut him up with Spellotape and goose-down pillows.

~~~

TROY: PANSY PARKINSON
GABRIELLA: SUSAN BONES
SHARPAY: GINEVRA WEASLEY
RYAN: RONALD WEASLEY
CHAD: HARRY POTTER
TAYLOR: DRACO MALFOY
KELSI: COLIN CREEVY
ZEKE: PADMA PATIL
'HIP-HOP GIRL': HANNAH ABBOTT
'PUNK SKATER BOY': ERNEST MACMILLAN

The list wore on, spanning a total of fifty inches of parchment. At the very bottom, written in tiny letters, was "FOURTH UNDERSTUDY TO BRAINIAC #5: ZACHARIAS SMITH".

Zacharias, of course, was the first one awake in the entire school, and, as such, the first one at the cast list posted just outside the Great Hall. His shouts woke up pretty much the entire school: "I DID IT! I'VE GOT THE BEST ROLE EVER!"

Angry, sleepy students started congregating around the cast list soon thereafter. There were shouts of dismay, shouts of disappointment, and shouts of joy. Susan Bones beamed. Colin Creevy smiled his creepy little smile. Hannah Abbott busted a move. And then, the Slytherin contingent showed up.

"But I'm not a boy!" Pansy cried, stamping her foot after viewing the list. "I will wear lipstick during the production!"

Ginny, who was practising her Sharpay swishy walk, laughed at her, rolling her eyes. "Troy Bolton is a total pouf, anyhow, so I don't see how it matters."

"Being gay does not equate to wearing lipstick!" Harry interjected, looking very nervous.

Ginny turned to him, raised an eyebrow. "Something to tell me, Harry?"

Harry turned a very bright red. "Nothing at all, no."

Everyone within hearing distance looked at him, very suspiciously, when Draco Malfoy interjected. "I am not a woman, nor am I going to play Harry Potter's love interest!"

"Honeycakes," Astoria Greengrass said, putting a consolatory hand on his shoulder. "Everyone knows that Taylor becomes a very old maid. Chad is destined to love Ryan."

Ron purpled. "I am not okay with this. I am staunchly heterosexual."

"Yes, yes, of course you are, brother dearest," Ginny murmured, taking him by his arm and leading him off to breakfast. "Only, just, your character is staunchly homosexual. It will all work out."

Ron muttered his way into breakfast.

~~~

Rehearsals started that weekend.

It was surprising, how aptly cast everyone was. Ron, his staunch heterosexuality aside, played a brilliant Ryan, and Ginny pulled off the fabulous bitchiness of Sharpay perfectly. Colin Creevy made Kelsi extra-creepy, but it worked startlingly well.

All went well for about two weeks, when something eerie started happening.

~~~

It started when Ginny started wearing Sharpay-like outfits every chance she got. Eyes and comments followed her throughout the halls -- the student population seemed evenly divided on wondering when she got so attractive and wondering where she got the money to pay for said outfits.

Everyone watched Ginny, but Ginny didn't watch anyone. She began spending all her time with Ron (who was developing a taste for swish hats), whispering to him and instructing him to do her varied favours. She started being horribly mean to Susan Bones (who she barely knew), started claiming to be wealthier than Draco Malfoy, started ignoring Harry Potter.

It was then that people began to realise that Something was Going On.

~~~

Pansy Parkinson made a very good Troy Bolton. It turned out that she was brilliant at throwing balls at people, brilliant at singing, and brilliant at dancing ("I always knew she'd be a brilliant actor," people could hear Draco Malfoy saying. "Considering how she managed to make even me believe that she was in love with me for all those years"). She was also brilliant at snogging Susan Bones onstage.

Ginny observed this with pursed lips and a tapping foot. "I am skeptical," she pronounced, to everyone who would listen (namely Ron). "Highly skeptical of this."

Ron asked, dutifully, "Of what?"

"Of the kiss," Ginny said, with finality. "So fake."

Pansy heard this. Turned around. "I expect you can do a better stage kiss?"

Ginny lifted her chin, proudly. "I most definitely can. At least I know how to act."

To assorted gasps of shock and dismay on the part of their classmates, Pansy said, "If you're so good at acting and stage-kissing, I want to see you kiss your brother."

"Percy isn't here," Ginny said, flippantly, watching Pansy very closely now.

"Ronald is," Pansy said, and Ginny could have sworn that there was a spark in her eyes as she said this (but maybe that was just the spotlight).

Ginny struck a pose, snapped her fingers. "Ronald," she said, regally, snapping her fingers.

"You beckoned?"

Ginny nodded, adopting a smouldering look as she pulled him closer. Standing on tiptoe, she pulled his face down, and kissed him thoroughly, releasing him at the sound of someone applauding, slowly, sarcastically.

It was Pansy. "That looked sooo real," she said, utterly disdainful.

Ginny put a hand on her hip. "Oh yeah?" she asked, kind of shocked at the way her entire body was humming. "I'd like to see you do better."

Pansy raised an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge, Weasley?"

"It is."

Now Pansy pulled Ron forward. She kissed him, more strongly than Ginny had done, pulling away as soon as he gave a sign of returning the kiss. They both turned expectantly to Ron.

"Neither of you," he said, breathlessly, glancing out of the corner of his eye at Harry (in a very staunchly heterosexual way which was not laden with any sort of desire at all), who was on the other side of the room. "Both of you."

"Susan?" Pansy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You were both very good," she said, uncertainly, clearly not wanting to provoke the rage of either girl.

Hannah Abbott spoke up. "I think Pansy was better!" she said, giving Susan a loyal, admiring, lustful sort of look. "But that might just be because Susan is a hundred times better than either of you!"

Both Pansy and Ginny gravitated towards Hannah. "Who are you?" Pansy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, aren't you supposed to be, like, dancing?" Ginny echoed. She and Pansy glared at each other.

~~~

"Pansy Parkinson and Ginny Weasley are having sex now!" Zacharias Smith announced. "Also! I am fabulous."

No one believed him (No one except for Ginny Weasley and Pansy Parkinson).

~~~

Pansy and Ginny may not have been having sex, per se (although Ginny, much like Sharpay, was trying her darndest to get into Pansy's pants), but they were off in the Room of Requirement rehearsing lines, with a twist: Strip Line Rehearsing. Each time one of them missed a line, she had to take off one article of clothing. Pansy, despite her amazing voice and amazing memory and amazing ball-bouncing skills, had a sort of crappy memory, so she was down to her skirt and bra (pink with purple polka dots. Surprisingly, it looked classy on her). Ginny, much like her character was a pretty decent actress with brilliant memory, so she was still in everything but her shoes.

They were just getting to the point where Pansy would have to remove either skirt or bra, when she interrupted Ginny's current breezing-through of her lines. "Weasley. Let's stop this."

Ginny faltered, looking at Pansy curiously. "Why?"

Pansy frowned. Because I don't want to get naked, lame butt, she thought, and said, "Because I want ice cream."

Ginny considered this. "I think raiding the kitchens is very much in order," she announced.

"Who says I want to do it with you?" Pansy asked, inspecting a highly affronted person.

Ginny was taken aback, but she soon recovered. "No one. But that doesn't mean I can't do it at the exact same time in the exact same place as--"

"Fine," Pansy said, pulling her socks and shoes back on and putting on her shirt (and leaving it unbuttoned) and pulling on her robes. "Come on, then."

Ginny smirked. "You know you love me," she pronounced.

"Oh God," Pansy said, pausing in the straightening of her ensemble. "Did Hermione Accio those books, too, like Draco did in our common room?"

"What?" Ginny asked, then immediately disregarded this. She pulled on her shoes. "Let's go."

~~~

They knew Hermione's finding of this play was truly odd when they walked in on the house elves doing a song-and-dance routine. "We’ll make things right / the sun will shine / If we work, work / there’ll be no doubt," they were singing, but they came to a clattering halt when Pansy and Ginny walked in.

"What are you doing?" Ginny asked, noticing that Pansy was tapping her foot along to the beat of whatever song the house elves had just been singing.

"Singing and dancing, miss," a particularly fetching house-elf named Winky (who was wearing a button that read 'House Elves Butterbeer Rehabilitation Programme') said.

"We Hogwarts elves are coming across the sequel that Miss Granger is summoning, miss!" another, vaguely familiar house-elf piped up.

Pansy and Ginny shot looks at each other. "There's a sequel??!" Pansy mouthed in horror.

"Oh God, keep it from Hermione," Ginny mouthed back, before turning to the house/Hogwarts elves. "Bring us some ice cream, please!"

"Pistachio," Pansy added. Then, to Ginny's expression, "What?"

"Pistachio isn't fabulous," Ginny protested. "I need, I need fabulous!"

"Miss Weasley is being familiar with High School Musical Two?" Winky asked, presenting Pansy with pistachio ice cream and Ginny with something decidedly more pink and fabulous.

"No," Ginny said, shuddering. "Parkinson. I feel the need to escape the insanity that is these kitchens. Are these kitchens. Is these kitchens?"

"Don't look at me," Pansy said. "Proper grammar confuses me, too. I mean. Yes. Ice cream is good for eating in laundry rooms."

"Is there even a laundry room in Hogwarts?" Ginny wondered as they left.

~~~

Rehearsals were a bit odd after that, because Pansy and Ginny no longer bickered about every little thing (Zacharias Smith kept preaching his Good Qualities, though, which made them more normal).

~~~

The night before the big show, Pansy and Ginny found themselves getting ice cream one last time.

"This is weird," Pansy observed, taking a slow lick.

"Yeah," Ginny agreed. "You aren't 100% repulsive anymore."

"I was referring to the ice cream."

"Oh."

They walked along in silence for a few minutes, before Ginny dropped her cone and stomped her foot.

"What is it?" Pansy asked, moderately shocked.

"Damn it, Parkinson, I've been trying to get into your pants this entire production," Ginny said, scowling at the ice cream that was now on the floor (and on her shoe).

"Oh, really," Pansy said, raising an eyebrow. "I think that you should let me try your ice cream."

"It's on the floor," Ginny pointed out, scowling more deeply.

Pansy laughed. "Honestly, Weasley, how thick can you get?"

Colin Creevy the Eternally Creepy caught their kiss on camera, snickering as he passed the two of them in the hall. They heard him, and pulled apart, but he started running to get out of hexing range as soon as he noticed this.

"Let's get back at him," Pansy suggested, and Ginny nodded interestedly.

Right before they parted that night, Ginny said, "This is going to be the best play ever, right? Annoying though it is?"

Pansy smirked. "Bet on it."





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