|caithyra (caithyra) wrote in fanficrants,|
@ 2008-08-14 12:38:00
Sex without consent is rape...
I have this strange idea about a few requirements for a relationship to be happily-ever-after. One of them, as I ranted about a few months ago, was equality in relationships, and here's another one, specifically about sex that I've seen in too many fandoms for it to be healthy.
So I was fandom hopping like crazy these past few weeks as I got a craving for all my ships and they're pretty spread thin. I also tried a few new ships, and did some plain vanilla reading.
I also found out that apparently I missed a memo or something. Or perhaps I'm just odd, but when I read a sexual scene, be it kissing, groping or the whole act plus chocolate, I kind of dislike it if one of the participants keeps saying "No", "Stop" and just generally crying or being obviously scared and/or in pain.
Keep in mind that this isn't an agreed role-playing thing that the couple is doing, but that one of the participants actively wants the other to stop but the other one (due, many times, by being stronger) still plows ahead with the sensitivity of a bull in a china shop ("it'll stop hurting in a minute!").
If the character in question doesn't want to have sex in a public area, yet their stronger partner forces them to anyway, it's rape. No matter if they had nice, loving sex in the privacy of their bedroom.
If a character tells another character "I don't want anything to do with you." often in much stronger language, if the other one goes ahead and kisses and gropes said character, it's sexual assault/rape/not nice (depending on the laws you abide by).
A girl reacting to someone touching her clit yet still cries and tells her partner to stop is being raped/sexually assaulting, no matter how her body reacts.
Let me take an example of a situation that I read in these weeks, keep in mind that it is a really popular fic, so I wont name names or fandom:
Girl had in many words told Boy to leave her the HELL ALONE! She has repeated it ad nauseum through many, many chapters of the fic, yet he still treats her like his own object (kissing and groping her whenever he feels like it, isolating her from her friends because he's jealous when she even glances at another person). Now, suddenly, Boy claims to have followed all her wishes during this period when he has, among other things, grabbed her hair and lead her around like it was a leash (and it was painful for her) as well as kidnapping her and keeping her from everyone else in her life. All the while she has been telling him to fuck off every time she's seen him.
So, imagine my surprise when Girl agrees. And then we learn that she believes so because Boy hasn't used his mind-controlling powers, hypnotizing powers, nor the fact that he can beat her to bloody pulp on her. Apparently, because he decided not to use those things, he's been considerate and sensitive to her.
He's stalked her. Broken into her home multiple times. Sexually assaulted her.
But it's all alright! Because he didn't mind-control her!
NO! Stop! Go to jail, don't pass go, don't collect the hundred of positive reviews you got for writing this! Be drowned in my teal deer-y ranting!
And this kind of scenario plays over and over again (guy forces himself on girl, girl doesn't want him around and guy persists and suddenly girl realises that they are soulmates by realising that even though he's been using his strength against her, he hasn't gone all out which makes it okay).
Then, after being peppered by other scenarios in which one partner expressly doesn't want the advances of the other yet still is forced into it, I kind of ended up here to rant about it. I can get liking a bickering couple and hate-sex, but the bickering couple is on equal grounds and often tries to make sure that things are equal between their bickering, and hate-sex is by definition not supposed to be happy and fluffy and romantic.
I can't get over the non-consensual wave that's being written (not the one when the writer knows and is aiming for writing non-con, but rather, those who thinks it's a perfectly normal and healthy relationship), because it scares me. Are there really so many fans out there who believes that it is healthy? That all independent and strong women should be reigned in by more powerful men? That a relationship isn't about trust, respect and compromises?
You want to know the craziest part of this? These writers doesn't see this as "non-con", one even had a profile stating that they'll never write/read non-con because it's squicky.
Well, guess what?
That girl you have crying, frightened, saying "No." and "Please, stop." when the guy is obviously putting her through painful distress isn't vanilla sex, it isn't even BDSM as they have a safe word which is adhered to. It's non-con. And the guy is perfectly able to stop, so STOP going with the myth that once a guy sees a flash of skin, he can't control himself and is not responsible for his acts afterwards. STOP repeating the myth that all sex will be painful at some point and that the couple can just ride it out.
Er. I'll cut this off now, because I kind of got revved up again. But I think you see my point. ^_^;
X-posted @ LJ