Asuma slanted a look at him. “If you’re gonna be any use in this rescue, you’re going to have to get over your urge to piss on the rainbow flag. Or at least hide it better.”

Ibiki stiffened fractionally.

“And you said it yourself,” Asuma continued. “Nasty love triangle, lost crush, probably-dead friend. Whatever Ginta’s feeling, it ain’t good.”

“Is it bad enough we’re looking at a suicide, here?” Ibiki asked neutrally, as if the question was just a logistical issue rather than lives.

“Hell if I know,” Asuma said. “Don’t know Hatake well enough, never met Tousaki, and I’ve only seen Ginta once since I’ve gotten back. He seemed kinda broken up about things, but more pissy than slit-wristed. But that was a couple weeks back, before things spiraled.”

Ibiki gave him a look that, in a less controlled man, Asuma would have called ‘incredulous’. "Before everything spiraled? From everything I've heard so far, there has been a constant escalation of fuck-uppery from the moment Tousaki entered the picture. Not that I am blaming Tousaki. He seems to be a catalyst, not a cause."

Asuma flicked his cigarette into the ocean. “Seriously, man, that stick in your ass? Get it removed. Love is messy. People’re messy. We’re here to help. Don’t make me knock your teeth down your throat.”

Ibiki arched one dark eyebrow. "I'm not sure what brought that on,” he said smoothly. “My point was that there has been no point in the evolution of this conflict-enmeshed relationship at which things were not continuing to get worse in some material way."

Asuma lifted up on his booted toes, gaining the extra inch it took to lean in and peer at Ibiki’s face. Ibiki leaned back.

“It’s like I can actually see the T&I manual in your brain,” Asuma told him. “People, ghoulface. They’re people. Not a conflict-whatever. People, doing people things. And they’re your teammates, so think about them with a piece of respect.”

Just being around Ibiki made him want to go back home and start kicking on walls. Or at least give the man a severe, undignified pantsing until his brain reengaged on a human level.