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Akiyama Rina ([info]fallen_rina) wrote in [info]fallen_leaves,
@ 2009-08-29 22:40:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:genma, rina

Almost Not Alone [Genma, Rina]
[Takes place on the 3rd of April, one day after After the Rain, five days after Meet You on the Other Side, and about five years after Got That Mountain to Climb.]

It was almost a rule, that Genma always had to screw up all of her hard work whenever she wasn't there to fix it. Turning up the water from 'hot' to 'scorching,' Rina poured another handful of shampoo and tried desperately to scrub all the branches out of her hair.

One week. One week she'd been gone, and this was the kind of thing he got up to. How did he manage it? She'd been looking forward to a nice, relaxing shower ever since she'd crossed back over the border, and instead here she was, frantically scrubbing her skin off along with the grime.

Ducking her head under the spray for the fifth time, she forcefully widened her eyes, not letting them close. When she closed them, all she could see was--

Don't think about it. The note said it wasn't as bad this time.

No sense worrying until she got there, anyway--right, as if thinking that ever helps--and they wouldn't let her into the hospital until she was clean. Dragging her fingers roughly through her hair again, searching for dirt and debris, she ended up with just a handful of pale, gleaming strands.

Finally.

The water ran clear now, instead of red-black with ink and unidentified blood. Rinsing her hair one more time, she shut it off gingerly, using her fingertips so the layer of grime she'd left on the knobs wouldn't transfer back to her hands again.

Housekeeping could deal with the dirt; she didn't have time.

She'd brought two towels, so the second one stayed clean. Wrapping herself up in it, she scooped up her filthy uniform with the other, and dashed back across the hall to her room, scrounging a few bare threads of chakra from who-knows-where to deactivate the seals on her door. A pair of sweats and a t-shirt took no time at all to pull on, paired with a set of ninja sandals, and then it was only an instant more for her to snatch up her spare seals-kit. Not even bothering to wring out her dripping hair, she slammed back out the door again seconds after she'd gone in.

The hospital was only next door; even that seemed too far away. But she didn't have enough chakra left to translocate, so she'd just have to run.



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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 05:55 am UTC (link)
When the staff had come to take Raidou away for debridement of his burns, Genma had smiled and told Raidou he'd be fine. Especially since a nurse had shown up at just that moment with a syringe full of painkillers and two tablets of whatever dope they'd had him on since his debriefing. That had been over a day ago, and Genma was quite sure the syrupy quality of his thinking had everything to do with his visit from the Hyuuga debriefer and later from Kotoe-san, and the drugs they'd decided to give him as a result.

They'd found him curled into as close to a fetal ball as his injuries would allow, when they'd come in after that debriefing. He'd been using every trick available to him, including draining what little chakra he'd managed to recover, to keep from nodding off. Sleep meant dreams, and dreams meant... Things he wasn't thinking about.

The drugs had been, he could see if he looked at it objectively, inevitable. It didn't make it any easier to swallow them, or to accept that the psych staff thought he was nuts. He wasn't nuts. Just a little rattled. Same as Raidou. Who wouldn't be, after a mission like theirs?

Genma had finally relented and taken the drugs when Raidou had looked him in the eye and told him it was all right. And later Genma had touched Raidou's hand and told Raidou it was all right. And as long as they were both there making it all right, it was.

It was a lot harder for it to be all right when Raidou was off being tortured by the very medical staff who were trying to help him.

Genma had enough medical background to understand exactly why they were taking Raidou away to the burn unit for his dressing changes--with burns you needed as sterile an environment as an operating room. And he knew they were really going out of their way to make it possible for him and Raidou to be within each other's sights at all times.

When they'd come to take him, Raidou had joked about getting a shot of the good stuff, and Genma had seen the fear in his eyes. And Genma had joked about Raidou being a wuss, and tried to project something like strength. He'd looked Raidou in the eye and told him everything would be fine, and he'd be right here when Raidou got back.

Then he'd gotten his injection and watched the clock, and gotten more and more restless with each passing minute. He kicked at the sheets and picked at the tape on his abdomen, and twisted and flexed until his movement overrode the pain medicine and his side hurt. Possibly he should have actually taken the tablets, he thought, instead of tonguing them and spitting them out when the nurse left. But he was sick and tired of being treated like a psych case, and he was damned if he was going to let them drug him into oblivion when Raidou needed him. Which Raidou would, when they brought him back.

They could at least have had the decency to tell him how long this was going to take. Damn, what he really wanted was a cigarette and some coffee.

And Raidou to come back.

And be all right.

Really all right.

When the door to the room whispered open, he jerked to attention, hissing in pain at the movement. "Fuck! It's about fucking time. Rai--"

It wasn't Raidou.

And fuck that had hurt.

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 05:55 am UTC (link)
"Don't move, Genma, you--!" Rina's own frustration cut off whatever she'd planned to call him; that, and the agonized twist of his features. She hurried closer to his bed but kept her distance, watching until he'd calmed down.

The nurse at the front desk had caught her as she'd burst into the ICU, pale and panting, and before Rina could say a word, had silently handed over Genma's record. Had guided Rina over to a chair when she'd almost dropped the file, and sat beside her as she choked on short breaths, bent head to knees and trying desperately to keep her last few ration bars in her stomach where they belonged.

Some things were different when you were twenty-one. When she'd been seventeen, it had seemed like a game at first: fix the seals, fix the person. Everything seemed so much more real now. And this was Genma.

But it wasn't as bad this time; Ito-sensei's hastily dictated note from five days ago, left for her at the ANBU mission desk, had said so.

It was only one hand, this time.

Rina collapsed into the chair beside Genma's bed, and fixed her gaze on his right hand, scarred and twisted and whole, so she wouldn't have to look at the other. The seals weren't nearly so fascinating now, not when the flesh that they spanned belonged to her own closest friend.

"Missed me, did you?" she asked him hoarsely, her voice scraping the bottom of the barrel. He looked like Hell had flattened him with a mountain full of boulders, then turned back around and done it again, just to be sure. "How many times have I told you, if you want to see me, you can just send a note?"

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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 05:58 am UTC (link)
Rina's gaze burned his right hand like a branding iron. So hard that Genma felt his fingers clenching a fistful of sheet around it like a shroud. He made himself let it go, then grabbed it again. If he thought about one hand, he'd think about the other. If he thought about Rina and her careful, painstaking brushwork, assisting Ito-sensei... If he thought about Ito-sensei...

"Yeah," he rasped back in a parody of mirth, "I missed you. Didn't want you to think I was just fooling around." It didn't make any sense, even to his own ears. And where was Raidou? But it had only been an hour. Raidou was getting treated.

And Rina was here, looking utterly bedraggled: hair soaking wet, civvies rumpled and damp. Pale cheeks. Tired hollows under red eyes, as if she'd been crying.

"What happened? Did that bitch from the commissary dump you? I told you she was just playing you, didn't I? You didn't go do something stupid and fall in love, did you?"

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 06:00 am UTC (link)
Rina finally looked up, disbelieving. This time, the imprecation didn't get caught in her throat. "Genma, you idiot! I'm worried about you!"

She abruptly pushed up from the chair and started to pace, unable to sit still anymore. Her body was still clamoring to fall into that oh-so-conveniently empty bed next to Genma's and sleep for about a week, but she ignored it. Avoiding the issue never helped anyone.

Her feet stilled, and she realized that her pacing had brought her to stand right in front of his left hand: the issue she'd been avoiding.

She'd never seen it this bad, and nausea twisted her stomach. The first time, Ito-sensei had waited to bring her in until most of the physical reconstruction was complete, with flesh sewn up neat and tidy, and the wasteland of shredded bones and chakra networks at least tenuously knitted together.

This time, for whatever reason--presumably it said in the file, she hadn't been able to make it through the whole thing--Ito-sensei hadn't been able to continue with all of the surgeries. The bones were splinted, but not fully secured; the tendons and musculature were still in snarled disarray. Blue-white seals strained to the breaking point, just trying to keep everything together.

Ito-sensei was snatching a few hours of sleep now, the nurse had said, so she couldn't ask him why. But a tiny voice in the back of her head reminded her: she hadn't been there. Ito-sensei was getting older--steadily, and faster than anyone should; maybe he couldn't do all of this by himself anymore.

She hoped that wasn't the reason. If scar tissue clogged its way into Genma's joints, choking off flexibility and life, and it was because of her...

She hoped that wasn't the reason.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 06:02 am UTC (link)
"I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me," Genma said almost mechanically. They'd moved his and Raidou's beds, shifted him so that his left side was outermost. So his hand was where Ito-sensei and the nurses could get at it more easily. They'd changed the suspension system, too, so that he could lie on his right side, facing Raidou.

Who wasn't there.

He'd been facing the empty bed when Rina had come in. He had to roll onto his back to see her now, standing at his side. His left side. The counterweight suspending his hand slid along its track as he moved, the bed creaked. He groaned, holding his side with his good hand, shifting gingerly.

"I busted a couple ribs, that's all," he said, breathing out on a long hiss. "It's... It's..." He was on his back now, looking up at Rina. At pale greyish eyes in an unsmiling face.

"It's not that bad, Rina-chan. It's just... It's..." He turned his head towards the empty bed and the vacant door once more. "Can you find out if Raidou's okay? Did you hear what happened? He's... he's really hurt bad. They took him to clean his burns. He got burned, Rina. It was bad. Hara Yukaho--did you know her? They got her team. Ambushed me and Rai. Sago the Undertaker. You know who he was, right? Turns out he wasn't dead. He's dead now, though."

Genma stopped himself, horrified at the torrent of words. Horrified at the look on Rina's face, at the way her eyes traced over his dangling hand. "It's gonna be okay, right? Ito-sensei was here. He can... He can fix it. And Rai. They can fix it. He's gonna be fine, they said."

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 06:04 am UTC (link)
Rina ached to touch him, to comfort him. To do something to smooth that horror away. But he'd just flinch and shy away from her; she knew enough to know that.

Sago the Undertaker. Genma's hand crushed, and Raidou burned. It didn't take a genius to put two and two together.

She ached to touch him, to comfort herself.

"We can fix it; we'll always fix it. I told you, didn't I?" She tried for a wavery smile, but had to blink it away before it twisted out of her control. "You'll be fine, and Raidou will be fine, and we'll all be fine." She didn't know who she was reassuring anymore, and she wasn't sure it mattered.

Taking a deep breath, ignoring how it caught in her chest, she flipped open Genma's file as a distraction. Impersonal seals swam in front of her eyes, and she tried to lose herself in them.

It partly worked. When she looked up again, her bright, unworried smile was a fraction more convincing. "It's not nearly as bad as it was before. And I'm better than I was then, too! So, see, we'll have you fixed up in no time."

The first two, at least, were true.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 06:06 am UTC (link)
"Rina..." Genma's voice dropped low and raspy. "Don't... Don't just tell me what you think I want to hear. That's what they're doing. That's... Ito-sensei and them. I know it's not as bad as... as what they did to me in Iwa. It's different. He had a hammer, but he didn't use it on.... on this." His eyes flicked to his hand, then back to Rina's face. To her false cheer and heartbroken eyes. "That's what broke my ribs. And Rai's shoulder. His shoulder blade's broken. Sago had a chakra-channeling mallet. Chakra-channeling tools."

He'd told the Hyuuga debriefer the whole story. Told bits and pieces of it to Kotoe-san and Ito-sensei, and to the other medics, when they'd asked questions like How many blows do you remember taking? How did you injure your ankle? What did they use to immobilize you? Told them about ice jutsu and flying blades. About poisoned gas, and his own false tooth capsule full of foaming death. He was still coughing up clots of foulness from the damage the poison had done to his airways. He coughed now, tucking his chin down, turning his face away from Rina.

There were more than enough injuries to recover from, more than enough for Rina to worry about, without the ruin Sago had caused with his pliers. And his rake. Genma looked towards the empty bed again. Tore his attention away from it, back to Rina.

"Don't look like that. Don't... don't. Just don't." He lifted his bandaged and scabbed right hand across himself, trailing IV tubing, stopping short of touching her, then let it fall again, limp against his side. He wanted to reach out to her, but the words were as blocked in his chest as the chakra in the collapsed channels in his left hand.

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 06:06 am UTC (link)
Rina cringed as if he'd hit her, folding herself back down into the chair and hunching over her knees. His voice had sounded closer to pleading than she'd ever wanted to hear it.

"I'm sorry, I-- I didn't mean to. I just... give me a second, okay?" Her shoulders hitched in a short, pained laugh; looking over at him, her eyes were wide and bright. "I just got back ten minutes ago; that's when I heard about this. I haven't even gotten the chance to hardly look at your record yet."

Setting the files aside, she squeezed her eyes shut for a long moment, and raked nerveless fingers through her still-dripping hair. "Okay," she announced firmly, standing up, more to settle herself than for his benefit. Bending over the cage of warped and wrenched metal and sinew, she tried to pretend that it belonged to someone else.

"Blood-flow is good, and the bleed-out of chakra is well staunched. Everything is sterile--" her own design for the sterilization seals, from so long ago; it almost made her laugh. Almost. "--and the groundwork seems to be laid for the beginnings of the repairs." Her eyes were dry, and her voice was steady. It was like a picture in a textbook; a problem to be solved.

"I'm not sure what they're waiting for, though. Everything seems to be ready for the surgery. It's not like Ito-sensei to wait this long." Picking up the file, she flipped through, skimming pages of handwriting and sketches that wavered with exhaustion, searching for the reason.

There. Back at the very beginning, when they'd first brought him in. Extreme chakra depletion, it said, and a suspicion of one-handed seals. A two-person translocation over miles.

Impersonality took a direct hit, and tottered, reeling. "Genma, you didn't--" she whispered, then tried to get a hold of herself again.

"With your chakra depletion, they've had to wait. Combined with the lung damage and the rest of your injuries, the full repairs on your hand would cause too much strain. They're piecing it out in short bursts, but it's taking longer than last time. You weren't gone as long--" gone, as if it had been a vacation "--but overall, your body is weaker."

She sat back down, but only perched on the edge of the chair this time, as if at any second she'd need to get up and intervene. What she thought she could do, she didn't know. "You asked me not to lie, and I won't. If too much scar tissue forms, you won't be able to use the hand anymore; the chakra channels will close up. But I swear to you, we'll do everything we can to not let that happen." Disconnectedness was fading, and leaving both helplessness and determination in its wake. "I have some designs I'd been working on with Ito-sensei; they should help dissolve some of the scar tissue, if it starts to form. Besides that, we'll just have to get you better, and work fast."

Reaching forward slowly so as not to startle him, she rested a hand on the bed-rail, well away from where his hand hung suspended. She still didn't dare touch him, not and risk him injuring himself again; this was as close as she could get.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 06:09 am UTC (link)
Genma let her words glide above him. Medical words, explanations. He'd heard them from Ito-sensei--heard about blood flow and chakra flow maintained, about bone fragments and alignments, and nerves damaged but not severed. About surgeries coming, not one but several, to put it all right. He'd heard about scarring, and the risks, and gotten hefty doses of thick, oily medicine designed to prevent the damaged chakra channels from closing up. The drugs oozed through the IV, and made him feel nauseated and dizzy for hours after every dose. It was worth it, Ito-sensei had said. Raidou had said. It was worth it, he'd agreed, if it meant that he'd be able to return to active duty.

Looking at Rina's stricken face, feeling the emptiness of the vacant bed next to his, Genma had to wonder, suddenly, if it really was.

Of course it was. It had to be.

"Rina-chan." He turned towards her. The pulley holding his hand suspended creaked a protest, and lowered his arm enough to accommodate his turn. Not far. He couldn't get far, but he could get over enough that he could bring his left leg up, aching and stiff where a healing sword gash sliced along his hip, swollen and bruised at the ankle, but up, so that his knee knocked against Rina's hand. It wasn't an embrace, but it was contact.

It was worth it. Worth the way his side flared into pain. Worth the groan, and the embarrassment when the sheet slipped aside and exposed blood-stained bandages and the indignity of a catheter.

It was contact. Her chakra was wheat-gold and brittle, light like straw, and crisp. Like herself. Exactly how it always felt. He could feel her earnestness. And her sadness. And she could feel him. He wondered how his chakra felt to her.

It wasn't Raidou, but it was a friend, Rina. It was proof he was more than just alive.

"Fuck, did you know everything's connected to everything else? And uh, can you cover me over? I wasn't actually trying to flash you." He tried for a wry smile, and achieved something close. Close enough, he hoped. "Don't look so sad, Rina-chan. It's not really that bad, is it?"

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 06:10 am UTC (link)
"Genma, you idiot," she murmured again, but with fondness this time. Flicking the sheet back up over his hips, she tucked it in gently on either side. "You won't be winning any beauty contests for the next few weeks, I can tell you that." She humored him with a smile.

He hadn't flinched when she'd touched him; had, in fact, reached out himself. With his knee, of all the ridiculous ideas...

"No, it's not that bad." With her other hand, she stretched out--oh so slowly, fingers curved to present no danger--to brush lank, sweaty hair off his forehead. Images of her little brother with a raging fever, scared and alone, flashed through her mind; not that Genma was ever scared. "It can't be that bad. You're here, aren't you?"

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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 06:13 am UTC (link)
"Not just me," Genma said. "Rai made it. I thought... I thought... At the end... I thought he didn't." He trailed off, head turning again towards the empty bed, then back towards her hand, cool against his cheek. He lay still, feeling his heart beat, listening to the slow chirp of the monitor in time with the pulses.

"Can you find out... find out if he's okay? Find out how much longer he's gonna be down there? I mean he's probably fine. He was fine when they took him. A little drugged up, but he had to be. They drug us up whenever they change bandages or, or you know. For me. With the seals. And he was getting his burns cleaned so, so they had to. To drug him up, I mean. He's probably... He's fine, right?"

He could hear his voice cracking, hear something like the panic that had been riding just under his skin ever since they'd taken Raidou away trying to break free. Rina's hand on his cheek had gone still, her face closed and guarded.

Had she read the debriefer's notes? It was obvious, wasn't it? She knew what had happened to them. Everyone knew what had happened. He'd told her himself, Sago the Butcher. It was obvious. He should have taken those pills. Should have swallowed them. Should have let them treat him like a psych patient. It was obvious, even to Rina, who'd only been here ten minutes. He was one.

He laughed. "I'm not really as cracked as I seem. I just..." That empty bed. "I just keep remembering that feeling. That he was gone. I need to, you know, to get it... to get it in my head he's okay. Gonna be okay."

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 06:14 am UTC (link)
Suppressing her sudden chill, Rina forced her hand back into its automatic motion, smoothing down Genma's bed-ruffled hair and reassuring herself with the warmth of his skin. He was here; he'd be fine, just like he'd been the time before, and the time before that, and even the time before that.

Even so, she didn't want to leave him there alone. Not when he'd come so close to losing far more than just the use of his left hand. Not when he looked like that, talked like that. Not when he'd come so close to breaking himself more than she could fix.

Still, she reluctantly pulled her hand back. All he'd ever had to do was ask; she'd always been weak against his questions.

"Down in the burn unit, right?" Her voice was low, with edges roughened by weariness and lingering tension. "I can go check on him for you. Don't move, okay?" The corners of her lips curved up into a tired grin, attempting to find the humor in her own joke. Then, folding herself out of the plushly decrepit armchair, she reached over to gently ruffle his hair one more time, and padded out the door.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 06:18 am UTC (link)
Genma reached up to brush his hair back as soon as she left, mimicking her motion, still feeling the cool touch of her fingers on his skin. Even the effort to lift his hand was exhausting, tinged with pain. He lay still against the bedding, feeling as pale and thin as the sheets. Listening to his echoed heartbeat measuring out the time in a steady trickle of hushed beeps.

If waiting for one person had been agony, waiting for two was torture. Why was it taking her so long? Were there complications? What if Raidou had taken a sudden turn for the worse as soon as they removed the sealed bandages? What if those carefully calligraphed lines had been concealing a festering mess of gangrenous sores? He could almost smell the sick odor of decay, could see far too easily Raidou's face and chest dissolving in blood-cratered rot.

Footsteps outside the door made his heart race, but the walker passed by, talking in low tones to someone else. Where was Rina? How long had it been?

Where was Raidou?

When the door shushed open again at last, he startled so hard he set the chakra monitor trilling a warning of a spike.

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 06:18 am UTC (link)
"Genma, don't--" Rina saw the seals on his hand flare, but they managed to contain the momentary surge, filtering and dispersing the errant chakra down to nothing. She still ran a brief check, scanning the elaborately layered bulwarks insulating his destroyed chakra-channels for any hint of a disturbance. "You need to be more careful!" Her chiding tone was thickly overlaid with worry.

Thinking for a moment about that, she frowned. "Don't they have you on chakra-suppressors?" After a moment of flipping through his file, though, she had her answer: he still barely had enough chakra to suppress.

Rina's shoulders sank, and she sagged back into the armchair. They were such a mess, him and his partner Raidou. By now, this kind of thing shouldn't suprise her--but somehow, it always did.

"Raidou is fine, Genma, you don't have to worry."

'Fine' was something of an overstatement. When she'd peeked in the window, Raidou's normally caramel-colored skin had been bleached white with strain; his clenched jaw and the tightly corded muscles in his neck forcefully reminded her why the burn rooms were soundproofed. After she'd confirmed the details of his condition with a nurse, the echoes of the screams she couldn't hear had still followed her back down the hallway.

"He'll be back soon," she reassured Genma in the lightest tone she could manage. "They're almost done. Fujita-sensei was just re-patterning the seal-bandages as I left, and he's one of the very best there is. Well, besides me, of course," she added in an attempt to make Genma smile.

It didn't work.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 06:21 am UTC (link)
"Thank you," Genma said quietly. He let his right hand rest against the bed rail, as close to the empty bed as he could reach. He tried to bring his knee up again, to be in contact with Rina, if only a little. It felt like trying to move through quicksand, thick and cloying. Sweat beaded his forehead from the effort.

"I know... I know he's not fine. But there's no infection, right? As long as there's no infection..." He let his voice trail off, eyes on Rina's tense face. She leaned forward, sliding her chair closer to the bed. One hand reached out to touch his knee, the other went to his head, smoothing his hair back in slow, gentle strokes.

For a moment he closed his eyes and let himself be soothed. But it was wrong. Not Raidou's rough, calloused hand on his cheek. Not Raidou's rich evergreen chakra connecting to his own. He shook his head slightly, pulling his face away from her touch.

He'll be back soon, she'd said. He could trust that. Could make himself trust that. She wouldn't lie to him.

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 06:22 am UTC (link)
He'd shaken her off.

Hurt and confused, Rina pulled her hand back, tiredly rubbing her left shoulder in an attempt to ease the sharp pang of rejection. "No infection, not that the nurses knew about, anyway. They're being very careful." She'd seen countless iterations of her own sterilization seals, among others, sprawled across Raidou's crimson-flayed chest in stalwart ink. What Fujita's seals lacked in elegance, they more than made up for in sheer solid stubbornness; no infection would be getting past that particular barrier, not if Fujita had anything to say about it.

In a better time, if she hadn't been disarrayed and dirt-tired and nearly nauseous with worry, she might have smiled at the thought; she liked Fujita. Instead, she just patted Genma's knee gently, curled both arms around the file-folder pressed to her chest, and pulled herself deeper into the depths of the armchair.

He'd never rejected her before.

"I don't suppose you want to talk about it?" She looked up at him, half-hopefully, but her voice was resigned and flat; it wasn't really a question.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 06:26 am UTC (link)
Genma turned his head towards her and gave her a puzzled look when she pulled away. She looked tired. And sad. Curled up in the chair and clutching the folder like a shield, she seemed small. "Talk about it?" he asked. "Do you... do you want me to talk about it? I talked to Intel yesterday... maybe day before yesterday. All night, actually. It was night when the debriefer showed up. I guess they'd been waiting for me to wake up..." He trailed off, searching Rina's face for a reaction. "You read all that? You.... you just got back from a mission, right? But you look like you already know I was... I was out for a few days."

Rina winced and looked away, as if she couldn't bear to meet his gaze. Genma remembered that look. He'd gotten it from friends and comrades in those first few weeks back from Iwa, four years ago. A look that said I know you were tortured, I know you nearly died, and I don't want to think about it.

She'd heard. Everyone in ANBU had probably heard by now. He'd be seeing a lot of that look in the coming days. He should get used to it.

But she'd asked him to talk about it. He couldn't quite figure that out. Or maybe she meant something else. Maybe Raidou? "His burns... They weren't that bad, really. I mean compared to what they could have been. They were from a heated rake, not an open flame, so the wounds were... they were narrow furrows. I don't think he'll need grafts. It's just... It's Raidou. He already had.... He already had scars there. From the war. Burns. And that sadist Sago went right for them. Wanted to get me to talk, and they tried to use Raidou against me. Made me watch."

His eyes flicked to his caged left hand, and away. His right hand rose to his throat, picking at the bandages hiding the healing garrote marks. "They made him watch, too. He didn't break. I didn't break. But..."

But. But how much closer could either one of them have come?

"You don't really want me to talk about it, do you?"

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 06:27 am UTC (link)
"I--" Rina shifted uncomfortably. Of course she didn't; not really. She'd much prefer to read the dry and dispassionate report in his medical records, rather than having to listen to her friend choke out a still-fresh accounting of his sojourn in Hell. But... "Only if you want to. To talk to someone other than Intel, I mean. If it would help." Her voice faded out as it went, became less confident.

Saying it that way, it didn't seem as if it would help. But he'd talked to her before, sometimes. The first time. When it had been late at night, and the drugs hadn't been working, and she'd sat with him to ease the pain as best she could.

She'd cried for him, sometimes, when he couldn't cry himself.

Maybe he talked to Raidou now, instead, about those things. She realized that she didn't know; they hadn't been as close, in recent days. Since she'd joined ANBU, really, or even before. It was funny how that worked; ANBU brought some people together, whereas others it just split apart.

"You don't need to talk, if you don't want to. Maybe you've had enough of talking." If the best way she could help him was to sit there in silence, a quiet companion while he waited for Raidou to return, she'd be more than happy to do that, too.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 06:29 am UTC (link)
Genma went still and quiet, watching her curled over the folder. It all felt so strangely familiar, lying in a hospital bed with his aching hands encased in exoskeletons of steel and seals. With Rina sitting next to him, somber-faced, to listen if he wanted to talk. At least it was just one hand, this time. Just one.

This time was altogether different. They'd gotten themselves out of captivity. Captivity that had lasted a day or two at best, not weeks. Before, Genma had been a sole survivor; Kobo and Seijuro hadn't made it back. But Raidou had. No matter what else happened, Raidou had made it back. They'd both made it back.

"It's... It's okay," he said haltingly. His throat felt raw, edged with rust. "It's not.... It's not like before. It's not that bad." He smiled and knocked his knee against the bed rail again. "Remember how skinny I was then? I'm way better this time. Remember that thick stuff they made me drink, like, every four hours before? They're making me drink it, but like, twice a day. And it's better. They fixed the flavor in the last four years."

He thought he saw a hint of a smile trace over her lips. Light her downcast eyes. Or maybe he just wanted it to be there. "You remember when you smuggled in that chocolate ice cream for me? And then you had to spoon feed me, cause both my hands--" His voice faltered. "Well. You remember."

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 06:30 am UTC (link)
She had smiled just a hair, a fractional softening of her eyes; she struggled not to let it fade at his hesitation. "I think you enjoyed that spoon feeding a little too much," Rina chided playfully. "And I won't even get into the time with the raspberry truffles. I swear, you should come with a warning label." Even starved and dosed up on painkillers, Genma'd had a certain unkillable charm. Mostly healed, well-nourished, and still bedridden, he'd been dangerous.

Out of sheer habit, her hand slid around to her side pocket, where she used to hide the illicit snacks she snuck in. Usually she'd had at least something there, when she came to visit him in the hospital.

Instead, her hand fetched up against smooth, heather-gray cotton. There wasn't even a pocket. She'd barely had time to pull on a sports bra under her loose-hanging white t-shirt; she certainly hadn't managed to grab him a chocolate bar.

"Next time, I'll bring you some truffles. After the surgery, okay? But only if you're good, taking all your medicine and resting when you're supposed to." She was mostly teasing, but she really hoped that he did; even usually-mild Ito-sensei said that ANBU were by far the most recalcitrant patients. Rina'd had considerable success with bribes in the past, and wasn't above using them. "I'll bring Raidou some, too. I know yours, but what's his favorite kind of chocolate?"

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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 06:33 am UTC (link)
"Rai likes that kind with coffee beans in it. I think. I don't see him eating a lot of chocolate," Genma admitted, glancing towards the empty bed as if it would remind him. "I mean... That's weird, you know? I just... I never noticed what he likes. I should know. I should know that. He likes the sesame and raisin rat bars, but not the pineapple ones. And he drinks his coffee black, unless it's for breakfast and there's nothing else to eat, and then he adds cream and sugar enough to give him some calories..."

He stared into space, not seeing Rina or hospital walls. His right hand balled in an unconscious fist on the sheets, and his tongue worked furiously in his mouth, worrying at the gap where his false tooth had been removed.

He should know. He should know what kind of chocolate Raidou liked. He couldn't explain to himself why he should know, and he was pretty certain Raidou would tell him he was being neurotic if he asked. His leg against the bed rail jiggled. Anxiety mounting.

Rina brought his focus back into the room when she leaned forward. "You okay, Genma?" she asked.

"Yeah. Yeah," he answered, making himself still. "Just... You know. Too many days in bed. Too many drugs. Too much waiting." He laughed, but the humor was brittle and unsavory. His tongue flickered back to the gap where the second right lower bicuspid should be. He could feel his dry lips cracking and splitting with the motion, caught Rina's eyes on his face, the worry in her expression.

"I lost that tooth. You know the one? The fake that I had that two-part necrotoxin in? I had to use it. That's how we got out. Well, part of how." Thinking about the foaming black poison, the cloud of sweet-noxious gas, and the damage it had done to his targets and himself, made the rawness in his throat and chest flare to life, and he coughed. "See?" he continued, ignoring the coughing and opening his mouth enough to show Rina the gap. "Now I gotta get a new one. Good thing my immunities worked, you know? For a second there I wasn't sure they would. That stuff's really harsh. Tastes like hell, too."

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 06:35 am UTC (link)
"I was never very enthusiastic about that thing..." Rina laughed weakly. "Good thing you didn't listen to me, I guess." She obediently looked at the space where the tooth had been, wincing at his chapped and bleeding lips. They kept a small tub of vaseline on the side table; she reached over and unscrewed the top, hesitating for a moment before holding it out near his uninjured right hand. Time was, she'd have spread it on his lips herself, and thought nothing of it--

But this wasn't that time. Something was different; she could feel it. She missed the closeness they'd had.

It was her own fault though, really, getting caught up in her missions and her side-research, not putting enough effort into keeping up with old friends. And then something like this happened, and she wasn't even close enough to comfort him. She hoped Raidou was; it sounded like it. She hoped they were close enough to comfort each other.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 06:36 am UTC (link)
It took Genma a moment to understand what Rina wanted, holding the salve out to him. He gave it a nervous laugh, and waved his hand at it. "My lips are that bad, huh?" He could taste blood when he licked them, feel the roughness there. "Remember how bad they were after that mission I had to the mountains up towards the northeast? It's a real handicap being an Eros agent with easily chapped lips."

He dipped his finger into the ointment and brought it up to smear across his mouth, dabbing gingerly at the worst of the cracks. "You brought me that stuff made from beeswax and aloe sap. Fixed them right up." And she'd put it on him. And kissed it back off. It seemed so remote now, like something that had happened to someone else.

Maybe he was someone else now. Or maybe she was. She seemed sad. Distant.

"Rina..." He wasn't sure what to say. And he couldn't sit still. Couldn't stop thinking about the empty bed next to his, and the sling holding his arm. His hand. Which he wasn't thinking about. He felt just a little crazy. At least Rina was there, even if she was tired, and distracted, and sad. "Don't leave, okay? Tell me about your mission. Or something. Okay?"

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 06:37 am UTC (link)
She hadn't planned to leave. She was still here.

"My mission?" Rina curled her shoulders, uncomfortable in the silence. "It wasn't anything particularly special." Tracking through the woods, herself and two others. Her larger gourd of ink slung across her back, ringed with seals and full enough that it didn't slosh. Emptied of its contents, by the time they'd staggered home.

"An ambush, you know? We set one. Like that time with the Cloud-nin, remember?" That one had been shockingly horrific at the time--she hadn't been in ANBU then--but looking back, she could smile. They'd been close then, back-to-back and meshing like two kunai in the same hand. She'd felt like she'd known him, then.

Though maybe that was just his level of skill, that he could fight like that with anyone. She didn't know; it was impossible to tell. Still, maybe she should request a mission with him, once he recovered. When he recovered. They'd worked well together, and they were both in ANBU now, right? Or did he only do missions with Raidou, these days?

Anyway-- "You haven't seen my new trap-seal yet, have you? I haven't managed to compress it into scroll form yet--" it sprawled over meters, serpentine and unwieldy "--but it's pretty impressive, if I do say so myself. Didn't work this time, of course," because traps never actually caught the targets; that was something she'd learned in ANBU. "But it was a good start."

She smiled softly, a little wistful. "Once you're better and going on missions again, make sure to mention my name if you need a seal specialist, okay? I miss seeing you. It's been a while."

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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 06:39 am UTC (link)
"Yeah," Genma said quietly. "I kind of forgot you're in ANBU now. I mean I know you are. I mean, I argued with you about it, didn't I? So it's not like I don't know. Or like you listen to me." He laughed dryly, set himself coughing again, and ended up curled over himself with a pillow held against his ribs. When Rina leaned in, looking worried, he waved her off.

"Coughing's good for me. 'Specially since I was on a vent..." He saw her eyes widen a fraction. "You knew that, right? I mean, someone told you, right?" No one had told her anything, he realized, and called himself a moron. She was just back from what sounded like a grueling mission, maybe not even a successful one, from the way she was talking about her traps having failed. Who would have told her?

"Your mission. Did you get your targets? You're not hurt or anything, right?" His eyes narrowed, focusing under bruises, looking her over with the same intensity he usually turned on Raidou--would turn on Raidou again as soon as the nurses wheeled him back, bandaged and pale, from his burn treatments.

The urge to move overcame him again, and he kicked restless legs under the sheets, grimacing as the movement pulled on healing injuries. But he couldn't keep still. His eyes darted over Rina, head to toe and back, over and over. "You look tired. Are you hurt?"

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 06:40 am UTC (link)
"I'm fine, I'm fine." Rina waved a hand, smiling, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. Rather than being comforting, Genma's single-minded focus made her feel even more off-kilter. "My teammates protected me--I stayed back. I'm not really a heavy combat specialist, you know?" His gaze pinned her, like he was looking straight through her into someone else.

"Shinji and Chirumi--you know them? I was paired with them this time. We were ambushing, but there were more of them than we expected, and they had a double set of decoys--" She cut herself off, skimming over confusion and fire and the high-pitched screams of horses, orderly splatters of ink and spilled blood marking the boundaries. "Anyway--" She pulled in a deep breath, centering herself back in the here-and-now with a flash of satisfaction. "It worked the second time."

Rina watched him fidget, his bandages scraping noisily across the crisp sheets, and something in her softened. "Honestly, Genma. Can't you sit still, ever? If I wasn't tired to start, I would be just looking at you."

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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 06:43 am UTC (link)
In truth, Genma was easily as tired as Rina, or close to it, but he couldn't be still. Couldn't. He tried, but the sensations crawling under his skin were too powerful to overrule, and soon he found himself twitching. Kicking. Tugging the sheet up, pushing it down, desperately needing to stretch, not caring how badly the movement pulled on healing incisions and mending wounds.

Only his hand stopped him, twinging in its cage-like splint, dangling in its traction sling. And he wasn't thinking about his hand.

What he needed was a smoke. A run. To stop hurting. To see Raidou. It was just nerves. Anxiety. Aftermath of the mission. It would go away. Had to go away.

"So your trap worked after all?" he asked, forcing himself to focus on Rina. On seeming normal. On sitting still. "I don't know which Shinji you were with, but there's only one Chirumi. She's skilled. Good tracker. You were tracking, right?"

His leg twitched. Then his shoulder. He glowered down at himself, trying to send the unpleasant sensations out of his mind. "Gods, it's hot in here. I don't know why they have to have the heat on so high," he complained, and jerked his chin to the side, shaking hair back out of his eyes.

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 06:43 am UTC (link)
"Yeah, tracking--to set up the ambush. Her fuuma shuriken pretty much saved my neck, too," Rina began, but anything else she'd been going to say faded into distraction as she leaned in to peer at one of the chakra monitors hanging next to Genma's bed. "Genma, are you sure that they have your dosage calculated properly? Because if I didn't know better, I'd swear that--"

Right on cue, the monitors burst into a chorus of anharmonic screeching bare inches in front of her face. Her back was pressed against the curve of the armchair before she even realized she'd moved--mission nerves, gotta love 'em--but she managed to keep herself still as a rush of footsteps in the hallway rapidly converged upon Genma's door.

Two nurses pushed through, their lips pressed together in shared consternation, and Rina stretched up in her chair to watch anxiously as they frowned at the squalling monitors and traded unreadable glances. Finally, after apparently coming to some unspoken consensus, the younger nurse nodded sharply and darted out of the room, while the remaining nurse set to methodically silencing the alarms, grumbling under her breath all the while.

Rina was sitting close enough that she caught some of the muttered imprecations, mostly rather uncomplimentary observations about ornery ANBU and their complete lack of anything resembling common sense. Since Rina knew for a fact that this particular nurse had been working the ANBU wing for quite a while and was well-acquainted with ninja hearing, she assumed she had been meant to overhear.

"Nothing too serious, I hope, Matsuko-san?" Rina asked lightly, her tone belying her concern. Beside them, Genma continued to fidget restlessly on the bed, his focus jumping between observing the proceedings and trying to bore a hole in the far wall using his eyes alone.

Matsuko shook her head briefly, once, and then her partner burst back through the door, half-filled syringe in hand. Matsuko continued to grumble at Rina, but Rina couldn't really focus on it, her attention caught by the pale and bandaged figure on the bed. The younger nurse seemed oblivious to Matsuko's grousing as well; her limp brown hair spilled forward over tensed shoulders as she snagged Genma's right wrist mid-twitch and smoothly injected the syringe's contents.

"I hope you know this will go on your record," Matsuko added, turning towards Genma with a disapproving frown. The other nurse reached out a calming hand to settle on Matsuko's shoulder, and Rina looked back and forth between them, unsure what conclusion to draw.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 06:47 am UTC (link)
"What's going on my record?" Genma asked sullenly. "What record? Please tell me you're not threatening to tell the Hokage on me." He rolled his eyes. "I really don't think he's going to care."

"Your chart," the younger nurse said. "We have to chart the fact that you had a general chakra surge and slump, and what medications we gave you to manage that." She looked at Rina, then at Genma, her expression serious. "Come on, Genma-san, we know you have some medical training. How hard would you have to think about it if a patient under your care, who was on the medications you're on, had a sudden surge-slump reaction, was agitated, and had an elevated temperature?"

Genma's lips twisted into a pout. Caught.

Matsuko smiled in satisfaction at that little admission of guilt.

"It's a balancing act, Genma-san. And you'll feel much better if you just take your medicine as scheduled. You trust Ito-sensei, don't you?"

The drugs the nurse had injected were starting to make Genma dizzy, making his thoughts ooze like syrup. When he turned his head to glance at Rina, then back at the nurse, he felt the whole world lurch.

"I trust him," he said carefully. "But I don't like being drugged. I can't keep... keep good watch... if I'm drugged." He let his head loll against the pillow, too tired to hold it up. "You gave me too much."

"I gave you what Ito-sensei prescribed," the nurse countered. "It's just hitting you harder because it was IV."

"Maybe next time you'll take your pill when it's given to you," Matsuko added.

"Fine. Okay? You win, I'm drugged." Genma turned his head towards Raidou's empty bed, then back to Rina, appealing to her with his eyes. She would understand. Maybe. Someone had to understand. At least she'd been there before. Understood how badly he'd hated the drugs before.

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 06:47 am UTC (link)
Mission partners, keeping watch over each other even in the ANBU wing of the Konoha hospital; even in one of the safest places in the world. It had seemed near incomprehensible to her when she was seventeen, to pile such unnecessary strain onto already struggling bodies and scattered minds.

It made sense now, of course.

"I'll watch," Rina told him softly. "Both of you, if you want. I have to wait for Ito-sensei, anyway."

She'd done it before, keeping watch. When cocktails of chemicals had clouded Genma's sharp eyes and slurred his speech; when the pain from his injuries and from her seals had cut through even that protection. If it made him feel better, as it had then, then it was no hardship.

"He should be back soon, I think." The younger nurse had joined Matsuko in confirming the stabilizing signals on the rest of the monitors, but she turned back briefly to give Rina a tentative smile. "Maybe an hour or so?"

"Better be two, if I have anything to say about it," Matsuko grumbled.

"--which you don't," the second nurse cut in with the familiar air of an old argument. Matsuko ignored her, continuing to focus on the slowly-refreshing displays, and she just turned back to her work, shaking her head in amused exasperation.

Watching the honed edges of Genma's eyes and wit fade into a drugged, stumbling vagueness always tugged at something in Rina's chest, but she smiled at him anyway, trying to ignore the way his pleading gaze didn't quite connect. "If you're not careful, I might tell Raidou about this kind of thing," she teased gently. "What would your mission partner say, if he knew you were skipping pills?"

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[info]fallen_senbon
2009-08-30 06:54 am UTC (link)
"He'd say I was an idiot," answered Genma. He had to push each word out carefully through the dense fog of the chakra-suppressing sedatives. It felt like being wrapped in layer after layer of gauzy spiderweb, sticky and confining, but as insubstantial as smoke. A gossamer prison.

Matsuko straightened from the monitors with a square-shouldered posture, her authority restored, and swished out the door. The other nurse--Genma couldn't remember her name: Mai? Mae?--patted Genma's knee. "Get some rest now," she told him. "And don't make your friend here worry so much. That's not a very gentlemanly thing to do." Her eyes twinkled. "Let us know if he's any more trouble," she told Rina, and left, pulling the door softly closed behind her.

"Sorry," Genma said, once the room was quiet again. He tried to focus on Rina's face, but it keep jumping around, leaving blurred traces in the air. "Gonna-- gonna close my eyes. Stuff makes me see double." He was silent a long moment, then, "Not s'much fun as bein'... drunk. We can go... go get drunk... later."

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[info]fallen_rina
2009-08-30 06:54 am UTC (link)
"Sure, Genma. Whenever you want." Her voice was soft and easy. "You can even bring Raidou, if you like." Reaching out, she tucked the blankets up under his chin and resolutely ignored a shiver of uncertainty down her spine that almost made her freeze halfway. He was her friend--had been for ages--and nothing had changed. A little distance, maybe, but they'd had distance before and managed to bridge it just fine. There was no reason for her to pull back.

Smoothing the sheets down at his sides, she smiled as he wriggled himself further into their warmth. "We can go to that club, Heaven something-or-other. I know you like it over there." He hadn't flinched at her light touch, which was reassuring. See, no problems. Everything's fine. "As soon as you're better, we'll go, okay?" Echoes of similar promises she'd made five years ago rang in her head--but she'd kept them then, and she'd keep them now, too.

He was silent for a long time, his eyelids drooping shut, and she leaned over in her chair to watch him. With his face slack, the pain lines smoothed out and he almost looked... gentle. Younger, too. "You asleep?" she whispered, and his mumbled assent made her laugh.

Settling in for the long haul, she scooted back in the ample armchair, leaving him to rest. With his medical file full of Ito-sensei's diagrams spread across her lap, she had plenty to occupy her time, and though joining him in sleep seemed extraordinarily tempting, she didn't indulge. Instead, her eyes darted up every so often to flit around the corners of the room and check on Genma's steadily monitored heartbeat, waiting for the sounds of Raidou's return.

Just like she had back when everything had been simpler, Rina kept watch.

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