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fallen_ginta ([info]fallen_ginta) wrote in [info]fallen_leaves,
@ 2008-09-20 21:00:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:ginta, kakashi

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do [closed to Ginta and Kakashi]
At a quarter past midnight, Ginta got back to Konoha from a ten-day mission. He checked in with the chuunin at the gate, stole coffee from one of them, agreed to go to the hospital to get checked out voluntarily so they didn't have to accompany him, and was mildly annoyed to notice that one of them shadowed him all the way to the hospital itself anyway.

"You can go back to your post now," he shouted at the apparently empty street. "I'm a man of my word. See? Hospital. Going in."

He didn't wait for a reply.

At nearly one in the morning he was being simultaneously stitched by a doctor on his eleventh hour and debriefed by an Intel agent who was far too perky for her own good. He was also on his third cup of coffee, and starting to feel awake again.

At one-thirty he was given a sling, a bottle of pills, and a lecture about coming back to get checked out before he resumed training from the medic, and a cheerful, "Good night, Sakamoto-san. Thank you for your hard work," from the Intel agent.

He could have gone home and crashed. He should have gone home and crashed. Instead he went prowling the silent corridors of the hospital, looking for Kakashi, Tsume and Ryouma, who were, according to sources, here, hurt all to fuck, and possibly all in the same room.

He needed to give Ryouma hell about it, if he was hurt again. Hadn't he warned the big idiot to keep his injuries to a minimum? How was he supposed to hang out with Ginta and watch zombie movies if he was always either on missions or in the hospital?

He also ought to say hello to Tsume, who was his neighbor, after all. And Kuromaru, the peach waffle thief. The nurse he got his lowdown from said it was bad. They'd nearly died. That Ryouma's jutsu had affected his own partners. He hoped the nurse had it wrong.

Then there was Kakashi, who had a real knack for getting himself trashed. He definitely needed to see about that. Not that he should still be thinking about him. It had been weeks since their half-date for his birthday, and anyway rumor had it Kakashi had hooked up with someone else the very next day.

Rumor also had it that someone else was Ryouma. Which was absurd, and not that it was any of Ginta's business anyway. He'd taken his mission as soon as he could after that. A nice long one.

The hospital halls were dim and quiet, the nurses on duty hanging out at the nursing station for the most part. Ginta was a silent little bandaged shadow slipping along the corridors. Unnoticeable. He found the right ward, the right room. He wasn't even surprised to see all of their names, including Kuromaru's, on the door. He was surprised, though, to find all three humans sleeping together in some post-orgiastic snuggle pile.

Right. They were alive. Kakashi was curled up with Ryouma like a lover. And the pain pills and antibiotics the medics had made Ginta take when they'd set him free were making him feel a little nauseated. He'd just go home to bed now.



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[info]fallen_kakashi
2008-09-20 11:07 pm UTC (link)
Kakashi wasn't deeply asleep. Tsume's family had left, finally, when the medics had forced them out, but they would be back as soon as the sun came up. And that was not a thought that led to restful slumber.

Well, unless you were Ryouma, apparently. Or Tsume herself. Both of them had lost the battle with sleep soon after the nurses had turned the ward lights off, and now Kakashi was pretty certain it would take a direct meteorite strike to wake them. Kuromaru had slipped back into unconsciousness hours ago.

But Kakashi was only dozing lightly, one leg thrown over Ryouma's, and one hand crossing his back to rest carefully on Tsume's shoulder. Neither one of them could stir without waking him instantly, which was the only reason he was sleeping at all.

And then a new scent drifted into the room, cutting under the rock-salt sadness of Tsume, and the brittle sleeping storm of Ryouma, and smacked Kakashi right in the sinus-memories. Expensive wood and sweet fruit; the warm musky drift of a hard-working man finally cooling down; blond hair, and he still wasn't sure how that translated as a scent...

He breathed in deeper, making a quiet sound, and blinked awake. For a moment, nothing had changed; the room still looked the same, shadowed now with only the faint hallway lights to pick out the details, then his gaze flicked sideways and froze on the man in the door.

Warily, Kakashi pushed himself up on one elbow, and felt Ryouma's hand slip off his hip; he kept his own arm carefully across both sleeping ninja. "Who--" he hesitated. "Ginta?"

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[info]fallen_ginta
2008-09-20 11:10 pm UTC (link)
"Go back to sleep," Ginta murmured. He turned on his heel. Slipped away as silently as he could. He shouldn't have come. Shouldn't have seen that. It wasn't like he had any reason to care who Kakashi slept with. Or Ryouma. And he was tired. It was the medicine making him feel shaky and sick to his stomach.

It had been a long, hard mission, and he'd spent the whole thing sharply focused and not thinking about an unmasked, pale face with one big grey eye and one big red one under a shock of hair even more unruly that his own. He'd spent nearly two weeks telling himself that those birthday kisses had meant nothing, that he wasn't interested anyway, and if Kakashi wanted to boff someone on the riverbank the very next day after that stupid half-date, so what? Ginta might have done the same thing, if he'd had the opportunity. It just hadn't come up.

Stupid, he'd called himself a thousand times, in idle moments on that mission. Stupid, egotistical fool, thinking there was something to pursue there. Stupid for obsessing about a guy he really hardly knew. Stupid for being jealous of a friend getting something good.

He was halfway down the hall when his twisted ankle caught wrong and he stumbled against the wall. Stupid for getting hurt on his mission, too, he told himself bitterly, and massaged his aching foot, sitting on the floor. He hoped none of the nurses would notice him, but he just didn't have the energy to put up a genjutsu to hide behind.

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[info]fallen_kakashi
2008-09-20 11:11 pm UTC (link)
Definitely Ginta. Kakashi stared at the empty door and tried to wrap his mind around the fact that Ginta had been there and then left. When that proved unproductive, he shook his head quickly, trying to wake up, and checked Ryouma and Tsume. They were both still asleep. Tsume had her bandaged face a scant inch from Ryouma's bare shoulder; her arm wrapped around his middle, slim fingers splayed over his stomach. Ryouma was dead to the world.

For an agonized second, Kakashi hesitated. They were in Konoha, in the hospital, safe. But--

He looked at the door again. That had been Ginta.

If he just went to the door, then he'd be blocking the only exit into the room. The windows were fixed closed; no one could get in that way. Then he could find out what the hell was going on without breaking his promise not to leave.

He slid carefully out of the bed, crossing his arms over his naked chest, and padded bare-foot over the cold tile floor. Kuromaru, with his cot pushed close to the door, was utterly still and quiet save for the hiss of oxygen. Kakashi skirted him and stepped just over the threshold.

Ginta was down the hallway, cross-legged on the floor and rubbing one of his feet. He was wearing full ANBU-armour with his mask hooked onto his belt. Kakashi stared at him, suddenly conscious of his own complete lack of armour. Of clothes in general, really. He still had the pyjama pants and surgeon's mask--now slightly the worse for wear--but compared to the black and bone of Konoha's elite, that wasn't much.

He crossed his arms tighter, then dropped them abruptly to his sides in an attempt at nonchalance. "What the hell are you doing, jackass?"

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[info]fallen_ginta
2008-09-20 11:16 pm UTC (link)
Ginta looked up at the wan figure leaning out of the doorway, and felt suddenly ten times more exhausted. Kakashi looked like hell in nothing but pajama bottoms and an absurd medical mask. He should have looked lean and sexy, half-naked like that. Instead he looked pale, vulnerable. It broke Ginta's resolve to get this man out of his mind and out of his heart like a straw breaking under an ox's hoof.

"Leaving. I just finished getting stitched up, or were the bandages and this stupid sling not an obvious enough clue, genius?" Somehow the words came out with almost as much bitterness as the bile Ginta felt roiling in his gut. He pushed himself to his feet, felt the ankle give way again, and made a hasty grab for the wall to steady himself. "Go back to bed."

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[info]fallen_kakashi
2008-09-20 11:19 pm UTC (link)
Kakashi's carefully constructed plan of getting to the door and going no further evaporated. He glanced down the hallway, saw no one but Ginta, and let the door click quietly into place behind him. Ryouma--and Tsume--would be fine for one minute, provided he stayed in sight of the room.

"I'm not tired," he said, when no witty comeback presented itself, and walked slowly down the hallway. Instinct demanded he haul Ginta up and drag him to the nearest doctor, but that brittle-edged snarl warned him to keep his distance, even if Ginta had called him genius.

He halted out of arms-reach, and looked the other ninja over. Bandages and sling were well in evidence, suggesting Ginta had just gotten back from a mission--if the armour hadn't been clue enough. He looked tired, but sharp edges glinted in the weary set of his face. All his weight was on one foot.

Kakashi wrestled with the urge to reach out and steady him, especially when he got close enough to smell the nausea slicing through Ginta's scent, but he forced himself to shove his hands into his pockets instead. Or would have, if his pyjama pants had pockets. After a startled fumble, he hooked his thumbs into the elasticated waistband.

And then he didn't know what to say.

Finally he nodded at Ginta's injured ankle. "Your doctor sucks."

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[info]fallen_ginta
2008-09-20 11:23 pm UTC (link)
"Yeah. I didn't tell them about this. They'd have made me stay, and I've been here long enough already. Too long." Too long, and I should have gone home, and then I wouldn't be having this conversation in the hall with you. Ginta looked down at his bruised foot. At the tile. At anything but Kakashi, who was standing too close and pissing him off just being there.

"So what'd you do to get yourself fucked up this time? And do you always sleep with straight guys, or is this some kind of new kink for you?" He was too tired for this. Too angry. Anger was your enemy, it robbed you of detachment. Detach. Detach. Kakashi was none of his concern at all. He could fuck whom he pleased. He blew out a sharp breath, and raised his head, giving Kakashi a sharp-eyed look.

"Forget it."

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[info]fallen_kakashi
2008-09-20 11:24 pm UTC (link)
Kakashi stilled. His open eye, cast darker in the shadow of his hair, went flat as he met Ginta's stony blue gaze. "I don't forget things," he said tonelessly. "All part of--" being a freak, "--the genius gig, remember?"

There was some irony in Ginta lying to his doctors and then getting mad at Kakashi for apparently having the gall to get injured, but Kakashi suddenly wasn't in the mood to appreciate it. Ginta was talking about straight men and sex while his scent went red with some nasty twist of hurt and anger, and Kakashi didn't know what his problem was. What did it matter who he slept with?

Or was Ginta just mad Kakashi hadn't slept with him?

"You're the one who fell asleep," he said, glancing back to check the door. "If you woke up wanting, that wasn't my fault." The words were cold, but he was done stepping carefully around the people that wanted to get close; it hadn't worked with Ryouma, throwing barbs in his face, but it might work with Ginta. Might keep Kakashi from having to carry one more death on his conscience.

He'd slept with Ryouma twice. How had that even happened?

"Can you limp home?" he asked Ginta, "Or do I need to call a medic?"

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[info]fallen_ginta
2008-09-20 11:28 pm UTC (link)
"Don't bother, I don't need to be saved." Ginta pushed away from the wall and started to stalk away. His shoulders were tight, high around his neck, and the sling was an irritation almost enough to distract from his ankle. The whole thing was irritating. Kakashi and his stupid insistence he didn't need friends. Ginta made it all of three paces before the combination of pain, fatigue and too much caffeine on top of two weeks of brooding lit a match to the powder keg. He whirled around and glared at Kakashi.

"You have a lot of fucking ego, you know that? Thinking you control everything, like who lives or dies. Don't pretend that's not what this is about. You're the one who practically has a stroke any time someone uses the word friend with you. You think you're safe if you only fuck unavailable guys like Ryouma? Well forget it, you're underestimating him. He's the kind of guy who, once he's decided your in his inner circle, is never letting you go. So if you think ditching me for him was gonna get you off the hook on the whole friendship thing, think again. He's ten times worse than I am."

He had to pause for breath then, had to fight the tremor in his voice. "I don't know why the hell I care so much. Asshole." He didn't know why he was still standing there, either.

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[info]fallen_kakashi
2008-09-20 11:29 pm UTC (link)
It was easy to forget, sometimes, when you spent all your time watching people, that sometimes they were watching you back. Figuring things out that you never wanted anyone to know. Gearing up to kick you in the chest with them.

If Kakashi's legs hadn't felt suddenly numb, he might have taken a step back. Ginta was wrong. He was so wrong. Ryouma--

Wasn't going anywhere. He'd said so twice, now. On the riverbank and on the roof. And Kakashi had slept with him twice, so who's fault was that?

But Ryouma was the rule-breaker, and he wasn't dead yet. He'd almost died, but he wasn't dead, and he was just enough of a force of nature to maybe keep going. Maybe keep living, if Kakashi stopped getting close enough to get him killed.

But Ginta--he'd been hurt on their very first mission. Blinded, ribs broken, sick enough to shiver his way unconscious, and that had been all Kakashi's fault. Definitely Kakashi's fault; he hadn't moved fast enough.

And then Ginta had gotten hurt again. Burned and blistered, breaking into Kakashi's apartment, trying to fix him after Sadao had played his trick twice on two people too stupid to stay away from each other.

And Kakashi still hadn't learned his lesson; he'd gone to Ginta's birthday thing. Drank too much, said too much, pulled his mask down. Gotten involved.

He wasn't sure he could break Ryouma away, now. But Ginta was a veteran; strong enough to stand without someone behind his back. Even if he smelled like grief.

He crossed his arms, hands flat against his own ribs, and tried not to remember Ginta guarding him until he could finally sleep; showing him a shadow genjutsu that made a better hiding trick than just slipping away in the dark; playing with Hoshika until her eyes sparked velvety brown with happiness; kissing him until he couldn't breathe.

"Because you're an idiot. That's why you care." He tilted his head back a fraction, letting his hair fall away, narrowing his eye. "Because you're desperate enough to see something you want, and blind enough that you can't figure out what's really here." Very carefully, he made himself smile. "There's nothing worthwhile in me, Ginta. Nothing I can give to you. Stop breaking your heart over me and go away."

He took a breath that hurt.

"Just do your job, shinobi."

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[info]fallen_ginta
2008-09-20 11:31 pm UTC (link)
"Don't give me that self-pitying load of crap!" Ginta closed the distance between himself and Kakashi in an eye blink. "I'm not desperate, I'm not blind, and you aren't going to sit there and give me some suicidal teen line about how worthless you are. I'm also not stupid. I'm a lot of things, but I have never, not once, been stupid."

They were toe-to-toe now. Ginta had to lean back to look into Kakashi's face. He could see the shadows on Kakashi's ribs move with every breath. Feel his own hot breath gusting out in sharp, angry pants.

His left hand shot up, grabbing for the back of Kakashi's neck. He rose onto his toes, pressed his injured arm in its sling between them, and kissed Kakashi hard, aggressively, right through that ridiculous surgeon's mask.

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[info]fallen_kakashi
2008-09-20 11:33 pm UTC (link)
For the second time in less than twenty-four hours, Kakashi found himself on the receiving end of a kiss that was more about lunging and grabbing than it was about asking his damn opinion. This time, at least, there was no wall for his head to crack against. Just Ginta's nails biting into the nape of his neck; Ginta's teeth catching against pale blue paper-cloth. His weight shoved against Kakashi's crossed arms, scent splintering like rusted lead and black weather.

And for one skipped heartbeat, Kakashi really didn't care. Both eyes flew wide open, one grey iris breaking from flat and dead to bright and surprised; one bloody circle spinning until the black was lost in the red. Ginta felt hot and solid, sheathed in armour and rage. Felt alive.

Kakashi grabbed him by the throat and slammed him back against the wall. The surgeon's mask fluttered wet against his lips as he breathed in short, hard gasps. His chest hurt. His right hand was around Ginta's neck, palm jammed tight against his adam's apple, feeling the hammer of blood and breath beneath skin as he balanced on the line between clenching his fingers or running like hell.

Ginta glared at him, blue eyes hot as tempered steel.

Kakashi slammed his left fist into the wall, channelling just enough chakra not to break his own fingers. "If you're not stupid," he demanded, "why are you trying to get yourself killed?"

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[info]fallen_ginta
2008-09-20 11:40 pm UTC (link)
If he'd had two good arms, Ginta could have broken the hold. Or if he'd had two good legs to stand on. But the sprained ankle destabilized him, and the arm in its sling was less than useless. He clenched his trapped hand into an angry fist, feeling stitches strain nearly to breaking, and didn't give a damn.

"You're gonna kill me?" he rasped. "You? Right now? You can barely keep yourself standing. And you don't have the nerve." He felt the fingers tighten, saw the Sharingan spinning like a carnival ride without brakes. "You don't want to kill me. You're desperately afraid I'm gonna die. Which I'm not. I'm a fuck of a lot better ninja than you give me credit for."

The jutsu activated with a pop, a sizzle of ozone in the air. A genjutsu, one he knew Kakashi would see through with his Sharingan. An illusion of a thousand Ginta's coming back from a thousand missions. "Don't take me so lightly."

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[info]fallen_kakashi
2008-09-20 11:42 pm UTC (link)
A genjutsu was one of the few attacks that could be created without seals, especially by a talented expert, but you still needed two hands to summon a kai, and Kakashi's hands were busy. Chakra swirled around him, glowing cornflower blue in the aching vision of his sharingan, built into bodies exactly like the one held tight by his right hand. More Gintas than he could count, bleeding and battered, limping and weary, but standing and breathing and glaring at him with all the heat of a man--of men--who knew they were right and he was wrong.

Kakashi closed his eyes.

"An illusion doesn't prove anything," he growled, and heard his voice break. "You think you're immortal, Ginta? Better than everyone? Think you can keep going just because you're mad enough?" He clenched his fingers, nails digging into cloth and flesh, and smacked Ginta's head against the wall. "I've seen people stronger than you break apart. Men good enough to be gods give everything they had and come up short. What makes you better than that?"

Around him, a thousand voices like liquid mercury washed together, loud enough to deafen, filling the hallway. Logic said he had to yell to be heard--roar at Ginta until he saw sense. But Ryouma and Tsume were sleeping a door away, worn out from breaking apart, and Kakashi didn't have anything left to put them back together. Didn't dare wake them up.

The noise was an illusion, one Ginta had created, but couldn't hear. All Kakashi had to do was speak.

"I'm not afraid you're going to die. I know you're going to die. But I've got no plans to be the one left hurt enough to mourn you." He shoved Ginta sideways, releasing him with a rough jerk, and stagger-stepped backwards, catching his balance blind. "And I'm not going to be the one who wears your blood on my hands. I've got enough."

He slapped his palms together, twisted the seal, and bought silence with a kai and more chakra than he wanted to give.

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[info]fallen_ginta
2008-09-20 11:44 pm UTC (link)
"I told you you didn't have what it took to kill me," Ginta gasped. He slid down the wall, rubbing his bruised throat and glaring at Kakashi. "You're right, we're all going to die. It's the fate of every living thing. Fate of the universe even. One day the goddess Amaterasu will suck the whole works back into the sun, or whatever, if you buy all that religious crap." He coughed, feeling cartilage around his windpipe crackle. He was sick of this. Sick of fighting. Sick of caring.

"You don't want to mourn me? Die first. It's that simple." He should get up and leave now. Should never have come by in the first place. Now it was impossible. That genjutsu had been draining, and he'd started out tired. He sat on the floor, feeling cool tile under his thighs. Was the wall behind him shaking, or was he?

"Go on, run away from me. Run away, coward. You make me sick. More afraid of a single friend than a hundred enemies." Ginta brought his knee up in front of himself, wrapped his left arm around it.

Why was he doing this? Why, when Kakashi was standing there spent and injured? Why, if he thought he was Kakashi's friend, if he thought there was any chance for them, was he doing this? He didn't have an answer. Maybe there wasn't one.

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[info]fallen_kakashi
2008-09-20 11:45 pm UTC (link)
And there it was. He'd done it. Hurt Ginta enough to make him hate; driven him far enough away to keep him from ever coming back. Kakashi tried to feel relieved and found he had nothing but exhaustion. A cold bite of loss edged around his ribcage. He put his hand over his face, pressing the heel of his palm against the sharingan until it flared with pain and eclipsed everything else.

"I'll die when the village doesn't need me." He dropped his hand, ripping the surgeon's mask away as he did so, crumpling it in a fist. It smelled like Ginta; he couldn't wear it. "I suggest you do the same."

He opened his right eye, blinking hard in the dim light of the hallway, and looked down. Ginta was a slender shadow against the wall, framed in black and white. Sitting down, his head didn't even come up to Kakashi's waist. He didn't look like he'd be getting up any time soon.

And Kakashi still hadn't learned his damn lesson, because he still wanted to reach out and haul him up. Get him on his feet and make sure he was okay, even though he'd been the one to put Ginta on the floor.

For a genius, sometimes he felt too stupid to live.

He pulled on his coils, gathering a scrap of chakra, and summoned an insubstantial clone; it wasn't his best construction, looking blurry around the edges, but it was still more of a ninja than he was. It was wearing his jounin uniform. His mask, that he wanted right now more than he'd ever wanted anything.

It cocked its head at him.

"Fetch a medic," he said quietly, flat-voiced. "Make sure you tell them about his ankle. Be fast."

It slipped away down the hallway like a wraith, making no sound.

Kakashi put his hand over his mouth and nose, hiding his face, and turned away. He took three steps back to the room before he paused, inhaling weary rage and expensive wood. Sweet fruit and blond hair. "Come near me again," he said softly, "and it'll be worse."

The door clicked open and closed before Ginta could respond.

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[info]fallen_ginta
2008-09-20 11:47 pm UTC (link)
Ginta sat alone in the dark, empty hallway, seeing Kakashi's bared face etched like phosphor into his mind's eye. Kakashi raging at him. Kakashi hating him. He'd brought it on himself, he told himself. Cold comfort in the aftermath of a fight he wished he hadn't picked. A fight he'd watched at the end with the fascination one watches the roof caving in on a burning building. He'd set that fire, and was astonished when the structure collapsed? How naive.

Should he take comfort in that gesture Kakashi made, sending a clone for help? Or was that condescension? Derision?

And why, now of all times, was he thinking of Tomoya again? Of fights just as bitter as this, and feeling just as drained and miserable afterwards. He'd loved Tomoya. Tomoya had loved him. How could he possibly have the same kind of reaction to Kakashi, when they had nothing together?

Footsteps, walking briskly, came echoing along the halls. Voices of medics looking for a casualty. Ginta put his head in his hands and shut his eyes. There was no solace in the tender care he was sure the medics would give him. With a weary sigh, he waited.

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[info]fallen_kakashi
2008-09-20 11:49 pm UTC (link)
The room was utterly silent. Even the steady inhale-exhale of three pairs of lungs seemed muted. Kakashi leaned against the door, hands hanging empty by his sides, and stared at nothing. Neither Ryouma or Tsume had stirred; they were too exhausted. Ryouma worn out by his tension that had built up to a break, and everything Kakashi had done to pull him back. Tsume by her family and her familiar; her daughter that wouldn't touch her, and her son that wouldn't stop.

Kuromaru might have been asleep or unconscious, but at least he was peaceful.

Kakashi's knees trembled, urging him to just slide down the door and follow Ginta's example. He made himself stand until the feeling had passed. He'd only used a kai, a second of the sharingan. Only pinned an injured man to the wall. It wasn't like he'd truly exerted himself. After five days to get his chakra back, he shouldn't be this weak.

Ryouma's scent laced the air, warm and sleepy, tangled with Tsume's. Familiar enough, now, to make him ache with the need to lie down next to them and stop thinking about anything.

think you're safe if you only fuck unavailable guys

That wasn't right. Ryouma was too available, standing with his heart in his hands and begging to get it broken.

never letting you go

But that was true.

Kakashi pushed himself away from the door and walked to the chair in the corner. It was plastic and uncomfortable, left by Yasuo after they'd run out of places for Tsume's family. He slouched down into it, drawing his legs up until he could hide his face against his knees. There was nothing in the room he could shred to make a mask without waking someone up.

It was halfway through the night. In the morning Ryouma was getting discharged. Tsume, too. He had to stay with them for as long as that took, and then...

And then...

Kakashi breathed slowly against his knees, feeling Ginta's hand on the back of his neck, and waited for the sun to rise.

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