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fallen_raidou ([info]fallen_raidou) wrote in [info]fallen_leaves,
@ 2008-03-07 00:46:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood:nauseated
Entry tags:genma, raidou

Fair Trade, Brother. [Closed to Genma & Raidou]
Backstory, set in November

Raidou woke up hot. His skin was burning, his head was splitting, and if he didn't move fast the jounin would hit him again. Rake his face with claws drenched in caustic and blister the flesh from his bones. Eat away any chance he had of being useful to Konoha. It was the war and he was only fourteen, but he was a chuunin and he could be useful. He had to be useful.

The jounin was going to hit him again. He could hear the genin screaming.

Raidou covered his face with both hands and tumbled out of bed, almost falling as he staggered to his tiny bathroom to be violently sick. He bruised his knees as he landed in front of the toilet and hunched over it like a dying man. The war was long over. Six years over. Nine years for him. Nine years worth of wearing some bastard jounin's brand and he should be over this.

It was too hot.

Raidou threw up a scalding wreck of misery until there was nothing left but dry heaves and acid. Nothing left but pain dragging through melted-healed skin. He spat bitterly and took a deep sobbing breath, pulling air into his raw throat. He was too hot. His room was too small and dark, shadowed like a hospital in mourning. His grip on the edge of the toilet seat was not enough to hold him steady.

The jounin was going to hit him again.

"He's dead," Raidou snapped at the bare tile, and swore at himself. His scar pulled as he jerked his head, trying to shake off the nightmare. The genin were screaming, he could still hear them screaming. They were screaming and he was screaming and they were all going to die--

Tile smashed as his fist hit the floor, filled with enough chakra to shatter stone. He channeled it wrong and left weak spots in the blow, a rookie mistake that cost him torn knuckles as the ceramic bit into his skin. Blood dotted the white bathroom floor, deep black in the gloom. Raidou flushed the toilet, got to his feet and splashed cold water on his face.

It was still too hot. His skin was searing. He could hear the crackle as flesh warped and fat ran and his life fell apart under three rending blows. Face to neck, shoulder to chest, and his back as he fell. He was screaming, the genin were screaming and they were all going to die.

"They're already dead," Raidou's voice was a small thing in the ringing silence of his empty room.

They shouldn't have put him in charge.

Raidou turned on one heel, snapped the seals on his door and slammed his way out into the hallway. The memory was a haemorrhage in his brain; a living twisted thing that hurt him the way the scars hurt him, nipping at his heels in the night to drive him barefoot and desperate down the corridor. He had to get out. Had to get colder. If he got cold enough it would stop. He wouldn't hear them. Wouldn't smell or see or feel.

The jounin was going to hit him again.

It was snowing outside. Maybe that would be cold enough.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-07 12:58 am UTC (link)
The walls separating the ANBU apartments from one another were thin ones--thin enough that you really couldn't help hearing what was going on in your neighbor's place if they were the least bit loud. And if you were a light sleeper, and if you were particularly attuned to keeping tabs on your neighbor because he was, for example, your best friend and someone you depended on, if he was the closest thing you had to family left in the world, well, then you'd probably wake up at the first sign of trouble in the neighboring apartment.

Genma snapped awake to the sound of pounding feet followed by agonized retching. He felt a chill slide down his spine to settle under his breastbone, fluttering anxiously against his diaphragm. Raidou was sick. Raidou was really sick. The unpleasant sounds rose and fell, silenced briefly then began again. Genma hoped it wasn't food poisoning. He'd wait for Raidou to finish throwing up before he went in to help, unless he heard Raidou fall. He hoped it wasn't real poisoning. It was unlikely. Neither of them had been on a mission in the last twenty-four hours, and pretty much any poison that made you puke was going to manifest within twelve hours of exposure. Usually a lot sooner than that. But he couldn't help the slightly paranoid worry. He was a shinobi, and more than that, an assassin who dealt chemical death as often as not. It was second nature to consider poisoning as likely a culprit as flu.

The retching stopped again, and this time it didn't resume. The toilet flushed. That was his cue. Genma got up and threw a hooded sweatshirt on over the flannel pajama pants he'd been sleeping in. He'd wait until he heard the rattle and creek of Raidou shutting his bathroom door, then he'd go over with a salt water rinse and a jutsu to take the nausea away, and see if he could figure out what was wrong with his friend. He put a couple spoonfuls of salt into a mug, and half-filled it with hot water from his tea-water heater. Then a little cold from the tap, to get it the perfect lukewarm...

There was the sound of shattering tile, and a hoarse yell. Almost a scream. No words, just a horrified, terrified yell, in Raidou's voice. Then silence. Genma shut the water off and headed for the door. Another raw-throated yell, even more terrified and full of rage. Genma yanked his door open. "Raidou?"

The other door burst open and Raidou came tearing out, not seeing Genma or anything else in that corridor. He looked like the devil himself was after him.

"Raidou? What the?" He had to run to keep up. Raidou was tearing through the corridor, racing down the stairs, fleeing the building. He was wearing nothing more than what he usually slept in--a plain dark tank top and a pair of faded, loose-fitting sweatpants with a hole in one knee. Genma'd teased him about that ventilation. "Dammit, Raidou wait!"

He might as well have been shouting at the Hokage Monument.

Raidou was already sprinting across the lobby, barefoot and totally unprepared for the cold outside. It was the first real snowfall of the season, and it drifted down in big lazy clumps, muffling the world in a blanket of white. Covering the dying grass and the fallen leaves of autumn.

"Raidou, wait!"

Something was really wrong. Raidou should never look that terrified. He should never look that broken.

Genma glanced at his own bare feet sticking out of the bottoms of thin plaid flannel, and wished someone had thought to throw a few pairs of slippers at the entrance for emergencies like this. There was no time to go back and get shoes, not when Raidou was running away to who knew where, with his mind shattered by some horror that had come back to haunt him tonight. Genma barely glanced at the chuunin manning the lobby desk. Just enough of a look to ascertain that the woman had a clue about what was going on.

"Don't send a squad after him, let me handle it!" he barked at her. The last thing they needed was an on-duty Hunter squad sent out to bring Raidou back like some psychotic criminal. Then he was in the snow chasing his friend.

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[info]fallen_raidou
2008-03-07 01:14 am UTC (link)
Raidou didn't hear Genma. He could hear nothing over the sound of long-dead children in his ears. Two girls, one boy, and one he'd never been sure of. He slipped, caught himself on his hands and shoved himself back up hard enough to rip the skin from his palms. The concrete was worse then a torturer's knife against his feet, a raw strike that echoed up his legs with each long pace.

The jounin hadn't laughed as he'd killed them; he hadn't made any noise at all. He'd simply torn Raidou apart and left him to burn in the dirt, listening while his tiny squadron died. A make-shift team thrown together by chance and circumstance and a war none of them should have been a part of. Raidou had been the chuunin. He'd been older and faster and smarter and he should've done better. Fought better. Done his job.

He'd done nothing but bleed while people had died. Worse then useless.

Raidou snarled, bared his teeth and threw himself forward. Winter wind whipped up to tear at him with wolves's teeth. The snow was deep already, several inches of white already piling up in drifts. It soaked the cloth of his worn sweatpants as he ran, and froze his feet down to the bone. He'd once heard stories about people snapping toes that way, too cold to know what they'd done. He didn't have the mind free to care if he stripped all the skin from his feet.

The genin were still screaming. Dying. The genin were dying.

Raidou fell, caught himself, and wrenched back upright without stopping. Slush kicked up around him, mixing with the steam rising from overheated skin. Ragged air rasped out in plumes. He wasn't running right, wasn't breathing right, wasn't pacing himself or watching his stride or doing any of the things that made a ninja uncatchable. Unstoppable. He was simply moving as fast as he could.

If he ran long enough, hard enough, if he got cold enough, it would stop. He wouldn't hear them.

It was still too hot.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-07 01:16 am UTC (link)
Raidou was fast, but in a flat out speed contest, Genma was faster. And for as fast as Raidou was moving, he wasn't doing it carefully. He wasn't avoiding leaving a trail through the new-fallen snow or setting traps to impede pursuers. Genma was grateful for that, especially grateful Raidou wasn't scattering makabishi in his wake. On bare feet they were an astoundingly good weapon. Of course on bare feet the frozen ground and sloppy wet snow was also an astoundingly good weapon. The cold created, paradoxically, an agonizing burning sensation. A warning before numbness and frostbite set in. Genma didn't have time to listen. He channeled chakra to his feet as he would to water walk, to try to insulate them a little from the snow, and he kept on running.

He was gaining on him. Nearly there. "Raidou, wait," he called again, panting great steamy clouds in the frosty air. At least running like this he stayed warm. At least Raidou was staying on relatively even ground, and not scaling the monument to hurl himself off, or plunging into the darker, scarier parts of the training forests surrounding Konoha. "Rai!"

Genma caught up at last, sides aching, feet bright red and finally growing numb to the stinging cold. One look at Raidou's face told him all he needed to know. Jaw clenched, eyes wide and dark, dominated by hugely dilated pupils, and pale. So very pale. He looked somewhere between furious and frightened--panicked even.

"Raidou, come on. Wait." It was futile. Raidou wouldn't or maybe couldn't hear him. Wouldn't stop. He was running until he ran himself into the ground, Genma could see now. He wouldn't be the first shinobi to break that way.

And Genma wasn't going to let him do it alone. He thought about tackling him, forcing him to stop, but as charged up as Raidou was right now he'd be dangerous in a fight. Genma wasn't sure he could subdue his friend without actually hurting him, and he was pretty sure he'd get hurt himself at least as much as he hurt Raidou if he tried. No there was only one safe course here. Keep running, and hope that Raidou's wildness would wear him out before the running wore out Genma.

"Raidou," he panted, and fell into something of a step next to his unseeing, unhearing, unhappy friend. "I'm with you, buddy. Alright? I'm with you."

The cold closed in around them, silent and full of falling snow.

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[info]fallen_raidou
2008-03-07 01:21 am UTC (link)
Raidou was too good a shinobi to fall. He fled down the path, following the slight curve as it broke away from the main streets and took him towards Konoha's outer wall. The snow fell heavier, shrouding the world around them in a cloak of billowing ice. He ignored the dull burn of frozen limbs in favour of focusing on the sharp agony of his breathing. His chest was tight, filled with a clotted mess of hurt as he breathed in short gasping pants.

The path ran out at the wall. Raidou took a sharp turn and kept moving, following the shadow cast by the stone. The snow underfoot covered sharp-bladed patches of ice that tore at the soles of his feet. Grass whipped at his ankles, rocks made the ground unstable. Raidou ran through it all and barely noticed.

The jounin was going to hit him again. Wreck his face and lay his shoulder open to the bone, split and burned away by three bits of steel that shouldn't do that much damage. Shouldn't hurt so much. The genin wouldn't have time to run because Raidou was the fastest and he didn't have time to do anything but scream and bleed and twist around his own agony. Lie in the dirt and listen to them die.

It was still too hot.

He hit the forest border before the noise in his head quieted, worn away as his vision narrowed, as his focus eroded down to nothing but run. He couldn't stop. It would come back if he stopped. He kept moving. The jounin's mark spat fire at him as the cold sank into his skin, spurring him on when his speed flagged. When aching limbs forced him to slow from a desperate sprint to a weary run.

Raidou was too good a shinobi to fall. Too good a ninja to stop. Too strong a man to break. He did all three when a sheet of ice shattered underneath him and dropped his right foot into a shallow hole, wrecking his fragile balance. He twisted and landed hard on his left side, missing the catch. He didn't make a sound.

He'd fallen nine years ago, when the jounin had slammed him down. It was the memory that kept him still now, lying in snow rather then dirt and panting rather then screaming.

It was colder here. Maybe that was enough.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-07 01:38 am UTC (link)
They ran until Genma's sides burned with effort. Until sweat soaked his scalp and froze his hair into clanking planks at the ends. They ran through snow thick and sloppy in dells, and thinner where the wind skimmed it from the tops of hills. They were far from any roads or paths now, crossing fields and farmland plowed into thick stubbly furrows for the winter. They ran and ran, stumbling over rocks half buried in frozen mud, hidden by drifts of white. They ran until Genma's bare feet were so cold he didn't feel it when one toenail split, when the skin over his heel cracked open. It was too dark to see the flecks of blood he and Raidou were both leaving behind them in their footprints. And by morning they'd be covered over with new snow, as if no runners had passed at all.

They ran, with Genma continuing to call Raidou's name, voice growing more hoarse and raw, but it was futile. Raidou's eyes were still fixed on some vision Genma couldn't see, his ears deafened by sounds only he could hear. Occasionally his harsh panting would grade into something that almost sounded like a sob, but he didn't cry. Didn't scream. And he didn't respond. As blindly as Raidou was running, Genma was surprised he didn't make a misstep sooner, didn't crash into a tree or a fence post or stumble over a root buried in snow. When he finally went down, it was with no more sound than the grunt of air the impact forced from his lungs. Raidou twisted, fell, rolled down a slight incline, and lay as still as death.

Genma changed directions so rapidly he nearly fell himself. He threw himself down the hill to land next to Raidou, kneeling next to his friend and not caring that the wet autumn snow quickly soaked through the legs of his pajamas. "Raidou, are you okay? Answer me, it's Genma. Please, answer me." He felt him over quickly, checking for the kinds of catastrophic injuries that an uncontrolled fall, even such a small one as Raidou had taken, could cause, and was relieved when he found no sign of head or spinal damage. But Raidou still wasn't looking at him. Whatever had sent him running still had him in its grip.

Sometimes the right thing to do was to be a ninja. To be professional, detached. In the moments that Genma was carefully checking Raidou for serious injuries, that's all he was. A medic, a ninja, a soldier. But when that was done, and there was no help for miles, because whatever demons had been giving chase had driven you far from anything but windswept pines and heavily falling snow, when you were alone and frightened because your friend, the one who was always rock steady, was the one breaking for a change, then there was nothing else to do but be human. Be a friend. Genma settled himself a little more carefully in the snow. So cold, so cold and his frozen feet twinged and burned, and his chilled hands ached with old hurts. He settled himself in the snow and pulled Raidou's head and shoulders into his arms, holding him up out of the cold, and rocked back and forth like a mother with a sick baby.

"Raidou, Raidou, Rai-chan, listen. It's alright. You can stop running. It's alright." He had no idea if that was true.

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[info]fallen_raidou
2008-03-07 01:42 am UTC (link)
It was the rasp of cloth against his face that finally pulled Raidou back. That hadn't happened on the field. He'd screamed himself dry as his skin had burned and blistered and sloughed away, and called for help in the most basic way. Brought Konoha's own jounin in time to cut down the shinobi with claws and put an end to the genin's torture. To save his own life when the medic had landed next to him and held his face together with hands full of blue light. To feel nothing when they knocked him out and put an end to the noise that would have summoned more Iwa-nin.

He'd woken up three weeks later and known he was out of the war. Known he was lucky to be alive and hated himself for being grateful. Hated himself more when he'd looked in a mirror and seen what his weakness had cost him. Hated himself sick when he'd finally made it to the monument weeks later and didn't know which names he was apologizing for.

He wasn't hot anymore, he was far too cold.

Raidou made a sound that was all too wrecked when he realized the cloth against his face wasn't the tight bind of bandages. It was simply cloth, simply clothes, and it smelled like Genma.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-07 02:04 am UTC (link)
"Raidou?" Genma stilled when, after what felt like an eternity of rocking and silently praying for help of some kind, the man in his arms finally made a sound. He put a hand to the side of Raidou's head, well back from his scarred cheek, and turned it gently, trying to make eye contact in the faint light. There was the eerie pink glow of the electric lights of Konoha reflecting off the snow, and nothing more, to show them each other's faces, but Genma's eyes, at least, were night-adapted from the hour he'd spent running in the dark, keeping pace with Raidou.

"You with me, Rai?" He held his friend close, but not so close he'd feel trapped, and really hoped Raidou wasn't going to decide to fight him. They were both shaking with the wet and the cold, and exhausted from the long run, but he had no doubt that Raidou had reserves of strength to call upon that Genma didn't want to have to fight against.

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[info]fallen_raidou
2008-03-07 09:04 am UTC (link)
It was really Genma. Raidou stared at his friend's face and finally focused on his eyes, the distinctive golden-brown was lost in the shadows. There was nothing in his mouth, and no hitai-ate tied backwards around his head. No jounin vest or ANBU armour. There was just Genma; half frozen and swamped in a wet hoodie that was far too big for him. Genma with one arm around Raidou's shoulders and the other holding his face. Genma here.

Raidou closed his eyes and cursed himself. He couldn't feel Genma's hand if he didn't look, they were both too cold for it to really register. Genma shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be white and worried and looking at Raidou like that, talking with a quiver in his voice because he was shaking too hard to speak steady.

This was Raidou's break. His own fault and his own mess to clean up.

"No," he choked, speaking on a catch and a whisper. His breath shuddered out and stained the air white. "You s-shouldn't-- go home!"

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-07 09:12 am UTC (link)
"No," Genma said fiercely. Raidou was twisting, shoving at Genma, trying to get away. Genma didn't let him. He shifted his hold on his friend, letting go of his head to get a firmer grip on Raidou's shoulders. To keep him there, keep him still. Keep him down.

"I'm not leaving you. I'm not going anywhere without you, and I'm not letting you go." He could feel Raidou's muscles bunching, preparing for a fight. If that was what it had to be, that was what it had to be, but Genma was not abandoning his friend to break alone. Not out here in the middle of frozen fucking nowhere. Maybe if they'd been home, if Raidou had begged to be alone with his grief, Genma would have let him. Maybe if he'd seen this before, and knew what to expect.

With some ninja, you knew how they broke. You knew what they needed. Some needed to cry alone, some needed a shoulder to cry on. Some needed to drink themselves into a coma, some needed pain, some needed pleasure. But far too many didn't know when to stop. They needed each other most then, when they were too worn out with being Konoha's protectors to protect themselves anymore. To protect themselves from themselves.

Genma looked down at Raidou's exhausted, angry eyes, and set himself to be the wall for Raidou to beat himself against.

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[info]fallen_raidou
2008-03-07 09:13 am UTC (link)
Genma wouldn't let go. Raidou almost screamed his frustration. Genma wasn't supposed to see this. No one was supposed to see this. If he couldn't stop the break, if he couldn't hold the nightmare back, then he could do it alone. Deal with it alone. Be alone until the monster went away and left him to limp home in the aftermath. That was what being a ninja was. For all the talk of teammates, of genin teams of three and chuunin squads, jounin partnerships and clan packs, ANBU was where ninja fought alone. Worked in the shadow to be the quick smile and the striking blade. The assassin behind the mask. They all broke, every single one of them. But Raidou didn't want a witness. Especially not one with golden-brown eyes.

Genma's grip tightened, his hands dragging over frozen skin and the web of scars that covered Raidou's naked left shoulder. Damaged nerves misfired and struck sparks off Raidou's nervous system, goading his panic into anger into fury. Genma needed to let go. Raidou snarled, wrenched at the hold and dragged both hands up, forcing frozen fingers to move. He couldn't get at Genma's hands, but he could reach Genma. The heavy wet cloth of his hoodie tangled around Raidou's fist as he twisted and cracked wounded knuckles against the arch of Genma's ribs.

"Get off me!"

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-07 09:18 am UTC (link)
What Raidou lacked in angle and momentum he made up for with power and sheer mass. The blow would undoubtedly have cracked bone if he'd had the precision and control behind it he usually did. As it was it knocked Genma back, driving the air out of his lungs with a sharp 'oof'. Genma was quick to go for another hold, diving forward, wrapping his arms around Raidou's and driving his shoulder into his friend's chest, knocking him onto his back into the snow.

The next blow that landed was a knee between Genma's legs. He felt it coming and twisted at the last minute to try to minimize the impact. It was still enough to make his vision flash over red-black-white for a moment. He grunted, but didn't let go. Just held on. Held on to stop Raidou from going anywhere, to keep holding him while he thrashed and fought and screamed, because he didn't dare let go...

Raidou's skull butted hard against Genma's chin, finally knocking him loose. Raidou scrambled to get to his feet, but Genma launched himself at Raidou again before he could get there, coming at him from behind this time, tackling him to the ground once more. They rolled over and over in the snow, fetching up against the rough bark of a massive evergreen. Genma gasped for breath, spat blood from a bitten tongue--a spray of red on the white, that looked black in the dim light--and twisted like an eel, struggling to keep Raidou under his control.

"Stop fighting me, dammit," he gasped, and was rewarded with an elbow to the throat that forced him to let go again. The margins of his vision were greying, but it was easy to locate Raidou thrashing and blundering through some low brush, staggering away on his injured ankle. Genma tackled him again, and managed a better lock on his friend this time, arms around him in what looked as much an embrace as a submission hold. And finally, thankfully, Raidou seemed to be tiring of the struggle. He just had to keep holding him. That was Genma's only objective now.

Don't let go.

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[info]fallen_raidou
2008-03-07 09:22 am UTC (link)
Raidou never gave up. He never quit and he never backed down. He knew the better part of valour only in that he'd quoted it to an enemy once or twice, mostly to see if they'd do what he wouldn't. He fought every battle the way any decent shinobi did; with everything he had until there was nothing left. He never gave up.

But sometimes there was no fight. Sometimes there was nothing but your best friend freezing himself to death in the snow, trying to keep you from doing the same. Genma hit his back and Raidou hit the ground, catching himself badly on numb forearms. Wet snow stung frozen skin, grinding into slow-bleeding scrapes with the fine precision of a senbon needle. Genma's arms wrapped around him once more, pinning him with all the tenacity of an angry python. His knee was digging into the back of Raidou's thigh, and his breath was the only warm thing in the world as it clouded the air next to Raidou's face. He wasn't letting go. He wasn't going away. He was staying.

In the midst of everything Raidou found a splintered little knot of laughter that broke in his chest. It was Genma, of course he was staying.

Sometimes there was no fight. Sometimes there was just the aftermath of one. He could still hear the genin scream.

Raidou stopped moving, turned his head away, and quietly fell apart.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-07 09:28 am UTC (link)
When Raidou finally stopped fighting, he stopped everything. The tension went out of him, the anger and the fight, and he was limp for a moment in Genma's arms. Then a different tension took over. A shaking, shuddering tension that rose and fell with Raidou's breaths. Breaths that weren't really breaths so much as sobs--dry, tearless, broken weeping.

Genma didn't let go.

Instead he rolled to his side, slipping off Raidou's back and tugging his friend closer to him in a real embrace now. Raidou didn't resist, he just buried his face in the loose, damp fabric of Genma's too-big hoodie, resting against Genma's shoulder. Genma held him, feeling him shake, listening to him not cry, and when his arm started to cramp rolled onto his back, pulling Raidou with him again, so that the other man lay curled and shaking across his chest, wrapped in his arms.

He didn't let go.

He held Raidou, feeling the cold that their struggle had driven away seep back in, soaking wetly through his clothes, until he was shaking as much as Raidou was, teeth chattering together in uncontrollable little taps. He rubbed a slow circle against Raidou's back, felt the new bruises Raidou had given him blooming, listened to Raidou not-quite crying, and watched the snow drifting down from the sky in slow hypnotic waves.

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[info]fallen_raidou
2008-03-07 09:33 am UTC (link)
It was the cold that finally drove Raidou back into himself, as the snow settled over them both and leeched even the little bit of heat that shared body warmth could offer. The bare skin of his arms was white--whiter against the black of Genma's old hoodie--and edged in blue where his frozen fingers curled into the cloth. They were both breathing too hard, too fast and too shallow, neither one of them drawing a decent amount of air. Raidou's lips were cracked bloody, ice freezing at the corners of his mouth. He was almost glad not to be warm.

He couldn't hear the genin anymore, not over the sound of Genma's heartbeat in his ear.

At some point Raidou knew he was going to burn up with shame over this whole ordeal. For breaking and for running, for dragging Genma out in the middle of the night to run and freeze and bruise because he was an asshole who punched his friends before he cried on them. For not being strong enough. But for now all he felt was profound relief to be alone in his own skull.

The world was quiet again, out in the snow. Raidou let out a raw exhale and closed his eyes, not caring he was shaking hard enough to hurt.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-07 09:39 am UTC (link)
There was a change in the tension Genma felt from Raidou. A shift as he let the last piece of something go, and his shivers turned from choked back tears to the more mechanical efforts of a body whose temperature had dropped too far to warm itself up again.

"Rai?" he asked, and felt his own shivering now too, now that the spell was broken. "You wanna g-g-go b-b-b-back-k t-to my p-p-p-place and g-get some t-t-tea?" He had to chuckle at how ridiculous that sounded, and even his laugh was stammered out, as the shaking turned more violent.

The snow under them had melted a bit, making it even more effective at soaking into their clothes. But the snow had slowed, so now only few lazy flakes drifted down from the low-hanging clouds. With no wind, the silence around them was profound.

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[info]fallen_raidou
2008-03-07 09:46 am UTC (link)
For a long moment Raidou was quiet, then finally he moved, lifting his hands to get them underneath himself. He didn't push up, not quite yet. "Only you," he murmured finally, locking his jaw against the shudder that wanted to tear his words into fragments, "Would think about-t t-tea at-t a t-t-time like this."

Sometimes Genma was a gift.

Raidou gathered himself, letting his skinned palms take his weight, tearing the fragile scabs, and levered himself up, pulling out of Genma's hold. Snow slid off his back as he rose and then stalled with a pained grunt. His feet were dead numb, but his ankle was definitely registering. He bit cracked blue lips and made it to his knees. It was hard to move with anything like his usual easy grace. Raidou caught his balance as shivers wracked him down to the bones, and held a hand out for Genma. He didn't look at the red bruise colouring purple on his friend's throat.

"I t-think the s-sun's coming up," Raidou said with a raw throated cough, winning the award for badly timed small talk

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-07 10:03 am UTC (link)
Genma grabbed Raidou's arm at the wrist, and felt Raidou's fingers wrap around his own forearm. A secure hold for helping one or the other of them to his feet without putting Genma through the torture of a hand hold. It was something Raidou had done seemingly instinctively, almost right from the first. He'd never asked anything about Genma's hands, just let Genma tell him in his own time. And he'd never, not even under the most profound provocation, taken advantage of that weak spot in Genma's defenses. It was one of the many reasons Genma would chase Raidou barefoot through the snow, take an elbow to the throat, a knee to the balls, for this man. Lie in the snow shivering with him while they both got hypothermia, until Raidou could remember himself again.

Because Raidou was worth it.

"T-t-tea's hot-t-t," Genma said, and got to his feet. Raidou was still on his knees, and a simple glance told Genma why. "Your ankle's-b-b-busted." If not broken then badly sprained--huge and dusky with bruising that in the faintly rising light--Raidou was right, the sun was coming up--looked grotesque.

His own feet were oddly numbed, frozen bloodless, and Genma stamped them, stumbling as they failed to provide the right kind of sensation to him. That was going to be a problem when they got back. They'd have to thaw. Probably Raidou's too. In fact Raidou probably needed a trip to the infirmary, if not the hospital itself. Maybe they could get changed into something other than soaking wet pajamas before they presented themselves to the tender mercies of the medics' hands.

"C-c-can you limp if you lean on m-m-me?" Genma asked, and nearly doubled over with the violence of his shivering. He held a shaking arm out to Raidou to return the favor of getting him to his feet. "Or d-d-do you n-need m-m-me t-to carry you?"

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[info]fallen_raidou
2008-03-07 10:07 am UTC (link)
Even in the wreckage of the aftermath of his own personal crisis Raidou still managed to direct a remarkably blank look at Genma. It was one that took in all 169 lbs of his friend, stone-frozen and barely standing, and compared it to the 185 lbs of himself, bruised and battered and definitely not feeling up for a long limp home. He lifted an eyebrow. "I d-didn't manage s-shoes, l-l-lover boy," because he was such a fool, "what d'you t-t-think the c-chances are of me having a s-s-shovel around to d-dig you a g-grave?"

Raidou reached up and took Genma's wrist, wrapping clumsy fingers carefully around the joint as he tried to steady them both. He failed. It was becoming a theme. Raidou took a short, hard breath, and shifted his weight carefully to his left foot. He pushed up, listed violently, checked himself with his free hand against the trunk of a broad evergreen, and managed to stand, balancing on one leg. His soaked, torn sweatpants and thin tank top offered no protection against the elements. He couldn't feel his hands. "I t-t-think we n-need to j-jump it," he managed around chattering teeth. "How's your c-chakra?"

The next time he fled the grip of bad dreams, he was going to stay closer to home.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-07 10:14 am UTC (link)
"I c-c-could use a d-d-douton no j-jutsu to d-dig a g-g-grave," Genma said agreeably. He even managed a smile, which split his chapped lip open in a red seam. If Raidou was making jokes, he'd be alright. He'd be alright, and that was absolutely the only thing that mattered.

Well, actually getting them both home and out of the damn snow before they froze to death also mattered. But it only mattered because Raidou was okay. Or at least on his way to okay.

"Jumping s-s-sounds good," he said, and raised his hands in the seals for a translocation. Forcing the numb, aching joints into the correct forms was misery, pushing chakra through them even more so. And landing a few hundred meters away on feet too numb to feel the ground meant that they both sprawled into the snow and had to repeat the process of getting up. Again and again. By the time they were limping up the path towards ANBU HQ, the sun had crested the hills and was shedding a feeble light through the clouds that still spit the occasional snowflake at them.

"C-c-come on," Genma said, glancing worriedly at Raidou's very pale face, and unaware that he looked just as half-frozen. "Almost home. Th-th-then t-t-t-t-tea." And a hot shower. Or maybe the baths. They could take showers to take the edge of the chill off, then soak in the tub until they were really warm again. Of course that was going to be agony on frostbitten hands and feet. Maybe painkillers first? But that was a good way to end up dead, painkillers plus a hot bath.

Fuck.

Maybe they'd have to see if Kanae-sensei was on duty. She was usually at least a little understanding, and might not ask too many questions.

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[info]fallen_raidou
2008-03-07 10:17 am UTC (link)
"I'm c-c-coming," muttered Raidou, trying hard not to stagger, "I'm c-coming. Witness me c-- no, wait. I d-didn't say that." For a moment Raidou was glad he was mostly frozen; he didn't have enough blood close enough to the surface of his skin to make a decent blush.

He turned his attention to the ANBU headquarters looming in front of them like a very welcome monolith, and focused on staying on his feet--foot--long enough to make it to the doors. They were both shaking hard enough to jar each other off balance, both as white as their masks. The blood seeping from cracked lips was the only colour that stood out, almost garish against corpse-pale faces. Genma's eyes looked bruised, normally sleepy lids stained purple with fatigue and pain. The mark on his throat was almost black.

I am very stupid, thought Raidou with more then a little self-hatred. Very stupid. Worthless idiotic dead-brained excuse for an ANBU that drags his friends out into the snow...

By the time they'd made it across the threshold he was about ready to fall. He didn't realize he was speaking out loud.

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-07 10:22 am UTC (link)
Genma grabbed his friend, slipping an arm around him and working the translocation jutsu just one more time. It took more chakra to move two bodies, but they were practically home and he wasn't willing to have the desk clerk witness any of this. When they rematerialized, it was in Genma's apartment, where he crashed them both against the edge of the mattress and toppled them onto his bed.

"Don't say stupid th-th-things like that, Raidou." Genma was already wrapping the blankets around both of them and still shuddering with the cold. "D-d-don't you d-d-dare s-say shit like that. Y-y-you're my best f-f-friend. Don't s-s-say shit like that." The fierceness in his eyes made up for the lack of articulation in his speech.

And he wasn't letting Raidou go again, either. He pulled another blanket over them, barely able to control the jerking of his limbs, and held on to Raidou.

"Hit me if you want, b-but d-d-don't you f-f-fucking talk t-trash about m-my-b-best friend."

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[info]fallen_raidou
2008-03-07 10:25 am UTC (link)
It took Raidou a dizzy minute to realize they'd gone from the lobby to a room to a bed in the space of one gut-wrenching jutsu. It was always miserable to get dragged through someone else's translocation, rather then work your own. He flinched as blankets that were probably soft tangled around his body and trapped him, wrenching his aching ankle as they pulled. Then he had an armful of Genma pressed to his chest and a double set of painful shudders to worry about. Frozen bodies trying desperately to warm themselves. Raidou felt something like a tiny, confused laugh shatter out of him and break against Genma's bruised neck. "Not m-much of a b-b-best friend if I hit-t you," he managed finally, "Already d-d-did that once."

Not to mention a solid knee between the legs. That wasn't something a friend did unless you really wanted to win a spar. It wasn't something a good friend did ever.

Raidou swallowed hard and struggled to bring his hands up between them, resting them flat against Genma's chest as he steeled himself to shove, to force Genma back and get the hell away before he did something else stupid. Before he did more damage. He couldn't feel where his shaking ended and Genma's shaking began. All he could see was the parchment white of Genma's face, the indigo tint to his lips and the shadows smudged darkly around his eyes. The raw catch in his voice.

He was a bastard. He didn't deserve to be warm.

Raidou didn't manage that shove. He dropped his eyes and stared at his own hands. The knuckles of his right fist were ripped open and scabbed over. "'m s-s-sorry, Genma."

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-07 10:32 am UTC (link)
"You d-don't-t hit that-t-t hard," Genma said. He could feel Raidou trying to pull away, and tensed his own shivering muscles to compensate. To keep Raidou from breaking free. When instead of offering a fresh fight Raidou slumped, sounding defeated, Genma didn't know whether to be relieved or worried.

"'s okay, Rai," he said and looked down too, to see the scraped knuckles Raidou was looking at. Nodding his head down like that hurt, as the bruise to his throat warned him Raidou did indeed hit plenty hard. He wasn't even thinking about the other bruises right now. Maybe being this cold was a good thing.

"D-d-don't hafta b-b-be s-sorry, s'what f-friends are f-for." A new wave of shivering took over, silencing him lest he bite his tongue with his chattering, and Genma was suddenly aware of the fact that they were both still wearing soaking wet, freezing pajamas.

"Less you're s-s-sorry 'bout-t that-t-t t-t-trash t-talking. Th-then you c-can be sorry." Talking was going to be a major pain in the ass unless they got warmed up. And talking was probably what they needed to do now, he thought. With a weary frown, he pushed himself to get up. "S-s-stay there. Gotta s-s-strip us both."

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[info]fallen_raidou
2008-03-07 10:34 am UTC (link)
It wasn't okay, but for once Raidou didn't feel up to arguing the point. He drew his hands close to his own chest when Genma pulled away and hunched, trying to preserve his own core body temperature. Maybe he didn't deserve to be warm, but dying from a heart attack because cold blood rushed back too quickly from his frozen limbs was a vastly stupid way to go out. "I kn-kn-know you g-go in for that sh-sharing body h-heat thing," he managed, speaking into the folds of the navy blue blanket almost wrapped over his head, "But th-there's a l-limit, l-l-lover boy."

Right at that moment, Raidou wanted nothing more then to go back to his own apartment, fall onto his own bed, and sleep until his nightmares wore themselves out. But they were both half-frozen and walking was its own particular brand of misery right now. Genma had the best idea, even if Raidou didn't like it much.

Gods, he was an ass. The least he could do was offer whatever warmth he had to the friend that had dragged him home out of the snow. Raidou clenched his hands into fists, he couldn't feel his rings. "C-c-can we d-do this with d-dry c-clothes at-t least?"

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-07 10:39 am UTC (link)
"Th-th-at-t-t's my pl-p-plan," Genma stuttered, and stumbled around his room, struggling to strip off sodden clothes with frozen fingers. His feet were just beginning to have the edges of feeling again, raw and buzzing and promising a whole new world of pain as they warmed back up. His hands.... He didn't think about his hands.

He got himself stripped, leaving his wet things in a pile on the floor. When he was less frozen, when Raidou was less frozen, he'd hang them up to dry. Next came a long-sleeved t-shirt and a pair of cotton sweat pants printed all over with a pattern of grey skulls. From a distance they looked like any other camouflage print. They weren't particularly warm, but they were a damn sight warmer than the wet clothes he'd stripped off. His thickest sweats were also his largest ones, and the only ones that would likely fit Raidou.

"Your t-t-turn." He knelt next to the bed and eyed Raidou's ankle, hugely swollen and turning several shades of purple and black. And his feet, mottled red and white and dead looking. He hoped warmth would help. The really stupid thing would be for one of them to lose a toe to frostbite from their little shoeless excursion.

Getting Raidou's pants off him over that ankle was going to hurt like a bitch. Genma steeled himself, reached for a kunai, and slit the fabric to the knee with one quick motion. He put the knife down as soon as he'd finished, not trusting there to be a second miracle with him holding a blade in such shaky hands. "P-p-pants off," he said, and tugged a little. "And s-shirt. Here's warm." He thrust the bundle of sweats at Raidou and curled up over himself, shaking uncontrollably. How long until his stupid body got the idea they were indoors and stopped this shivering, anyway?

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[info]fallen_raidou
2008-03-07 10:42 am UTC (link)
Raidou held himself as still as he could when the blade flashed in Genma's hands and cloth ripped. He winced slightly. "I l-l-liked these s-sweats, y'know," he mumbled very quietly, and gathered himself for the painful shift from horizontal to vertical. The blankets slid away as he shoved himself up, pooling in a tangle around his hips. Raidou made his hands move and gripped the edges of the tear Genma had inflicted on his pants, ripping it all the way up to the waistband with a hard jerk. A second jerk tore through the waistband and Raidou simply had to twist slightly to pull the wrecked pants off his left leg. He tossed them on the floor and stripped off his tanktop in one quick shaky move, hooking his dogtags back down when they caught on his nose.

He absolutely did not think about being naked in Genma's bed. It was too cold to check for ceiling fires.

Pulling the sweats on that Genma had given him was worse than taking his old ones off, but Raidou managed it, dragging them on over long legs that didn't want to move right. His ankle registered a howling protest that stopped his breath for an awful moment; he waited it out and used his good leg to push up enough to get the sweats up to his hips. They were thick and warm and fit snugly, loose around his waist and tight around his thighs. There wasn't a shirt, but Raidou didn't care anymore. He just wanted to get back under the blankets. "C-c-c'mon, k-k-kid," he got a hand on Genma's shoulder and tried to pull him gently, tugging him out of his curl. "G-good th-thing you're the h-huggy type."

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-07 10:46 am UTC (link)
Genma was huddled up and shivering but he wasn't unaware of his surroundings. The pain he could hear in the grunted, held breaths when Raidou struggled into the dry pants was more than enough to convince him his friend's ankle was probably broken. He considered probing it, maybe splinting it, but his hands were stiff and white and starting to burn and tingle with their own special version of hell, and he just didn't trust them for anything so delicate as even a minor healing jutsu. He ought to give Raidou a pain pill. Ought to take one himself, because he'd had experience with frozen hands and feet before, and it always got worse before it got better. But getting meds would mean getting up, getting his medkit from across the room... The idea was nice, but Genma just couldn't pull together the action to follow through.

When Raidou pulled, he didn't resist. He clambered stiffly into the bed, burrowing under the blankets and close to Raidou. Good thing indeed he was the "huggy type" as Raidou said. Or at least he could be--they both could be--when the situation called for it. Probably, he thought, feeling his own shuddering synchronize with Raidou's, they should have just gone to the infirmary. Having someone to help do things like, for example, make them something hot to drink, would have been an excellent thing. But explaining how they'd managed to get so cold was.... well it was Raidou's explanation to give, not his. They could figure out an excuse for the broken ankle later, when they were both warm. Then no one had to know Raidou'd broken. He couldn't do much to protect his friend, but he could at least shield him from any scrutiny.

"You d-d-doing okay?" he asked, conscious of Raidou's bare shoulder under his cheek. "Sh-should have g-g-got you a shirt-t-t." At least the bed was warm. At least the blankets were there. At least they had each other.

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[info]fallen_raidou
2008-03-07 10:52 am UTC (link)
A thousand yard stare was friend to a lot of shinobi, it was somewhat less effective when you happened to be staring at the soft cloth of a navy blue pillow. Genma didn't feel warm in his grip, but Raidou knew that would change if they both hung on long enough. The shivering would get worse before it got better, and their hands and feet would tingle and itch and burn as they thawed, but they would probably keep all their digits. His ankle hurt and it would hurt more when he regained all the feeling, but it would mend. Genma's bruises would fade away. It was all fixable. It would all heal.

But it shouldn't have to.

If he'd had a half-grain of sense he would've stayed in his room. Or left quietly. Or gone down to the gym to hit things like a normal cracking ninja. He shouldn't have run away. Fled bad dreams like the worse kind of coward, and dragged his best friend along for the ride.

Raidou clenched chattering teeth together and moved his grip, sliding his arms around Genma to pull him in as close as he could manage. His scar sparked and flared at the movement, at the new touch, but the shake that caused was lost in all the others.

"Y-yeah," he said softly, "d-doing fine. Y-you?"

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-07 11:03 am UTC (link)
"Y-y-yeah," Genma agreed. It was unexpected when Raidou pulled him closer, but comfortable. Easy, even, which surprised him. After months of close friendship, touch between then shouldn't have been an odd thing, but it was. Raidou always seemed uncomfortable with touch. Some men were, especially some ninja. Especially ninja whose bodies were as ravaged by scars as Raidou's was. Genma had just accepted it, never pushed Raidou on it, beyond some minor teasing, because--well because Raidou had never said one word to Genma about his hands, for example. Some things, if you were really a man's friend, you pretended you didn't notice.

The warmth of the blankets and the body contact finally started to penetrate, easing Genma's mind, if not his shivering. Raidou wasn't happy, palpably so, but he wasn't going anywhere. He was staying right there holding on fiercely. Genma had a weird sensation that somehow Raidou had become the caretaker, and he the one being cared for.

He wanted to talk, but talking was hard through the shivering. And sleep was pulling at him seductively. The lethargy of hypothermia was a danger in the field, but now they were in bed, indoors, bundled together. Surely giving in to the temptation to sleep now would do no harm. As long as Raidou didn't leave. He tightened his arm around Raidou's waist. "S-s-stay here. Kay?"

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[info]fallen_raidou
2008-03-07 11:06 am UTC (link)
Raidou let go of Genma only long enough to grab the pillow he'd been looking at and pulled it down to tuck under his head, easing the stiffness of his neck. It was a bizarre sort of comfort, but it helped. He wrapped his arm back around Genma's shoulders and shifted slightly, dragging cold limbs around until Genma had a pillow of sorts on his biceps. Probably not as comfortable, but better then nothing. The weight of blankets was finally starting to do the job as both of them shook harder. But that was how it worked; you shook, you shook harder, and then one way or another you stopped. This was the better way.

Genma's hold tightened around him, an entirely different one from the grip he'd used to keep Raidou down in the snow. The meaning was still the same: Don't go. Stop running. Don't fight anymore. Stay here.

Warmth would bring pain, Raidou knew. Pins and needles of the worse kind as their hands and feet thawed. His ankle would be wretched. Frostbite would hurt, and they were both probably going to have wicked colds.

Genma's hands would be a nightmare for him.

Raidou sighed softly and licked cracked lips. "Y-yeah, I'll s-stay."

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[info]fallen_senbon
2008-03-13 01:34 pm UTC (link)
Continues in Freely Given

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