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Cato, District 2 Tribute (prideof2) wrote in expresslogs,
@ 2012-07-25 00:19:00

Entry tags:

!dice, cato, {tristan moore

WHO: Cato and Tristan Moore
WHAT: Random Meet-up (!dice)
WHEN: Late Tuesday evening
WHERE: The Observation Car (Car #15)
STATUS: !dice, closed/ongoing

Cato couldn't sleep tonight. Usually, laying down beside Glimmer in the dark brought him closer to peace than he'd ever been, and he had no trouble finding sleep. He'd never had trouble sleeping, really. Careers were not given comfortable sleeping quarters - they were always told that they would be better off in the Games if they learned to sleep anywhere. So he'd learned to adapt, make the best of whatever situation he found himself in.

Which made his insomnia even stranger. Not wanting to disturb Glimmer, he'd risen and wandered the halls for a while, feeling angry and more than a little grumpy. He'd been on this train for...almost four months now, and he was growing goddamn tired of the things it threw at them. Tired of being cramped here, tired of dealing with all the assholes the train decided to bring on board. That dick from 12 was being a pain in his ass...and it seemed that whenever he tried to talk to someone, they ended up thinking he was some kind of psychotic asshole, or judging his world when they'd never even stepped foot on it. Fuck them. They didn't understand him, or Panem, or what it meant to be a career.

Of course, Maryanne leaving hadn't been good for him either. She was one of the few people on the train who'd actually seemed to like him - and other than Glimmer, those people were in very short supply. So he was also feeling shitty about that.

It was late when he finally reached the observation car, and the fields were nearly pitch black outside the windows, making for a very boring view. Still, he sat and put his feet on the table in front of him, staring at the deep blackness with an angry glare on his face directed at no one but the cows.

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not_an_orphan
2012-07-25 10:51 am UTC (link)

While Tris wasn't prone to insomnia, he had always kept later hours. He claimed it came from so many late nights studying, but in truth, it had started long before school. At a young age, he'd developed a warped paranoia that the moon was going to suddenly defy its given cycle and become unexpectedly full. That he'd be in his fur before he could take his potion. That he'd savage his family and neighbors.

It never happened, of course; the moon always stayed in the same cycle, the same pattern, becoming full predictably every 28 days. But he'd spent so many young years staying up and watching the moon that he'd just gotten into a habit of late-nights.

Marvel was crashed in their room (Tris was still more amused than not by the entire situation), and in honest truth, he'd sort of been looking for Ice. He hadn't seen her since she'd moved out, and he'd grown a little fond of the Peacekeeper, and wanted to make sure she was fine on her own.

He hadn't found her in her room, so he'd set about searching the rest of the train for her -- though crossing through the observation car, he'd gotten derailed in that objective. It wasn't the first time it had happened, and undoubtedly wouldn't be the last. "Did those cows give you the finger?" Tristan asked. "Or ... the hoof, I guess? The only reason I can think of you'd be glaring like that," he continued as he moved over to plunk himself down near Cato. Not in his space (or really even in arm's reach -- Tris knew who Cato was, after all) but close enough to carry on a quiet conversation.

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prideof2
2012-07-25 02:27 pm UTC (link)

Cato looked over at him, the glare transferring neatly from the cows to Tristan.

"Fuck you," he snarled, making it clear he was in no mood for joking. Which...he rarely ever was, to be honest. "The fucking cows, the fucking train, this fucking life, it's all given me the fucking finger since I was a little fucking child and I'm goddamn sick of all its shit," he hissed. "And if you're going to start talking about puppies and rainbows you can fuck yourself while you're at it."

He was armed, of course. He never went anywhere without some kind of weapon, and this was no different. At his side lay one of the knives he had bought when they had stopped at the resort, and while he was not being particularly physically aggressive at the moment, that could change at any time.

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not_an_orphan
2012-07-26 02:40 am UTC (link)

Tristan wasn't oblivious to the fact Cato had an attitude. It did, however, make him appreciate that Marvel was more laid back than this man. "Well, I wasn't going to start in on rainbows," Tristan admitted. "But puppies are usually one of my top topics. And I would go have a good wank, but my roommates have changed, and I'm just not comfortable doing that in the room yet." Not that he'd done that with Ice in the room, either, but she'd had a different sort of sleeping schedule than he had, so it wasn't really an issue.

"Though really, I'm curious how I get a fuck off when all I did was comment on your expression. You might want to take it easy, mate, and save the big guns for later in the conversation. If you start with them, there won't be much of a conversation." He paused. "Though I can't imagine you care."

While it was no skin off his nose either way, Tris really hated to see people so consistently shoot themselves in the foot. By now, Cato had to be out of feet. Possibly legs, too.

He reasoned if the boy was as unapproachable in person as he seemed on the network, Tris would wander himself on out. He wasn't one to beat himself against a brick wall for no reward -- and what did he care if Cato wanted to strike out at strangers? Sort of strangers, anyway.

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prideof2
2012-07-26 01:28 pm UTC (link)

"Look, what do you want?" he snapped. "One of my best friends just disappeared, and as I'm sure you know, I don't have that many friends. I've been on this fucking train way too goddamn long, and I don't know if I'm ever going to go home, or if I even want to. I'm probably going to die if I go home, if I trust the people who say they're from my future. So yeah, I've got a lot on my mind, excuse me if I'm not inviting you over for tea."

He scowled, crossing his arms across his chest and looking back at the cows, trying to ignore the fact that he was trembling a little.

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not_an_orphan
2012-07-27 02:19 am UTC (link)

Tristan shrugged. "I don't want anything, mate," he replied. "Just striking up conversation." He was aware there'd been a rash of disappearances lately, and she knew some people were speculating it meant there'd be a new flood of arrivals.

He wasn't going to lie; he hoped Lan was in the group of arrivals. He knew better, really, but he still liked to hope.

Tristan did listen to him though, and he could see, just a little, how he must have seemed to Lan at first. Striking out and closing people off -- but Tris had done it out of fear of harming others. He didn't think Cato was doing it out of fear. Rage, maybe. Hatred of something. But the principle was still there.

"What do you want?" He asked quietly, the levity gone from his tone. It was a serious question, and he wondered if he'd get a serious answer. Probably not this time (or hell, maybe not any time), but he was curious. "I'm not going to sit here and tell you to change your ways or anything like that, because I think those arguments have been beaten like the dead horses they are. But ... what do you want? From the train, the people, your life."

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prideof2
2012-07-27 04:13 pm UTC (link)

"Bunnies and rainbows and world peace," he grumbled without thinking, giving an angry answer to a question that he knew was meant to be serious. But after he said it, his shoulders fell a bit, and he gazed off at the cows for a moment.

"I want..." he said, in a much softer, non-confrontational voice, trailing off. He wasn't sure if he'd ever been asked that question before, and he didn't have a patent answer. All throughout his life, his choices had been made for him, he'd been raised to believe and think a certain way, to desire the one thing that all careers desired - glory for their district. The honor of being a victor. But what did he want?

"I don't fucking know."

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not_an_orphan
2012-07-28 04:06 am UTC (link)

Tris nodded to his flip answer, pretending to consider it for a moment. "I'm with you on the world peace bit," he began. "And bunnies are good for a snack ... rainbows are all right in moderation, but I can't say I'd want them all the time." He reasoned he probably shouldn't keep up his usual self, because this wasn't a light conversation.

So he cleared his throat and offered Cato an apology.

"It might be a good idea to sort that bit out," he said, not unkindly. "When you figure out what you want, you can start to work toward it. Otherwise ..." Tristan shrugged. "You're just drifting at the whim of the winds of fate. Or ... whatever metaphor works for your reality."

He turned his attention out to the cows for a moment before drifting his gaze back to Cato. "This ... the train. It's a second chance for a lot of people. It's a place to shed the burdens of your old life and pick a path for your new one. You don't have to be a victim of your environment here. You can be your own person, make your own choices -- and mistakes. Forge your own path. You can care about people here, and no one's going to think twice about it," he added. That bit was a touch more relevant, he thought, than all of the rest of it.

While he wouldn't claim to know Cato, both Marvel and Ice had shared stories of Panem, so he had a decent picture of the environment. And of course he knew the picture Cato painted of himself -- and Tris also knew every facade had something underneath. His own light-hearted, joking self was a facade for the darker him he knew could come out if the circumstances were right. But he wanted to be light, and happy, and friendly, and most of the time, that was enough to keep the fears at bay.

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prideof2
2012-07-28 12:18 pm UTC (link)

"I'm not a fucking idiot," he growled. "I know what the train is."

And in some ways, he'd taken advantage of it. He had...whatever it was he had with Glimmer, and they'd even talked about getting off at a stop that pleased them. If they ever found one. And he'd been spending time trying to come to terms with his childhood. But other than Glimmer, he really didn't have any friends on the train, not now that Maryanne was gone.

"But can you really change who you are? What you are?"

And he wasn't even sure that he wanted to.

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not_an_orphan
2012-07-28 02:58 pm UTC (link)

"Right," Tris agreed. He was a prickly one, that was for sure. But it wasn't like that was news.

He lapsed into silence as he considered the question. "No," he finally replied. "You can't change who you are, or what you are, but you can change your perspective, and how you handle it.

"I was born a werewolf in a world that isn't exactly pro-wolf. After my first shift, my mum drilled into me that we were a danger to people. That we were scary creatures in our fur. We were deadly. We were a threat. I don't think her intent was to terrify me, but she did. I was scared of myself. I was scared of what I could do to someone I loved if the potion failed and I was a mindless, savage wolf.

"So when I went to school, I was so wrapped up in fear of myself, I couldn't let anyone get close to me for fear of somehow, some night, killing them when I was four-legged and furry. But someone took the time to care about me anyway, to work through all of that, to be my friend no matter how many times I pushed him away. Eventually, I worked myself over ... well, myself. It wasn't easy," Tris added. "But I turned things around. I was more social, I joked more, made some friends, and eventually embraced the positive side of what I was. I can't change the fact that I'm a werewolf, but I can decide how I handle it."

He swallowed, then shrugged. Talking about Lan made him miss Lan, but he was always going to miss Lan as long as the other boy wasn't here. "Dunno if that has any impact on you, but ... that's my story, and I'm sticking to it."

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prideof2
2012-07-29 02:21 am UTC (link)

Cato looked at him in half-veiled disgust. He'd heard of all the monsters and mutts on board and had gotten used to hearing about them on the network, but that didn't mean he wanted to meet them. Especially a dog or wolf like mutt, since that was apparently what had killed him.

"So you're a mutt," he grumbled. "Why should I care about that? Yeah, yeah, so you accepted that you're a mutt and you're all happy about that. Great. Good for you. Has nothing to do with me. If I go home...if the train sends me...I get to die. Without ever living."

Yeah, it wasn't all that much, but it was the most honest comment he'd made to anyone in a long time.

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not_an_orphan
2012-07-29 03:55 am UTC (link)

"And that's what we take away from that story," Tris said. "That Tris is a mutt." He knew what mutts were; Marvel and Ice had both explained. That hadn't been the point, and he guessed he should have known better than to take that approach.

"All right," he said as he held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "You win. You've got it worse than all of us, and that chip on your shoulder's there to stay. Message received." He wasn't denying that Cato's life did seem to suck, but he also thought the boy would have an easier time of it if he at least tried not to attack everyone who might want to help him.

There was a deep sorrow that wasn't quite pity but close to it in Tris' eyes as he pushed up from his seat. "Your world sucks," he said. "No one's saying it doesn't. But you're not the only one who's going to die when the train sends them home. Instead of focusing on that, they're making the most of this. You ... you're just shooting yourself in the foot.

"Maybe the next time someone tries to reach out to you, think about dropping your shields a little and at least seeing what they've got to offer before shitting on an attempt to make a friend." In the end, Tris guessed it wasn't going to make any difference to him what Cato did or didn't do. Tris thought he could have tried a little harder, or maybe stuck around, but that look the boy had given him had gotten to him.

It shouldn't have, not anymore, but that would always be a sore spot for him. Maybe he'd go see if he could find Remus instead, and they could bitch about werewolf prejudices until Tris felt better again.

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prideof2
2012-07-29 04:52 am UTC (link)

Cato pushed himself to his feet, a plethora of emotions - anger foremost - rushing to hit him head-on.

"A friend! Why would I want to make friends? Friends are dangerous. Friends make you weak. And then you get into the arena, and you just have to kill them anyway. Don't you see? Friends only make life hurt more. What the fuck makes you think that I'd want any?"

Of course, a good part of his anger was tied to the fact that the one friend besides Glimmer he had happened to make here had recently been sent home. And he didn't know how to deal with the grief that the loss of his first real friend was causing in him.

"Fuck it! Friends just come and make you trust them and then disappear on you without even saying goodbye. Fuck them. Seriously. FUCK THEM."

Furiously, he slammed his hand into the metal of the wall, breaking several of his fingers in the process, causing nothing but a yelp and a pathetic whimper in response as he lay his head against the wall. He wouldn't cry, he wouldn't, but even he'd admit he was damned close.

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not_an_orphan
2012-07-29 05:01 am UTC (link)

"There's no arena here," Tristan replied quietly as he glanced over his shoulder at Cato. "Friends can make things better. They can help you up when you fall down." He drew breath as if he intended to keep going before recalling that words with Cato were a waste of time and energy. If no one had gotten through to him yet, Tris wasn't sure what made him think he was going to be the one to break through.

Tris didn't disagree that there was a risk of loss in friendship, but that stood everywhere -- not just in Cato's world. People could die unexpectedly. Circumstances could force them away. He was going to answer that when Cato broke his hand against the wall.

Running one hand down his face, Tristan turned around again to face the younger man. Tristan didn't owe him anything, and he'd be within his rights to just walk away, but ... lead by example and all that.

"You're focusing on the bad," he said simply as he made his way back toward Cato. "And now that you've expressed your anger to the train by breaking yourself, would you like me to walk you to the infirmary?" He was sure at least one of the doctors had to be on, but if Cato was going to continue on the way he was ... well, Tris would take the clue to fuck off and leave him to his own devices.

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	prideof2 2012-07-29 02:43 pm UTC (link)
	"I don't want friends if they're just going to leave. I don't want people who make me trust them and then disappearJust fine." He cradled his hand, obviously in pain, but protecting it like a snarling animal. "I don't need help. It'll heal on its own." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

not_an_orphan
2012-07-29 04:07 pm UTC (link)

"It'll heal crooked, and you'll be a target while it's broken," Tristan pointed out. "Think about it. One lame hand leaves you either without a defense or without an attack." Not that he knew for sure that Cato got into fights on the train, but he assumed someone with a personality like his had probably gone after a few passengers at some point or another.

"And sometimes the risk of loss is worth the memories you make while they're around," Tristan countered. "Anyone you make a friend with, here or there, can be snatched away by life and circumstances at any moment. So you go through life hiding and denying the friendships, or you accept some day it's going to hurt, and take the chance anyway."

He moved to the door separating the observation car from the middle kitchen so they could head to the infirmary. "I'll get the doors for you," he offered as he held it open for him.

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prideof2
2012-07-30 03:38 pm UTC (link)

Cato had to agree that Tristan's point was valid, so he shrugged and followed him, even though he was rather angry at the fact that he was right.

"Yeah. Whatever. I don't fucking need friends. Plus, it's not like people are lining up to be my damn friend. I've got Glimmer, and she's enough. Fuck everyone else."

He didn't even want to think what it would do to him if Glimmer left - he'd definitely gotten himself entangled there far too much for his own good, and it was easier just not to think about the ramifications of that.

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not_an_orphan
2012-07-30 11:53 pm UTC (link)

"Think you covered that bit, mate. And I don't think it's something you have to worry too much about. Even the slowest of us catch on eventually when we're not wanted. I'm not going to try to be your friend. I can only take so much abuse from a stranger," he continued flipply.

Though in Tris' experience, the people who proclaimed most loudly they didn't need something were the ones who needed that very thing the most. He thought Cato could seriously use some stable friends, but ... well, you could lead a horse to water, but you couldn't make it drink. It would happen, or it wouldn't, and at the rate things were going, Tris' vote was in the 'wouldn't' camp.

Shouldering open the next door, he held it open for Cato so the boy wouldn't have to use his hand to open or push the doors. He'd continue that to the infirmary, but after that he intended to leave him in the hands of whichever doctor was on duty.

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