009: Christmas just isn't the same without you From Remus Lupin to Peter Pettigrew, 14 Dec 1977, Hogwarts
Pete,
I know I made you promise to write me, but I couldn't wait for your letter, so I'm writing you first. We'll just call this further incentive not to go back on what you said, yeah?
Not much is happening in the castle. It's quiet, but of course James and Sirius are doing their best to remedy that. James was convinced he found a new secret passageway a few days ago, but it was just one he hadn't used in ages, already on the map. I think he's afraid he might miss something before we graduate. Anyway, Evans went home for the Hols, so we're getting the full force of his energy again. I'm undecided yet as to whether this is a good thing or not. You might want to pray for me, or something.
I hope everything is good as can be expected at home. I miss you. I love you.
Remus
From Peter Pettigrew to Remus Lupin, 15 Dec 1977, Glasgow
Dear Remus,
I wish I were there instead of here. Mum is terribly sad all the time, and I understand, I really do, but it's making me sad all over again. At least at school I'd have the distraction of James rediscovering things and you and Sirius (hopefully) making fun of him for it. I also miss you like mad, and wish I could see you for other reasonsother reasons. I'm reading the book you got me. It's really fascinating, all about some space ship appearing near Earth. Dad would have liked it.
I'll say a few Hail Marys for you.
Love, Peter
From Remus Lupin to Peter Pettigrew, 18 Dec 1977, Hogwarts
Pete,
I wish there was more I could do from here to make things easier for you. Truth be told, even if I was there I'm not sure I'd be much help, but at least I could hold your hand. I know it can't be easy for you this holiday. I'm glad you like your book, though. I wish it was more of a distraction like I'd intended, rather than a reminder, though.
Love you, Remus
P.S. Do you know how many times I've wished I'd gone straight to that secret room instead of the passageway first? I've thought about it a lot since you've been away.
From Peter Pettigrew to Remus Lupin, 20 Dec 1977, Glasgow
Dear Remus,
It does make it easier knowing you care about me, even if you are at Hogwarts instead of here. My Ragmar Dorkins figurine spends a lot of time flying around in circles over my bed. It's fun watching him. I've thought about hanging paper hoops from the ceiling for him to fly through.
Have Sirius and James got in any trouble since I've been gone? I hope they didn't drag you into it. I think about you a lot. I miss you.
Love, Peter
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Remus really should have seen it coming. The teasing had slowed ever since that first time James and Sirius had found Remus curled up next to Peter in his bed, but it had come to a screeching halt after Peter's dad died and Remus had spent the night in Peter's bed. The sudden silence on the issue of him and Peter being "queer for each other" should have been warning enough, even without the occasional funny look.
Still, when James and Sirius cornered Remus in the library (they'd come to the library without goading - warning sign number three!) a couple of days before Christmas Eve, slipping stealthily into chairs on either side of where he was reading, Remus found himself utterly unprepared.
"Who goes to the library during Christmas hols, Moony?"
James pointedly flipped the book Remus was reading shut and Remus frowned. "I was getting a head start on the reading for Ancient Runes." Truthfully, Peter had been stuck on a section on bindrunes and Remus was trying to figure out a better way to explain it.
Sirius leaned over, draping an arm along the back of Remus' chair. "You're at least a fortnight ahead of everyone in Ancient Runes, I'm sure," he said. "Anyway, you shouldn't be too busy for us. Especially with Pete gone for the hols." He darted a glance at James.
Remus blinked and looked at Sirius, hoping his expression was innocent enough. "I have time for you even when Peter's here," he said. Oh God, they knew.
Sirius snorted. "Right, mate, sure you do. We never bloody see you when Pete's around." He leaned in a little closer, giving Remus a flat look.
James folded his arms across his chest and tried to loom.
Remus couldn't help but shrink back a bit as Sirius leaned in and wound up leaning back against James' shoulder briefly before sitting forward again. "Um... what? Yes, you do."
James pursed his lips and glowered. "In class, maybe."
"We've been doing a lot of studying outside of--"
"Studying?" Sirius arched an eyebrow and it struck Remus for a moment just how much he and Regulus resembled one another. "That's an excuse I haven't used since fifth year."
Remus had the sudden and sincere urge to flee. "It's not an excuse," he mumbled, unable to make his voice sound very sure at all.
"Is that so." Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Do we need to make a list for you, Moony? Because there are a lot of things that have me and Prongs wondering what exactly is going on here."
"No, I don't need a--" Remus looked at James as if he thought James might rescue him, but James was doing a pretty good job of mimicking Sirius' serious expression. "Oh God. We would have told you. I mean, it's just..."
"Told us what, Moony?" James prodded.
"That we're-- I mean-- I-- We're... together."
For a moment the table was silent, and Remus couldn't look at either of them, suddenly getting the half mad idea they might beat him senseless. To his shock, however, after a long moment, Sirius laughed. Remus felt his arm move behind him to nudge James. "You owe me two Galleons, mate."
"Two? I thought we'd only bet one on it."
Sirius smirked. "One on each, Moony and Wormtail. If one's queer, so's the other." He leered at Remus.
Remus was still in shock, but he managed to shush Sirius at the word 'queer.'
"Shh, what? There's no one here but us."
As if the prove his point, James chimed in, "Oi, books, Moony's a poof!"
Remus dropped his head into his hands. "Oh my God," he muttered miserably.
"Wait, wait, Old Pruneface might not like poofs," Sirius said, making a mock-earnest expression. "James, shut it, Pruneface might not let Remus take out any more books if she finds out!"
James laughed and then clapped Remus on the back, and Remus looked up at him for the first time since he'd admitted he and Peter were dating. James still looked a little surprised, but he was smiling and he rubbed the top of Remus' shoulders hard enough to jostle Remus.
"I'm glad we had this little chat," James said.
Remus turned to find a similar expression on Sirius' face, then blurted, "Don't tell him you know until I tell him you know. I don't know if he-- I don't know."
Sirius raised his eyebrows. "You don't know if he knows he's bent?" He snickered.
Remus thought, not for the first time, that his friends were completely oblivious. Or maybe they just liked watching him squirm. "No. I don't know if he was ready for you two to know about us. About him."
James let out a guffaw and nudged Remus again. "Well, we're your best mates. He ought to be ready." He and Sirius exchanged a look, then he added, "But we won't say anything, don't worry." Sirius nodded in agreement.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
From Remus Lupin to Peter Pettigrew, 24 Dec 1977, Hogwarts
Pete,
No. No, they haven't dragged me into any trouble.
I miss you, too. Happy Christmas.
Love you, Remus
From Peter Pettigrew to Remus Lupin, 25 Dec 1977, Glasgow
Dear Remus,
Happy Christmas! The house is very quiet right now. Mum and I opened presents this morning, then had breakfast and then went to church. And now she's gone to lie down and I'm just sitting here wishing I were at Hogwarts. I miss you. Being here just makes me feel guilty that I'm still going on with life, you know?
Hang on, she's knocking on my door.
Later: I should have finished this and sent it earlier. It's getting dark outside. I hope Aramis gets to you still on Christmas. I love you.
Love, Peter
From Remus Lupin to Peter Pettigrew, 28 Dec 1977, Hogwarts
Pete,
Don't you ever feel guilty for that. I need you, all right? Your dad would have wanted you to be happy on Christmas.
It seems like Christmas came and went and all I was missing was you. James and Sirius, of course, did all their Christmas shopping at Zonko's this year, it seems. Dad sent his usual, a sweater and a bar of chocolate. In fact, everyone gave me chocolate, but you're the only one that remembered I prefer it dark.
I might eat it all before you get back. Would you still love me if I got fat?
Love, Remus
From Peter Pettigrew to Remus Lupin, 29 Dec 1977, Glasgow
Dear Remus,
Of course I would love you if you got fat, you git. I'm hardly one to care about that, am I? Anyway I don't think a few boxes of chocolate would do that.
I'm coming in on the Express on New Year's Eve. I know I said before that I wouldn't be in until after the New Year, but Mum is going to stay with a cousin or something, and she said I should just come back to school. I can't wait to see you.