InsaneJournal

[Fic] Small Crimes (Bill/Percy, Bill/Charlie, R)
Title: Small Crimes
Author: Envinyatar (aka envinyatar15)
Pairing: Bill/Percy, Bill/Charlie
Rating: light R
Highlight for Warnings: *incest, unrequitedness (Bill/Percy), a little wanking, insinuated adultery*
Canon-compliance: up to Deathly Hallows
Word Count: 3,221
Summary: This is the story of Percy Ignatius Weasley, the proud and idealistic Head Boy. This is the story of how once upon a time, he wanted to be like his oldest brother Bill.

Notes: Written for the ides_of_march posting frenzy, using prompt #09 summer. Inspired by Damien Rice's "9 Crimes". With many thanks to zebraspots05 for the fabulous beta; all remaining mistakes are mine.

For challenge_the: #019 rules.


It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

This is the story of Percy Ignatius Weasley, the proud and idealistic Head Boy. This is the story of how once upon a time, he wanted to be like his oldest brother Bill.

It went like this:

*~*~*

The summer Percy turned five, he climbed up a tree as far as he could. Charlie dared him do it after the lecture Percy gave him on how dangerous it could be, and because Bill told Percy not to take Charlie up on the bet, he did.

For a glorious moment Percy thought he was the king of the world. He looked down to where Bill and Charlie were standing, the one looking up at him with concern on his face, the other with delight. Percy waved down at them, laughing; he thought he saw a flash of pride in Bill's eyes.

The next moment he lost his grip on the rain-slicked tree bark and fell. His body hit the earth with a loud thump, and he knew no more.

When Percy came to, he was cradled in Bill's arms. "Percy?" Bill said. "Perce?"

Percy mumbled something in the affirmative. His body felt so very heavy and his side was hurting, but he liked being where he was. He felt safe there. His brother could always soothe him, no matter how bad it was.

He thought he heard the sound of laughter in the "Nothing happened, bro'" that Charlie threw at Bill. "You're way too careful with li'l Perce."

"Nothing happened?" Bill shouted over his shoulder. Percy opened his mouth to mumble something, but the effort was too much; his eyes dropped shut. "He could have broken a leg. He could have died! You've got to be kidding me!" Percy thought maybe Bill sounded a bit too hysterical, but then again Percy and Charlie were Bill's responsibilities, so maybe his brother's reaction was understandable.

"C'mon, the tree wasn't that high. And he wanted to do it."

"For Christ's sake, he's just a little kid," Bill barked over his shoulder. "You taunted him, and you know how sensitive he is. You should have known better, Charlie." Percy snuggled deeper into his brother's embrace. Even though Bill's words were hard, his hands were still soothing.

His last thought was that maybe he should have listened to Bill after all.

Bill didn't talk to Charlie for a whole week after that. Percy knew Bill's reaction was a little too harsh, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

*~*~*

The summer Percy turned six were the last days before Bill would leave for Hogwarts. The hottest days were spent lounging at a lake, and Bill taught Percy how to swim.

Charlie was standing nearby, splashing water at them and laughing at Percy's failing attempts of coordinating his limbs successfully. Bill told him to behave, but he had little influence on his brother when he couldn't fix him with his best hard glare, busy with helping Percy stay over water. Percy knew this, but it did little to lessen the feeling of humiliation. He hated it when Charlie laughed at him.

The twins, four years old and at least as many arms full of trouble, came barging into the water on Charlie's urging. Their sudden laughter distracted Bill from Percy and he let him loose; Percy spluttered, tried to keep himself over water, but in vain. It was Bill's hand that dragged him back to the surface, Bill's concerned face he saw, Bill's skin the first source of warmth as his older brother carried him back to land.

Charlie's laughing in the background mattered little anymore.

"Alright?" Bill asked. Percy nodded his head with an embarrassed smile.

It was in that moment, when Bill glanced away from him with a small smile on his face, that Percy utterly and completely fell.

*~*~*

The summer Percy turned seven, Bill was back home from Hogwarts. He'd left Percy behind with an affectionate ruffle of his head; hugged Charlie briefly, a smile too intimate on his face for Percy not to feel the stab of betrayal.

Percy watched the train when it left the station, and Charlie was by his side doing the same. The incessant chatter of the twins mingled with Ron's outraged shouting and Ginny's crying in her mother's arms.

"We'll see him next summer," Charlie'd said. Percy nodded. It might have been the singular moment of connection between the two of them.

Indeed they had Bill back for summer. Percy was surprised to see how big, how grown up his brother seemed to be all of a sudden, but nothing had really changed in his behaviour, so Percy was reassured. He'd thought Bill would have forgotten him, but he was all smiles and easy banter and understanding words still.

Percy was infinitely glad to have his Bill back. Percy knew he was different from the rest of his family - less inclined to joking, more inclined to learning - but he wasn't so different from Bill. Bill liked fun alright, but he told Percy in a letter that sometimes the other first years could get too much if Bill wanted to study. As long as Percy could remember Bill had always been like that: smiling when he was interrupted, but going back to what he'd been doing with an urgency that bespoke how much he wanted to continue.

Percy had hoped that maybe Bill would teach him how to do magic; or at least tell him about Hogwarts. So when Bill spent a lot of time teaching Charlie how to ride a broom, Percy went sulking down by the lake where he'd learnt how to swim, reading up on Hogwarts and looking forward to when he'd go there himself.

Then at least he'd have the chance to get Bill's attention to himself for an entire year.

*~*~*

The summer Percy turned eight, Charlie went off to Hogwarts and all of a sudden Percy was responsible for his siblings. Not that it was much different from when Charlie had still been at home, for Charlie was always in on the trouble the twins got themselves into, instead of preventing them from playing their pranks. It was always Percy who intervened.

Percy remembered that Bill always managed to find the right combination of freedom and control. Percy would love to do the same, but with Charlie at hand that was impossible. So he reproved more than he allowed; spent more time in his room than he played outside. Being the bogeyman wasn't much fun. Besides, if Charlie wanted all their mother's outrage on himself he was Percy's guest.

When Charlie went off not much changed, except that Percy's jealousy of his older brother grew. It had always been there because Bill and Charlie were as close as Percy wished to be to his oldest brother, but now this feeling intensified. Charlie was with Bill all the time now; had his brother for himself.

And Percy was alone amid a family of strangers.

*~*~*

The summer Percy turned eleven, he was eagerly awaiting September first for the first time in his life. Their mother allowed Bill, entering his sixth year at Hogwarts, to take him and Charlie to Diagon Alley to buy supplies; she had her hands full with the grounded twins.

Charlie groaned when he heard they'd have to take Percy with them, but Bill smiled at him with a clap to his back, and really, that was all that counted to Percy.

They were back the way they were supposed to be, Charlie and Percy at odds with Bill caught in the middle.

*~*~*

The summer Percy turned thirteen was easily the worst summer of his life. He'd spent two years in Gryffindor Tower, studying when his idiot brother was pranking around. But Percy had been glad for it, because it meant Bill helped him prepare for exams; and everything was good.

And then Gringotts came to ask Head Boy Bill to work for them and Bill said yes, and it was the last summer before Bill would leave for Egypt.

"Don't go," Percy choked out one night when it was too much to think of the distance that would separate them. "Don't leave me here."

Bill enveloped his little brother in his arms. "We'll see each other soon," he promised, and even though Percy knew perfectly well it was an empty promise, he let himself be warmed by the words.

When Bill Disapparated with a wave Charlie laughed, and underneath Percy sensed the same sadness he was carrying with him. He hated Charlie more than he had before; because Percy'd tried to make Bill proud, but what had Charlie done?

*~*~*

The summer Percy turned fifteen, he'd seen Bill a full three times since he left for Egypt, and Charlie was about to leave for Romania. Bill had changed; he'd always liked his clothes a little out of the ordinary, but now that he was out from under the wings of his mother, his style had become bordering on outrageous.

Percy couldn't help but notice how well his clothes fit. It was a sudden awareness, overwhelming in its intensity. And, to make things worse, this realisation started creeping up in his fantasies.

Percy received a letter from Bill, congratulating him on his nomination as Prefect. Well done, Perce, he wrote. You want to follow in my footsteps, eh? Percy could see Bill's easy grin dropping from his letter, the way the infamous Weasley mischievousness twinkled in his eyes; and he was instantly hard. He couldn't do anything about it, however, for in that moment Charlie came barging into his room, all laughter and breathlessness. "What'd he write?"

"Nothing," Percy snapped back. This was his letter, addressed to him, and Charlie couldn't take that away. Not when from now on Charlie would receive his own letters while Percy would remain included in the family letters Bill sent to the Burrow. Not when Percy wouldn't have a chance at seeing what Bill wrote Charlie.

It was later that night that Percy stroked his still half-hard cock back to hardness and fucked his own fist, imagining another's. It was later that night that he realised just how much he loved his brother, and how truly screwed he was.

*~*~*

The summer Percy turned sixteen, Charlie said Percy needed to get laid, which really wasn't that wrong. All year long Percy had thrown himself into his studies and his Prefect duties; hardly made time for anyone else and none for himself. Because what kind of a sick fuck thought about his brother while jerking off?

*~*~*

The summer Percy turned seventeen, the Weasleys went to see Bill in Egypt. Percy had received his nomination as Head Boy, and Bill embraced him in a one-armed hug and with a proud smile on his face. It had been so long since Percy had had his brother's arms around him, he couldn't help but snuggle into Bill for a second before he reigned himself in.

Bill threw him a curious look; then Charlie's laughter was audible in the distance and Bill's focus shifted to Percy's older brother.

For once, Percy was glad for it.

*~*~*

The summer Percy turned eighteen, he broke up with his girlfriend of two years. "Percy, c'mon, you're not really into me," she'd said with a pitying look.

The accusation in her voice stung, but Percy didn't have it in him to protest. He really wasn't into her. It was kind of difficult if he kept thinking of cock.

It was kind of difficult if he kept thinking of red hair and a lean body and the sweat of the Egyptian sun. And Penelope - well, she just didn't fit the bill.

*~*~*

The summer Percy turned nineteen, he spilled his secret.

It was rather accidental. Bill had insisted they go drink something somewhere, to celebrate his transfer to London. "Perce, you're of age," was Bill's earnest reply to Percy's "No thanks." "Let's go have some fun, yeah?"

Percy didn't like drinking for the same reason that he needed the Dark Lord not to be back, which is to say: he needed control. He needed control or he'd go down the drain, never to be seen again.

Which is exactly what happened.

It was late that night; Bill had drunk more than Percy was comfortable drinking with him, and his brain was buzzed and the world was unclear and did he have older twin brothers, now?

"You gonna join the Order, Perce?"

"I think I'm in love with you."

Percy wondered what had caused the silence that followed. Then the world stopped as realisation hit; but try as he might, Percy couldn't make the world turn backwards. Instead time was rolling forward again, and he was screwed.

"Bugger."

Bill still stared at him like he'd grown a second or maybe third head, which, honestly, Percy thought he might have.

"Percy?"

And just like that the buzz was gone and Percy was himself and stared back at his brother, the horror he was feeling inside clearly written all over Bill's face.

"Percy -"

"I gotta go," Percy said. He got up, but even though the alcohol's effect on his mind was gone, his body was still in its grip. He stumbled in his haste, and fell.

Bill was by his side instantly, all concern and brotherly affection, and maybe a little confusion and fear too; there was so much warring in his expression, Percy couldn't say for sure what dominated. Then the fact registered that Bill hadn't touched him, his arm just wavering over Percy's, and that spoke volumes after so many years of close quarters and having virtually no sense of personal space.

Percy stumbled to his feet and away from Bill, unable to take his eyes off his brother. They stood like that for an eternity; their eyes locked over the sudden distance between them. Percy wasn't sure what Bill was looking for, but that he did look, that much was clear.

"Percy -" Bill said again, pleadingly. Percy blinked. "You can't mean that."

Percy stood silent for a long minute. What was he supposed to say? I don't? He blinked again.

"I do."

"No." There was a hitch in Bill's voice, but Percy couldn't spare him now, not anymore; after so many years of silence and jealousy and standing to the side and watching, the dam was broken. And everything that Percy had tried to ignore broke forward.

"No," he said, his eyes flashing. "No. I've seen you with Charlie, and I know there's more, don't lie to me. I know what I'm talking about. I've seen you look at him and I've seen him look at you. I've seen you touch." Suddenly everything became clear to Percy, as if he'd been looking into a mirror the whole time and trying to scratch the itch on the wrong side of his face. "And you know what the difference between us is? I know where to draw the line, and you fuck Charlie even though you know how wrong it is. So don't tell me anything about how wrong this is!"

Percy stormed off after that, leaving Bill behind.

He reached home. The first person he met was his father, still awake in the dead of night. When he looked up from what he was sitting over, Percy could see the question falling from his lips; his eyes; his whole demeanour. Will you come join the Order?

"I will not join your goddamn Order! There is no fucking war!" Percy screamed, packed his things, and left.

*~*~*

The summer Percy turned twenty, Bill got injured by Fenrir Greyback.

Percy stared at his brother's picture in the Daily Prophet with horror. Could have died. He could have died and I wouldn't have been there.

He sat down to write a letter to Bill. It never left his desk.

*~*~

The summer Percy turned twenty-one, Bill married Fleur Delacour.

Percy was invited to the wedding, but he couldn't bring himself to go. Too open still was the wound he'd brought upon himself.

Besides, Charlie was best man, and knowing what Percy did he couldn't attend the ceremony with a clear conscience. No woman deserved that which Fleur would get: an unfaithful husband, cheating on her with his own brother. How Charlie could stand to see Bill joined with the witch, Percy couldn't fathom, and he was angry about it, because maybe being angry was easier than acknowledging that Percy perhaps did know how Charlie must be feeling, after all.

Percy'd seen whatever it was between his two older brothers grow, after all, and he'd stood on the sidelines without intervening.

*~*~*

The summer Percy turned twenty-two, he joined his family in the Battle of Hogwarts.

He knew things were wrong at the Ministry soon enough after he left home, but his pride was injured and he couldn't bear to look any of them in the eye. Seeing Bill and Charlie, knowing what Percy did – no. He wasn't delusional enough to think that they'd broken it off. Bill might have tried, but Percy knew now that in the end, he wouldn't have been strong enough to fight against his own urges and Charlie's on top. In their world, no one else counted.

And Percy? Percy had control over himself. It had taken him a long way to find control and it had cost him a lot to get there. But maybe that was okay. Better be right with what you're doing than sorry about what you shouldn't have done. At least that way there wasn't so much damage done.

So Percy kept away. There wasn't any need for drama at Bill's wedding; there would have been enough already behind the scenes.

And then, when the next summer rolled around, Percy realised this is it, the time of decision. Percy's path was laid before him: stay back, be a coward, or fight, do what's right?

The decision was easy, but Percy hesitated. How to take the first step? In the end he needn't have worried, for Bill approached him one day out of the blue - Percy never found out how his older brother found him. The world tilted in its angles as Percy laid eyes on his brother; his gorgeous, gorgeous brother.

"We need you," he said, simple as that, standing tense and tall in the doorway of Percy's flat.

Percy couldn't help it. "I need time," he said, shaking inwardly, and meant it.

Except his decision had already been made. Two days went by until Bill's letter reached him. Showtime. Percy went to Hogwarts without hesitation; quit his job, lost his younger brother.

At Fred's funeral, Percy realised that some things should stay buried. This was the time of forgiveness. He carefully watched his older brothers standing close together, but the old jealousy had evaporated. What remained was the slow burn of sorrow and love. Percy had missed so much already by those stupid feelings he'd allowed to rule himself.

He wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

*~*~*

This is the story of Percy Weasley, the proud and idealistic Head Boy. This is the story of a love unreturned, but never forgotten. Maybe Percy didn't want to be in love with Bill anymore, but he wanted him. It was undeniable.

Still Percy knew where to draw the line.

Bill and Charlie never saw the need to draw it.