|Envinyatar (envinyatar15) wrote in envinyatar_fics,|
@ 2007-09-30 21:17:00
|Entry tags:||gen:hp:remus, gen:hp:sirius, pairing:hp:remus/severus, pt:10_whores:hp:severus, pt:challenge_the:hp:general, pt:lions_serpents:hp:gryff/slyth|
[Ficlet] There Is Always Consolation (Remus/Severus, Sirius, G)
Title: There Is Always Consolation
Author: Envinyatar (aka envinyatar15)
Pairing/Characters: Remus/Severus, Sirius
Highlight for Warnings: canon-compliant up to OotP, *canon character death*
Word Count: 881
Summary: Time soothes all sorrows, they say, and There is always consolation.
Notes: To S. Farewell, little one. You are my laughing friend living in one of the stars. To P., P. and G. - I will never forget. Cursive text at the beginning taken from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, p. 104 (I think?), with many thanks to dizilla for the English translation of it. Many thanks to zebraspots05 for the beta.
For 10_whores: #02 look to the sky, lions_serpents: #24 window, challenge_the: #034 memory
In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night. You – only you – will have stars that can laugh! [...] And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will want to laugh with me. [...] And your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky!
It's been a year, you think as you look out of the window and up to the sky. It's been exactly a year this day, and you wonder, as time passes by before your eyes, whether the wound is less deep than it was a year before.
Probing and testing, searching yourself, you come to the conclusion that no, the wound is not less deep. But it is less raw.
Time soothes all sorrows, they say, and There is always consolation. You don't know whether that's true or not, but you can easily believe that going on is both as easy and as difficult as it's always described to be. That's how, in retrospect, you'd characterise it, anyway.
The knowledge that your friend is gone is something that's ingrained in your mind, but knowing something and realising it are two completely different things. Most of the time you don't feel much different from before, when Sirius was still alive, or at least you don't think you do. You talk and laugh and make love just as you did before; only when you're alone do the memories come back, or in the dead of night when you are unable to sleep. Most likely this means that although intellectually, you know full well Sirius isn't poking fun at you or glowering at your lover, emotionally, you haven't accepted this fact yet.
You wish you could talk to Severus about this, about how the memories are with you day after day after day and there's no sign of them lessening one little bit, but you don't think Severus is the right person for this. He and Sirius never were close, and they never forgave each other. Their mutual loathing had been of epic proportions...
Time soothes all sorrows. There is always consolation.
Your lips curve around a sad smile as these two sentences resonate in your head. No, not always. The two men that have been the most important to you these past couple of years are proof for that.
It's been a year – a year of gazing up at the sky, looking at the twinkling stars above. You wonder whether Sirius – and isn't it just convenient that he was named after the dogstar – is happy, wherever he is, and at peace. You desperately hope so. He deserves it, after a lifetime of suffering, just like the other man at your side.
No, in the end the two of them really weren't all that different from each other. Bitter, unhappy, restless, if you'd have to pick three words to describe them. You hope you've given at least one of them a little hope for a better future, though, for he deserves it as much as the other.
Times soothes all sorrows. There is always consolation.
There is a commotion behind you, of feet climbing stairs. You already know who will enter the room even before the door opens. Those who think of the devil always summon him, whether they want to or not.
The feet stop in the middle of the room, then the deep voice you've been waiting to hear speaks. “Lupin.”
You don't turn around; you haven't finished thinking yet, and you wish to converse with Sirius for a while, something you haven't yet gathered enough courage to do. Hopefully, if you ignore Severus, he will leave for a little longer. You know he worries in that silent way of his, you've seen it in his eyes, but you really need this time for yourself and your friend.
As always, luck isn't on your side. The feet move again, come closer, then there's a hand on your shoulder and the voice at your ear. “Remus.” The hand moves to your neck, to your cheek, the mouth on its trail. With a sigh you give in, lean back into the strong body standing behind you, seeking and finding comfort. You know Severus won't push you to do anything you don't want, but you also know that neither of you can afford to have the fragile trust between you broken.
Severus needs faith in your relationship, and it's only you who can give him that.
So there's a difference at last. Where Sirius was self-confident, Severus is self-conscious, although he wears a mask that says otherwise in public.
With a murmured, “Come down soon, won't you?” Severus turns away from you, intent on leaving you alone. The feet move away and reach the door when you finally reach a decision. “Wait,” you call quietly. Instantly, the movement stops, and you can feel Severus' eyes on you, heavy and questioning.
You smile up at the stars one last time, asking for forgiveness, then you get up from the chair and turn around. Beauty is power, a smile its sword, and although you wouldn't know what Severus would find beautiful about you, the expression on his face slices through the tissue of insecurity. The quick uplifting of Severus' mouth is all you need: you step up to him, eyes locked with his, take his hand and lift it to your mouth.
Perhaps it is this these often-repeated sentences refer to, you think as you walk out of the room, Severus close behind you.
Time soothes all sorrows...
There is always consolation.