InsaneJournal

[Ficlet] Bleeding and Burning (James/Sirius, PG)
Title: Bleeding and Burning
Author: Envinyatar (aka envinyatar15)
Paring: James/Sirius, background James/Lily
Rating: PG
Warnings: adultery
Word Count: 328
Summary: James' heart was bleeding.

Notes: Written for hp_ficathon, prompt #3: fooling around. Unbeta'd and just something I came up with in a matter of minutes. Consider yourself warned :P Originally posted here, March 25, 2007.

For potterverse100: #45 torture, 50scenes: #03 bleed.


James' heart was bleeding. He knew he would go to hell for this – if just he believed in hell, being the Pureblood he was, but Lily had explained it all to him – but he couldn't keep away. Sirius was, in this time of mortal danger, a familiar comfort, someone he knew wouldn't turn him away, someone he knew would know instinctively what he needed.

Lily was safe, Lily was perfect. But she didn't know the least thing about his needs. Couldn't, because he'd never told her. It would tear her apart, soil her fragile beauty.

Once a week or sometimes twice, James Apparated over to Sirius'. To drink with him one shot or five really was James' only intention. But it never took them long to wind up in a tight embrace, limbs entangled and lips glued together as they ripped clothes off each other on the sofa or on the table or on the floor. Kissing frantically and rutting against each other like the teenagers they no longer were, biting scratching, clawing, they tried to turn back time to the security they'd had at Hogwarts. Except that wasn't possible. James had Lily and Lily had a baby on the way, something he didn't have to think about when he'd been fucking Sirius behind closed curtains all those years ago.

They never ended up in bed, though. But was it mutual agreement, or did they just never make it as far? James didn't know. The only thing he knew was that the bed would instantly burn them both, and while James knew perfectly well where he was heading, he didn't want to take Sirius down with him. Nor Lily.

James didn't deserve either of them.

Bleeding and burning, that was what he did, but he didn't care. He needed them both, needed to feel close to them, needed the physical release as much as the affirmation all three of them were still alive.

Too often he doubted that.