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clownprince ([info]clownprince) wrote in [info]endless_epitaph,
@ 2009-08-30 00:40:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:allison warren, chicago-illinois, plot: macabre musical, puppet-jester, the joker

Putting the 'fun' back in funeral
The Players : The Joker and Alli
Where : Chicago
When : February 3rd, 2009.
Rating : PG13 – R just in case.
Notes : C sharp and F flat.



The Joker walked the streets of Chicago bundled up in a trench coat with a hat jammed over his head to cover his green hair from being seen.
Who the coat and hat belonged to, Joker had no idea but the evening news would have a report about a man found in the snow dead but with a large smile on his face.

Joker's search for the annoying reporter and his rebellious rag doll Harley had gone nowhere and he was getting frustrated. And a frustrated Joker was a dangerous Joker. Not that the Joker was ever 'safe' in the first place but right now he really wanted to kill someone, preferably Harley Quinn or Lois but they weren't around at the moment.
But Joker was the type of person that fully believed that if you couldn't kill the ones you wanted to, kill the ones you were with.

He had just about decided to randomly walk into a department store and start killing when he spotted a flash of blue hair in a comic book shop. Pulling to a halt, Joker stared through the window and tried to remember what was it about blue hair?

Suddenly an image came to him of the night the reporter Lois Lane had escaped from him the first time. He remebered a blue haired woman whom he had shot at and had called him....What was it again? Ah yes, Kermit the Clown.

Joker's smile grew even more sinister looking as he watched her through the window. He needed a victim to while away the time until he found Harley or Lois Lane and he had found his 'volunteer'.

Whistling slightly off tune, he opened the door to the comic shop and strolled in.

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[info]allison_warren
2009-08-30 06:29 am UTC (link)
Alli wasn't really paying much attention to anyone, let alone the newcomer who had just come in. It was a relatively slow day, so she was currently a little lost in her own world that involved her Nintendo DS and Cooking Mama.

Sadly it was a slow enough day that there wasn't anyone to truly appreciate her costume effort of the moment. She had gone all out and dressed up as a character called Harle from a game called Chrono Cross. The costume was very jesterish in nature in shades of blue and red, with big puffy blue sheer pants over a pair of leggings with a red and blue leotard trimmed in white fur. She'd even gone to the trouble of painting her face up and pulling her hair into long pigtails on the side of her head. She even had a hat to go with it, but she'd found it far to heavy to wear for more than five minutes and it now lay forgotten behind the counter.

"Man, did you guys shop at the same makeup counter or what?" Alli's head shot up from her DS as one of the customers walked by the table she was at and it was then that she realized that today had not been a good idea to be a clown.

"Oh.. shit." She didn't have to look behind her seat to know there was someone there that really shouldn't be there. Oh no. She wasn't stupid. Not really. She was however wondering if this was it. Was this the way karma was going to finish her off? Had she been so awful to deserve such a fate?

To make matters worse the battery in her DS decided to die right then. "Oh, fuck you, Nintendo." She muttered under her breath.

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[info]clownprince
2009-08-30 06:43 am UTC (link)
Admiring the woman dressed as a jester for a moment, Joker then leaned over her shoulder.

"Too bad you don't have any extra lives left." He breathed into her ear.

As the woman tensed up Joker casually lay his hand on her shoulder, a hand that just happened to be clutching a deadly razor sharp Joker playing card and laid it next to her jugular vein.
"Careful...You wouldn't want me to 'cut' the jester from the deck would you?"

As the woman remain frozen in her seat Joker continued to whisper into her ear, looking for all the world as if he was just watching her play her game over her shoulder and perhaps giving a bit of gaming advice to her.

"I was just going to cut your throat and let you bleed out here but I like your choice in fashion so let me tell you how we're going to play this. You are going to leave with me and we're going to go somewhere nice and have a little chat. If you listen to me and do this then no one will get hurt but If however you decide to play the hero, not only will I kill you here and now, I'll slaughter everyone in this store, paint the walls with their blood and leave their smiling severed head jammed on top of some of those collectibles over there so they'll be bobble heads. Do you understand me?"

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[info]allison_warren
2009-08-30 06:52 am UTC (link)
Logic and common sense demanded that Alli should take this seriously. This was the fucking Joker after all. And she had no doubt in her mind he would carry out his threat...

But there was a power in Alli that was far stronger than self preservation. It was her ability to speak without thinking too far in advance. While she didn't move, she let her eyes flicker over those bystanders in the building and her brow furrowed. "You know, that really wouldn't be much of a loss..."

Yes it was horrible of her to say, and it wasn't entirely true... but it had been her first thought and as always she spoke it. But just in case he thought she was being insolent to him specifically and not in general to the world she quickly added, "And yes, I understand. Hero bad. Playing along good."

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[info]clownprince
2009-08-30 06:22 pm UTC (link)
The woman's comment caught Joker by surprise. Facing almost assured death and she made a joke?
The Joker chuckled and using the deadly edge of the card he was holding he caressed her cheek but ever so lightly, he didn't even disturb the layer of white pancake makeup on her face.

"A sense of humor? I like that in a woman. I had thought to kill you but now I think I won't. I think I have thought of something so much better."

With his free hand he reached into a pocket in his pants and removed a hypodermic needle filled with the 'vitamins' he had been force feeding Harley Quinn with. The drug cocktail of Joker's own concoction broke down the will of the person injected and made them highly susceptible to suggestions and control.
Using the highly dexterous fingers of his hand he maneuvered the needle around and removed the cap over the needle just using his one hand and then positioned it for use.

"Did you know my little helper Harley took off on me? After all I did for the little ingrate she decided to run off with that reporter Lois Lane." Joker calmly said to Alli as if he was doing nothing more than discussing the weather.

"There is nothing sadder than a comedian that has no one to laugh at his jokes." The Joker confided as he leaned even farther over Alli's sitting form. "I like to think of my little jokes almost as if it were my career... And my business recently has an opening in it, an opening you can fill. And you are already dressed for success." The Joker added as he plunged the hypodermic needle into Alli's thigh and pushed the plunger on it.

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[info]allison_warren
2009-08-31 03:21 am UTC (link)
Alli's mind was reeling, and not in a fun way that was usually triggered by sugar and caffeine. "Oh shit." She knew she was in trouble and the realization she might possibly be a replacement for Harley Quinn did not sit well with her. Alli knew she was a lot of things but to be some kind of willing sidekick for the Joker? No way no how.

Of course she hadn't exactly expected to be drugged by him with a dead DS in her hand either. No sooner had she felt the needle did she start to feel the room spinning. If it weren't for the fact she knew this was the Joker's game she'd almost think it felt like one awesome drunken bender after a party in Vegas.

Still, she couldn't help but open her mouth as per usual. "Dude... I know a frat house that would love this shit."

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[info]clownprince
2009-08-31 03:33 am UTC (link)
Joker leaned in even more nearly covering the poor girl as the drug took effect in her system. As her head lulled to the side he sniffed at her jawline.

"Ah, the smell of grease paint." He purred at her as he palmed the needle into the sleeve of his jacket and ran a glove covered hand across her thigh where he had injected her.

At Alli's comment about the frat house was uttered, he giggled slightly and then looked thoughtful. Removing his hand from her thigh he reached into his pocket and pulled out a voice recorder.

"Mental note. Joke to be used someday. Obtain lions and tigers from a zoo, find a frat house and drug the inhabitants and release the animals into the house. Be sure to post a sign over the door Animal House for police to find." Joker then clicked off the recorder and replaced it in his pocket.

Joker lightly nuzzled the side of Alli's neck. "Already you are inspiring
in me great gags. You'll make a fine replacement for.. Whatever her name was again. Come my dear it's time for you to begin your 'training'"

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[info]allison_warren
2009-08-31 04:10 am UTC (link)
Unfortunately for all parties, Alli was a lousy drunk and tended to ignore everything around her. Of course since she wasn't actually drunk and just drugged she was a bit more compliant than she would have liked. She got to her feet and she felt as if she were underwater.

"Dude, this sucks more balls than that Bizarre Foods guy..." And despite the fact she was listening to the Joker's demands, there was a part of her arguing and struggling for her to run in the other direction... Sadly, the best it could get out of her was a defiant eye roll and a smart mouth. "I think I want to throw up now."

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[info]clownprince
2009-08-31 04:19 am UTC (link)
"Maybe later dear. First we have to measure you for a iron maiden." Joker grinned as he steered her towards the door.

Before they could reach the door however, a geeky looking nerd with glasses got in their way.

"Hey Alli." The man called to her. "This comic isn't in mint condition but you have a mint condition price on it! Can I have a discount because it has been handled by human hands and not properly sealed like it should have been?"

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[info]allison_warren
2009-08-31 04:27 am UTC (link)
Though she didn't sober up, she wasn't drunk so that wasn't an option, common sense and her years of trying to save lives was still strong enough to get her to come to as much attention as she could. She struggled to fight off the drugs effects and to warn the customer. "I don't make the prices, Halley does. If you hurry you can catch her in the back!"

It was a bold face lie, since Halley wasn't in today but Alli hoped he'd take that fanboy desire as fuel and run like hell to the back in hopes of that deal. She still had enough sense, fleeting as it was, that outright screaming 'Run the fuck away' was just not going to cut it with Crazy McCrazy Pants around.

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[info]clownprince
2009-08-31 04:37 am UTC (link)
"now now dear. You sell yourself short. You know you can slash a few prices for friends. I mean if the comic is not mint, it's not mint."

The Joker stepped away from Alli leaving her to sway gently and stepped next to the hopeful looking geek.

"I mean all true collectors know you have to keep everything sealed in plastic to maintain its value, right?"

The geek nodded his head vigorously.

Before the man could react Joker seized him with the strength that only the truly crazy could summon and spun him around. Reaching over Joker pulled plastic wrap from behind the nearby counter that was used to seal boxes and begin to spin and wrap the struggling nerd with it.

The man struggled as the plastic wrap covered his face and he began to suffocate.
As his struggling grew less and less, Joker grabbed a marker and a tag and wrote something quickly before slapping the tag on the now cocooned dead nerd.

"One mint sealed nerd. Do not open as this will reduce the value."

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[info]allison_warren
2009-08-31 05:26 am UTC (link)
Alli paled underneath her makeup as the Joker made his mark on the comic shop. That wasn't supposed to happen! He said- Of course he wouldn't have behaved. He was the fucking Joker. Her first impulse was to drop kick his ass but she was so unsteady what little sense she had knew better than to try that.

So she did the next best thing in her mind. She bolted for the nearest alarm panel and triggered it, sending the loud sounds of the danger warning through the building. The few customers close enough to see what was causing the commotion stared panicking as she'd hoped and running toward the back where there was another exit. It was a fire exit so opening that door would set off yet another alarm automatically if not turned off.

Of course with the toxins in her system the blaring sounds now made her head spin even more. Maybe if she was lucky she'd be dead soon.

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[info]clownprince
2009-08-31 05:42 am UTC (link)
As if aware of the security cameras watching everything, Joker grinned largely and removed his hat and coat leaving no doubt on whom he was.
Taking several dance like steps he rejoined Alli's side and taking her hand he first kissed it and then pulled her arm up causing Alli to stretch and he then placed his other hand on her hip and twirled her.
Speaking loudly for the benefit of the cameras Joker then said.

"Brilliant plan my lovely little jester. This will bring the fire department and police and when they arrive they will find our little surprise packages waiting for them."

Joker then pulled out from his pockets but did it in such a way that from the camera's angle it looked like he was taking them from Alli's costume, several brightly wrapped gift packages and left them on the table.
They were small but packed with Joker's special killer laughing gas and if any were to open them, they would be dead in a matter of moments from laughter.

Twirling Alli once again, he slammed her hard against a wall but made it look as if she had bounced off the wall on her own.

"I was so impressed at your suggestion on how we were to deal with that annoying geek boy." Joker said nodding his head at the plastic wrapped dead body propped up against the counter.

As Alli made to open her mouth, not doubt to cuss him or deny everything, Joker lowered his head as if he was kissing her and bit her nose.
"Be silent or be nose less." He hissed lowly into his ear and danced/dragged her towards the front door of the comic shop.

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[info]allison_warren
2009-09-01 04:44 am UTC (link)
Drugged or not, Alli knew better than to speak up at this point. But she made it plain and clear on her face, despite her clown make up, that she was disgusted by him and what he was doing. Alli could be a a pain in the ass and play the role of a ditz, but she knew that the crazed clown was trying to ruin her rep while he conducted his mad little game. And he might even succeed.. on the outside. She had friends in this city that knew her better than that. Ones that knew her history and knew she would die before being a crony of a madman. Her driving may have been suspect on more than one occasion, hence her previous employment being terminated, but she had worked with good people that would help her name be cleared. Unfortunately she was pretty sure it would be for a memory because Alli decided that she would get herself killed before too long.

She allowed the Joker to drag her out of the shop but she didn't go without a fight. She managed to knock over several items off the counter near the exit and her hand managed to grab a jester puppet that had been on display. She had intended to use it and smack the Joker with it, but the puppet's head spun around and its expression of horror changed and she was almost positive that the puppet lifted its hand in a shushing motion.

It was then Alli realized that she must have really lost it. But she held on to the puppet anyway even as they made it outside and she silently prayed that divine intervention would step in because if it didn't soon.. she was going to have more than one article written about her and none of them wanted.. especially the obituary she knew would finish them off.

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[info]clownprince
2009-09-02 03:32 am UTC (link)
As soon as Joker had Alli out into the street, he jerked are arm nearly out of her socket with a savage pull and as she fell to the ground he slammed a fist into her stomach temporarily knocking the wind and fight out of her.

A police car pulled up at that moment and an officer jumped out. Without pause Joker met the man half way and before the officer could even pull his weapon, Joker pulled his face to his lapel and shot a stream of Joker venom into the man's face.
The cop instantly started laughing and gasping for air as a large hideous smile stretched across his face.

Joker paid no more attention to the dying man and pulled a still wheezing Alli to her feet.

"Someone has provided a chariot for us my dear. Wasn't that nice?" Joker nodded at the dying officer. "You can see how sharing makes the cop just so happy." The Joker laughed.

Throwing Alli on top of the hood of the car he positioned her so that she was lying flat on her stomach with her her head towards the road.
Reaching into his seemingly ever full pockets he pulled out two cans and started spraying silly string all over Alli on the hood.

To Alli's horror she quickly realized the seemingly innocent silly string was sitting up instantly like cement, gluing her to the hood of the car.
The Jester puppet in Alli's hand getting sprayed and glued to the patrol car as she was.

Joker stepped back and admired his work. "Road trip!" He giggled/shouted as he dove into the driver's side of the patrol car and revved the motor.

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[info]clownprince
2009-09-07 03:13 am UTC (link)
It was getting dark as the Joker pulled the patrol car into an abandoned amusement park, stopping in front of the closed and boarded up funhouse he leaped out of the car and walked to front where Alli was still strapped to the hood.

Reaching out he pulled a few twigs from her hair as the woman glared daggers at him. Putting the twigs up to his nose he took a deep sniff.

"When did we go through some Mulberry bushes?" He asked.

The woman refused to answer him though.

"You wait here and I'll be right back."


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[info]allison_warren
2009-09-07 03:39 am UTC (link)
The puppet that Alli had clung to the entire ride had finally managed to break free of its bonds of silly string. Then it scrambled to its feet and glanced at the wide eyed girl before giving her a slight wave with its tiny arm and its head spun to change that worried face into one with a smile.

With that, it hopped off the hood of the car and scrambled toward the funhouse, where it squeezed through some loose boards and vanished.

"I'm going fucking crazy." She mumbled as she struggled with the not so silly string. Alli was at a loss as to what she was going to do, but she sure as hell wouldn't do anything without a fight. She was bruised and battered from the ride, but her head was feeling a bit clearer than it had been earlier. Was his drug wearing off? Maybe it was wishful thinking.. but if it was wearing off, she was going to need to fake it.

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[info]clownprince
2009-09-07 03:47 am UTC (link)
The Joker danced back to the car pushing a brightly gaily painted wheelchair. Pulling a can from his pocket he sprayed a small spot on Alli's butt that was sticking up on the hood and as the silly string melted and receded the Joker quickly gave her a booster shot of his special mind numbing drug. He remembered the first time he doped up Harley Quinn it took several shots before she became putty in his hand.

Waiting a few moments until Alli's head dropped to the hood, the Joker then took his can and sprayed it all over her body, melting the silly string, as she became completely freed he quickly hoisted her up, slammed her into the chair and sprayed her with the silly string gluing her into the chair.

"Welcome to our little Funhouse of mayhem my little..." Joker paused and looked confused. "Um, what was your name again?"

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[info]allison_warren
2009-09-07 03:55 am UTC (link)
Alli winced at the injection and she had waited for that heavy feeling of drunkenness that had followed quickly the first time. Surprisingly she didn't feel the same effects and that made her mind wander for a moment before she forced herself to act the way she did before in that almost lazy but not quite subservient behavior.

She feigned the flighty feeling as best she could, not that it was hard considering it was more like a drunk version of her usual state and did her best not to look as if she was 'sobering up'. She feigned confusion as if she couldn't remember her name and then beamed brightly as it 'dawned' on her. "Kat." It wasn't exactly a lie. Katherine was her middle name after all. "But everyone calls me Kitten." Ok, that was a flat out lie. But hey, how would he know?

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[info]clownprince
2009-09-07 04:40 am UTC (link)
"Kitten...Purrfect! You'll be Klown Kitten. I can see the headlines now. Joker breaks into orphanage and Klown Kitten scratches the hide off all the little kiddies."

The Joker's smile turned sinister. "But first Kitten we need to make sure you are in the right mindset. Mine, and I have the perfect setup for it. You'll love the little fun trip we're going to go on."

Joker pushed Alli in her wheelchair through the giant smile of the funhouse into a maze of psychedelic rooms, twisted perceptions and flashing lights that instantly gave Alli a headache but seemed to only entrance and amuse the Joker.

Finally they reached a room that was stark white with black swirls on the walls, ceiling and floor. Locking her chair in the center of the swirl on the floor. the Joker walked back towards the only entrance to the room and waved at her. "Have fun kitten. While your mind is going through the spin cycle Daddy is going to slaughter some people. I'll be back before you know...well anything."

The Joker clicked a switch and as the door to the room closed all the swirls on the walls, ceiling and floor started to spin making Alli feel queasy.

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[info]allison_warren
2009-09-07 04:59 am UTC (link)
Klown Kitten?? Was he serious? That was the best he could come up with? He really was just a reject from clown college. But she played along, keeping her opinion to herself for once.

Once he left her in the room with the ever moving swirls Alli closed her eyes. She was going to have try and not heave from all the swirling. The best thing she could do was to keep her eyes closed but if he was watching from another room, he'd know something was up.

With a frustrated mental sigh she forced her eyes open and did her best not to get nauseated from the spinning. Sadly while she didn't get sick, she was definitely getting dizzy and was wishing to god for a bat to the head to knock her out.

She almost got her wish when after about ten minutes, she felt the her bindings fall off of her and she was able to move. She blinked in surprise as the jester puppet stepped into her line of sight while wielding a pocket knife.

Alli had no idea what kind of hallucination this was, but she wasn't going to let it go to waste. "I think you're my new best friend," she said and grabbed it as she stood up. She stumbled for a moment and needed to hang on to the chair to regain her balance, but she was soon dashing out of the room, puppet in hand. Alli had no idea how it had gotten the door open, but she was grateful.

Of course they soon found themselves in the twists and turns of the funhouse. Alli looked down at the puppet in her hand and frowned. "Don't suppose you know the way out?"

The puppet's head spun around revealing a look of dismay and it shrugged, only to point in a random direction. Alli responded with a shrug of her own. "Better than nothing." She said as they headed further into the funhouse.

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Spiders on the ceiling.
[info]clownprince
2009-09-07 05:50 am UTC (link)
The first room Alli and the Jester puppet found themselves in, all the furniture was on the ceiling and and the floor looked like ceiling tiles, making the room look like it was upside down.
As Alli stepped into the room the door behind them slid shut and from the corners of the room, small panels slid open and spiders began to crawl out.

As Alli looked around, not in fear at the moment but still nervous about the spiders flooding into the room she noticed that the furniture on the ceiling was of a living room.
There was a heavy looking leather couch, a end table next to it with a lamp on it and a coffee table. A very large screen tv was directly across from the coffee table.

There looked like there was enough room on top, or should that be under the coffee table for her to squeeze in and get off the floor/ceiling but that would only be a temporary reprieve at best.

It was then that Alli noticed everything in the room had a coating of dust on it except the remote control for the tv that was stuck to the coffee table was bright and shiny and new looking.

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[info]allison_warren
2009-09-12 05:12 am UTC (link)
Alli sighed as the door slid shut behind her. Well that was just peachy. "I'd say this couldn't get worse, but I think we both know it can and will." She said to the little puppet in her hands.

The puppet, who she was dubbing 'Jester' in her head for now, pointed in the direction of one of the small panels in the corners, it's head spinning to a look of horror.

Spiders. Of all things it had to be spiders. Alli wasn't phobic, but she sure as hell didn't like the eight legged freaks any. She dashed to the coffee table to take temporary refuge from the spiders. While stuck in that narrow spot, she reached 'under' the table to get a grip on that remote she had noticed was almost new compared to the rest of the dust covered decor. She attempted to turn it but it was stuck tight to the table. "FUCK!" So much for something out of a Hardy Boys story...

She cast a worried look at the ever multiplying spiders. Were they fuzzy? Oh god, they were fuzzy! That meant venomous, right? Of course it did, this was the Joker's lair. Then realization dawned on her and she groaned at her own stupidity. She reached for the remote again and pressed the power button.

Instead of the tv coming on, the glass screen opened to reveal a short tunnel to what she could only assume to be another room.

Alli ignored the fact the spiders were now heading toward her via floor and walls and made an attempt to make the short leap across. She tumbled into the tunnel and she lost her grip on Jester as the entrance slid shut behind her.

"Sorry about that." She apologized to Jester as the puppet sat up and rearranged its tiny hat. She picked the puppet up and headed down the tunnel. "I just didn't feel like being spider-bait."

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