Who: MK and Wren (+Delilah and Gus) What: A visit Where: The zoo When: Recently, before the bombness in Gotham Warnings/Rating: Nope
MK hadn’t been to the zoo in years upon years, and never at any in Las Vegas. The last time she had been to any sort of zoo was the third grade, when her class had a field trip to Central Park Zoo. As a little kid with her bright red hair in braids and a bright yellow dress, tugging her friend Simon’s hand along with her, she pressed her nose against all the glass enclosures and fell in love with the penguins. Back then, she didn’t have much to worry about, or rather she didn’t let herself worry that much. Youth was the perfect shield, and those were the years free of her father. When her mother seemed to get better and her aunt started guiding she and Gina in the right direction. Then, of course, it fell to shit as everything in Maddie Kate Robinson’s life tended to do, even to the present day. For the tiny redhead, she never had another chance to go. Her parents got too wrapped up in themselves to bring their daughters anywhere they might like.
With Delilah around, a lot of her buried away childhood feelings surfaced again. MK needed to wade through years and years of damage when she was feeling low or unwhole, and her childhood wasn’t much to be discussed comparatively. Oh, it was a problem, of course, but she hadn’t focused on it in ages. There were so many more pressing problems at hand. Drugs and alcohol, her kidnappings, her tortures. How the love of her fiancé was probably more destructive than anything else in her life. But, MK tried her best to shove all of that to the side now that the kid was around. She only drank after Delilah went to bed, she hadn’t gone out clubbing in weeks, and she and Adam tried so hard to be civil around her.
Sure, the redhead was on some good cocktails of uppers and downers to keep her balanced every single day. There was a lackadaisical kind of quality that hung about her, and maybe it was unnerving for anyone else, but it comforted Delilah to have someone calm around her. Or so MK hoped. Honestly, Delilah gravitated more and more towards Adam every single day, and MK couldn’t understand why that was happening. No one liked Adam; why did her niece?
In the end, it didn’t matter. Delilah was in MK’s custody, and Adam was around for the long haul apparently. And, she had to make it comfortable for her to stay around, which was why MK reached out to Wren in the first place. Wren, her best friend in the entire world, even if their relationship imploded in itself. She was so very grateful that the blonde had agreed to help, and MK would make this work. She would make this work. She had to. Wren would be good support that she needed, if they didn’t end up fighting.
The redhead stood at the entrance of the zoo, tickets for all four of them in her bag, with a little girl with dark hair, and the familial similarities were obvious. Both had bright green eyes and a pallor about them that didn’t seem tainted by the unforgiving Vegas sun. Delilah wore a pretty yellow dress, one of her favorites and just like MK’s on that last trip to the zoo, and her long hair was twisted into two braids that fell past her shoulders. MK looked surprisingly demure, boyfriend jeans rolled up just past the ankle, flats and a button-up shirt. Clearly trying to play the part of mom, but still with that glamorous flair she and other models were known for.
Wren was nervous.
Wren hadn't admitted it to Luke, but this trip to the zoo made her stomach turn over. She wanted everything to go well, but she and MK hadn't managed very many good conversations in the past year. She knew that had to be her fault, at least a little bit, no matter what Luke said. She harbored no illusions that she knew how to be a friend. She didn't know the right things to say, and she never had. The MK of her youth hadn't cared and hadn't noticed, but this one did, and Wren found that she just made things worse when she tried to help. So she had a new tactic now, today, and that was to just say the right things, the things MK wanted. And it wasn't just because she missed her best friend, though she missed her every single day. But she wanted to get this right for Delilah too. She knew what it was like to lose a maman, and she knew how that hurt twisted and ached, even when no one knew that it was. She didn't want the little girl to face a day of animosity between friends, and so she was determined to make things okay. She could do it, she could; she just needed to think before she spoke.
To practice, Wren had gotten all of her bad things about Adam out while she showered and dressed that morning. Every little bad thing she thought and felt, she'd poured them all into the hot water that ran down the tap, and she'd confided in the mirror at her makeshift dressing table. And it would be okay. It had to be okay. Because she hadn't thought she was going to get a second chance with MK, but here that second chance was; she wasn't going to ruin it.
Gus was nervous too, and Wren could tell. The little boy was doing better in school now, but he was still wary of strangers, still too quiet around people he didn't know well. It was hard to believe that the sedate little boy with the messy brown hair and the grey eyes was the same bebe that ran around the living room screaming, while playing superhero with the dogs. But Gus was quiet that morning, even quieter than normal, and Wren wondered if he remembered MK. If he remembered a year-and-a-half in the past, and that crying escape from a Sunday school. She almost asked, almost, but she didn't want things to be wrong. She would tell Luke; Luke was better with Gus than she was.
And so it was that Wren parked the car at the zoo and made the long trek to the entrance. Gus, dressed in overalls and a t-shirt, was almost four feet tall now. He was a little weed, skinny and elbows and knees; he took after Luke that way. Wren held onto his hand, and she took one last deep breath as she approached the zoo entrance in a pair of denim shorts and one of Luke's grey work t-shirts, LVPD on the back in big, block letters. For Wren, whose hair was back in a clip, it was strangely utilitarian attire, but the shorts were new, and the shirt wasn't worn through or cheap-detergent faded yet.
Wren noticed the redhead right away, and she tugged on Gus' hand, reluctant little generic-Converse feet following with slow steps. "Hi." The greeting was for MK, and Delilah got Wren's attention next, a warm smile. "Bonjour, Delilah. This is Gus." Gus, who was wide eyes and distrust and maybe a little bit of curiosity as he considered the girl in yellow, his echoed "bonjour," a quiet and shy thing.
MK didn’t hold Delilah’s hand, still awkward in affection towards a little girl she didn’t truly know enough. She saw her niece maybe once a year, if that, and it was hard to learn what a five year old was like by little snippets of conversations on the phone or cards sent on holidays. She sensed that Delilah could develop that wild recklessness the Robinson girls were always known for, but even then, that was mostly a shot in the dark. She didn’t know the little girl she was now left in charge with, and MK hoped that this little trip might suss out some things about her. Aside from the predilection Delilah had towards Adam.
The redhead smiled softly when Wren stepped towards them, one hand slipping up her glasses and the other instinctively smoothing Delilah’s hair. The little girl looked just as wary as Gus apparently was, but perhaps for different reasons. Or maybe not at all. Children were always very good at sensing tension between grown-ups, weren’t they? Delilah didn’t smile, but her nose did wrinkle in amusement at the bonjours, which she repeated in curious childish lilt then giggled at the foreign word. “Hi, guys.” MK sighed and smiled again, looking first at Wren then to Gus. “Hi, sweetheart,” she started softly, cautiously. Her hand fell from Delilah’s head, and she crouched down to be at his height. “You remember me? MK?” After a second, she looked up at Wren a little worried. That maybe she shouldn’t drum up those feelings of when they took him or the brief time they lived together.
Delilah shifted on her feet, looking wary again, and tried to step behind MK in her crouched position. Tugging on her braid nervously in an all-too familiar way.
Wren knew a thing or two about suddenly caring for a child that was a stranger, one that wasn't a baby. The fact that Gus was hers hadn't made it any easier at the beginning. The fact that Gus' adoptive parents had been nightmares, that hadn't helped either. It was the entire process of learning that had been hard. It was different with Lia. Lia was easy, and there was no instruction manual required, no learning curve needed. Lia was like breathing, but Gus wasn't. So she understood a little. There were days she still didn't think she knew Gus well, and she was pretty sure she would never understand the little boy scuffing his shoe against the ground, not as well as Luke did, at least.
Wren smiled when the little girl's nose crinkled, and she smiled a little more at the tiny french greeting with that curious little lilt and giggle. Even Gus smiled at that, the smile a shy boy smile, all concentration on the toe of his sneakers and brown hair in his eyes. "It's nice to meet you, Delilah," she said, letting go of Gus' hand, knowing he wouldn't wander.
Gus was too scared of the world to wander far, and he regarded MK with wide-grey eyes that knew and remembered. But he shook his head quickly, his unruly hair curling here and there. "I don't remember." It was a lie, and there was a tip of his tiny chin that challenged anyone to prove he was lying.
Wren shook her head the tiniest bit. Maybe bringing it up wasn't a good idea? Not without Luke around. Luke answered all the questions, always. She hugged; she was good at hugs. But she didn't think Gus would appreciate a hug in front of the cute little girl that was tugging on her braid. So diversion, that seemed like the best idea. "Gus, why don't you take Deliah to get a map of the zoo," she suggested. The stand was just a few feet away, and Wren was hoping that would be enough of a distraction. "I don't think she's ever been here before."
MK’s green eyes flickered with worry and panic when Gus’s reaction was far from welcoming. She remembered with stark sharpness that little boy in the back seat screaming his face off, and she remembered that panic attack that wracked her body after. She remembered the look of fear and the bruises all over his little body and the recognition of what that boy had gone through until she and Wren took them. She remembered all of that, and she had to take a long, deep breath to stop the spark burning in the back of her brain about it. Deep, deep breath, and then she smiled a little tighter. “Well, your mom and I have known each other for a very long time,” was all MK afforded, standing up slowly. Oh, she knew that Gus remembered her, but she was more than used to unfavorable reactions.
Delilah looked at MK with curious, asking eyes when Wren suggested that they look at the map. “Maddie Kay? Can I?” She tugged on the hem of MK’s shirt, chewing on her thumbnail a little nervously. Her aunt warmed up, hooked Delilah’s chin in her hand, and tilted the little girl’s chin to look at her. Shoulders stooped to look down more at her niece’s level. If she wanted, MK could be incredibly gentle and giving. If she was given the chance. Delilah gave her chances every single day. The trick was now to keep it going, and truthfully, she didn’t know how long until the charade fell.
Still, she was trying now. A thumb ran across Delilah’s chin. “Sweetpea, you can have anything.” It was the theme of MK’s motherhood so far. Giving Delilah whatever she wanted in order to placate some sort of fear she had that she might not be able to give enough. “Just stay there, okay? No wandering away. Gus will protect you, right?” She looked over to Gus and flashed him a reassuring smile before Delilah looked to the little boy expectantly, holding out her hand. That was what school taught her to do when the buddy system happened, and Gus was her buddy today, right?
Gus watched the exchange between MK and Delilah with unabashed interest in his serious little eyes. Whatever he saw made him relax a little, small shoulders losing their tenseness and the beginnings of a small smile touched his mouth. "My daddy's a policeman," he told MK reassuringly. "I'll protect her. I promise," he vowed, as if he'd just been charged with something very big and very important. But he was a little boy, and his cheeks went the slightest bit red when Delilah held out her hand. He looked like he wanted to say something, maybe protest that he'd never held a girl's hand before, but he bit his lower lip and stayed quiet as he held his own hand out and shuffled his feet, shuffle, shuffle, before heading uncertainly to the maps.
Wren watched a few seconds, until Gus started pointing at maps and talking tentatively about exhibits, and then she looked back at MK. "I'm sorry about that. I don't always know how he'll react to things, and I don't know what to say a lot. I wish he came with an instruction manual," she admitted. And maybe it was okay to say that to MK just then, because maybe MK was going through the same thing. "She's so pretty, MK. She looks a lot like you, and you two seem to be doing really good together." Because, uncertainty aside, they did seem to be doing well.
Ahead of them, Gus collected all the required maps, and he looked back at them uncertainty. Wren nodded, and she motioned to the ticket taker, and then she fell into step beside MK. "How's she doing at home?" she asked, before looking over, her expression going softer after she assured herself that the kids were okay, not too far ahead, not in any trouble. "How are you doing?"
Delilah’s smile brightened a little, reawakened by being someone close to her age after what seemed like forever. She tugged a little on his hand in a friendly way, unthinking about boys and cooties because when did Robinson girls ever do that? MK smiled at Gus, appreciation and pride apparent in her green eyes, and she said, “I trust you, Officer Henry.” The redhead winked just before the children walked off. With them gone, but still in sight, MK seemed to loosen just a little. “No, it’s okay, I understand. I should have brought all--well, any of that up.” She waved her hand in the air, as if that encompassed all the issues that Gus drummed up. She offered Wren a knowing smile because now she knew firsthand what it was like to be thrown into motherhood. “I wish the same thing every single day. Is it easier? With Lia, is it easier?”
As she walked and they approached the ticket taker, she pulled out the tickets for them and held out two for Wren. Not thinking about what that might mean or how that might make Wren feel. It was an act of appreciation, this whole day would be, and MK was not going to be putting the stops out. She was just so grateful that Wren had dropped all the bullshit. Maybe they could ignore all the problems between them.
“You don’t look like you just had a baby, kitten,” she teased, with honesty in her eyes all the same. She sighed a little, rubbing one eye tiredly as she took the kids in again. “She’s still settling in. This is the first time in public that she hasn’t been glued to one of our sides.” MK shrugged. “Delilah adores Adam. She’s gravitating towards him. I’m just glad she likes him at all.” But maybe there might have been something in her voice. Jealousy, or hurt, or a combination of the two. She ignored the question about herself, choosing to ask Wren something instead. “How is Lia?”
Wren was a little tentative when it came to talking about Lia. the memory of the little girl was all wound up in the memory of MK's lost baby, and Wren liked to pretend there was no baby, at least around MK. She bit her lip, and she wondered if it would all crumble and fall apart if she answered MK's question. But in the end, she had missed her friend so very much, and she'd missed talking to her, and so she nodded. Wren had never been good with friends, with people, with anyone who wasn't a male who wanted to take his clothes off. But MK had been different. MK hadn't let her squirm away from friendship as a teenager, and she was still the female that Wren found easiest to talk to - when things were good. "It's a lot easier with Lia," she admitted in a whisper, careful not to let the wind carry her voice to the little boy who was chattering about the zoo exhibits with a tentativeness that made it achingly obvious he was waiting to see if Delilah rejected him.
Under normal circumstances, Wren might have considered the tickets a slight. Okay, maybe she still thought it a little. But she was determined not to fight today, not to have opinions that MK didn't like. She didn't want that around Gus, and she didn't want it around Delilah, and so she bit her lip and smiled, and she let MK pay, even a she tried to forget the countless jabs at her financial situation.
"She'll be three months in a week," Wren said of Lia. "I've had some time to take the weight off." She didn't mention the fact that she'd left home, refused to eat, lost herself in grief after the hotel had its way with them at Christmas. Luckily, MK's assertion that Delilah liked Adam chased away all other thought. She looked toward the little girl, as if that would help her figure out how. And she wondered if it was safe, if it was a good idea for such a small girl to befriend a man like Adam Waterhouse, but she kept that to herself. It was so hard, but she kept it to herself. "What was she like at home?" she finally asked, wondering how this reserved little girl differed from who she'd been before. "Was she close to her maman?" She asked that more softly, more carefully, mindful of MK's loss too. She reached out and squeezed the redhead's fingers for just a quick second. Touch, she'd always been better at touch than words. And she heard that hurt, that jealousy; she understood it. "Gus liked Jack better than me for a year. He still does sometimes."
MK had missed Wren immensely. Oh, there were days she loathed Wren with every fiber of her being, days where she couldn’t look past how she and Luke apparently loved to rub their happy, happy life in her face. But, she missed the girl who hung out with her in that dirty, broken apartment. Who drank red wine until it stained their lips. Who stayed up late on that busted couch talking about the boys they loved. That seemed like eons ago, and there was so much between them. MK wondered time and time again as she got ready earlier that day if they just couldn’t fix what was broken.
She would try though, and MK didn’t let it show how much it hurt to talk about the baby she lost. She just smiled and nodded, imagining the easiness of a baby compared to a five-year-old. “People always say babies are hard, but I never thought a kid would be harder.” She looked onto the two kids. Delilah had let go of Gus’s hand, but still stuck close to his side like he was her protector, and was asking about his favorite animals. MK couldn’t help the small smile crawling up her lips. “It’s hard,” she said just as quiet, though she wasn’t worried about Delilah hearing. Delilah overheard a lot of tense conversations since she had come home with Adam and MK. “I wish that someone could teach me how to do it. Because I am going to royally fuck her up.”
MK worried her lip after she admitted that, cheeks going pink for a second before she cleared her throat. “Honestly, I didn’t see her enough to know.” She sounded sad about that, very regretful that she hadn’t carved out more time with her sister and niece before…. “She was a happy, rambunctious kid. Apparently really popular in her class. She actually seems a lot like me and her mom when we were kids.” There was affection in that, even if MK squeezed Wren’s fingers back. She hadn’t allowed herself to grieve yet, and really, when would she get the chance? She had a child to take care of now and a fiancé who barely understood emotions. “She misses her mom a lot. But she doesn’t really ask about her? I think part of her hopes that she’s coming back one day, even if she knows she won’t.” A shrug, and she handed off her two tickets to the ticket taker, waited for Wren to do the same, and continued on.
“Where to first, Officer Henry?” she called out with more control in her voice than she had in her head. Sure, the cocktail of pills helped the disassociation immensely, but MK had been getting better at masking her emotions again. Or so she thought.
Wren had a long rambling response about whether or not babies were easier. She understood why people thought they were harder, but she didn't say that. Instead, she tried to comment without it being about Lia, without making things worse with the fact that she had a healthy baby. "My friend Evie, the one whose husband died through the door, she has a lot of trouble with her little girl. She says she doesn't understand her, and they can't bond. Daisy cries, and Evie doesn't understand why, and she gets frustrated." And she thought it was okay to mention Evie, because Will was dead. Evie had lost something she would never, ever be able to get back. She was like MK, and Wren thought the loss would make it safer, better than talking about Lia.
When MK said that she was going to royally fuck Delilah up, Wren immediately shook her head. "You aren't. You love her, and you're going to be wonderful. You are wonderful." She believed it, and it was obvious in her voice. Whatever else had gone wrong, she still believed that MK had so much love to give, and she knew MK would shower the little girl with it. In her mind, everything that had gone wrong with MK was Adam's fault. Adam had driven her to everything, though she would never, ever voice that aloud again. There was no point, and she didn't want to fight. Fighting with MK, it hadn't actually made MK any safer, any happier. Wren wasn't blind. She knew the other woman was falling apart, and she knew there was something keeping her calm. MK just wasn't very calm by nature, not ever, not even when things were great.
Wren gave MK's fingers another squeeze, and she tugged a little on her hand, the smallest swing of hands coming with the gesture. It was childish. It was broken down couches and whispers and strawberry wine. "You have that in common. Missing her maman," she said, quiet and reverent. She knew what it was to lose a maman, but not a sister, not someone who had been a best friend. And she didn't think it was any easier just because MK hadn't been home a lot. She was pretty sure that kind of affection never left, even with distance.
Gus turned when he heard MK call his last name, and the smile that lit up his features when he realised that she was calling him an officer was lightbulb bright. It was like turning on a lightswitch, and he stammered before calling back that they were going to see the lynx. The statement came with a turn to the left, toward the lynx habitat, with a tiny stop to introduce Delilah to one of the wandering peafowls in the part.
Since Delilah was brought as a permanent fixture in her life, MK had ebbs and flows about the baby she lost months ago. Some days, she barely remembered the pain at all -- the pain of waking up soaked in crimson and screaming until her throat was sore and crying on the nursery flow. Some days, that seemed to be a distant dream. Still, other days had her drinking a lot more in the secret way she did: when Delilah was in her bath or attending school or wrapped up in whatever Disney bullshit she put on. It sometimes became too much to bear. The giggle ringing through the living room, the bright, intelligent green eyes, the tiny little things the girl did all served as reminders of what she wouldn’t have of her own.
That wasn’t something she was going to admit to anyone though. She had her family, didn’t she? As hodgepodge as it was, she had her child, her fiancé, her wealth. Wouldn’t it be selfish to want more?
She flashed Wren a sad sort of smile while she talked about Evie. Why did Wren always find herself centered around such tragic figures, MK wondered. Maybe the blonde was drawn to it; maybe she wanted it that way. “Has it gotten easier though?” she asked regardless. It wasn’t like MK was going to ever have a baby of her own to understand herself. She still doubted that Adam would ever really want to try again. Where would her chance be? She shrugged a little, brushing away that hurt, and focusing on the swing of their hands. It felt innocent, something she hadn’t felt in a very very long time, and that brought a genuine smile for a moment. A silent I miss you in her green eyes. Then, she sighed.
“I don’t--it’s fine. I can’t miss her when I have to focus on her. It’s fine, I’m fine.” Always fine, that was the chorus of the girls from their times in Seattle. She let go of Wren’s hand to rub at one of her eyes tiredly. “I need her to do well. I already had a social services visit? And they said they’re coming to drop by unannounced sometimes. I have to make her be okay, but I don’t know how.” It wasn’t true; deep down, MK had a lot of love to give. Wren was right about that. It was just a matter of finding out how to access it again.
But, she was slightly encouraged by the brightness of that little boy’s smile. Meanwhile, Delilah seemed enamored with Gus in the way little girls are of boys who are nice to them the first time they meet. She smiled and curtsied at the peafowl, a serious bow of her head before following after Gus with a skip. Yammering on about the dog she used to have back home, or the little one at Maddie Kay’s now.
MK's sad smile made Wren worry that she'd said something wrong, and maybe she shouldn't have mentioned Evie. But Wren had never been good at conversation, at communication, at anything that didn't involve naked bodies and touch. "I don't know really," she said of Evie. Will had so many problems, and Evie's relationship had been a hard one, and she didn't know how much Evie missed him, how much she'd finally begun to settle into all the things Will had done that were bad. And she considered asking MK if she ever thought of things that her boy had done wrong, if she ever remembered him and was angry that he'd gotten himself killed. But Wren knew better than to actually ask, despite wanting to know. "I know her père mostly takes care of the bebe." Which made Wren sad, but maybe she understood too. Evie had such a hard time with the baby, even when Will was living, and maybe the baby and grief were just too much.
"You can miss her," Wren said softly. Of course MK would miss her sœur, even if that missing was eclipsed by the presence of the little girl with the bright green eyes. But just having Delilah around had to make that ache well up, no matter what MK said. "We always say we're fine," Wren added, because she was part of that school too. "I think maybe we need a new word, because no one believes that one anymore," she added with a small smile. And it was true; they'd used that word and trampled it between Seattle and Las Vegas. It was like old currency; there wasn't any value in the word any longer.
Wren's fingers twitched when MK let go of her hand, and she glanced toward the children before looking up in time to see MK rub at her face tiredly. "She's going to do good, MK, and social services won't be a problem. You have a nice home, and you're wonderful with people, and Adam has a good job. You aren't going to have any trouble at all." She didn't ask about the alcohol, about the pills, about the stronger drugs she suspected were part of MK's life. She didn't ask, because she knew those things wouldn't be anywhere at all, not when the social worker came. And Adam, despite her very strong hatred, looked like a solid, quiet, respectable doctor. "It'll be fine, and I actually mean the word this time," she assured the redhead, and she glanced over at the little girl in question.
The tiny curtsey made Wren smile, and she laughed softly as Gus stared and stammered and went pink in the cheeks. "I don't think the other girls he's met curtsey," she said, her smile bright and genuine. She watched as Gus finally followed, attentive through all of Delilah's talking, and the little boy didn't even stop to gawk at the monkeys; his attention was all on the little girl. "Poor thing. He takes after his père," she added with a smile.
There was a slight bite of guilt in MK’s stomach as Wren explained Evie’s situation, and there was a twitch of her mouth betraying it. Maybe, MK shouldn’t bemoan her situation so much. At least she had Adam, at least she had Delilah. She didn’t have to look in the face of a child and see her dead husband stare back at her. No, she just had to see her dead sister, her own dead innocence. And MK couldn’t decide which one was worse in the end. In the end, she just flashed Wren a sad dip of her lips for her friend. “I wonder if there’s one person in this goddamn city who isn’t a mess.” It was a rare moment of acknowledgement from the redhead. Usually, it was denial that she wasn’t anything but perfect unless it benefited her.
“It’s okay.” Just like that, there was that denial of weakness. She shrugged. She wasn’t allowed to miss anyone before. Why would she be able to miss her sister now? She had to be strong for that beautiful little girl skipping ahead of them. She couldn’t show weakness in front of Adam; he would scorn her for it. Or worse, take Delilah away. She buried the pain and the fear in any way she could, but especially in the old ways. In booze, in pills, in drugs stronger than she should even think about. The razor hadn’t made its appearance yet, but wasn’t that a matter of time, too? But for now, she had the relaxers in her system, and she had the quaint comfort of her old friend. “I think we need a new one, too.” MK smiled, rolling her eyes at the word they’d worn thin over the years.
The redhead just shrugged at the assurances about social services. Honestly, the panic was more in the moment than anything. CPS had never done anything for her or her sister when they were kids. Why would they even think of taking Delilah away from a “loving,” “stable” home like the Waterhouse-Robinson abode? It looked like she was getting her shit together. She didn’t even go out nights anymore, and her dealers had dealers who had people she could go through that would keep their goddamn mouths shut for the right price.
“She’s got our genes,” she said, implying that she and her sister had been the same way as kids. MK grinned at the blush on Gus’s cheeks. “That’s good. He’s got the looks for a heartbreaker, but not the actual heart for it.” Delilah knew that Gus was paying attention to her in the way all little Robinson girls did. They were performers, they were attention-seekers; they fed off the adoration of others. The little girl seemed to blossom even more under Gus’s gaze and tugged him towards the glass partition to look at one of the chimps sleeping in the warm Vegas sun. She made a face against the glass, cheeks puffed out and ears pulled by tiny fingers. MK giggled quietly. Leave it to kids to actually make her laugh.
“How is Luke, by the way?” MK and Luke used to get along so well, but she knew he hated her with all his guts now.
Wren actually considered MK's musing, considered whether or not she knew anyone who wasn't - in some way - a mess. She ran through people in her mind, friends, acquaintances, even people she only knew a little from the forums. In the end, she shook her head. "I think everyone I know has something wrong," she admitted. "I guess maybe the winner is whoever has the least things that are bad?" And most days, she knew, that was her. Her and Luke, and she had no idea how that had even happened. In Seattle, in New York, even two years ago here, they'd been at the top of the troubled list. She had no idea how that had changed, and she had no idea how that had all turned around. She didn't trust it to last for very long, because the good things seldom did, but there was no doubt that her life was nearly idyllic just then, in that moment. She considered telling MK that, explaining that things could look up. After all, she was an example of that, wasn't she? But she really didn't think that would make MK feel any better, so she refrained. She pressed her lips together, and she stayed quiet on the subject.
"It is okay," Wren said, when MK tried to deny missing her sister. "It's okay to miss her. I still miss my maman, still, to this day." She had no idea how long mourning was supposed to last, but she was fairly sure it lasted however long it needed to. She'd been thinking about that a lot lately, as she watched Evie navigate loss. "But I do think we need a new word," she added, a small smile on her lips as MK rolled her eyes. "Or, maybe we can just try saying how we really feel. It would be something new," she suggested. She thought, maybe, that she did that a lot more than MK. Luke was good at pushing and pushing, and she pushed him in return, and fine wasn't as prevalent as it once had been. But she was fairly sure MK didn't have that with Adam. And, not for the first time, she wished MK would find a better man, a good man. If she and Luke hadn't spent the better part of a year getting Evie and Jack together, Wren would have tried pushing for Jack and MK to spend time together. As it was, she wondered if they knew anyone sweet and single and selfless. MK needed selfless, Wren thought, more than anyone.
Wren worried about the shrug that the CPS comment brought with it. She wasn't naive, and maybe she never had been. She didn't think MK was altogether, not yet, but she didn't worry about CPS. Like MK, Wren had never experienced anything good with CPS, not when she was small and needed help, and not when Gus was being abused by his adoptive parents. But the shrug worried her a little, and it was only the children that made her smile as she followed MK's gaze in time to see Delilah making a face against the glass. And Gus had always been a serious little boy, but he hesitantly mirrored Delilah's actions, and then looked at the little girl to see if she approved of his mimicking. Wren smiled. "Luke's really, really good. He loves his job, and I think he worries less not," she said honestly. "I told him we were coming here," she added, her smile reassuring. She didn't add that it was Adam's potential presence that had bothered Luke, not MK's.
MK didn’t say anything about everyone having something wrong. Of course they all had something wrong with them, didn’t they? But, that didn’t mean there were charmed little lives to go along with it. Luke and Wren were the perfect examples of having charmed lives. MK still didn’t believe that anyone could ever have it as badly as she and Adam. Even with the cobbled together family they created, it wasn’t really theirs, was it? Delilah wasn’t her child, Adam wasn’t just some doctor, they didn’t just have the occasional glass of wine with dinner. It was destructive and unhealthy and so much worse than anyone could even fathom. Fuck everyone else and their problems, they couldn’t compare, but MK was trying her best to be fair and repair this relationship, so she let it fall away, too. They were always really good at that.
Which made MK’s bubbled laugh almost harsh and all the worse. “I think another word,” the redhead pressed, “is what we really need.” MK had a world of weaknesses about her, and Wren could pinpoint all of them. She didn’t need to let mourning give the blonde more of a reason to doubt her sanity or stability. And, MK had never been really good at mourning, had she? Five years after Seattle, and two more here, and she still didn’t get over all of that loss from that goddamn city. She had other ways, easier ways to deal with it. Losing herself in the booze, in the drugs, in the pain she let herself wallow in. Talking? What the fuck was that. MK was so glad and relieved that Adam didn’t make her talk. Her vigilante made her talk, and look at how that turned out.
As the adults talked, Delilah turned to Gus and grinned in approval of Gus’s tentative face before turning back to the glass and pulling another, sillier one. A giggle echoed from the little girl, and it was clear she was thrilled by having someone her age around. Someone not distracted like MK and not so serious and grumpy as Adam. A quick look searched for attention from the older women, that pretty one that seemed so nice, before she started to make quiet “ooh-ooh-oohs” to get the chimps’ attentions. MK rolled her eyes. “She’s definitely got the attention-seeking genes.” She smiled at Wren. “Good. I’m glad.” Her red eyebrows peaked up in curiosity. “Was he okay with it?”
That harsh, bubbled laugh chased away any doubts Wren had about how she was doing during this conversation. Not good, but if there was anything she was good at, it was saying the wrong thing around MK. And some things never changed, but she tried to keep her smile where it was. "Okay. You get to come up with the new word," she said, trying to keep the tease in her tone. Nothing serious, nothing serious, and nothing good would come of serious anyway. She knew, more than she had when she'd woken up that morning, that if she tried to scratch beneath the surface of this outing, things would break and shatter. It was like a delicate piece of pottery, this, and a strong wind would reveal all the cracks in their friendship. So, Wren smiled a little, and she didn't say anything about that harsh laugh.
"She does," Wren said instead of Delilah's attention-seeking genes, and that was easier, genuine. She saw so much of the version of MK she'd befriended in Seattle in the little girl, and it was impossible to miss the fact that Gus was smitten with her. She laughed a little at the sounds made to attract the chimps, and she looked over at MK a moment later. "He was okay with it," she said of Luke's reaction to this trip. It wasn't a lie, not really, he hadn't told her not to come. He'd only insisted he come along if Adam was going to be here. But there was no Adam, and Wren didn't feel the need to point out the latter. "He's really sorry about your sister," she said instead. "And I'm sure Gus will tell him all about Delilah," which was also true, if the way the boy's grey eyes followed Delilah's every move was any indication.
"She looks happy, MK," Wren finally added, another unthinking reach and squeeze of MK's fingers. Old habits, and they did die hard. "You're doing great," she added supportively. "You really, really are." And that was earnest. She knew that MK's life wasn't perfect, but the little girl that Gus had begun to lead toward the aviary looked okay, and Wren thought that was a really good start. Maybe things would change for MK now. Maybe this would be the catalyst she needed.