Who: MK and Adam Where: Drug party at some penthouse When: Recently! What: These two can't stay away from each other. I blame spidey kids Warnings: Swearing, sexy stuff, drug use.
MK left the Marvel Door completely unaware of the chaos happening behind it. Mary Jane had gotten good at hiding her thoughts lately and blocking out much of what happened on her side of the door. MK, for her part, kept her mind drowned in a drunken stupor or drug-fueled haze, effectively blocking out the teenager whenever humanly possible. She couldn’t take the buzzing in the back of her brain anymore. MJ nagged and bitched and moaned and tried to be mature by helping Maddie Kate with her problems. Curing her? Hah. What the fuck did a kid know about what was happening with her? How juvenile to even think that she could wrap her little mind around the problems of MK Robinson, supermodel junkie extraordinaire. She was a hypocrite, the younger redhead, with her desire to have everyone hands-off from her life, but attempt to ‘fix’ her counterpart in Vegas. That was all they all were, weren’t they? A bundle of hypocrites trying to avoid their own problems by fixing others.
So, with Mary Jane essentially blocking the other redhead out, MK hadn’t even the tiniest inkling of the littlest Marvel girls and their plan to patch she and Sam up. She showed up all the same, then, to the party in one of the larger Turnberry penthouses. All she knew was that she wanted to have a good time and to try again to forget about Adam. And try she did. The alcohol was free flowing, and the pills were colorful and bright, and the men were hot as hell. She lost Sam quickly in the shuffle, but didn’t pay too much heed anyway. She had pretty men and women pressed against her and white lines ready throughout the rooms. Taking no time, she snorted lines off bodies and hard surfaces alike, and the high, helped with the pretty pills she chewed down before she came, shot to her head fast as lightning. It felt good, it definitely did, and soon enough, she found herself slammed against a wall, legs wrapped around the waist of some guy with blue eyes that reminded her of that person she was trying to forget. Her fingers dug into his shoulder as he rocked into her, eyes rolling back into her head. It felt wonderful, the high and the roughness and the anonymity. But when she came, she had to bite down on her lip to stop her from crying out that goddamn name.
A few hours later, she stumbled out onto one of the balconies (one that faced the blinking Strip far ahead) for air. Her red hair mussed, and her dress short and tight, and her eyes bright, she looked exactly like many of the other people there. Like she partied for a living. She reached up a hand to smooth her hair a little, and she dug in the pockets of her dress for her pack of cigarettes. She wanted the taste of nicotine just then to wash out the taste of sex out of her mouth, and it would help keep her high up. But just as she was about to pop the stick in her dull red stained mouth, she glanced around and spotted a familiar person.
“Adam,” she choked out, jumping a little before she could control herself. She didn’t say anything else, but just stared in bewilderment. Why was he here? Out of the millions of people in Las Vegas, why was he at the same party? It wasn’t fair.
Getting into the party was easy enough. He had rolled through similar scenes plenty of times before and the simplest way to make friends was to give presents. People like this enjoyed strange drugs and brightly colored pills. Both of which he could easily get his hands on. And, while he held the baggy of goods that would have been half gone by now weeks ago when MK left, they just made him feel sort of helpless. Pot and booze were different than things like this, he decided and while he could easily keep up with people who needed these, he felt too old to really indulge. So, when he lifted the bag up at the door, he gladly gave the housewarming gift away and slunk off towards the balcony.
It was horrific being sober in a place like this. Close to the slideshows evangelical churches showed of hell and the people who earned their way there. Strangers became hungry dogs, limbs and mouths became grotestic, laughter turned into howling. He needed to get out and clear his head. Recite the things he’d tell MK to try and get her to leave. Really, he didn’t have a whole lot to tell her. The whole point of breaking up was to allow her to throw herself over the edge, wasn’t? But, they were still so tangled together. There was still so much that was unfinished. So, he paced in the darkness. Turning sometimes to look over the horizon to let his mind drift before snapping back to reality. Would he admit that he still loved her? She knew, of course she knew, but would it make a difference here?
Like a student who forgot to study the night before a test, he was unprepared for MK when she said his name. It made his shoulders shoot up defensively and draw a quick breath in like he had just seen a ghost. “MK.” He said after a moment, turning to look at her with a desperate gaze. Her eyes were glazed like the animals inside, but he knew at least he wasn’t too late. “Wasn’t expecting me.” Adam’s eyes dropped, hands fiddling together in front of him. MJ was getting a lot better at blocking MK out. He was impressed. “Heard you’d be here. Wanted to see you.”
It was like homecoming to see him standing in front of her in his gangly, awkward glory after what seemed like ages, and the flash of a smile quick across her lips betrayed her feelings right away. She loved him, of course she did, and he had to as well, right? No matter what he said to her or the brat through the door. Unconsciously, she took a step forward, all the while wondering if she hadn't just imagined that man with eyes bright and blue as Adam's.
"No," she said with a shrug even while the strain was thick in her voice. "I didn't expect you. Was I supposed to?" Fucking Sam. Did she open her big mouth about this to him? MK did not know whether to be grateful or not. Seeing him was a delight but absolute torture at the same time.
Adam put his hands in his pockets, leaning his tall frame forward a little to get a better look at her. It was a subconscious medical move, like a doctor taking a sweeping inspection of a wary patient. He seemed so out of place there in that moment, as if he were going undercover just to save her. Suddenly aware of this, he turned from her and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small blunt and placed it between his lips before reaching for a lighter. He couldn’t do this sober. He couldn’t keep taking the fatherly role. “MJ and Gwen were worried about you.” Adam said honestly, lighting up the blunt and taking a couple hits before offering it to her in a puff of smoke.
“Not here to stop you. How could I? My hypocrisy knows no bounds.” Adam licked his lips and sighed, the remainder of smoke from his lungs seeping out his nostrils. “Still. Wanted to see you.”
MK couldn’t control the eye roll when Adam mentioned the teenagers. Of course it was Gwen and MJ. Of course. Fucking meddling teens. She had never known kids who couldn’t mind their own business as badly as those Marvel kids. Well, maybe Wren, but Wren was always like that and it wasn’t--no, MK refused to think about her. Not after their last conversation. She shook her head, eyes squeezing shut for a moment, and she bit back a frustrated groan. Sure, she wanted Adam back in her life. Desperately. But, not because MJ probably totally overexaggerated and told Adam she was on the brink.
She quirked an eyebrow when he pulled out the blunt, and it rose higher when he actually lit it. “Flash told me,” she said of the joint and his fall into her territory of drugs and drinking, and she waved a hand towards his mouth for extra emphasis. After a half-second of hesitation, she took it with an easy smile, the first one he’d probably seen in some time from her. “Welcome to the dark side,” she muttered before taking a few hits, the tip of the blunt glowing an orange almost as bright as her own hair. She inhaled and held the smoke in her chest for a moment before exhaling. “I’m surprised he let you come.” Her voice sounded strained from the smoke still billowing out of her puffy lips as she offered the blunt back. She looked away for a moment, chewing on her cheek, but when he said he wanted to see her, her green eyes snapped back to meet his blues. “Did you really?”
“Please. Was doing worse stuff than this before you were born.” Adam smiled and then hated himself a little for it. He wouldn’t be able to get that last fight out of his head for a long time and that part of him still felt so much anger towards her. It told him to be colder than he had ever been. Standoffish and demanding. All the qualities that drove her from him and would only make her spiral even harder. But, he didn’t. Because he loved her. And, no matter how hard he tried, he just wasn’t a mean spirited man.
“Reluctant at first.” He admitted, taking the blunt and rolling it slightly with his fingers. “But, what do I have to lose? Can reject me if you want. Wouldn’t hurt me anymore than what I’ve already gone through. Don’t have anything to lose.” Adam stuck the tiny blunt between his lips again and inhaled, turning his head away from her as smoke billowed from his mouth and nose. “MJ said you were happiest when you were alone with me. Well. We’re alone now. Don’t look happy.”
She scoffed, reaching up to run a hand through her messy hair, and she looked off into the distance at the blinking lights. Yeah, he probably did do worse stuff after Seattle. They never really spoke about it much, not when her problems were screaming in their faces, but she did wonder about his darker days every day. Especially when she was feeling her worst. He earned himself a pointed look then, one that said she hoped he wasn’t doing that now. As if there was only one fuck up allowed in the entire world. And still, she wanted to wrap him up and keep him away from all this. Keep them both away from all the ugliness in the world and just have them.
“She got something right finally,” MK said after a moment of silence, and before she could help it, she turned and stepped closer to him. “I wasn’t expecting--after what you said to me, I don’t expect you to be happy to see me. Why would I--.” She groaned in frustration and stepped closer again, fighting the urge to snatch at one of his hands. “Adam, I think about you all the time. The only time I remember being happy in a long time was when I’ve been with you.”
Adam finished the blunt off fast, letting it burn away between his fingertips before flicking the tiny remnants to the ground. He looked down at her, eyes shifting to how close they were to each other as his fingers twitched nervously. The teenager in his head was hating every second of this, but he had his own problems to take care of and if the doc really wanted to keep ruining his life, then Flash didn’t have enough energy to care. Helping someone wasn’t about forcing them to do what you wanted. That was something the doc taught him from day one.
“Don’t have anything left.” Adam shrugged, sighing as he turned away from her to grab the balcony bar with both hands and look out over the strip. He gave a small laugh and shook his head. “Shouldn’t be here begging you to come back. Supposed to have some kind of dignity.” Adam glanced over at her. “But, would happily give you anything you wanted if it meant I wouldn’t have to chase you down at one of these stupid parties.”
MK watched as he turned away from her and reached out just in time to brush her fingers against his arm. Having him so close, so within her reach, was absolute torture. A reminder of everything she had lost. Because god, did she miss him. She missed him every moment of every day, when the haze she pushed herself in wouldn’t be enough. All she wanted was for him to be hers, and for her to be his. She stepped forward, leaning one hip against the bar and pressing her body against his arm.
“You have things left, Adam. More than I do.” Her hands reached forward and wrapped themselves over one of his as they gripped the bar. She looked up at him for a moment, offering him the ghost of a smile, before she looked off towards the Strip, too. “Wren hates me, Luke hates me, you hate me. I don’t even think my sister wants anything to do with me. I have no one. Again.” Heaving a sigh, she glanced at him with sad, honest eyes. “You didn’t have to chase me down anywhere. You know that. Just say the word, and I’d be there.” Fingers squeezed his, and it literally hurt her heart to be so close to him. A good kind of hurt though. One that reminded her of why she missed him so much.
“Don’t hate you.” He echoed her softly under his breath and didn’t say anything else for a long time after she was finished. It was hard enough to focus when she was right there, holding his hand and talking like they could fix things. Part of him believed that they could and they were much better off together than apart. But, how much of that was wishful thinking? Did it even matter anymore if he destroyed his life for her? With her?
Adam turned to face her, hand grazing her hip as he inched closer to her. “Then leave with me. Let’s go somewhere. Doesn’t have to be my place if you don’t want. Just somewhere away from all of this.”
The silence carried on after she spoke besides the odd sniff here and there. She rubbed at her eyes, which were red-rimmed and watery, and she had to bite away at her wibbling lip to quiet a small sob. She didn’t want to be there on that balcony, reminiscing about the good times and ruminating over the bad. It took all of MK’s might not to leave, but she couldn’t leave, right? Not when he was there. Not when she finally got what she wanted. She couldn’t just slither back to the party knowing he was here.
But, did he really want her? It was hard to believe after he so vehemently pushed her away.“You don’t want to leave with me,” she said quietly, even as she reached to brush her fingers across his cheek. Every touch felt like fire, and as he drew closer, she felt her heart hammering in her chest. “You just feel guilty.”
Adam stared at her for a moment and then nodded against her fingertips, reaching his own hand up to hold them there before gently clasping her hand in his at his side. “Do feel guilty. But, know I’m unhappy without you. Would rather spend time with you than know you’re at some party because I pushed you there.” He was never very eloquent, but Adam at least told the truth. She could count on that, even after everything they had gone through. That was more than she could say about most of the people at the party inside. “Can’t make you better. Can’t fix you. Told you that when this first started. Somehow stopped believing it.”
He closed the gap between them, letting her hand go so he could wrap his long, skinny arms around her shoulders. Adam didn’t want to be alone anymore. Not after having all of this. Even when their love was so unstable. “But, can make it better. For a little while. If you let me.” He gave her a broken look, one that lacked any kind of confidence that he used to be able to carry around with him. Adam had to accept that he wasn’t enough for her, but if she wanted him, then who was he to refuse?
She wanted to argue that he could fix her if he really tried, but the words died on her lips. He was right, wasn’t he? Maybe she was irreparable. If he couldn’t fix her, a doctor with similar problems and a shared past haunting him, then who could? “Maybe I’m permanently broken,” she whispered, and she meant it. Maybe she was.
Her fingers rested on his cheek even after he let go of her hand, her thumb brushing back and forth on the stubble just beginning to emerge. “Adam,” MK said quietly, desperately, and she sighed in relief when his arms wrapped around her. This was where they needed to be. Fuck everyone else for thinking otherwise, including the two of them. They could make it work, right? She would try harder this time. Probably. No, she definitely would. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “After everything you said,” she started, fingers curling into his hair gently, “do you really mean it? You really wanna do this again?” She bit down on her lip, and maybe what she wanted to do was forget all of the horrible things he said, too. For him to take it back and say he lied and maybe she wasn’t too messy. “I’m not too much of a mess?”
His pale skin brightened a little at her touch and he smiled down at her. Most of his memories were on their last fight, but he had a striking recollection of the time he took her out just to tell her that he loved her. How perfect that night had been, even with everything that had happened. “Think I can handle a mess now.” Adam closed his eyes and shook his head. “Not working at the clinic anymore. Only helping vigilantes when they get injured. If me not being around enough was the problem, it won’t be anymore.”
And, while he meant for that to be a comfort to her, it did seem as though he had taken the wind out of his own sails. Adam didn’t know how to balance his life, never did, and so if she wanted him to choose between her or the clinic, he’d happily choose her. But, it would be at the expense of his own dreams and ambitions.
MK knew from Flash that Adam had quit the clinic, that he had spiraled down hard and fast into a life similar to hers. And while she hated the idea before -- the clinic was Adam’s pride and joy, after all -- she couldn’t help but smile. The high made everything seem like a good idea, especially this. She felt selfish then, incredibly so, and all she wanted was him, him, him. Him and her life her way. Adam and the taste of whiskey on her lips and the rush of cocaine through her system. If she could have it all, it would be a perfect world, but for now, he was the number one priority.
She didn’t say anything but leaned up on her tiptoes to press her lips hungrily against his. Her fingers tugged against his hair, and everything about her kiss and the way she rocked her body against his was rough and desperate. Like this was what she had been waiting for her entire life.
Her kiss solidified everything he figured out about himself since the break up. That he wasn’t ever going to be as good for her as the mask from Seattle. That he couldn’t be in love and run a clinic at the same time. That no matter what he did, one day they were either going to burn out or drift apart because one of them managed to get their life together. It wouldn’t be him, he decided. Being Doctor Waterhouse didn’t get him anything and this life of nothing was going to be worth the time he spent with her. It had to be.
And, while he knew that none of that would keep her from partying too much or losing herself to drugs, it was the best he could do. This was his last try at the whole happiness thing. So, he returned the kiss with relief and desperation. Pushing her up against the nearby wall as he drank in everything that he had missed. “Let’s get out of here.” He said between kisses, his hands running through her hair with a shaky, but gentle touch.
Oh, this is what was missing in her life the past few weeks. As she spiraled further and further down, as the pills and the coke and the booze drowned her, she found herself in a black hole. One just as bad as her mask after Seattle. One sucking out her very will to live. Since the day they broke up, MK almost hoped for a mistake. A slip-up. One too many pills, or a lethal combination of everything. But now, maybe, things wouldn’t be so bad. Now she had him back, and she wouldn’t let him go this time.
She whimpered into his kiss when he pushed her against the wall, soaking in the embrace with such greed that an onlooker might think this was just some drunken hookup. But, it wasn’t. It was far more important than that. Her arms, still wrapped around his neck, tugged him closer because he could never be close enough now, and she nodded when he spoke again. “I love you,” she whispered against his lips. “I love you so much.”
Adam smiled against her lips, turning the hungry embrace into something gentle for a moment. His kisses slowed after she spoke. The love you from her hurt him in a way it hadn’t before as if someone had smashed a hammer against his chest. It wasn’t a good hurt that lead to more aching and craving, but instead a pain that weakened him. Adam knew giving up so much of him was the price he had to pay to get her to not only love him, but to stay together. Eventually that pain would dull. It had to.
“Love you, too.” He whimpered a little, kissing the noise away before pulling away enough to lead her out of the party. She could never really know the sacrifices he was making for her. Certainly, she and everyone else could see the life changes, but MK would never know the self-loathing that went into giving her everything. That nagging, tiny resentment that was already starting to take root in the back of his mind.