InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I pissed my pants yo."

bound_by_honor (bound_by_honor) wrote in doorslogs,
@ 2012-09-30 17:20:00

Entry tags:

eddard stark

WHO Theo, with a dash of Jiminy!Ned
WHAT A narrative, being a big boy, etc
WHEN The day after Kitane left for China
WHERE His Penthouse at Turnberry
WARNINGS None!

Theo hadn’t been to The Wynn for two days and it hadn’t burned to the ground, robbed, or otherwise destroyed. He took that as a sign to take another day for himself but the Penthouse was unbelievably quiet now that Kitane was halfway around the world. A quick check at the world clock on his phone indicated that she would’ve landed about an hour ago but he’d promised to let her have her fun. He couldn’t call now, even though he wanted to. It was a lot harder to push away the loneliness when he knew she’d be waiting for him, ready to talk about something odd or surprising that would distract him for hours no doubt. The only other person he wanted to talk to was Seven but Theo knew that wasn’t a good idea. Their conversations lately had turned to discussing their personal history and he was starting to feel guilty about it. He’d locked their conversations, but what if he hadn’t? What if Kitane could see them?

He poured himself a drink and started to pace. He had Kitane. She loved him and she wanted to be with him despite what anyone might say about their relationship. Seven though...Theo wasn’t sure if the other man loved him. They certainly couldn’t have a committed monogamous relationship, despite how much he wanted it. He wanted Seven, but it just couldn’t be. He knew that, he did, but that wasn’t enough to stop the depth of emotion he felt for the other man. He’d never loved anyone the same way he loved Seven, but could he? Kitane deserved nothing less. Could he love her the same way he loved Seven? More? He wanted to. He wanted to give himself to her completely because he honestly did care about her. How much had she been through? She didn’t deserve a half-commitment or a relationship founded on lies. She deserved nothing less than all of him.

But could he do it? Could he truly put Seven in the past? Sure, he’d had monogamous relationships before, but he could never propose, never take the next step, and they always left. He always found comfort in Seven’s arms afterward too, but for once, Theo didn’t want to console himself with Seven if things didn’t work out with Kitane. He wanted her in his life and although he didn’t think she would force him to choose, he knew what the answer should be if she did. He should choose her. He wanted to, but as long as Seven was there as a safety net of sorts, as long as there was any sliver of hope that the other man might change, Theo would never be able to give himself completely to Kitane. She didn’t deserve that. No one did.

You know what you need to do, came Ned’s calm voice. Theo drained his glass.

“I don’t know if I can. That’s ten years you’re asking me to just forget.”

I’m not asking you to do anything, Theodore.

Theo sighed. “I know. I’m asking me to do this.” He poured himself another two fingers and drank it immediately. “She deserves the truth, the best of me. And she might leave and where would that leave me? Without him and without her. I’d be alone.”

Ned’s disappointment was more than evident in his tone. You know this is for the best. You must be honest with her. She deserves that and you cannot justify your relationship with Seven. You know that you need to let him go.

“I coul-”

No. You cannot. You must give him up and you must come clean to Kitane. There is no inbetween, no wiggle room, no other option. It must be done.

Theo drank straight from the bottle and sighed. “You’re right. I know you’re right,” he whispered, but Ned, satisfied that he’d done what was needed, retreated from Theo’s mind. Now all that was left was to say goodbye to Seven. He would wait until Kitane returned from her trip to come clean. She deserved happiness before he took it all away.