Robb Stark & Aubrey Rois (sonofthenorth) wrote in doorslogs, @ 2012-08-09 02:33:00 |
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Entry tags: | eddard stark, robb stark |
Who: Aubrey and Theo
What: An emotional breakdown.
Where: Theo's office.
When: Backdated. A few days after Aubrey's run-in with the mob.
Warnings/Rating: Feels. Lots of guilty feels.
Aubrey was a great liar, but he hated lying to Theo. He wasn’t really lying so much as deliberately withholding the truth, but the surge of guilt that he felt made it clear that it all amounted to the same thing. He’d been avoiding his boss, no doubt about it. He knew that Theo had seen the footage, and he thanked his lucky stars that the man had enough sense to keep what he’d seen to himself. Otherwise they would have both been in a whole lot more trouble than Aubrey already was. It’s a good thing that Theo knows how to play the game. Of course, that didn’t mean that Aubrey hadn’t been hoping to put off a confrontation with his boss for a few more days. He’d kept busy since returning to work on Monday, mostly hanging around in the security wing or locked up tight in his office. Nothing to draw too much attention to himself. And so it was that he found himself groaning when he heard Theo’s voice buzzing over the intercom; he hadn’t really expected to last too long without being summoned by the boss, but he still had no fucking clue how he was going to spin this one. There was no reasonable explanation for being caught on candid camera getting the living shit beaten out of him and then just disappearing for several days. He lingered for as long as he could, organizing and reorganizing some stacks of printouts and polishing the fingerprints off the intercom, but eventually he had to give in and admit defeat. With a weary slump to his shoulders, Aubrey headed out of the security wing and slowly made the trek to Theo’s office. Once there, he knocked on the door and pushed it open without waiting for an answer. There were a lot of reasons why Theo never had children. A very big part of that was because his on-again-off-again partner was male and he had no intention of settling down. Running a multi-million dollar company also took its toll, as Kitane routinely found out whenever he was late for dinner. Would he have made time for a child? Absolutely. Was he incredibly grateful that he had never had children after everything the teenagers and young adults in his life put him through? Absolutely. Kitane was just one example. There was also Maren, who’d just disappeared, and then Raegan, who was suddenly interested in a man who didn’t have such a good reputation back east. All of it was one big ball of worry and there was Aubrey, adding to it however unintentionally. Regardless, he needed to get to the bottom of it because it happened at the Wynn and therefore was very much his concern professionally as well as personally. The walk shouldn’t have been very long from the security office, just two floors down and then right to the end of the hallway to get to his office, but it seemed to take Aubrey an inordinate amount of time. That was disappointing. He was willfully hiding something and that never went well. Finally, the door to his office opened and Theo gestured for the boy - and he was very much a boy right now - to take a seat. Without a word, he slid stills from the video in front of Aubrey. The look was very clear though. Explain, or there would be a serious issue. There was a part of him, however small, that wondered if this was what it was like to be called in and given a lecture by your father. Aubrey would never know, because his own father had spent most of Aubrey’s life either steadfastly ignoring him or just generally disapproving - but there had never been disappointment. Disappointment required interest, didn’t it? If there was one thing in the entire world that Michael Rois didn’t possess, it was an interest in his son’s life. Every year he would seem to remember that he had a child sometime around tax season, and they would have a few weeks together of Michael coming to soccer games before he realized that he cared more about his business and his car and his winter ski home up in Whistler. Theo wasn’t like that, but as Aubrey slumped into the chair across from him and gingerly stretched his legs out in a way that did not aggravate his cracked ribs, the older man had him trapped and they both knew it. Aubrey couldn’t even bring himself to meet Theo’s gaze, instead examining the layout of objects on the desk that sat between them. Until Theo pulled out the camera stills. Then Aubrey felt all the colour and warmth draining from his face, and he had to shove his hands in his pockets so that they would not shake. There was an endless minute of silence that stretched between them like an electrified wire, until he remembered how to speak. “I never told you how my father died.” He shot Theo a look from beneath heavy lids and this his gaze sank down to the desk again. He was ashamed, and it hurt like a sledgehammer to the chest. He had done exactly what he had sworn never to do. He had disappointed the man who’d given him a chance. Theo didn’t miss the way Aubrey carefully stretched himself out and it made him wonder about the extent of the younger man’s injuries. The questions were right there on the tip of his tongue but he held back. He had hoped that Aubrey would just come clean and explain what had happened when he showed the camera stills, especially after he watched the color drain from his face. The video had been enough to make Theo need a stiff drink. He had to keep his gaze focused on Aubrey because he simply didn’t want to see the photos. He wanted to fix this, but he didn’t know how. “No,” Theo agreed, careful to keep his voice even. There was some disappointment there but he did his best to keep as much of it out of his tone as possible. Even without having a child of his own, Theo knew it would only make this harder and he desperately wanted answers. His disappointment wasn’t going to fade anytime soon, but that would be dealt with later. “You haven’t.” He let that settle between them, shifting slightly in his chair, before speaking again. “What happened to your father?” Aubrey ached. He hurt all over, like miniature heartbeats were throbbing under his skin every few inches and every time he moved or breathed even thought too hard, they pulsed harder. He would have given just about anything to be just about anywhere else in the world right now, rather than under the beam of Theo’s stern gaze. “He was murdered,” he finally said, after several long minutes of awkward fidgeting and useless attempts to calm his anxiety. Aubrey was startled to realize that it was the first time he’d actually said that word out loud. Murder. Other people knew, of course. Lin had figured it out pretty quickly when Aubrey had such a difficult time talking about his father’s death, and he’d eventually explained it to Dante in less elaborate terms. In fact, Dante had been the only one who didn’t seem to be shocked by the whole thing, probably because he saw and dealt with worse on a near-daily basis. “By the mob. I told you that he ran a shipping and transport company. Well, they didn’t like how successful his business was becoming in their territory. When they killed him, they left me a note. It said that unless I wanted to end up like my father, I was to stop the company from expanding any further into the southwest.” Aubrey confessed all this with his eyes on his hands, where they were knotted in his lap. It felt dangerous, to even be speaking the truth aloud. It felt like he was taunting the men who held a knife over his head. He felt fear and he felt relief, all at the same time. It was out there. It was done. Theo could understand the hesitancy in speaking about his father’s death so he didn’t try to intimidate Aubrey into speaking before he was ready. He knew enough without prying, that the man had run a very successful shipping and transport company and that he ignored his son for the most part. Past that, he hadn’t pried, choosing instead to create a relationship with Aubrey built on trust. Now though, he was beginning to think he should have done more, as if that might have helped all of this be avoided. He was drawn from his thoughts when Aubrey started to speak. He listened intently, not shocked in the slightest and Aubrey explained. Theodore had worked very hard to keep the mob out of his hotel and casino, worked hard to make sure that everyone knew it would be unwise to try and steal from him or conduct unsavory business under his roof. The fact that they hurt one of his own was simply unacceptable. Action would be taken, but he wasn’t sure what and that was the point of this conversation. “And the company is expanding?” Theo asked, leaning forward in his seat and putting his arms on his desk. “Aubrey, is that why they came after you?” If that was the case, Theodore would see to it that those men were arrested for assault and then he would make it very clear to whomever necessary that Aubrey was off limits. And there it was. Aubrey shifted uncomfortably in his seat, feeling frozen under the beam of Theo’s gaze because he had no fucking idea how he was supposed to lie his way out of this one. No, the company hadn’t been expanding. Aubrey’s mother was in charge of most of the goings-on of the company and she had been quite thorough in ensuring that they had complied with the mafia’s demands to limit their expansion, no matter how unsettling it was to dictate Rois Industrials’ proceedings according to threats. They had been good. There was no reason that they should have been targeted, which meant that it was, of course, entirely Aubrey’s fault. “No,” he choked out, reaching up with one hand and rubbing his fingers over his closed eyes before he pinched tight at the bridge of his nose in a vain attempt to rid himself of the migraine that he could feel forming somewhere deep underneath his skull. “No, Theo. They didn’t come after me because of the company. They came after me because I was sticking my nose where it didn’t belong.” And here he looked up. He had to. It was his fault, his endangerment of not only the company but of everything that he fought to uphold as the head of security. It was his goddamn fault and he knew it. Theo couldn’t even begin to understand the position Aubrey was in, but his heart broke for the man. Anger was long forgotten, a distant memory as concern filled him. Without a word, Theo moved out from behind his desk and came to stand in front of his head of security. It was clear he was beating himself up more than anyone else could hope to and that comforted Theo greatly. It meant that Aubrey genuinely understood the consequences of his actions, and they’d deal with them as best they could. “It’ll be okay, Aubrey. If I’m going to be able to help you - and I want to, I do - I’m going to need to know what’s going on. I can’t have this happening again, not only because it’s a security risk, but also, and more importantly, I don’t want to see you hurt like this.” Theo lowered himself so that he was looking directly into Aubrey’s eyes. “I’m here to help you, no matter what. You know you can come to me about everything, right?” He couldn’t help thinking about how Aubrey hadn’t called him, but he didn’t let that show in his expression. All he was trying to convey was that he was a resources. Try as he might, Aubrey still couldn’t bring himself to look his mentor in the eye. Theo had been a surrogate father figure since the day Aubrey had been hired, and especially since he’d been promoted, and even though he knew that Theo was more concerned for Aubrey’s safety and happiness than with what he’d done wrong - he still felt nothing but shame. He’d been picking at a loose thread that stuck out from the cuff of his jacket for the better part of their conversation, and now he’d managed to unravel it to the length of a couple inches. He distracted himself by wrapping the thread around the tip of his index finger, pulling it tighter and tighter and constricting the blood flow until the end of his digit turned a reddish-purple, then slowly unwinding it as he let out a deep breath. “I know,” he mumbled, forcing himself to look up and meet the man’s gaze, most of the colour having long drained from his face. “Theo, I’m so sorry. I should have come to you right away but I thought I could handle it on my own, and I didn’t want to put anyone else in danger. But I failed. I endangered the hotel and I endangered you, and I’m sorry.” Aubrey looked back down at his hands in his lap before his eyes welled up and sent a tear streaming down each cheek. He hated seeing Aubrey so upset like this and it was abundantly clear that the younger man had beaten himself up quite a bit already. “Hey,” Theo said, just a touch sharply to get Aubrey’s attention. He reached out to still his hands and his gaze never wavered. “You recognize your mistake, right? Next time, you know to come to me. I’ll do everything in my power to help you, Aub. Always,” he insisted, gripping Aubrey’s hand tightly. As soon as the tears started to fall, Theo couldn’t take it anymore. He started to stand and pulled Aubrey into a tight hug. “It’s okay. I promise, it’s all going to be okay.” Theo would do everything in his power to make that statement true because after everything, Aubrey deserved some peace in his life. “It’s okay,” he repeated, sounding far more confident than he really was. There were still a lot of variables considering it was the mob they were dealing with, but Theo would help. Aubrey wasn’t just an employee anymore, hadn’t been for a few years now, and Theo cared a lot about him. He didn’t want to she the younger man hurting as much as he was now. “I know,” he choked out the words, though they tasted bitter on his tongue, like bile and copper. “I know, Theo. I know you’ll always help me.” The only problem being that Aubrey was fairly certain that he could never truly be worthy of the sort of trust and faith and unrelenting care that Theo gave him, no matter what he achieved in life. So ingrained was Aubrey’s doubt of his worthiness as any sort of son figure that he felt almost ripped in two, divided between his need for Theo’s love and approval and his fear that at any moment he could fuck up and it would be taken away. It was when Theo’s arms wrapped around him that Aubrey truly lost it. Though he managed to keep his sobs from spilling past his lips, he shook with each unsteady breath and seemed to sink into the older man’s hug, like a burn victim slipping into cool waters. Relief. Safety. That was what he had, and he’d nearly managed to screw it up entirely. He wouldn’t make the same mistake again. Next time - and he knew in no uncertain terms that there would be a next time - he knew that he would have to go straight to Theo’s office and fill him in. He couldn’t risk putting anyone else in harm’s way. After what felt like an hour, Aubrey managed to get some semblance of control over his breathing and he pulled back from Theo’s embrace enough that he could wipe his eyes dry on the sleeve of his jacket. Worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth, he found that at least now he could meet Theo’s gaze without faltering. “I guess it would be too much to hope that a bottle of scotch could make up for this one, huh?” “I will,” Theo swore. “I promise.” He would always be there for Aubrey, no matter what. Would he be disappointed occasionally? Of course, but that wouldn’t make him care for the younger man any less. He was family, not by blood but by choice, and that meant he would be there come hell or high water. The hug was as much for Theo’s own peace of mind as it was to comfort Aubrey and he’d hold him for as long as necessary. He hadn’t been lying when he said he’d be there for anything, even if anything was a shoulder to cry on. As Aubrey cried, Theo simply rubbed his back and tried to assure him that everything would be okay. He repeated much of what he’d said already, that he’d always be there and that they could handle all of this. There wasn’t much that the younger man would be able to do to sever the connection between them, but Theo didn’t believe that Aubrey was capable of any of those things. When he was finally calmer and ready to pull away, Theo dropped one arm, still keeping Aubrey close if he wished. “Oh, a good bottle of scotch will go a long way,” he replied, the amusement twinkling in his eyes signalling that he was teasing. It wasn’t even remotely necessary, but the scotch - and the symbol of the gesture itself - was as much for Aubrey as it was for him. “Come on, I think I’ve got some of that last bottle left.” Theo gave Aubrey a tight squeeze before letting go, moving to retrieve two glasses and the bottle of scotch he’d gotten a few months ago. He poured them both a generous glass and handed one to Aubrey. “It’s allowed, before you say anything about drinking on duty. Just this once,” he insisted, giving him a stern look for a moment before smiling again. Thankfully, Aubrey didn’t have any of the most horrifying symptoms that tears usually brought on - those of the sniffling, dripping, messy sort. His eyes felt a bit swollen, but for the most part he was feeling okay. Not too much of a wreck. And some of that fine scotch sounded like just the thing to act as a pick-me-up, not to mention the smile that was always brought to his face by the idea of essentially getting paid to drink with his boss. Aubrey took the glass with a grateful smile aimed at Theo over the rim, taking first a small sip of the amber liquid and then a second, longer draw. Fire and familiarity spread from his burning throat throughout his belly, and slowly worked its way into his extremities. And he really was grateful, truly. With this glass of scotch offered in his office, Theo was not only giving him a relief from his pain and anxiety - he was making it okay for Aubrey to downplay the entire situation. He could act cool, downing his scotch, and pretend like he hadn’t just broken down crying in his boss’ office. “I’ll be sure to remember that, the next time we drink on the job,” he quipped, reaching out and lightly chucking Theo on the shoulder in the epitome of buddy-buddy maneuvers. He could do this. He could still be strong, even after showing such weakness. He would go on, and he would do better. There would be a next time, but he would deal with it better when it came. He wouldn’t need to lie to Theo, no matter what. He hated lying to Theo. |