|Eleanor Monarch-Sparke is the Black Canary (skree) wrote in doorslogs,|
@ 2012-07-30 11:08:00
|Entry tags:||arya stark, mal|
Who: Eleanor Monarch-Sparke (let’s be real, the Sparke doesn’t really need to be parenthetical) and Sebastian Vance-Price
Sai needs to write to keep sane and forces Piper to do it with her Sebastian is dazed after calling off an engagement. Poor guy :\
When: Right before Memories plot.
Where: The suite the Bellagio is comping Nell post-dragon/Hulk destruction.
Warnings: Sads? IDK I got nothing.
ETA: Fixed so that it's no longer cut off halfway. STUPID PHONE.
The knock on the suite in the Bellagio came at 3:47am. The hour was ungodly, the floor quiet, and the disheveled young man standing in front of the door seemed out of place against the opulence the Bellagio offered. It had been one hell of a week, and every ounce of that distress was etched into his person. From the pajama pants he had lived in for the last few days, to his unshaven face, this was not who he normally was. He was someone who was collected, put together with dry-cleaned suits, a clean shaven face, and hair that was expertly mussed. This person standing at the door was hardly recognizable as the young man, the eldest son of the Price family.
Four days ago, Sebastian had made The Call, as he now referred to it in his mind. It was easier to think of it that way, easier to distance himself from what he had done. The sound of her little sob, the disbelief in the rapid-fire Italian that had followed, Sebastian could still hear every word that had been uttered. He had had to repeat himself four times, as gently as he could because he had to be the strong one right then, he couldn’t allow himself to break down as he broke off the engagement as gently as he could. But as gentle as he was, the fall still hurt, and when he finally hung up with Serena nearly three hours later, Sebastian felt as low as he had ever been in his life. He could tell himself as many times as he wanted that this was the right thing, that he had to call the wedding off, that he was no longer certain in that path, but it still hurt in a way that he was wholly unprepared for. The ache in his chest refused to subside, and everything he drank, everything he ate, nothing would stay in him for more than a few moments. Time and time again, his phone rang; his mother, his father, his aunt, and over and over again, Sebastian ignored them all before he simply took the battery from his phone, shoved it in the dresser drawer and the phone in the desk, anything to get everyone to leave him alone. He was a horrible person, he knew that, and he didn’t need anyone else to reinforce the opinion he already had of himself.
The next days went by in a blur, nothing to distinguish them from the last other than the knock of housekeeping on his door, fresh towels that piled up near the bathroom. Sebastian ignored it all, instead spending his time staring out the window or laying in bed, counting the spots of texture in the ceiling. Sleep refused to come, and there was no end in sight to any of this. It was the need for something to change, anything to change, that saw him out of the room and padding to the elevator to take it to Nell’s suite. He ignored the few people that gave him a look, and no wonder that they did with his rumpled t-shirt, the ill-fitting pajama pants, the gauntness to features that had been sharp but now sunk in.
When did something he knew was so right have to end up in so much hurt?
He knocked again on the door, a drum of his knuckles on the heavy door before he simply propped himself against the wall beside the door, arms folded over his chest, chin tucked in to wait. Time meant nothing, and he had no idea how long he stood there before the door cracked open.
Nell was in a death sleep. She had been out on the rooftops since 10 PM, bust up no less than 3 armed robberies and 2 assaults before she ran out of arrows and had to pack it in. The suite at the Bellagio she kept just on the off chance she was too tired to make it back home to the apartment, and on nights like these, when it was all she could do to pass out face-down on top of the covers, it was perfect. So she didn’t stir when the first knock came, or even the second. But the third knock wound its way through her subconscious, bringing her back up into the world of the living.
"Hold on," she called out, not sure who was at the door. Anton knew she kept this suite, and probably wouldn’t have sent Sven to see her, and MK was still on lockdown. It might be Sebastian, but she hadn’t heard from him in days, and didn’t think it was like him to show up like this in the middle of the night. She rolled off the bed and dropped to her feet, fumbling for a pair of shorts from a drawer to put over the underwear and tank top she had managed to strip down to before falling asleep. She didn’t bother with a robe or any other sign of formality as she went to the door; it was almost 4 in the morning, and whoever was on the other side would just have to damn well deal with it.
She pulled open the door in the midst of another yawn, her eyes going comically wide at the sight that awaited her on the other side. Sebastian looked completely wrecked, as though he had gone 6 rounds with a battering ram. She took him in from head to toe, from the sweats to the lived-in t-shirt to the dark shadows on his chin. His hair was a disaster and his eyes hollow and sunken, and Nell knew immediately, without a doubt, what had happened. "Sebastian." Her voice was barely a whisper, still hoarse from sleep. Stepping forward, she took his hand and pulled him towards her, wrapping her hands around his shoulders as she brought him inside.
Sebastian glanced up as the door opened, taking in Nell as she emerged. Distantly, he recognized that he likely had gotten her out of bed, but in his state, he paid little mind to what she was wearing, the mess of her hair, the sleep still clinging to her. None of that mattered right then. He couldn’t find the words to say anything, his chest tight, his features pinched in pain, and when she reached out to take him by the hand, there was no resistance, and he moved like someone who was half there as he stepped into her suite.
When the door closed behind them, Sebastian let out a shuddering breath, and it was then that he moved, winding his arms around her, leaning in towards her. There were no tears, but his breath was heavy, his shoulders shook, and his hands fisted in the fabric of her tank top. This would be worth it, he told himself time and time again. No matter how bad it hurt now, he knew what he was doing, knew what this would result in, and for her, to be with her again, he would go through all of this for her.
Nell stayed where she was as Sebastian clung to her, rubbing a hand on his back in small circles and saying nothing. What could she even say here? That she was sorry he had just derailed his life just for her? That she didn’t understand why he would do something like that for someone like her? That she was deathly afraid that he was going to change his mind, or worse, regret making it up in the first place? No, those weren’t the words Sebastian needed to hear right now, even if he hadn’t already heard them all before.
Instead, she stood in the entrance to the feet, pushed up on her toes so that he wouldn’t have to stoop down. She waited for the tremors to stop, for his breath to even out before pulling away, and leading him to the plush couch. She poured a glass of water from a decanter and held it out to him, as she had a feeling that he would need the moment to collect his thoughts and that he probably hadn’t spent the last however many hours keeping hydrated.
"I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you’re in pain, and that she-- I’m sorry, Sebastian."
He sank down onto the plush couch without a word, reaching out to take the glass of water from her and drawing it back towards him, though for the longest time, he simply stared into it. Finally, he took a long drink, finishing off nearly the entire glass before he settled back into the couch, both hands wound around the cool glass. "Don’t be sorry," he finally said, his voice rough and scratchy. "This was all on me, and you don’t need to apologise for it." His eyes closed as he leaned back, one leg bouncy an uneven rhythm against the floor. "It’ll be better this way. I’ve no doubt about that, but it still-" Sebastian broke off, looking up towards her a moment later. "It still sucks." He could still hear her crying as he had hung up the phone, and no matter how many times he told her that he was sorry, that he didn’t mean to do this, no amount of words or apologies would help the fact that she was hurting, and that the only cause of that in this world was what he had done.
Setting the glass of water down, Sebastian leaned forward until his head was in his hands, scrubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands as he fought to find some reassurance within himself that this was the thing to do. That he had done what was needed. Did he love Serena? Yes, and the fact that he had broken her heart would weigh on him for a long time. But the fact of the matter was, he loved Nell more. That girl he had loved since he was a teenager, seeing her again should not have brought back those feelings. Being with her, even in the platonic way they had shared in the last weeks, should not have had all of those feelings bubbling up again. Shouldn’t have felt so right. But it had. So he had done what he had to do.
Nell pulled a knee up next to her on the couch, turning so that she was facing Sebastian. She tugged gently at one of his wrists until his hand came free, and covered his hand with both of her own. "It's not all on you, Sebastian. Not when I'm the reason all of this happened." As much as it hurt now, they both knew that he had to pull the plug on the engagement if his heart wasn't in it. No matter how shattered Serena was now, Nell knew from personal experience how much worse it would be if Sebastian had strayed before breaking it off. Leaning forward, she wound a hand around his head and pulled him close, planting a kiss just above his temple. "I know it sucks, but it was the best choice to make."
She wanted to ask him what he had told Serena, how she had reacted, whether his parents knew, if they hated her, and a whole slew of other questions, but knew she had no right. Sebastian's relationship was his own, and she made no claim on any truths he didn't wish to share with her. Her job now was to wait by him as he worked through whatever it was that he was going through, and try not to fuck it up. She knew they were putting a lot of pressure on a relationship that hadn't even yet begun, but it was what it was. Nothing about dating Sebastian had been casual even when she was 18, and she had no doubt that anything they were heading into was going to be equally intense. But all that would come later; they had to get through this first.
Saying that it ‘sucked’ was putting it mildly, but he supposed it was as good of a description as any for what had happened. He closed his eyes with a soft sigh as she pressed her lips against his head, some of the tension draining out of him as he leaned in towards the hold she had on him. He said nothing for a long while, as quiet and still as a statue there on the couch. "I’m sorry for waking you up," he finally said, soft as a whisper, as he straightened, putting some space between them. Sebastian raked a hand back through his hair, fingers landing on the back of his neck as he released another breath, pushing himself up to his feet. "I- I’ll let you sleep. You look like you need it worse than I do." Whatever smile made its way to his lips was shaky, a barely-there thing.
Nell shook her head. "No, it’s okay. Really, I’m fin-" her words were unconvincing even to herself, especially when she was cut off by another yawn. "Forget about me, Sebastian." She pulled away from him, looking closely at his face. "When was the last time you slept?"
That close examination had him looking away, rubbing a hand over his face as he turned away from her. "Depends on the sort of sleep you’re talking about. With or without pharmaceutical help?" But Sebastian didn’t go for the door yet, instead moving over towards the bed and straightening the blankets out. "Get back in bed, Nell. I’ll tuck you in. Least I can do for waking you up at this ungodly hour."
Nell watched him walk towards the bed with undisguised concern. Even his posture looked tired. "Either way, Sebastian. Have you slept at all? Or eaten." She got to her feet, coming up to stand beside him. "I’m not going to be able to sleep if I’m worried about you." She bit her lip for a moment, then nodded her head towards the bed. "You first."
As he straightened, he look towards her, studying her for a long moment before he simply gave her a tired smile and a shake of his head. "I was going to head back to my room," Sebastian responded, not giving any real answer to her questions. One hand came up, tucking an errant strand of hair away from her face, back behind her ear. "I have some work I need to do, anyways. I won’t be able to rest until I get it done."
Nell frowned. Sebastian had come up here half-dazed, and she didn’t like the idea of him stumbling around outside any more. "Are you sure?" She wanted to make him stay, to hold him until she could be certain he had fallen asleep, but didn’t feel as though she had any right. Not yet, not when he was still hurting so bad. She caught hold of the hand by her ear before he could drop it. "You don’t have to-- I just want to make sure you get some rest."
"I’m not going to get any rest, Nell," Sebastian finally said, giving her fingers a tight squeeze, his gaze fixed on the bed instead of her. "Not yet. There’s- there’s too much on my mind, right now. But I’ll be fine." The ‘eventually’ was left unsaid, hanging there in the air as he glanced back towards her, his shoulders sinking down. "Don’t worry. Not about me, please."
"You know I’m going to be up all night worrying, Sebastian. Just the way you would if it was me." Keeping a hold on his hand, she sank down onto the bed. "Is there anything I can say to make you stay? I’ll feel better if you’re here." Nell knew she was sounding like a desperate teenager, but she was too tired and too worried to play the game.
Sebastian didn’t say anything for a long while, but there was something about the look in her eyes, the sound of her voice, that had him sinking down onto the mattress beside her. Shifting around her, he tucked his legs beneath the blankets and pulled her in against him. "If it’ll help you, then I’ll stay," he said softly, exhaustion colouring his words. "For you."
Nell curled up against him, pulling the blankets over her. "Thank you," she said softly, finally closing her eyes now that she could be sure he would be where she could watch over him. When she spoke again her voice was low and soft, barely more than a whisper. "I’m sorry you’re hurting, ‘Bastian. If I could, I’d take it away."
His arm was tight around her as she curled in against him, and with a soft sigh, Sebastian leaned down to press a kiss against the top of her head. It wasn’t so much that he was hurting, but that he felt wretched for what he had done to Serena. He knew it would be better, eventually, that this was something that had to happen, but it still hurt to know that he had made someone he cared about cry like she had been doing. "Don’t apologise, Nell. It’ll be fine. I’ll be fine." He paused, lips pressing against her hair once more. "We’ll be fine."