unluckyant (unluckyant) wrote in doorslogs, @ 2012-06-10 21:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | door: marvel comics, hank pym, hulk |
Who: Hank Pym, Bruce Banner
When: Saturday nightish
Where: Hank's apartment
What: Hank and Bruce hug it out. Bruce turn into Hulk. Hank die.
Warnings: None really
Hank Pym’s apartment looked barely lived in. It wasn’t decorated with much and there were always a couple boxes lining the walls as if he was in a perpetual state of moving. It wasn’t that he needed to run or even hide very much in New York City, it was that he didn’t want to risk finding mementos. One cracked frame with Janet’s picture inside was enough to break him down. If he hadn’t completely broken down already. In fact, the only thing hanging on his wall that reminded him of her or any part of his past was a pair of messily constructed metal wings. He had built them his first day through the door and while they’d never be completely functional, they looked more like a piece of modern art. The wings swooped in messy curves like a signature, pulled at a slight angle by black and gold metallic strings that connected to a robotic spine encrusted with lights and buttons. He could have built a new Janet if he wanted to. But, these wings were as far as he could get.
Sitting in the living room, he watched the wings on the wall as he held the shutdown device in his hand. It was elegant, made for someone that didn’t understand the first thing about science. Just a red device the size of a phone with a big button on top. Loki could have easily figured that out and went on his merry way terrorizing Tony. The funny thing about it was that Pym didn’t need to be there. He didn’t have that compulsion to see his foes fall like the other villains he had been pitted against. Pym just wanted to get the job done and if that meant passing it off to someone with a little more extravagance in his heart, then so be it. He wasn’t meant for this life. Bruce knew it and was the only guy who could have possibly pulled him out of it. At least for now.
When the doorbell rang, Hank got to his feet and carefully opened the door. Asking the Hulk in for a spot of tea wasn’t exactly the smartest thing he could do, but there was no way Bruce would let the big guy show up in an apartment full of innocent people. “Come on in. I’ll get the extra schematics and information.” Hank tossed the device to Bruce and walked back inside towards his living room where his computer and work bench were pushed up against the sides. He looked like good old Hank. Maybe a little worse for wear, but there was no evil glint in his eyes. Not even a hint of mischievousness.
Bruce wasn’t worried about getting hurt, he wasn’t worried about some epic battle, but he was a bit worried about being disappointed. He was concerned that he was making the wrong choice and he didn’t want to be let down. He was willing to go to bat for Hank, just as much as Steve was willing to go to bat for him and he hoped it didn’t bite him in the ass later. But for now, he was confident that things would be alright. Hank was a time bomb (weren’t they all?) and he just hoped that he could help curb those tendencies. At least for a little while.
He could have made a later appointment to see Hank but as quickly as the tides changed, Hank changed his mind. So he thought it best to get the device out of his hands as soon as possible. He had some questions about it, and he knew he’d have to tell someone it existed but he didn’t want to have Hank hung out to dry just because it existed either. He called Steve to let him know he’d talked to him, Steve sounded a bit worried but Bruce tried to tell him everything would be fine. He didn’t want to throw out all the stops and not be cautious, but sometimes people just wanted to be heard. And if there was any chance he could help, he wanted to try. He was quite aware that the onus was on him if Hank went berserker again. And he was quite aware that his own reputation that he’d been trying to build with Steve and Tony would likely be tarnished and everything would just go to shit. Again. But Bruce was a good person, and he wanted to try. He wanted some kind of tangible proof that the both of them could be as cool as cucumbers and manage to be functioning members of society. This was as much about Bruce as it was about Hank.
When he opened the door and tossed the device at him, Bruce caught it (he almost fumbled, but he corrected in the end). “Hey,” he said with a nod as he stepped inside. He turned the device over in his hands and furrowed his brow a bit, it seemed so unassuming. “Just a button?” he said with a half crooked smile.
“It wasn’t built for me.” Hank said with a loose grin. Scientists like him enjoyed tiny complications and occasionally excessive steps. Loki was a magician. He’d probably break the device before using it properly. He took a seat at his computer and pointed at the workbench where the remaining bits of Tony’s suit laid. “I could have built the damn thing on my own if this was our Tony, but I had to get those pieces from a generous donor.” Hank put his glasses on and began typing away at his computer, moving to grab a flash drive.
“I’ll give you a prize if you can guess who.” Hank said after a little, raising his eyebrows over the monitor at Bruce as if the answer was completely obvious. He wasn’t proud that siding with Loki was what he had sunk to, but the littlest Norse God had what it took to get things done.
When Hank said that it wasn’t built for him the pieces started to fall together in Bruce’s mind. Loki had stolen part of the suit and now it was clear why. “That’s why he attacked Tony, and why he took part of the suit...”
He ran a hand nervously through his hair and sighed. “What is he going to do when he finds out you gave this to me?” he asked holding it up a bit and it was clear his worry wasn’t just about Tony, or Steve or the Avengers. He was genuinely concerned about what was going to happen if he found out Hank had handed everything over. And he was genuinely concerned about what would happen once Tony found out he had no intention of destroying it. He would keep his word on that, but he didn’t feel right not being honest that the thing existed. Bruce functioned on a basic level of honesty unless he was in some kind of danger and needed to get out of it quickly. He had no doubt that this was all kinds of bad for everyone. He trusted this Tony, and this Tony trusted him. He worried about Hank, he worried about Steve. He worried that Loki was going to kill them all at this point. The problem with keeping secrets was that when the truth came out, and it always did, it didn’t end well for the person who’d been holding his cards close to the chest.
“I’ll tell him you took it.” Hank said dismissively, unconcerned for his own personal safety. His will to live was already dangerously low and if Loki wanted to kill him because he was too late to the party, then so be it. “I tried to contact him the moment it was finished, but he never answered my call. His loss you got to me first.” Hank realized that if he wanted to be a supervillain, he couldn’t let someone like Bruce Banner talk him down. But, hating the softer side of the Hulk was impossible at this point, especially when it was his Bruce that seemed more than happy to sit and talk things through. Wasn’t that what Hank wanted all along?
“Loki is a really simple guy, deep down. He’s like a kid that isn’t happy with his own candy bar, so he obsesses over everybody else's. He could have had his home planet if he played nice.” Said Hank Pym, currently jaded and unhappy scientist that could barely play nice himself. “If he demands something to make up for it, I’ll give him some faulty robots. It’ll be fine.”
“That’s a start, he can’t possibly think he could come after me and win, I don’t think he’s that delusional.” Then again who knew what Loki would do next. Though it was quite clear he had it out for Tony in a big way, and he wasn’t sure why. Technically speaking, Thor was his brother and a God, Hulk was a practically invincible monster, Steve was an practically invincible super soldier...There were bigger fish to fry on this planet than Iron Man. Unless that was the point. Taking out the one he knew he could...But Tony wasn’t weak, and he wasn’t stupid. It made no sense, but he had more information than he had earlier that day.
“Will you let me know if he contacts you again? I don’t want to get you more involved in this than you need to be, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. But I’m worried about you, and I mean that.”
Hank took a second to look up from his computer, rolling his chair around to prove Bruce had his attention. They were both science guys, but Hank had the tendency to get lost in his work to the point that people couldn’t tell if he was listening or taking them seriously. “What’s going to happen when Capt realizes you’re in close contact with me? Or that you didn’t drag me into a SHIELD holding cell even after I confessed to working with Loki? You don’t get to be the only one worried here.” Hank knew Bruce wasn’t comfortable with lying, he had enough burdens on his own to last a lifetime. Splitting a wedge between the Avengers was exactly something he wanted to do a day ago, but sacrificing Bruce in the process felt wrong. The kind of wrong that would eat away at him even through the drugs, booze and harassing his other’s girlfriend over the phone.
Bruce took a seat in an available chair and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and shook his head. “It’s no secret that Cap doesn’t trust you as far as he can throw you after the incident that already happened. And I think we both know he can throw you pretty damn far. I told him I was coming here and that I was going to talk to you. He wasn’t thrilled but I think he trusts my judgment. Honestly the fact that you’ve given me this goes a long way. He doesn’t know you so it’s not like the Cap we know. Which is both good and bad. The Cap we know would give you chance after chance, this one had a bad experience from the get go. I’ll talk to him. But I don’t think he’d ever expect me to drag you to a SHIELD holding cell. He’s not much of a fan and he knows I’m even less of a fan.”
Hank was divided. On one hand he was glad that he got to see what the Captain was really made of and confirm his belief that deep down the man wasn’t that different from who he had known all these years. On the other, he knew that if he ever wanted to clean up his act or do something positive for once, that was all in the trash. No one would bring him to the team after this and he has successfully isolated himself for what he believed was for good. Wasn’t that what he wanted? A clean break from the team and a chance to do it his way?
“I know I messed things up.” Hank said, this time pretending to be buried into his computer. “I showed up here feeling so alone, so hateful of each and every one of those guys. I’ve seen the movies, I know this SHIELD is more likely to break into something worse than the one we knew. I kept telling myself I wanted them dead, that I wanted the whole door to burn.” Hank glanced over to Bruce, ashamed. Beaten. Filled with swirling, ruined emotions that changed how he felt about this world every day. “Really, I just don’t want the Avengers to be a team. I don’t see good things for it in the future. I can’t.”
Bruce listened, sympathized, and empathized with him. It was no secret he was wary as well, they were just two guys handling their wariness, and past experiences, with completely different methods. Bruce wanted to prove once and for all that he was okay to keep around, and Hank wanted to get on top of past wrongs. Maybe they were both wrong, and they were both dishonest, he just hoped that he would make the right decisions and more than anything he hoped Hank would as well. “I understand, as a team they can be dangerous. But when they’re not a team, bad things are still going to happen. Villains like Loki, and Doom, and Magneto, they’re all still going to pop up, Hank. And if they can’t count on each other they’re going to get in each other’s way, and egos are going to get wounded. And that is more dangerous than them all fighting together. At least if all of that tech and all of that power is united against the same basic evil...Then the rest of the world doesn’t have to burn because we can’t get our shit together. Everything we’ve all done, and we’ve all done some bad things, no one is innocent. But should the people who actually are innocent have to suffer because of it? This leaked out to the other side of the door, Hank. Those people REALLY aren’t equipped to handle this kind of fight.”
There was the subject of innocent people. Really innocent who didn’t know the inner struggles between heroes and just wanted to get to work without being trampled by a Loki monster. “Jesus,” Hank said, rubbing the side of his face as if he had completely forgotten about them. “Before you were here, I-” He stopped, searching through his desk for the last prototype of the metal beetle he let loose on New York. “I made these. A lot of them. They were meant to hurt innocent people in a painful way. I wanted to see how fast the Avengers could stop them and if they knew how to shut down their beacon with my password.” He handed over the deactivated beetle with the Ant-Man color scheme. “They shut them down without knowing who I am or what the password is. It made me want to do worse.”
“I didn’t think this door was real. I couldn’t believe it.” Only Pym, with his cocktails of antidepressants, street drugs and alcohol could convince his overly complicated mind that whatever reality he was dropped into wasn’t a reality at all. That it was a kind of punishment, a time out that challenged him to try and do the right thing again. “I thought for sure I was in hell. It was the only thing that made any sense. Everyone else jumped into this whole set up easily and I couldn’t.”
Bruce was glad that Hank was telling him this, but part of him - a big part - simply did not want to know. He didn’t know if he was being overly helpful, or too sympathetic, but he didn’t know what to do with this information. He so wanted to give Hank a chance. Cap had given Hank plenty of chances. Tony had given Hank plenty of chances. It was what they did. And Bruce understood why. He was their friend. And he wasn’t well, but he needed get well if he was going to be well in the end. Bruce looked at the beetle in his hand and rubbed his fingers over it and sighed. He’d have recognized it immediately. And the bugs in general. And the tech. “We don’t hurt innocent people,” he said though he knew he didn’t really have to. “We all have to deal with this new reality the best way we can. I want to help you, I really do. I know better than anyone what it feels like to have your mind rebelling against you. To have your strongest muscle weakened by fear and misunderstanding. I know what it’s like to be sick up here,” he said pointing to his head. “The rage blackouts, the pain, all of it. And when more pain just gets piled on top it always seems like there’s no turning back. But there is. There has to be.”
Hank nodded, glad to see the look of recognition in Bruce’s face. He didn’t doubt this was his old teammate, but it was still heartening to see little signs of what he knew was there. “Did you ever think about pretending to be someone else?” Hank asked slowly, leaning back in his chair. “I thought maybe I could show up pretending to be a younger me. The pacifist who just wanted to look in the jungle for his particles and reconnect with his new bride. But, I’m in my thirties. I knew it couldn’t happen. Even if I wanted my old life back.”
He took his glasses off, rubbing the bridge of his nose with two fingers gently. “You could have though. You could have told them the Hulk was completely under control or that he wasn’t even there yet. You could have been a different person, Bruce.”
Bruce smiled softly and shook his head, “But I’m not a different person, and sooner or later I would have been found out. I didn’t want to be chased anymore, I didn’t want to be that guy. I’ve been honest about who and what I am because I don’t want to be afraid of it anymore. I don’t want anyone else to be afraid of it. That’s selfish and unfair because they should be. All we can do is move forward. We’re in this place, in this time, with these versions of our friends, everyone is still learning. Maybe we all get a shot at redemption. Tony and Steve aren’t innocent either. But here? Here they are. Steve is fresh out of the ice, Tony is,” he smiled a bit fondly, “Tony is still god damn Tony, but without seeing everything our Tony has seen. We all get a shot to make new decisions. We’re the ones in the know, we owe it to them and to ourselves to give it a shot. Lets you and I try and tone down the crazy for now, maybe we’ll get lucky.”
Hank smiled a little and nodded, putting his glasses back on. His computer made a small dinging noise and he checked the files before handing over the flash drive. “That’s everything. Take the extra pieces of Tony’s suit with you, too. And, can you tell Tony he really has to work on sacrificing efficiency for style? I can see it in his goddamned circuit boards. Just because something is ugly doesn’t mean it’s not elegant.” Hank was never a rockstar engineer or scientist. He didn’t sit in a cute little lab with a lobotomized robot helping him put his suit together. Still, it was hard to not be weirdly fond of that in Tony. Like a restaurant with an acquired taste that suddenly went out of business a long time ago.
A pause and then Hank was on his feet. “Thank you, Bruce. For this. I can’t promise I’ll get better quickly, I don’t know if I’ll ever get better at all.” He held out his hand for a handshake, something he wouldn’t have dreamed of doing the moment he was thrown through this door. “I wasn’t cut out to be a superhero. You knew that. I’m not even cut out to be a proper villain.”
Bruce chuckled and ran his hand through his hair again and sighed, “Tony so loves being told what to do,” he said with a grin and gathered up the rest of Tony’s belongings. He shook Hank’s hand and smiled. “Call me anytime, Hank. Seriously. I’m not cut out to be a superhero or a proper villain either, maybe we’re just a couple of guys. That’s okay too. There’s a whole lot of wiggle room between superhero and villain. If you need anything, let me know. I’m around.”
Hank nodded, seeing Bruce out and shutting the door behind him. What washed over the former Ant-Man was a feeling of relief and true exhaustion. There were still those deep rooted jaded feelings against his whole team, but an added voice of reason. He once had a conviction for doing the right thing, for helping people. Even if that was smaller now or gone completely, it didn’t mean he had to take it out on this world. Not when now it was starting to seem more real every day.
Still, he’d always be a screw up. Living with that would prove to be difficult, even with a friend like Bruce.