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Tweak says, "having second thoughts? not 1."

Patrick is (elfen) wrote in doors,
@ 2013-11-24 02:32:00

Entry tags:

catwoman, regulus black

Evie S
[Call to Evie S]

[Can rings be panicky? Panicky ring. Early morning.]

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	Call: Evie S/Wren H handlewithcare 2013-11-24 03:22 pm UTC (link)
	[Evie is in bed, but awake. She assumes any phone calls at this hour are panicky rings, so she answers quickly - though obviously concerned.] [nervously] Hello? (Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H

elfen
2013-11-24 06:50 pm UTC (link)

[There's no crying or screaming, even in the background, and her voice is panicky hush.] I know you've been busy with your père, so I haven't wanted to bother you. But, I had the baby, and Luke's off taking Gus to school, and she didn't wake up when she was supposed to be fed. She's okay, but she's sleeping and- Do I wake her? [...] Don't tell Luke I didn't know, okay?

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Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H

handlewithcare
2013-11-24 07:06 pm UTC (link)

[This is a lot of information for Evie to process all at once, the idea that she was ever busy at all, let alone too busy, that she had no idea her friend had her baby, that it was late enough in the day for Gus to be going to school, which meant her father was up with her own baby yet again.... So she shakes it all off after a moment of silence and focuses on the question at hand.]

How long has she been sleeping?

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	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H elfen 2013-11-24 07:10 pm UTC (link)
	Five hours? But they said to feed her every four at the longest, but probably every two to three. We just got home from the hospital last night. But Gus had a school field trip before the holiday today, and Luke took him, so he wouldn't miss it. [Breath.] I'm babbling. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H

handlewithcare
2013-11-24 07:16 pm UTC (link)

[Evie nodded along even though Wren couldn't see her.] Give her a little nudge and wake her up. Just for a few weeks. I had to do that a few times with Daisy, but other times she'd wake me up well before it was time to eat again. They keep their own schedules but if it goes past four hours I'd nudge her a little. She was about as thrilled about being woken up as I'd be, but there was food so she'd get over it.

[Pause] Congratulations, Wren. What did you call her? [more pause] I'm so sorry I wasn't there.

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	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H elfen 2013-11-24 07:20 pm UTC (link)
	Maybe I fed her too much last time? [Nudging and baby wailing and wailing and wailing, accompanied by frenetic shushing. Then, finally, quiet. In a whisper:] Luke picked the name Delia. I've been calling her Lia. And it's okay. I didn't call. I was trying to run away on a bus, and then it all happened really fast, and you were busy with your père. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H

handlewithcare
2013-11-24 07:26 pm UTC (link)

Or maybe she's just extra sleepy. Who knows with babies? They have their own agendas. [She pauses through the wailing and momentarily thinks about getting up to see what her baby and her papa are up to but her bed is warm.]

You tried to run away on a bus? And I haven't been busy. He's been busy, but I've been here very not-busy, you can call whenever you want. Don't ever worry about calling. Not when you want to run away on a bus, and not when babies come. I'm anxious to meet her.

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	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H elfen 2013-11-24 07:30 pm UTC (link)
	I was scared. [A relaxed sigh, and a little less quiet.] What have you been doing? You should come. Are you having Thanksgiving with your père? Maybe after? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H handlewithcare 2013-11-24 07:33 pm UTC (link)
	I can sympathize with that. I'm glad you didn't run away on a bus. [What has she been doing...] I've just been around here mostly, we moved out of the hotel and back into the apartment. I don't know what we're doing for Thanksgiving, I forgot it was Thanksgiving. Daisy is six months old this month. [Now she's rambling] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H elfen 2013-11-24 07:55 pm UTC (link)
	Rambling is okay. You can ramble. I bet she's getting really big. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H handlewithcare 2013-11-24 08:31 pm UTC (link)
	She is. Papa seems glad to have her around. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H elfen 2013-11-24 08:33 pm UTC (link)
	[A pause.] Are you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H handlewithcare 2013-11-24 08:43 pm UTC (link)
	[An even longer pause. And then some tears.] I am. I promise I am. I just [...] I love her so much and she makes me so sad. I'm a terrible mother, from a long line of terrible mothers. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H elfen 2013-11-24 08:45 pm UTC (link)
	[Firmly.] You aren't a terrible maman. I've seen you with Daisy. You're wonderful with her. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H handlewithcare 2013-11-24 08:54 pm UTC (link)
	[Too many things running around in her mind to pinpoint just one. She takes a few deep breaths] Tell me about Lia. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H elfen 2013-11-24 08:56 pm UTC (link)
	[Just as firmly as before.] Non. You talk. Just say whatever you're thinking, even if it doesn't make sense. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H

handlewithcare
2013-11-24 09:36 pm UTC (link)

I wish I could understand her. Hell, I wish I could understand me. I'm afraid I'm going to make her as sad as I am. Or that she's going to know she makes me sad and its going to mess her up permanently. It's not her fault. She doesn't need to see me for the mess I turned out to be. I don't know what she wants or needs, I can't anticipate anything she does. She's like a beautiful chubby ridiculous little stranger and I feel like I'm supposed to know her better than this by now. It's been six months, Wren. What if I missed something monumental while being sad and selfish and lonely and now I can't fix it? What if we never connect? My father seems to have it figured out easily enough. They're two peas in a pod already. She and Will were two peas in a pod. And I can't figure her out. What if I never do?

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Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H

elfen
2013-11-24 10:20 pm UTC (link)

She isn't going to know she makes you sad, and you aren't going to mess her up. And I don't think you're supposed to know everything. At least Luke says it doesn't work that way. She's going to know that you love her, and that you're her maman. Even if you aren't perfect, being her maman matters more than anything, because you're the only one. And you didn't miss anything monumental. I promise you didn't. [A long pause.] You're sad, Evie. I can't imagine how sad you must be, but it's okay, and she's still going to be there when you're ready to not be sad anymore. And she'll understand.

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	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H handlewithcare 2013-11-24 10:30 pm UTC (link)
	She's supposed to be enough. Everyone said. Why can't I make that true? What's wrong with me? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H elfen 2013-11-24 10:35 pm UTC (link)
	I don't think you can listen to what everyone says. And I don't think that's true anyway. Lia wouldn't be enough for me without Luke. I know she wouldn't. Gus wouldn't either. Why is she supposed to be enough for you? You're doing really, really great. You don't think so, but you are. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H

handlewithcare
2013-11-25 05:26 am UTC (link)

My brain goes back and forth between things, each one is more terrible than the last. In the same ten minute period I can worry about being a good mother and if she has everything she needs and if I'm wasting my life in this bed to being concerned that I'll never have sex again. This is ridiculous, Wren. [Pause because the guilt is killing her even worse than her own feelings.]

We really don't need to talk about this, nothing is going to get fixed right now. You had a baby. And here I am hogging your time to talk about ridiculous things I've probably said a dozen times already. Tell me all about our new family member. Send me pictures too.

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Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H

elfen
2013-11-25 05:31 am UTC (link)

We can talk about anything you want to. Have you talked to that guy from the party again? And nothing is ridiculous, okay? Not ever. Not if you're feeling it.

[She sends a quick pic to Evie's phone, a picture from earlier in the morning with the cinnamon-haired newborn asleep on the unmade bed and Gus trying to poke her foot to wake her up.] And you aren't hogging anything. Don't ever think that.

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Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H

handlewithcare
2013-11-27 05:00 pm UTC (link)

No. I don't know what to say. Or do. Or if its even relevant anymore. I was going to, just to apologize for being a bit crazy. But I didn't know what to say, and he didn't contact me so maybe he doesn't want to be found.

Wren, I'm pretty sure everything is ridiculous that I'm feeling because I can't nail any of it down.

[She receives the picture and sighs, and wibbles just a bit.] Wren she's perfect. I can't wait to meet her.

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	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H elfen 2013-11-27 05:59 pm UTC (link)
	Maybe it would be nice to just talk to someone new. You should think about it. [A pause.] The doctor talked about being depressed after. Maybe you should talk to someone about it, if you haven't. Have you? [And a smile.] Next week, maybe? We can meet somewhere and have lunch with the girls. I want to see you and Daisy too. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H handlewithcare 2013-11-28 05:56 am UTC (link)
	Maybe. I'll think about it again, but it's been a month, they probably forgot all about it. [Sigh] Papa mentioned it too. But I don't know, I think I have a pretty good explanation for being depressed. We see the doctor soon, I'll ask then. [smile] Definitely next week. Something to look forward to. Wait until you see all of her hair. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H elfen 2013-11-28 06:49 am UTC (link)
	It doesn't hurt to try. Talk to the stranger, and call the doctor. And we'll have a nice lunch next week, okay? You can tell me all about your talk then. And I love you. Don't forget. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H handlewithcare 2013-11-29 03:10 am UTC (link)
	[Repeating just to make sure it sticks] I don't know how to get in touch with the stranger. But I will call the doctor. And lunch next week. I love you too, Wren. So much. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Call: Evie S/Wren H elfen 2013-11-29 04:47 am UTC (link)
	Okay, I guess one thing is better than nothing, but you could look for him anonymously. [Sounds of the baby fussing loudly.] Okay, I better go. Love you. Bye. Bye. [And click.] (Reply to this) (Parent)