on_va_voir (on_va_voir) wrote in districtmarvel, @ 2016-03-30 21:20:00 |
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Entry tags: | bucky barnes, steve rogers |
Who: Steve and Bucky
What: Avoiding the subject
Where: On the train to the Capitol
When: Sometime after Bucky's texts with Loki
It hadn't taken long for Steve to feel like he was suffocating.
The moments of the Reaping were always a blur: the drawn-out, doom-laden seconds before your name was called, the rushed, tearful goodbyes, the hustle to get onto the train. With no family of his own, Becca Barnes had been the one to send Steve off, and her miserable expression (coupled with hiccupy, poorly-stifled sobs) had damn near broken Steve's heart in two. He'd hugged her tight, had murmured, "Look after your brother for me, huh?"and then before he was ready, armed Peacekeepers were herding him away to the train.
Bucky had wandered off shortly thereafter, without even offering an explanation as to where he was going. It was an obvious, unsubtle attempt to give Steve and Peggy some alone time, and while Steve appreciated the sentiment, it was hard to be with Peggy right now. This side of the Reaping, the reality of his numbered days was sharper than ever, and for the first time, Steve could feel terror creeping in.
It made it impossible to sit there in that train compartment and pretend anything was remotely okay. And Steve wanted to be able to do that for Peggy - wanted to be able to do it badly, even though he knew she'd have stern words for him if she realized he was faking it. Which she inevitably would, because Steve was a terrible actor.
It meant the "alone time" Bucky had thoughtfully provided them mostly involved Steve brooding, eyes glued to the window and the passing scenery, before he finally reached his limit, mumbled some excuse about needing the bathroom, and made an exit that was perilously close to fleeing. He strode down the train's corridor, passing quickly through the cars that held people. He pulled up short though, when he entered a car that was empty, save for Bucky.
His friend was curled over his phone near one of the windows, and the late afternoon sun caught the angles of his face, throwing his cheekbones and the line of his jaw into sharp relief. He was as handsome as he'd been when they were kids, but he looked so much older now, worn and wrung out. Steve's heart stuttered, then thumped out a jagged beat, because he'd only just gotten Bucky back, and now he was going to lose him all over again. They'd missed out on years together, and Steve didn't think he'd ever forgive himself for not pushing, for essentially giving up because he'd thought that was what Bucky wanted. He should have known better, should have figured it out sooner.
"Hey," he said, and his attempt at a casual greeting failed miserably. His voice caught over the edges of the word, the despair in it all too obvious. Steve ducked his head as he cleared his throat, his hands finding their way into his pockets. "You mind if I hang out here for a while?"