Dear Alec, remember how like, nine or ten years ago I had the hugest crush on you and totally wanted to marry your character on TV? If you stop doing weird things to your hair, it can still happen. So, just get a haircut and call me, kay? We can have dinner and reminisce. And since you're already at it, try and break out of the habit of rubbing oil onto your chest. Love Jenni, who is not at all put off by the age difference, or the fact that you were famous before I was even born.