dfasgiles (dfasgiles) wrote in dfasgbaf, @ 2007-09-02 19:46:00 |
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Current mood: | sore |
FIC-13 Ensouled Spike: My Name Is Death
Title: My Name Is Death
Author: dfasgiles (for my fics, go here: dfasgbaf
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Characters: Ensouled Spike and the First Evil
Prompt: #30 Death, fanfic100
Word Count: 966
Rating: FIC-13, just to be safe
Genre: Character Exploration
Spoilers: Up to and including "Lessons" of Season 7. Read no further in these headers if you haven't seen that episode and don't want to be spoiled.
Summary: Newly ensouled Spike deals with the memories of what he's done as a vampire...sort of...not.
Author's Notes: This deals with newly ensouled Spike having mostly William's personality. If you can't stand Spike that way, don't read it.
Disclaimer: The characters William "Spike," Drusilla, Mrs. Pratt, and The First Evil belong to Joss Whedon and all his industry affiliates. I get no profit from this story. I write it only for guilty pleasure and feel free to do so because Joss has encouraged such activity on more than one occasion.
I do not know how I came to be here. I do not know much of anything anymore. I remember...small bits of the recent past. But...the things I remember vividly--Dear God.
Where I am--It smells horrid. It smells of dark and dank and--I am not home. I do not know where home is, but I am not there.
Dear God, I am so confused! These images! I cannot discern what is real and present and what is past...but I somehow know these horrific images I see are real, too...and that notion fills me with--I believe I am going to be ill.
But, then, I'm not...and then I realize it is because I no longer have human parts inside. The images I see are crimes that I have committed. I remember more clearly. It is I. I am the killer. I am the one causing all the blood and the horror and the death.
"No! My name is William! I am a poet! I am gentle...and--and kind and--" I collapse to the floor in an exhausted heap, unable to stop the tears any longer.
My body is wracked with sobs, and again I notice the inhuman way it deals with things--the way my chest does not ache from the quick breaths required to feed my childish tantrum.
And, again, I am reminded of the monster that I am--the monster I became when I let myself succumb to my sexual desires merely because the woman I'd fancied for years had dashed my hopes. I let myself succumb to what I thought was a trollop. Mother had called her that, and, for all intents and purposes, she had been correct, for that was indeed whom I thought I had agreed to take at that moment. Never mind that the woman had turned me into a monster who turned my mother into the same kind of--Oh...dear God! Mother!
My sobbing starts anew as I remember that I had done to mother what that woman had done to me, and I had doomed her to the same fate as mine in my selfish desire to keep her with me forever. And then, I--I put her own cane through her heart and damned her to hell. My own mother!
No, my name is not William. My name is death, and I belong in hell in her stead.
"Then, why don't you go, dear?"
The voice startles me, though I'm not sure if it is because I thought I was alone in this God-forsaken place or because it's "Mother?" I stare, aghast, as her form appears before me.
"Yes, it's me," she says just as impishly as she spoke to me the last time I saw her.
I eye her warily. "How have you come to be here?"
"Why, to exchange myself for you, of course. You are of no use to this world. You are a simpering fool, just as you've always been." She reaches her hands out to me and sticks her bottom lip out in a patronizing pout. "Come, now, William. You must realize the time has come to pay for your infractions."
"But, I--" I can't think. My mother would never wish me to hell, would she? I can't imagine she would....
The image before me changes. It is now that woman--that insane woman who lured me to this life of damnation. I back away from her.
"Leave me alone!" I say. I look around anxiously. "Mother?!"
"Your old mum is gone, sweet Willie," the slight, dark form says. "Your new mum is here. Come to Mummy. I'll sing you a pretty song." She stomps her foot. "Come now, or I shall become cross with you. If you come like a good boy, I will let you play in the fire."
"What? No!" I recoil in horror. "Go away!"
She suddenly becomes the monster I have seen her become in the images of my--what? past?--as well as three others with which she and I...committed such horrors...and I know, then, for certain that I wish nothing to do with her, as she is the same monster who made me what I am today.
She speaks, if one can call what comes from her mouth speech: "You will obey me, or you will suffer for your insolence! You are nothing. Nothing, do you hear me?"
And then, she is...gone. Her image simply...disappears--shrinks from both top and bottom into a sliver of light in the middle, and then is gone! Am I--? What is happening to me?
I have never heard anything like that voice, particularly from a woman. It was...deep... thunderous--nearly a roar.
Perhaps I am already in hell and this has been the devil tormenting me? Surely he would have the power to appear before me as these people. He appeared to several people as different things, after all, to lure them down the wrong path.
Wait just a moment. If this is the devil, then he is most certainly misleading me, as well. My mother would never wish me to hell. And, Drusilla--yes, that's her name! Drusilla!--even in all her madness, she never wished ill upon me. No, I am not in hell, nor will I go with this devil creature who wishes me to go. It may kill me to stay here, but I will.
"I am William! Do you hear me? I am here to stay! You--You can...go hang yourself!"
The First Evil heard him, all right. It heard him and only made a slight shift in plans. "I can work with that, William. I can work with that. Be seeing you shortly, my sweet boy. I have plans for you."
To be continued in the episode "Lessons"!