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wolf_leader 2009-09-03 04:22 am UTC (link)

It had been a long day for Wolf, hell it had been a long year. The leader meeting had been long and tense and he was more than glad that it was over. Despite the smooth talking that Jax had done, Wolf was not convinced. Even if Saint was wrong about the guy, there was no reason on earth that Libby would have lied to Wolf about him. A few times it had been hard for Wolf to keep his mouth shut about the whole ordeal. He'd wanted to bring up Libby and everything but he'd held himself back to better feel out the man's intentions. Jax had spoken words that could have just as easily come out of Wolf's own mouth; words about peace, cooperation and justice. After the meeting and after he'd parted ways with Grey he found himself coming home to an empty house. When he opened the front door he'd almost called out to Libby, but he instantly remembered that she was staying at the farm that evening. He'd even been the one to suggest it. What with Jax having started communication he wanted Libby to get out of the city. He'd thought it was too soon for her to be anywhere near the man. Of course they'd been sharing a bedroom ever since she'd returned, as much out of a need to feel secure as a desire to be with each other. Gemini wasn't home either and so for the first time in almost three years he had the whole place to himself. He took a shower and crawled into bed. Despite all of the things that were on his mind and the empty space next to him he'd fallen asleep very quickly. It was the deepest sleep he'd had in awhile and when a whisper met his ear he thought that he was dreaming at first. That voice.. and no one except Nova, called him Brent anymore... but it couldn't have been...? Wolf sat up suddennly and instinctivly reached for the knife that he kept wedged between the mattress and box spring. All sleepiness rushed off of him in a surge of adrenaline. He had the knife between them before he realized that it was in fact her. "Allison? Jesus Christ. Are you trying to scare me to death?" He lowered the knife to his lap and leaned back against the headboard with an exasperated sigh. "What in the hell are you doing here?" (Reply to this) (Thread)

peri 2009-09-03 04:52 am UTC (link)

There were many things Peri expected when waking up Wolf, but to have a knife pointed at her hadn't been on the top of that list. For a moment her reflexes told her to run, but Peri was far past the point where she did everything her instincts told her. Actually she usually did what her instincts usually told her not to. Instead the look on her face said something along the lines of 'really?', as she waited for him to lower the weapon. There were many things she knew Wolf would likely do or say, but stabbing her just wasn't one of them. Allison likely being the only reason for that. With a slight laugh Peri couldn't resist, "No, I was trying to scare you into my death. Too bad you didn't take a stab at it, eh?" Laughing very lightly after her words, she considered what to say and decided it might just be easier to tell him straight out why she was here. After all it might save her from the tedium that could result from not telling him and circling around it for minutes or even hours. "Well I'm here to say goodbye... and not just another goodbye, but a true one. I'm leaving Sundance." Even though she tried never to show emotion around anyone alive or dead, especially Wolf, she drew in a breath completely unsure of what Wolf was going to do or say. As much as she didn't think his opinion mattered, it did on some level. If it really didn't she would have just left, maybe without even a note, but there was and would always be something that drew her to him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wolf_leader 2009-09-03 05:47 am UTC (link)

"Yeah, too bad." He muttered with a roll of his eyes and leaned over the side of the bed to replace the knife. Despite their not being on good terms Wolf wasn't concerned about Peri attacking him and thus there was really no need for the knife. He leaned his head back against the headboard and gave Peri a look that said he was less than impressed with her answer. "You break into my house in the middle of the night to say goodbye to me? Have you been drinking or something? You have some nerve coming here." He scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest, casting his glance towards the window as he did so. "I've heard it all before Peri, and as far as I'm concerned you said enough of a goodbye to me back in Novemeber when you completely shut the door on me." It had taken him a long time to get over Peri, and his new found love with Libby had certainly helped. He could hardly believe that all of this was coming up again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

peri 2009-09-03 06:02 am UTC (link)

Peri watched him replace the knife under the mattress, and took the moment of silence, because there likely were not going to be many with his tone. She couldn't blame him, but she also couldn't just let things be. Thus why she was sitting next to him on his bed in the middle of the night, just before leaving town. It would have been much simpler if she actually didn't care, but she did and that was something that although unacknowledged in her life was always there. "I've always have had some nerve, so I didn't want to disappoint you. However, I will have to as I'm sober and yes I came to say goodbye, because this is a different kind of goodbye. And the other one seemed to benefit you anyhow, now didn't it?" She scoffed a little bit annoyed at him, though knowing she could have done things better. That was Peri though, smooth and easy rarely existed in her world. "You have Libby, and your tribe is stronger than ever, so really as far as I am concerned the last goodbye did you pretty well. Might as well as take one more for the road." Closing her eyes, Peri tried to put her sarcasm tot he side. There was something about the way Wolf spoke to her that just set her on edge and made her ready her claws. It mostly had to do with the fact that he pushed her, was always pushing her for this and for that. Things she didn't want to and wouldn't give up, even though truth be told he would have been the only one who couldn't have pushed her far enough. Trying not to get snarly so early on in the conversation, she tried not to invoke a tone into what she said next, "I would hope after everything... you would want to know that I was leaving." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wolf_leader 2009-09-04 04:49 am UTC (link)

He wondered what time it was, and thanked God that Libby hadn't been here. What on earth would she have thought if Peri had waltzed into their bedroom in the middle of the night. He shook his head at her attitude. Did she honestly think that he had her to thank for all of the good things in his life right now? True, she had deserted him and it had obviously made room for him to find Libby. Yet, who's to say what Peri and him could have had if she'd just given him one real chance? "Do not take credit for those things Peri. Don't ever act like you did me any kind of favor." His voice was low and angry, but there was a very noticable tone of sadness and hurt. She'd really done one over on him when she'd completely shut him out. She was the first girl that he'd ever loved and in his mind now, she'd done nothing but play with him. Still, he could remember what it had felt like to have those intense feelings for her. He sighed and slipped out from under the covers to walk to the window and look between the curtain panels, out into the dark back yard. He loved how dark that it was now that there was next to no light pollution for the moon to contend with. "As much as I don't want to admit it, and as angry as I still am about everything - I do want to know." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

peri 2009-09-04 05:23 am UTC (link)

In her mind Peri was arguing with his every word, 'did you a favour? you were the one who came to Sundance and followed me home in the first place... i didn't want you to know me'. But instead of allowing that to leave her lips, she sighed and watched him get out of bed and walk away from her. As he reached the window, the moonlight cast a familiar glow over the features of his body, which were mostly exposed to her since he only had a pair of boxer briefs on. She might have told anyone that would listen that her heart and body were not stirred by him standing in front of her life that, especially when the words that were leaving his mouth were the ones that she dared not want to hear. However, her eyes quickly slid down to her own hands which were now tangled in the hem of her dress, and to anyone that had been watching her intently there would have been no doubt of the lie. Closing her eyes momentarily she breathed in deeply, "I know you're angry... but I would want to know too... and I don't want to leave things where they are." Opening her eyes, she looked back to him and smiled lightly, "Come back to bed. Tonight you get to ask me anything. One time offer and I'll promise to behave myself to the best of my ability." The twinkle that would usually have been in her eyes after words like those wasn't there. This wasn't going to be a game for Peri tonight, instead this was going to be one of the hardest things that she had ever done. He deserved at least that much from her though. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wolf_leader 2009-09-04 05:53 am UTC (link)

He closed his eyes for a moment, taking in her words. Now, she chose now to try and clear the air between them? Of course, it was not surprising to him. What did she risk by coming to see him, clearing things up and then being able to just up and leave town? No matter what things they were about to say to one another, she'd just be able to leave again. He wasn't sure that he wanted to go through all of it. It had been hard enough once, and here it all was again and so unexpectedly, at the peak of his own relationship with Libby nonetheless. Come back to bed... The last time he'd heard those words from her mouth it had been in a very different context. He turned back to her and took a seat on the bed, facing her. "All right Allison," he said in a tired voice. "I'll accept your offer." Part of him was telling her to forcefully escort her out of the house and let the door hit her on the way out, while the other part of him -the greater part- wanted to know what she would have to say. Of course, he didn't think that she'd be totally honest with him, she never had before. "Why?" His brow furrowed in an expression of confused hurt. "Why did you always push me away? It was a miracle that we ended up in the same place after the virus. It was a..familiar face, your familiar face that made me feel like there was really something here worthwhile, something to build on." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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peri 2009-09-04 06:19 am UTC (link)

Peri could see him fighting with himself as he came back and sat down with her on his bed. She couldn't blame him. From his point of view he was happy and here she was to screw it all up for him. In some ways she knew she was being selfish, but she also know how much he would have hated her after hearing she had just left town, and she couldn't let that be what was left in his mind of her after she was gone. Waiting for his question, her mind reeled with the possibilities, but when the words left his mouth she felt like someone had just struck her in the gut. He had taken the hardest question for her to answer and had asked it first. Breathing outwardly, she closed her eyes for another moment. She had rehearsed the answer to this question for as long as Wolf had been in Sundance and finally she was going to have to explain to him that although her body was still here, her heart wasn't. As her eyes opened, her lips parted and it all came out. "I pushed you away because the only part of Allison left in this god forsaken world was you. My mom and my dad were my life. Not in the way most parents were, no they were my only family, my best friends, everything. And when I buried them, I might as well have buried myself. Before you came to Sundance the only name anyone called me around here was Baby, and that was only after they had taken what they wanted of me so that I could eat something that day-" Her cheeks were burning as she spoke, but when she felt the prick of tears she stopped speaking and just sat there staring at him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wolf_leader 2009-09-04 06:39 am UTC (link)

No matter what could be said between them, Wolf would still be hurt over all of the things that had happened. He'd given himself up to Peri, only to be completely turned away again and again. He didn't know what more he could have offered her. Still, there was no denying that what she said in response to his question sent a pang of true sympathy and compassion through his heart. She'd lost herself in the virus and somehow he knew that he'd always known that; from the first moment he'd seen her in Sundace. She'd had no one, and he'd at least had Nova, and even Libby, to keep him going in those days so close to the virus. Those terrible, terrible days. The virus had taken a lot more than just parents from most of the survivors, the virus had consumed the souls of those who'd been young enough to be immune to its physical effects. When she spoke of being called Baby, and how she did things with people just so that she could eat- it killed him to hear it out loud. He could not only hear the tension in her voice as she spoke, but her jaw was clenched and her eyes looked wattery even in the dark. "I wish I could have saved you. Somehow pulled you out of that grave you'd dug for yourself..." He looked down, biting the inside of his lip to keep his voice steady. "But I don't know what else I could have done for you Alli. I was completely and utterly in love with you..." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

peri 2009-09-04 06:56 am UTC (link)

Swallowing hard, Peri pushed back everything safely to where it had always been and where she had every intention of keeping it. From the first five minutes of this conversation though, she doubted that she was going to be able to keep it there. At the moment though she was okay, and she was back under control. That was one of the things Peri had learnt to be very good at. "I wish you could have too, because that little girl the I was loved you more than anything. She had already told her parents that when she graduated she was going to go and be with you, but I'm not her and I know it would have been so much worse if I had ever pretended that I was." She had separated herself from his Alli, and as she spoke she was mindful to keep it that way. It made it easier for her. "After a while she learnt that she could get a lot more than what she had been begging others for." She continued, "She found out that she had something that everyone wanted and she could get anything she wanted with. That's when Baby became Peri Winkle... my mother's favourite colour. After that I met Gypsy, and we and a few other started using what we had to build up everything that the Runners have now. Hell I even got my hands on a kiln so I didn't have to put out for what I wanted. I am everything that Allison never was or could be and other than a face, that's who you met on the pier, Peri. And Peri isn't good enough for you." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wolf_leader 2009-09-24 02:05 am UTC (link)

Wolf had to look away as she spoke. He thought that he'd finally been able to bury all of these memories, these feelings, but he now knew that there was still a wound inside of him. With the way the world was now, it was easy for a lot of people to slip into a nostalgic longing for the past and Wolf was no exception. Hearing her say that she'd loved him, or at least the part of her that was Allison had loved him made his heart ache. He could feel some part of himself, even now, wishing that she had been able to pretend - even if it would have only made things that much more painful in the end. It was the way that Peri was speaking in third person that really hit home, that really proved to Wolf that Alli was gone. "I've known all of this, I just didn't want to... I don't know, I couldn't believe it. I had to see if I could bring Alli back - and in the end all I could hope for was the slightest hint that Peri might have loved me to." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

peri 2009-09-24 02:55 am UTC (link)

"I know you did, hell I knew I did." Peri laughed lightly, in an awkward fashion. She hadn't thought there was anything left of Allison in her when Brent had arrived. The truth was that she had been wrong. There was a part of Allison still very much alive and a part of her. She didn't let her out though, didn't let her face the world around her, but that was a part of Peri that she would never let Wolf know existed, because there wasn't enough of that piece to work with. She'd give him the truth though, well the truth with an omission of course. "She does... I mean I do. There is a part of me that loves you, but I don't love you completely, and you don't love me completely either. And how could you, you're in love with a girl that doesn't exist anymore and yet is sitting right it front of you. That's why all of this was never fair." It wasn't fair, and till the end of her life, Peri would never understand why in all of the United States of America they would have ended up in the same city. Especially when travelling was almost non-existent. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wolf_leader 2009-09-26 04:36 am UTC (link)

Somehow Wolf felt that he was seeing more of Peri now than he'd ever seen before, at least since after the virus. If only she'd given him an inch of this openness before, then maybe he'd have had a chance at cracking her shell. Without even thinking Wolf reached over and took her hand in his. "I just can't help but see some of her still. In your eyes." He sighed and drew his bottom lip between his teeth before looking away again. Her hand was warm and familiar in his, and he felt his heartbeat increase in the slightest degree. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

peri 2009-09-26 05:04 am UTC (link)

Watching Wolf, she laughed awkwardly as he took her hand and spoke. All of those familiar tingles were sliding through her fingertips and into her chest, where he heart like his move just a little harder than it had before. Shaking her head lightly, she used her free hand to take hold of his chin and bring it back to her eye-line. "That's because they are the same eyes, and the same hands," she spoke squeezing his gently, "and the same lips that were hers. But I'm not her, and that's why it couldn't be happily ever after." And she hadn't, she had shut down completely and been lost, and there wasn't anyway to get her back, because in order to get her back she would have to feel again. That was just too painful. Smiling honestly she released his chin, "I'm not sad about that anymore though, I figure life just moves us to where it wants us. Now I just now that I'm meant to be elsewhere, and honestly there's nothing holding me here anymore. I knew that we had to stop dancing last fall, because it wasn't doing either of us any good... and now Gypsy.. I need new faces and people who don't know what I've done to survive." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wolf_leader 2009-09-26 05:25 am UTC (link)

He sighed lightly. She may not be sad about it anymore, but he was, all too much so. More than he'd realized. She'd laughed at him too, and perhaps he deserved it. It was after all, pretty pathetic for him to still be holding onto the figment of his first love. That's all it was now anyway, a figment, and he had Libby now... he did love her after all. When Peri said she had nothing holding her to Sundance it hurt him more than he would ever tell anyone. He chastised himself, why couldn't he just forget it? He'd been expecting something from nothing for so long. "Gypsy..." Wolf shook his head. He still couldn't believe that she was gone. She'd always been a friend to him. He owed her a lot. "I would be lying if I said that I think you should go. I don't want you to leave. Even though we haven't spoken in so long... there's something in knowing that you're just out of town, at the river." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

peri 2009-09-26 01:27 pm UTC (link)

Watching Brent, she knew all too well that he wasn't over it and she realized now more than ever that she had to be honest. She would never be completely over it, but she had decided it was easier to look at it as a fond memory of the past, rather than anything else. Closing her eyes, she tried to figure out how she could make him understand. "I know you don't, that's why I'm here, because you'll always be a piece of me. That's all though, just a piece; but that piece has a lot of fond memories attached to it. Memories that I don't want to forget." she smiled rethinking, knowing that what was coming out of her mouth was not helping things. Now she had to be a bit firmer, "But you summed up the problem, with you just over here, and me just over there, its easy for me to ruin your life. It's also easier for me not to really move on, because I don't feel I deserve to. Not knowing what I did to you. Even with Shepard, it was more like trying on shoes, they didn't fit, but they reminded me that I liked shoes." Now that sounded bad, comparing her last lover to shoes, but it was a truthful statement in alot of ways. "The only reason he made it that far with you here was literally because he would leave my boat, and that made life avoiding him fairly hard for me." She laughed lightly, there were fond memories there too, but they didn't tug at a piece of her like the memories of Wolf did. "Honestly I don't deserve you, but I deserve something else." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wolf_leader 2009-09-28 05:13 am UTC (link)

His gaze narrowed somewhat in his efforts to make sense of what she was saying to him. He assumed that her saying he was just a piece of her, and fond memories she didn't want to forget were things that were supposed to make him feel better: but it didn't. He'd wanted for so long to be more than just a fond memory. She was right in what she said earlier, that none of this was fair. All her talk of not deserving him, and not deserving to move on was starting to sound like some melodramatic farce. It was the whole, 'it's not you, it's me!' sort of thing. It was so hard for him to believe that she couldn't somehow have just made the choice to keep loving him like she claimed that she used to. Like he knew that she used to. He let go of her hand. Hearing her speak of that Shep fellow only annoyed him. "Yeah, you deserved something else." He said rather coldly and shaking his head in a sad desperation, got up to walk back over to the window. "Why did you really come here Peri? If Allison is really gone, why are you here? Why not just up and leave? What would the difference have been.. we haven't spoken in months." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

peri 2009-09-28 05:27 am UTC (link)

Peri felt her throat tighten, this was when she usually ran off or used the night to conceal her emotions. When her heart felt like it had stopped beating and instead was being clutched by a cold hand. Closing her eyes as he walked away, she contemplated leaving. It was the easiest way, but she had gotten through life for the past few years the easy way and she had made a promise to herself that she would see this through, and so she steeled herself to do it. Standing up, she found herself short of breath, likely caused by the burning sensation in her chest. The one she knew very well. Walking over, she grabbed his arm. It was forceful for Peri, but as she was about the size of a large ragdoll it was in no way confining. Her face was red with emotion, something Wolf had likely never seen out of the the woman he had come to know. "I came because we haven't spoken, I came... because I need you not to hate me and I need you to understand that you remind me of everything. The day we met at the horse show, the dates we went on, you helping me and my parents, my parents and I playing around and the day the virus took my parents. The day I almost killed myself, and basically did." Her breath was hot and her eyes were cloudy as what she said came out in a rush. Taking a deep breath, she concluded, "You remind me of everything I have to forget in order to stay sane." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wolf_leader 2009-09-28 06:14 am UTC (link)

Wolf's arm tensed automatically as he felt her hand close around it. He didn't turn to face her, but instead stood looking out the window as she spoke. He closed his eyes. So many different emotions were coursing through him. From relief in the hope that all of this had a chance of finally being over, to anger, hurt and a fathomless and nostalgic sadness that could only come from the loss of first love. He would have heard the tension in her voice, the tears that threatened behind her words, had he not been so consumed with his own conflicting emotions. He didn't want to hear the last thing she said. She was saying that she had to forget him. For the past few months he was almost sure that she had forgotten him, until she'd brought Shep to help them during the war. Even though their presence had annoyed him, he'd secretly appreciated more than she'd ever know. Not only had it been an immense help to the tribe, but it had shown him in some indirect and possibly imaginary way that he still existed somewhere in her mind. He couldn't stand the thought of everything they once had being completely erased from her, or from him. He was silent for a moment after she'd spoken. Then suddenly he turned to her, took her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers in a hard kiss. He leaned back a little though his hands still cupped her head. "Leave if you have to, but please don't say you'll forget me." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

peri 2009-09-28 06:36 am UTC (link)

Wolf caught her off guard, as his lips pressed heavily against hers. In an instant she pressed against him, an honest reaction to his touch, and to the desire for him that would never go away. Something that she was and always had been well aware of. His kiss was hard, and her breath choked in her throat as he kissed her, every emotion that had been hiding since the virus spilling out onto a time a place that was completely inappropriate. As he pulled back she gasped slightly for air, and the tears that had been threatening fell. Quickly she looked down taking a deep breath. She was trying to hold it together, but everything was banging around inside of her, making a mess of what had once been very well organizing and compartmentalized. Swallowing hard, she didn't dare look back up at him, and just said quietly, "I can't forget you, I never will, but I can't live with you dangling in front of me either. That's why I have to go." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wolf_leader 2009-09-28 06:46 am UTC (link)

Wolf's grasp on her face grew gentler and as she began to cry he brushed her tears away with his thumbs. He felt his throat tighten and he tried to swallow the lump that had formed there. He tucked a thumb under her chin and raised her head, trying to get her to look at him. His eyes closed for a moment when she spoke and then he kissed her again, but this time much softer. He noticed that he was trembling and his hands fell from her so that he leaned back to meet the cold glass of the window in an effort to somehow steady himself. He didn't know what else he could say to her. There was so much, and at the same time there was nothing. He leaned his head back against the glass, his palms now pressed hard against the sill. He watched her in silence, and felt like he was looking at a ghost. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

peri 2009-09-28 07:56 pm UTC (link)

As Wolf kissed her again, she could feel him trembling slightly. It hurt her so much to know how much the weight of each other's mere presence just shook each to their core. In that moment her mind travelled to the 'what if' destination that she never let it travel to. The one without the virus, where she had finished High School and then started college with Brent. The mind numbing thought that involved a big white dress and her parents tears, that were of joy instead of pain. Then the thought of the last tears her parents had cried flooded back into her mind and her choked lightly on the heavily laid emotions that were threatening to drown her. Looking up she saw him just watching her. Her cheeks were still red, and stained with the few tears that had fallen. as she looked him in the eye. Stepping toward him, she cut the distance that he had made between them and reaching up on her tip toes, she kissed him heavily. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she stopped caring for a moment of all the things that she decided she would and would not do. This was the last time she might ever see him, and she just needed one last time to remember his touch. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wolf_leader 2009-11-10 06:54 pm UTC (link)

It was when she moved to kiss him that Libby first entered his mind. What exactly did he think he was doing? In the last six months he'd almost convinced himself, and certainly he had convinced the whole world, that Peri meant nothing to him, that he hated her. Yet, sometimes a deep history was more powerful than a fleeting instance of hate and bitterness, sometimes it just caught up to you and there was nothing you could do about it. He was hesitant, stiff when she first laced her arms around his neck and found his mouth but gradually he gave into her. His arms found their way around her and he held her to him, returning her kiss with equal passion as his body pressed forward to find the familiar curve of her. In that moment he felt for the first time since the virus as if he had been transported back to a time when their intensity of their intimacy had been mutual, when it had been the most fulfilling thing in the world. As if his legs were moving on their own he swept her backwards, onto the bed and beneath him. (Reply to this) (Parent)