Daryn Elizabeth O'Conner-Roman (darynoconner) wrote in destructionisle, @ 2019-06-08 10:57:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, daryn o'conner |
Who: Daryn O’Conner
What: Falling apart to keep it together
When: June 8, 2019, 3am
Where: Around the perimeter of the island then to 104 Liberty Street
Rating: Medium - vague mentions of violence, injury, substance use, thoughts of self-harm
Status: Complete
Out of breath, Daryn stopped running and leaned forward, hands on her knees. Gagging, she felt like she was going to be sick, but her stomach was empty so there was no fear of losing anything more than bile. She couldn’t eat, she couldn’t sleep. All she could do was run.
Squeezing her eyes shut tight, she straightened and took a deep breath before she took off running again. Feet landed hard on the sand, pushing herself forward as she ran across the beach. Her eyes stared ahead of her through the darkness. All of the residents were tucked away in their homes, fast asleep, or on their way there. She could hear their thoughts and dreams, that old familiar din of noise that never went away. Once, years ago, she’s considered her telepathy a life-line. It connected her to people, it let her into their lives, and it helped her communicate with them when she struggled to otherwise. She held their secrets, she kept them safe. But now, it was just a constant reminder of how alienated from them all she really was.
What was the point of all of this? What had been the point of her trying to lead a revolution, trying to make a positive change? Where had all of those people been when she needed them? Did they even try to find her and rescue her? Or did they just move on with their lives? The answer didn’t matter anymore. She resented them, every single one of them. They’d all moved on now, while Daryn struggled to just make it through a few hours at a time. Her work, her sacrifices meant nothing. The Faction was a sham. The Hospital was a sham.
Coughing, she ignored the taste of blood in her mouth and just kept going. She’d run around the entire island twice so far this early morning. She knew she should just go home, before the guards on night patrol forced her there. But instead, she made yet another pass by the residential areas on her way toward another lap.
Moving on past the Facility, the hair on the back of her neck stood up and she got chills. Gritting her teeth, she tried to ignore the flashes of her time detained there. She could feel her face being pressed against the cold concrete floor, the impact of steel toed boots against her bones. She remembered the threats whispered hot and wet into her ear and restraints cutting into her flesh. Slowing to a stop, Daryn dropped to her knees, hyperventilating. She tried to let out a scream to shatter the memories, but the only thing that left her lips was more blood.
But Daryn wouldn’t allow herself much time for self-pity. After only a moment or two, she forced herself to stand. Instead of running again, she turned and walked back toward ‘home,’ her feet dragging. She dreaded returning there, to sit alone and wait for morning to come. The only blessing was that there was ample time to pull herself together to go into work for a few hours. Even if she knew it was all pointless bullshit, at least it was something. It was all she had to hold onto anymore.
Slowly making her way to her place, she fished her key out of her pocket and allowed herself inside. The place was bare, silent, cold, empty. The same way she felt. Moving to the kitchen, she grabbed a bottled water from the otherwise empty fridge. Moving to the neighboring cabinet, she took down a small orange bottle and opened it, dumping two pills into her hand. Tossing them into her mouth, she forced them down with a wince, followed by the drink. After a moment, she took two more before returning the medication to it’s previous home.
Her hand lowered, hovering over the handle of a drawer that held the knives. Sighing, she let her hand drop to her side and moved to the bathroom instead. Maybe a hot shower would help. Maybe, if she could get the water just hot enough to burn, that would be enough to help. If it didn’t… she’d try to find something else.
The constant search for relief continued. No one ever saw this side of her. And no one ever would.