InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I was...so fucking scared..."

chickgonebad (chickgonebad) wrote in depression,
@ 2008-09-20 15:23:00

Current mood:

lonely

I just saw a very articulate description of my depression. "Depression is not the lone effect of missing a dose of Cymbalta, it seems more like a psychosis, an irrational state that feels and seems rational. That is to say that horrible things seem to make sense. It is a very bad place to be." Trouble is, now I'm like this even WITH the damn Cymbalta.

I did get up and get dressed. I even walked to the store to buy some basic necessities. I've even eaten... of course, eating is usually a problem in the other direction for me. I tend either to binge eat or to starve when the depression gets too bad.

I have valid reasons for being depressed, like the fact that I think my marriage has crumbled under my feet. I'm too easygoing, too accommodating... I'm an enabler, I guess, and I've sort of enabled my way out of being important... to anyone who actually lives with me.

I've spent a lot of time crying for the past couple of weeks.

Even nice things that people do for me make me sad.

I see the shrink next month.

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	keieeeye 2008-09-20 04:57 pm UTC (link)
	Trouble is, now I'm like this even WITH the damn Cymbalta. I'm the same way... the doctors say I have endogenous depression, just my brain chemistry being fucked, and my medication has just gone up and up and up, or changed drugs, or added things... and yet I still spent half of yesterday crying. pets (Reply to this) (Thread)

	chickgonebad 2008-09-20 06:15 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's my fate. It would help if I had a gym near my office. Exercise really does help. But I have to bribe myself with bright shiny machines and stuff. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	snapesgirl_62 2008-09-20 05:38 pm UTC (link)
	hugs I have times when my hormones spike and I cry over nice things, bad things, anything. It is not a fun place to be. I hope you have good luck with your doctor's appointment. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	chickgonebad 2008-09-20 06:12 pm UTC (link)
	First it was just hormones. Now it's bloody well everything. I'm guessing it's time to change meds, AGAIN. I've done Zoloft, Welbutrin, Serzone, Effexor, Lamictal... I feel like I'm forgetting something. I've been through so many damn attempts to straighten out my brain chemistry. I'm SO tired of it. I was really hoping the Cymbalta was going to stick. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	snapesgirl_62 2008-09-20 06:19 pm UTC (link)
	The bad thing about the medicines is how our bodies adjust and compensate for them. I found myself getting depressed on the cymbalta towards the end of my time on it. This was one of the reasons I am off it. I see you like to work out, pity there's no gym near your office. Is there something on your way home from work? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	chickgonebad 2008-09-20 06:26 pm UTC (link)
	There isn't at this time, but soon... soon... they are building a gym in the lot next to my office. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	snapesgirl_62 2008-09-20 06:28 pm UTC (link)
	wonderful. :D (Reply to this) (Parent)

	firehorse 2008-09-22 07:54 am UTC (link)
	I'm sorry to hear the Cymbalta isn't working well. It stinks that our bodies can develop tolerance against something being taken in their overall best interests. Hope they get that new gym built soon. {{{Hugs}}} (Reply to this) (Thread)

	chickgonebad 2008-09-22 12:14 pm UTC (link)
	It makes me so mad. It worked very well for several years. I don't think it works anymore. On the bright side, my liver still works! (Reply to this) (Parent)