|Loki Laufeyson (laufeyson) wrote in deities_dot_com,|
@ 2012-07-08 16:06:00
|Entry tags:||~loki, ~sigyn|
Letting It All Out [tag: Sigyn]
Loki was... well drunk was a bad word but it was probably the right word to describe his current state. He had not the tolerance for alcohol that he once had nor the experience with modern alcohols to keep him from getting in that state. Oh, Sigyn was going to be furious. More so than she probably already was. So it was with relief that when he returned to their room at the hotel in Edmunton, Alberta, Canada he found that he was alone and most of their belongings were gone.
Well, either Sigyn had left him or she'd gone out and found a more permanent residence for them. Loki hoped for the latter but wouldn't have been surprised by the former given the amount of consideration he had given her in regards to his disappearance to see Hel. He was feeling rather... sad and cynical.
He tried to watch television while he waited for Sigyn to return, and sip water in the hopes of sobering up a bit. Loki laid back on the bed, some movie on the television played that Loki barely followed the plot of.
Well, until the couple's children died in a car crash. That, that he understood. And as he watched the husband and wife come to terms with it on screen, he slowly curled into a ball and remembered his conversation with Hel. About how he couldn't see Narvi and Vali again. Not even to tell them the things he never said or said enough.
He was a failure as a father. He abandoned Eisa and Einmyia when they were small, only stopping to see them occasionally. But he wasn't there for all their big life steps. He sort of abandoned Sleipnir into Odin's care. He wasn't there when Fenrir and Jorm were taken away. He wasn't there when Hel was sent away and he couldn't protect them or Narvi and Vali from the psychotic Aesir. And while Loki did believe that many of them were genuinely psychotic -especially Skadhi, it was his lack of being able to protect his children that stuck with him more.
The events of that last day flashed back in his mind. The panic, the fear, the screams of so many -himself, Sigyn, their children. Then Vali's transformation -the shock, the horror... followed by Narvi's screams as he died. Loki restrained and unable to intervene. Rolling off the bed onto the floor, he remained curled into a ball as he remembered returning to Asgard many years prior to that incident and finding his three rather unusual -but no less his and loved by him... children... gone.
When push came to shove he wasn't there for them. Just like Farbauti and how he was never there. And how many unknown half-siblings did he have running around that he never met or even knew about. Or met? Just like Loki's own children. How many other mistresses did Farbauti have that Loki never knew about or met? Like his own children had not with his wives...
He was no better than his own father.
With that realization, his body began to shake. He was no better than Farbauti.
He was no better than Farbauti.