InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Kristin For President"

Loki Laufeyson (laufeyson) wrote in deities_dot_com,
@ 2012-07-08 16:06:00

Entry tags:

~loki, ~sigyn

Letting It All Out [tag: Sigyn]
Loki was... well drunk was a bad word but it was probably the right word to describe his current state. He had not the tolerance for alcohol that he once had nor the experience with modern alcohols to keep him from getting in that state. Oh, Sigyn was going to be furious. More so than she probably already was. So it was with relief that when he returned to their room at the hotel in Edmunton, Alberta, Canada he found that he was alone and most of their belongings were gone.

Well, either Sigyn had left him or she'd gone out and found a more permanent residence for them. Loki hoped for the latter but wouldn't have been surprised by the former given the amount of consideration he had given her in regards to his disappearance to see Hel. He was feeling rather... sad and cynical.

He tried to watch television while he waited for Sigyn to return, and sip water in the hopes of sobering up a bit. Loki laid back on the bed, some movie on the television played that Loki barely followed the plot of.

Well, until the couple's children died in a car crash. That, that he understood. And as he watched the husband and wife come to terms with it on screen, he slowly curled into a ball and remembered his conversation with Hel. About how he couldn't see Narvi and Vali again. Not even to tell them the things he never said or said enough.

He was a failure as a father. He abandoned Eisa and Einmyia when they were small, only stopping to see them occasionally. But he wasn't there for all their big life steps. He sort of abandoned Sleipnir into Odin's care. He wasn't there when Fenrir and Jorm were taken away. He wasn't there when Hel was sent away and he couldn't protect them or Narvi and Vali from the psychotic Aesir. And while Loki did believe that many of them were genuinely psychotic -especially Skadhi, it was his lack of being able to protect his children that stuck with him more.

The events of that last day flashed back in his mind. The panic, the fear, the screams of so many -himself, Sigyn, their children. Then Vali's transformation -the shock, the horror... followed by Narvi's screams as he died. Loki restrained and unable to intervene. Rolling off the bed onto the floor, he remained curled into a ball as he remembered returning to Asgard many years prior to that incident and finding his three rather unusual -but no less his and loved by him... children... gone.

When push came to shove he wasn't there for them. Just like Farbauti and how he was never there. And how many unknown half-siblings did he have running around that he never met or even knew about. Or met? Just like Loki's own children. How many other mistresses did Farbauti have that Loki never knew about or met? Like his own children had not with his wives...

He was no better than his own father.

With that realization, his body began to shake. He was no better than Farbauti.

He was no better than Farbauti.

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sigyn
2012-07-10 06:05 pm UTC (link)

At first, after she'd found and purchased her new house in Nowthen, Minnesota, Sigyn had been back to the hotel room several times a day, not only to pack up their few belongings to move them, but also to see if Loki had returned. After a bit of time, her visits fell to once a day, then once a week, and each time she'd left a note, each time it was undisturbed when she returned. She wasn't sure where her husband was, but he obviously did not want her with him, so she would oblige him.

As her pattern of visiting and note-leaving changed, so had her attitude. At first, she'd been worried, to the point of making herself sick. After all, they'd just gotten out of the cave, he could barely walk, and he was off somewhere doing who knew what, and she was not there to help him. Over the weeks, that changed as more time passed and she did not hear from Loki. Or about Loki. Hel hadn't contacted her either, so Sigyn didn't know if he'd met his daughter or if he was still in the mists in Niflheim. If he was, she hoped he was freezing his lying ass off. It had taken a little while, but Sigyn finally reasoned out that there was no way Loki was making that trip with a walker, which meant he could walk better than he'd let on. He'd deliberately misled her to keep her from knowing he was going. He'd lied to her. Of the many things Loki had done to her over the years, lying wasn't one of them, and it hurt. So Sigyn wasn't as worried about her husband as she'd once been. She was pissed.

She likely would not have ventured back to the hotel room at all, but it was time to make a payment to keep the room. Pissed she might be, but she wouldn't completely abandon Loki, and if he did come back, that room would be where he would go. So she handed over the paper that the desk clerk wanted, then took the keycard up to the room to make sure it was still presentable. With no one actually staying there, she occasionally feared it might be used by someone else. And that seemed to be what had happened, since she could hear the television as she approached the door.

Angry that someone was squatting in a space she was paying for, Sigyn shoved the keycard in the door, and shoved it open, ready to yell at whoever was inside. When she saw that it was her husband, that inclination didn't change. She still wanted to yell. She also wanted to rush over and hug him. And smack him upside the head. And hold onto him so he'd never leave again. And yell some more. Anger and relief were a weird mix of emotions, and Sigyn wasn't sure what to do with either.

After taking a short, steadying breath, she finally noted his state. There would be no yelling just yet. Or hugging either, because he was curled into a ball. With a sigh, Sigyn went into the bathroom, grabbed the tissues and a cup of water, then crossed to the bed. She sat on the edge of it, in front of Loki, reaching over his shoulder to rub his back gently.

“Are you going to stay on the floor?” she questioned in calm tones. “Because I think it would be better if you sat up here and maybe had some aspirin, something to drink. Then you can tell me about it. Come on, Loki. I don't want to sit on the floor. Come up here with me.”

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laufeyson
2012-07-10 06:36 pm UTC (link)

Something on his face was wet. His nose was running. What the fuck was going on?

Loki didn't even register that Sigyn had come back right away, he was too busy trying to reconcile the fact that he, Mr. Crying-is-for-babies, was laying in a pathetic heap on the floor... crying. He was pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. If he was an outsider looking on himself, he turn around in disgust and leave. And never look back. Which was why when he felt a hand on his back he jumped slightly, darting back to the present and not his failures as a father.

And really, as a husband as well. He knew what he had done was wretched, so soon after getting free. Creation only knew what she thought he had been doing for so long. He should have called, something... anything. He did nothing of the sort. He imbibed instead.

As soon as she finished speaking, his body shimmered and disappeared, only to reappear behind her on the bed, facing her. It was lazy to use Concept in such a way, but in his current state Loki wasn't entirely sure he'd be able to stand. Which had very little to do with physical weakness or the alcohol in his system. It had to do with the emotional weakness.

He was weak. Vulnerable.

Loki was waiting for the yelling to start. “I'm sorry,” he said quietly between the sobs he was trying to fight. “I'm drunk, you're mad, I've been gone for like fucking forever,” He had been sitting, but flopped over onto the pillow. This was such a foreign sensation for him he wasn't sure what to do. “I lied, but I had to. I'm a terrible husband and an even worse father...”