I am astonished by your behavior. While I have noticed in you an adventuresome quality, which has proven entertaining in our brief history, I could not have predicted such an unlikely turn of events, or that you would display such reckless disregard for the comfort of a man such as myself.
I understand that London has a shortage vampires, and that under such circumstances, it is necessary for the undead amongst us to spend time with the living. However, your choice of Mr. Simon Alexander for a companion is of concern to me. Do you realize that, at this very moment, we are involved in a game of chance, and if I lose, he is to drive a stake through my heart?
Yes, of course I understand our vampire lore, but I urge you to spare me both the indignity and the excruciating pain that will result if he is to win this hand.
It is not too late to press the 'delete' button on your writing contraption. I await the outcome of your decision.