InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Ugachaka!"

Ginny Weasley (dh_ginny) wrote in darkesthour_rpg,
@ 2008-02-26 15:34:00

Entry tags:

february 2008, ginny weasley, luna lovegood

RP: Home Again
Date and Time: 26, February, 2008 Evening
Characters: Luna Lovegood, Ginny Weasley
Location: 23C Diagon Alley
Private/Public: Private
Rating: TBA
Warnings: TBA
Summary: Ginny is glad to have her flat-mate back
Completion: incomplete

Ginny handed Luna a glass of water as she sat down on the couch. Ginny had finally gotten some time to spend with her flat-mate. She had missed Luna while she was gone, and she felt like a bad friend for not being able to go and see her. And the world's worst friend for not realizing her best friend wasn't doing good.

"How are you doing, LuLu Love?"

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dh_luna
2008-02-27 12:17 am UTC (link)

Luna was already happily situated on the couch, smiling in pleasant comfort as nuzzled a pillow. She looked rather like a large blonde cat, and Merlin, she sure was as happy as a domestic pet, coddled and spoiled now that she was home again.

"Fantastic. So glad to be home," Luna said pleasantly. "Thank you, thank you," she said as she received the water, and after taking a sip she looked back to her flatmate. "And you? How have you been these last few days?"

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dh_ginny
2008-02-27 08:17 am UTC (link)

Ginny smiled at how Luna was lounging on the couch. She looked like a big fluffy cat feeling relaxed on the couch without a care in the world. Ginny loved Luna like the sister she never had.

Ginny smiled at Luna as she talked pleasantly. Ginny's smile tightened when Luna asked her how she had been. Ginny scooted closer to Luna's knees and leaned her side against Luna's knees and hugged them. She put her chin on the blonde girl's knees and smiled at her sadly. "I've been-"

Ginny paused to think about how she had been. She had been working hard, but she had missed her best friend. She had been stressed with worry. She was full of guilt that she hadn't seen her problem. "I've been through hell, Lu. I've missed you. I've been angry at myself for not seeing that you needed help. I've been sad that you had to be there alone. Luna, what happened?"

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dh_luna
2008-02-28 02:44 am UTC (link)

Luna grinned, at first surprised, but her smile melted into a sweet one with a touch of sadness when Ginny hugged her knees. She remembered way back when when they would do this. One would be curled up on the sofa, the other would be resting their head on the former's knees. It was a sign: Ginny wanted to talk.

Luna reached out a hand and gently ruffled Ginny's red hair. "Don't blame yourself, love. It's not your fault. It's just me, me being stupid, me not taking care of myself. You know, in a few months, it's going to be the ten-year anniversary of..." She gulped. "..that. The battle. It's getting me anxious, all these deaths around me."

She was almost surprised at herself for revealing so much to Ginny. She almost always avoided the topic. It was hard to keep composure when inside, mentally, she was breaking down. But when Ginny coddled her like that, she wanted to know.

And if it were Ginny, Luna could--would be able to--tell.

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dh_ginny
2008-02-29 12:06 am UTC (link)

Ginny let out a little chuckle as Luna ruffled her hair. "I know it's going to be tough, Lu. It's going to be ten years that my brother is gone. And all of our old friends. People who should have been at this party. But there is something more, Luna. Something else that made it bad enough for you to have to go to St. Mungo’s."

Ginny hugged her friend's knees tighter and reached her had out to grasp Luna's hand. "You can tell me Luna. You know I'll understand and I won't tell anyone. You're like my sister, and sisters can confide in each other in a way no other sets of people can."

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dh_luna
2008-02-29 04:38 am UTC (link)

Luna leaned in so that their foreheads were touching, smiling peacefully. "What did I do to deserve a friend like you?" she spoke, sighing serenely. She then leaned back again, looking upwards and heaving a sigh before speaking.

"It's just that.." She sighed again. "I feel.. I feel so damn frustrated.. And lately I just really haven't had an appetite and at first I figured it was anemia and when I went to go visit Penelope--you know she has that clinic down at Hogsmeade--and I found out she was in the hospital and once again I couldn't do anything and I-- It just got to me."

She took a breath before muttering quietly, "I wasn't hiding anything from you, love. You're the best sister-friend I ever had, you know that. I just felt so.. so.. useless."

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dh_ginny
2008-02-29 10:34 pm UTC (link)

Ginny smiled sweetly at Luna as their foreheads were touching. "You stood by me thick and thin. Now it's my turn to do the same for you."

Ginny listened to Luna talk and she felt bad for her friend. Ginny held onto Luna's knees and hand tighter. "What do you mean, it just got to you?"

Ginny felt tears rise up into her eyes when Luna muttered quietly. "You aren't useless LuLu Love. You're very much needed around her. Who else would I giggle with? And who would help me properly defend this flat against- , well whatever can get in."

Ginny was quiet for a moment until she cleared her throat and approached an idea carefully. "Luna, have you ever thought about talking to someone about everything? A neutral party that you can just spill everything to?"

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dh_luna
2008-03-05 01:08 am UTC (link)

"I don't know," she said, running a hand through her hair. "I don't know--It just seems like everything that happens around me--everything--I could have--should have--done something to help. Like recently with Penelope in the hospital--if I had gone to visit earlier maybe I could have done something. And a few months ago with Simon--" Her voice began to wither and break. "--I just watched it all happen--that was even worse-- and now it's almost ten years since the battle and Lupin and Tonks and Colin and--and all I've been thinking about is how I could have done something but I didn't."

She wasn't crying, but she seemed incredibly weary, tired of crying, tired of being so damn helpless. She smiled weakly at Ginny's mild joke. "Of course, those damn gnargles, we need constant protection here."

At Ginny's question she gulped slightly, looking away. "Well I did.. but you know how that turned out.." She wasn't willing to mention Simon again, so she quickly stopped herself. "I have you though, you know that, I always have you."

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dh_ginny
2008-03-06 01:38 am UTC (link)

Ginny listened to Luna talk. Ginny recognized and related to the feeling of being helpless that was in Luna's voice. She had that same sound in her voice after the war. When Luna's voice started to break, Ginny could feel the tears start to fall from her eyes.

Ginny let Luna's words sink in for a moment. Ginny fought the urge to start rubbing the scar on the back of her neck. "LuLu Love, I know how you feel. It's how I felt after Fred-- after the war. But with Penny, Dark Magic did that to her. If you were there, you might be in the bed beside Penny, or worse. With Simon--, Lu, you couldn't help that. What's done was done, and that's not your fault. I'm sure he's happy that you're still living and that you weren't hurt."

Ginny took a deep breath and approached the part about the war. "Luna, it was war. You can't blame yourself for those people who chose to give their lives to the cause. You did it too. So did me, Hermione, Ron, and Harry. Even Neville gave his life to the cause too. Remus, Tonks, Colin, Dumbledore, Fre-" Ginny took a deep breath and forced herself to say his name. "Fred. They gave their lives to the same cause, and they were happy to die for it. Even Snape. You did all that you could, same as I did, and for that, we won. Our side won the battle and we saved countless lives from being taken. Innocent lives that had a right to live, we gave them that. You, your fighting gave them that, LuLu Love."

Ginny chuckled a little at Luna's response. “Yes those and whatever some other nasty thing comes our way. I mean, who or what wouldn’t? Two single girls living together, I would certainly come after us.”

“Luna, I think you should go see a therapist. I still have the name of my old therapist; she really helped me after the war. And I think she would be able to help you. Yes you have me to talk to, and I will always be here for you. But I don’t know what to say Lu. If you want I’ll give you the name, and we can owl her, and then I can go with you to talk with her.”

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dh_luna
2008-03-08 12:44 am UTC (link)

In spite of everything, Luna gave out a small hesitant laugh, but perhaps it was not so much a laugh than a self-derisive cough. “Don’t cry, pet,” she said solemnly. Luna herself was certainly not crying. Perhaps all the tears that had already been shed had jaded her, numbed her, from more. She rose her hand to Ginny’s face to wipe away the tears from her cheek.

It was strange hearing such words from Ginny. No—it was not strange to hear those words, but to hear them from her best friend, someone who had faced the same losses, who had faced the same trauma—it seemed to make all the more impact. She rubbed her temples wearily, flinching ever so slightly at each name was listed. Another name she could have saved. Another face that may still be alive. She sighed as Ginny tried to assure her that her fighting had been of use.

“It wasn’t good enough, Gins, it wasn’t.” Her voice didn’t carry any persuasive tone, rather she spoke matter-of-factly, as if it were the truth, and what is the truth is always the truth. “Weren’t Colin and Fred both innocent?” She gulped, forcing the lump that had formed in her throat down. “No one deserved to die. You know that. I don’t need to tell you that. But I—I—I’m so damn useless. This and that and everything—Things I could’ve done—things I never did—Dad says talk is nothing, doing is everything but here I am saying everything, doing nothing.”

“A shrink?” She almost laughed. “Surely pet, I have you, right? I don’t need to see a shrink. I know I’m Loony Lovegood but I haven’t gone completely nuts yet.”

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dh_ginny
2008-03-11 01:13 am UTC (link)

Ginny smiled as Luna wiped away her tears. "I can't help crying, Love. I know what you're feeling. I've been there. And now I should have seen it to help you."

Ginny watched Luna rub her temples and flinch at the names listed. She listened to Luna speak in a matter-of-fact tone, and it made Ginny want to cry more. Instead she twisted Fred's old ring that was on her finger and stared at the floor. She thought back to when she had the same thoughts, she had tripped herself up in them. And it had been destructive to her healing process.

She shook her head as she continued to stare at the floor. Ginny spoke to Luna with a broken voice. "No, they weren't. They weren't innocent Luna. They knew what was at risk. They weighed their pro's and con's just as we did. They knew they might lose their lives, so did we. They knew that they had the option to run and hide, so did we. They knew that if Voldemort wasn't killed, their families would have been. And you and I knew the same exact thing. And that factor is what made us fight. The thought of losing everyone that we loved and cared for is what made us say our lives weren’t as important as saving those people.”

Ginny looked up from the floor and looked right into Luna’s eyes. Ginny spoke strongly of the subject that was still hard to talk about. “So no Luna, no one was innocent because we all knew what as at stake, and we still chose to fight. The only difference between Fred and Collin and you and I is that you and I lived, and those two died for what we all believed in. They may not have deserved death, but it was their choice. They chose the risk of death, so that others may have a chance at life.”

Ginny stopped a moment to take a deep breath. Then she continued on. “But Luna, the only way you become useless is when you stop remembering them. And when you stop living your life without the stress and worry that that day, that day you are alive and breathing, that sunset or sunrise might be your last. When you stop making the most of life, you make their deaths in vain, and then one becomes useless because the deaths of everyone in that war, becomes pointless.

“Luna, you remember them everyday, and I’m sure you give them a small message of thanks at least once every day, I do. And because you have gone on living, you became a very useful person. And you are even more useful because you’re part of the reason other’s have moved on. You are saying and you are doing.”

"Well you're my Loony Lovegood." Ginny said laughing. "But really, I shouldn't be telling you, but people are thinking you've become--, oh I hate to say it-- normal! Normal Luna! Can you believe it? You just may have to go to prove you're still the Loony Luna everyone knows and loves."

Ginny laughed. "Seriously, Lu. In therapy, you just get everything off your chest, and then there is someone to help you work through it. I wouldn't know where to start Luna. I fear I'd mess you up emotionally."

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