InsaneJournal

Introspective: Penning Ghosts
Date and Time: February 12, 2008 - close to midnight
Characters: Penelope Clearwater
Location: Flat above Clearwater Clinic
Private/Public: Private
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Summary: Penelope continues what she has been doing for the past 14 years
Completion: Complete



The analysis of the feather which Percy had given to her only yesterday had been completed, and the results sent to Nathan Webbe. Penelope managed to pinpoint the owl to Scotland, but the area was difficult to determine. She would need to consult Artemis further on the matter, and her heart still hung heavy in her chest from her last conversation with Percy.

Sitting on her bed, a banker's box beside her, Penelope had a blank piece of parchment in front of her and a brand new quill. Since leaving for Greece over a decade ago, whenever she was troubled and needed to unleash her emotions, she did what she had always done even while attending Hogwarts. Penelope wrote to the only one who had ever held her heart. Only instead of sending the words, she kept them for herself - in a box, that she had hidden and carried with her for as long as she could remember.

She didn't need to put his name in print, but conjured his image through ink and parchment and gave forth the secrets of her soul - which he would never know.

...finding myself again regretting. Regretting all what has past and what will lie in the future and I know that may sound ridiculous for what am I to know of the future, but I know only which my heart can tell...

...so much left unsaid, and yet whenever I want to open my mouth the words cannot come forth, so here I write again, all that I want to say and yet I can't. Apologies and wishes and dreams. Yet frozen my voice becomes around you and now I fear...

...the only one who has really ever known me, and now that part seems to have vanished, and with that I falter...

...the minute and fragile knowledge that once you loved me. What was it that caused it to die? I wish I knew how to...

As the ink dried on the parchment, Penelope opened the box and reached inside. There was one letter which she had written which she always read over and over again, and the memories from those words would haunt her until the end of her days. For only one sentence really rang home to her and spoke the truth of her life of lies.

...I may be bonded to another, but only you could ever carry my heart...

Written the night before her wedding to Martin. Her escape from her sorrow, however bland and degrading it had been.

You're pathetic and a fool Clearwater a tiny voice inside her head told her as she folded up the most recent letter and put it away with the rest of the others. Penelope knew the voice was right.

As long as there was ink and parchment, all she could do was write.