InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "WHERE'S HARVEY DENT????"

rick_dagless (rick_dagless) wrote in dark_place,
@ 2009-03-17 22:53:00

How many stones would a stoned imp weigh if someone weighed a stone imp?
As the doors to the emergency room opened I walked in carrying a small stone imp under my arm.
It's not everyday that I walk into work carrying a stone imp.

"I want Examination Room 3 readied for use stat!" I shouted at the new temp at the desk. I would try to learn the Temp's name before he died some horrible and painful death if I had time but temps seemed to last only slightly longer around here than the chef's chicken when it was available.

Liz Asher and my buddy Sanchez walked up and glanced at the object under my arm.
"A new garden gnome Rick?" She asked.

"No, one might think so but they would be wrong. This is in fact a new patient of mine. Goes by the name of 13 I'm told."

"I take it he wasn't always made of stone?" Sanchez asks.

"No, fairly recent occurrence." I replied as we walked to Examination Room 3.

"Any ideas what may have caused it?" Sanchez asked as he tapped the head of the statue.

"I figure I will know once I can get a proper sample."

"How do you plan to do that?" Sanchez asks.

"I'm thinking of pulverizing it and then sift the resulting dust looking for anything out of the ordinary."

"Won't that end up destroying this 13 being?" Liz butted in.

"Who is the doctor here?" I asked crossly but then sighed. "Yes, the next kin that goes by the name of Susan would probably object so we'll have to come up with something else."

"This next of kin Susan, hot?" Sanchez asks.

I smile and nod as we enter the exam room. "Very."

Liz stops outside the door. "Ooh you men." She says to herself but then smiles and opens the door and follows them inside the exam room.

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	washu 2009-03-17 11:13 pm UTC (link)
	There just happened to be a young woman with bright red hair waiting for them in the examination room. She was dressed in a sexy nurse's outfit and she was sitting on the stretcher with a wicked grin. "Well it's about time you got here. I've been waiting for at least fifteen minutes." (Reply to this) (Thread)

rick_dagless
2009-03-17 11:20 pm UTC (link)

"And just who might you be Missy when you are at home? This is a hospital not a themed park bordello."

Sanchez pushes past me toward the redhead. "Let's not be so hasty Dag. Perhaps this is a new uniform design ordered by Won Ton? If so I must say I deeply agree with his choices." Sanchez leans back as if trying to get a peek up her skirt.

"Look. I'm trying to save what was once a living, breathing, feeling, being here and I don't have time to play guess the game with a bird in a costume." I say as I gesture at the woman with the stone imp in my hand, waving it about in annoyance and almost hitting the side of the observation table.

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washu
2009-03-17 11:32 pm UTC (link)

She hopped off the stretcher and placed her hands on her hips with a haughty air of attitude. "The name is Washu and I'm the greatest scientific mind in the omniverse."

As if on cue, two tiny little puppets with similar hair color in overdone spiky styles popped up from different spots in the room. "You're the greatest, Washu!"

"Hooray, Washu is here!"

She snapped her fingers and the puppets instantly quieted their cheering. "I'm also Imp 13's personal physician and it would be wise of you to show me some respect before the lot of you wind up on my own personal examining table as specimens for ignorance and devolution." Washu was normally the type to react first, but this was an odd situation and she would at least give them one more chance at civility before they received the wrath of Washu.

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rick_dagless
2009-03-17 11:41 pm UTC (link)

"Oh yes. I remember now. The one Susan was trying to contact but couldn't find so she contacted me. I suppose I could be persuaded into allowing you to participate in the examination but 13 is now my patient. I am the head doctor here, Miss Washu so that respect is a two way street I expect the trolley to travel back and forth on."

Sanchez walked over to examine one of the funky little robot things as Liz came in and she instantly joined him at staring at it. Sanchez taking a tongue depressor tried to lift the tiny skirt on it, only to see if he could tell what it was made of, but Liz slapped his hand making him drop the depressor. "Stop that." She told him scolding him.

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washu
2009-03-17 11:52 pm UTC (link)

She arched an eyebrow at him. My he certainly was being civil. A pity. She had wanted to turn him into.. well, that was neither here nor there any more. "We'll see, Dr. Dagless."

She pat the stretcher and gestured toward the stoned imp in the man's arms. "Shall we see what wrong with him?" As if by magic an image of a screens appeared in the air and a matching keyboard was suddenly in front of the scientist. Her fingers flew over her holo-computer's keyboard as she started several scans and tests. "I hope you don't mind, I brought my own equipment."

Washu also spared a withering look at Sanchez and Liz. "Don't touch the cheering squad. They're fully armed and ready to use lethal force."

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	rick_dagless 2009-03-17 11:57 pm UTC (link)
	Liz and Sanchez share a look and then back away from the odd looking puppet. "No, it is fine that you brought your own equipment. I freely admit that the technology here at Darkplace can be a bit dated. We attempt to use sound principles of medicine and dedication and devotion to overcome our lack of fancy, flashy equipment." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

washu
2009-03-18 12:09 am UTC (link)

Was he implying she didn't have dedication? She harrumphed and hit a key. Soon there was a loud squawking coming from the spot where Sanchez once stood. In his place was a short tiny little green creature with a duck-like bill.

Washu's little cheering squad cheered. "Great going, Washu! You're number one!"

"While my scans run, I'd like to know exactly what you had planned for 13." Washu asked, trying her best to maintain a cool presence. Considering she'd just turned Sanchez into a kappa for no good reason, that wasn't an easy task to do.

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rick_dagless
2009-03-18 12:17 am UTC (link)

"All right, first off I would like to remind you that you are a guest here at this hospital and I would appreciate it if you did not do spontaneous genetic manipulations of its staff."

I said giving her a serious frown.

"Next, I was planning on obtaining a detailed sample of the imp's stone body so I could find out on what cellular lever the change from living tissue to stone occurred.
Which to vis a vie, was going to entail pulverizing the stone imp so its constitute parts so they could be sifted, categorized and analyzed but if you have a better method fo analyze I am open to it."

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washu
2009-03-18 12:27 am UTC (link)

That wasn't really a bad idea actually and Washu mulled it over for a moment before coming to the reasoning that Susan and Weirdbard might be less than thrilled by the method. She allowed kappa Sanchez a few more moments of squawking before she hit a key and returned him to normal.

Still, she almost wanted to give him the go ahead to smash 13, if only to see Weirdbard pummel the little man into the floor. "I'm afraid we can't smash him. That would ruin the whole aspect of curing him, which is our first and foremost goal." At least it had better be.

Her holo-computer beeped and several of the screens were showing the results of the scans she'd done so far. "Besides, as you can see, my scans have already gotten all the details needed down to their molecular level."

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rick_dagless
2009-03-18 12:34 am UTC (link)

"Well there again, if you can afford the fancy gee whiz over the top equipment, that's fine. We here at Darkplace like to rely on what makes a doctor truly a healer.

What's in here." I said slapping a hand to my chest. "That is what makes a good doctor. That and treating your patients with the kindness and sympathy they deserve."

I then accidentally bumped the stone imp off the table and missed the grab and watched it hit the floor. Fortunately, the stone he had been changed into was obviously a good grade of granite as nothing unto ward broken off.

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washu
2009-03-18 12:45 am UTC (link)

"Oh for My sake-" Washu shook her head and snarled. "Will you be more careful? If anything permanent happens to him, you'll be dealing with a very pissed off demon and I'd like to avoid that if possible." Not to mention the fact he was already severing her last nerve.

"As for being a healer, what it requires is actual skill in finding a solution to the problem. It's much like science in that aspect. If you're more focused on your so called greatness and heart, you aren't using all of your ability on the problem!"

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rick_dagless
2009-03-18 12:55 am UTC (link)

"Look Sweetheart, it might be that way wherever you come from but here medicine is an art, not a science.
We can't promise miracles or do the impossible, we can only give hope."

I pick up the imp off of the floor and call out to Liz. "See to it that our patient rests comfortably, even if he probably can't feel a thing and would work just as well in the garden as he would in a hospital bed."

I then pitch the stone imp over to Liz who almost drops it again.

"Is that a remote control in his hands?" Liz asks as she turns the small form over and over again.

"Yes." I reply.

"And what is he doing with his other hand?" Liz asks.

"Don't bother to ask daft questions just rush him to a room while us doctors confer."

As I turn back to face Washu I notice the woman gritting her teeth at me for some reason. Must be her time of the month.
"So what conclusions did your machine reach?" I ask politely.

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washu
2009-03-18 01:19 am UTC (link)

She was not going to kill him. No. That would be far too easy. As soon as this situation was dealt with, she would raise hell upon this man like a fury he had never seen. And it would begin with him becoming mute. He wouldn't be so smart mouthed if he had no ability to speak, now would he.

She sent her mini Washu puppets with Liz, their programming was to observe and to keep anyone from doing more harm than good to the imp.

"It would seem we're dealing a condition triggered by arcane science." Her eyes darkened. "Considering that it altered 13's dna down to a molecular level, this is something extremely powerful." Obviously someone knew what they were doing. It was certainly no mere dabbler in the arts. "It would seem the condition was triggered instantly.. but by what?"

She began typing as she read over the results, sending an email of her findings to the inspector she knew had taken the case. She stopped and pointed to one of the screens, "Now that... that's what we need to figure out. How to reverse the condition."

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