May. 18th, 2009


Imp status

My name is Dagless, Rick Dagless.

For this many weeks I've been the primary doctor of my patient that goes only by the name of Imp 13.

I would say his only doctor but unfortunately, I've not rid myself of the little red headed menace that goes by the name of Washu.

Somehow, one would presume by the sister of my patient, word has gotten out that Imp 13 is being treated at my hospital Dark Place.

I was surprised by the amount of cards and letters came flooding into the imp's room. Firstly, because wouldn't you think people would realize that someone turned to stone can't read cards and letters? And secondly, the subject matter of the cards and letters.
One would normally think such things would be heart felt wishings for health to be restored or at least 'feel better soon'

No, the letters and cards that came to the imp were more along the line of 'Ha. ha. Got what you deserved' and 'I hope you rot in Hell'. Or Sanchez's favorite one, 'now you can be stiff all you want and not bother any of us'.
Sanchez and Liz were the ones to note that almost all the cards and letters were in the female hand. Our little imp patient must have been quite the lady's man or as Liz after reading one particularly long and tear stained letter had put it. A right and proper bastard.

That is not to say that all the cards were angry, hateful or wishing for a bus to fall on the small imp creature from past girlfriends. There were also a few threats from 13's business associates demanding to know how long it would take for the imp to be back on his feet. Seems my patient is quite the supplier of pornographic materials and marital aids.
Sanchez even mentioned that a few of his favorite skin mags seemed to come from publishing firms owned and operated by the Imp.

I have not heard from the patient's sister or parent demon. I'm told the sister is off trying to find leads on who may have attacked her brother and the parent demon is still missing in action off in some dimension and unavailable for contact.

I had made the comment to the 'Red Menace' a.k.a. Washu that whenever you find some who has fallen off the path of decency as 13 obviously has, you find a neglectful parent. To which she replied, "Oh when Weirdbard does show up, please tell him exactly that. I haven't seen someone dismembered by a demon's talons in a long time. It'll be educational and fun to watch him do that to you."

In any case, I've read all I could find in my occult books and they haven't been exactly helpful in pointing out a course of action to take to bring the imp back to non stone status. Washu reluctantly admits her flashy science isn't working either.

It is almost time that I go visit my patient and do my daily test to see if there has been any change in his stone status, visa a vie, hitting him with a rubber mallet to see if the stone has gotten any softer yet.

Mar. 31st, 2009


Too many doctors spoil the....

Well, I wasn't exactly sure what they might spoil but it wasn't doing my nerves any good anyway.

My name is Rick, Rick Dagless M.D. and being one of the medical leaders at Darkplace, if indeed, not THE medical leader, I wasn't used to pushy doctors from outside the hospital coming in and, well being pushy.

I had recently gotten a highly unusual case of an imp turned to stone and was well on my way to diagnosing and solving it when a fiery redhead of a woman suddenly appeared in MY hospital and started giving me and the rest of the staff orders as if she owned the place!

Turned out she claimed to be the imp's personal doctor, although I haven't seen any credentials or heard from the imp or his sister that this is so. Of course the imp patient is now stone and unable to speak so I grant that he can't exactly vouch for the woman at the moment and I haven't been able to contact the sister as she is trying to get into contact with their parent demon.

The redhead chit of a woman was not only highly aggressive, a distinct turnoff in a woman if there ever was one, but also highly opinionated, also a strike against her.
She had not been at Darkplace for more than a few moments when she turned my best bud Sanchez into some kind of small green creature. Perhaps as a warning of the power she possessed? Or maybe it is just that time of the month for her and she is feeling a trifle cranky?

In any case this woman brings in strange and weird equipment, scans my patient without even a 'by your leave' and then points at something on the screen of her fancy equipment and asks me how do we reverse that?

So I tell this woman that I have some occult books in my office and that I will go and look them up and see if they offer any solutions.
And I wasn't just saying that to get away from her presence. I really did have some occult books in my office as I was a practicing Warlock for a short time. I no longer do that any more but I do still have the books.
Mostly because they are overdue and the one thing you do not want to face is a Satanic librarian with seriously overdue books.

"Someday I really need to get a temporary intern to take these back for me." I say out loud as I sit down at my cluttered desk and pull some books to me.

In the occult sciences, the most recognized and revered book is the 'Devil's Hammer', well the library didn't have that one but the one I got was called the 'Devil's Tweezers'. Not as detailed nor as complete as the Hammer I'll admit but it was still chocked full of useful spells and I was hopeful of finding a counter spell in it for my client's condition...
Or maybe a spell to make a certain redhead annoyance disappear anyway.

Mar. 17th, 2009


How many stones would a stoned imp weigh if someone weighed a stone imp?

As the doors to the emergency room opened I walked in carrying a small stone imp under my arm.
It's not everyday that I walk into work carrying a stone imp.

"I want Examination Room 3 readied for use stat!" I shouted at the new temp at the desk. I would try to learn the Temp's name before he died some horrible and painful death if I had time but temps seemed to last only slightly longer around here than the chef's chicken when it was available.

Liz Asher and my buddy Sanchez walked up and glanced at the object under my arm.
"A new garden gnome Rick?" She asked.

"No, one might think so but they would be wrong. This is in fact a new patient of mine. Goes by the name of 13 I'm told."

"I take it he wasn't always made of stone?" Sanchez asks.

"No, fairly recent occurrence." I replied as we walked to Examination Room 3.

"Any ideas what may have caused it?" Sanchez asked as he tapped the head of the statue.

"I figure I will know once I can get a proper sample."

"How do you plan to do that?" Sanchez asks.

"I'm thinking of pulverizing it and then sift the resulting dust looking for anything out of the ordinary."

"Won't that end up destroying this 13 being?" Liz butted in.

"Who is the doctor here?" I asked crossly but then sighed. "Yes, the next kin that goes by the name of Susan would probably object so we'll have to come up with something else."

"This next of kin Susan, hot?" Sanchez asks.

I smile and nod as we enter the exam room. "Very."

Liz stops outside the door. "Ooh you men." She says to herself but then smiles and opens the door and follows them inside the exam room.

May 2009



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