Dark Christianity
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May 2008
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Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian


Originally seen here but the site seems to have been suspended.

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

09 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

08 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

07 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

06 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

05 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

04 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

03 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

02 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

01 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

The last one is the one which I find most interesting. When the Jehovah's Witnesses come to my door, or the Mormons or the Baptists … they all find it distinctly queer that I, a non-Christian [no I won't say Atheist], know more about their holy book(s) than they do themselves. Indeed, I can count a whole slew of times when I've pointed out something in their scriptures which a) confuses them and b) they didn't realise was in there. For the more adept proselytizers (i.e. the ones online), I've always found that linking them to The Skeptic's Annotated Bible will nearly always get them out of my hair, so to speak.

Relying on the words in a book (or books) as your whole philosophy on life and not knowing all those words seems a bit of a puzzlement to me. Just once, and this IS meant facetiously, I would like to see even one person stick to all the rules in Leviticus for a year. In my mind, I see them either dying or in such bad shape that they need hospitalization.

I remember Dolly Parton was giving an interview once. She was talking about a time in her life when she was especially low and was seriously considering suicide. She said that she wanted to read the bible, cover to cover, as one of her last acts on Earth. After doing so, she somehow found the will to go on. I doubt it was the bible in and of itself that was responsible. But the point is that she did what a lot of Christians haven't and that's read it. She said it took her two months and change. A little each day was her method. She also chose the hardest translation to read - the King James Version.

So why don't they read it? More specifically, why do they nearly always quote it out of context?

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