InsaneJournal

Who: fletcherreid & not_jacob
What: One of their first major heart-to-hearts; touches on family deaths, first times and adoption.
Where: Jake's room (Sophomore Year)
When: early-March 2010; evening (backdated)
Rating: SFW, mostly. A bit of talk about sex. Probably some cussing.



Fletcher laid in his bed, his blanket held securely over his head. Trying to go to bed early was a definite mistake. He was biting his bottom lip nervously, trying to keep his breathing in check. It was the first night where there wasn't another person in the room with him, since his roommate was out doing god knows what. Not that Fletcher even particularly liked the guy, but it calmed him knowing there was at least someone else there.

Without anyone but himself in the room, Fletcher was doing a little more than freaking out. He was getting downright upset. With a soft sniffle, he sat up, throwing the blanket off and running his fingers through his now messed up hair. He then remembered something. "Jakoby," he thought to himself, checking the time. 8:32 PM. Fletcher got off of his bed and left his room, walking all the way to where his friend's room was. Trying not to look too pathetic (and failing), he knocked his knuckles on the door.

Jakoby was on the phone when he heard the knock but, for once, he honestly didn't mind the interruption - he was in the middle of a conversation that he really didn't want to be having. "Hold on a second, Tee," he muttered, standing up and going over to answer his door. Seeing Fletcher brought an immediate smile to his face but it faded a moment later as he took in the fact that his friend seemed... off. Upset, perhaps. Definitely bothered, at the very least. Stepping aside, Jake motioned for him to come inside. "Look, Tara, I have to go. ... No. No. ..." He sighed, deflating a little, "I don't hate you, Tee. ... We'll talk tomorrow, or something, okay? ... Love you, too."

Flipping his phone shut, Jakoby let out a sigh of frustration before not-so-gently setting his phone down on his desk. He took what was meant to be a calming breath before turning to Fletcher. "Hey, sorry about that." Running a hand through his hair, he added, "What's up?"

"Hi," Fletcher greeted softly, switching his weight from one foot to the other. "Can...can I come in?" he questioned, mentally yelling at the tears that were pricking at the edges of his eyes. "My roommate ditched me and I guess...I'm kind of lonely."

"You can always come in, Fletch," he responded, cocking his head to the side a little, "You know I won’t turn you away." Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he looked his friend over again, offering a smile as he said, "Well... be lonely no more! You've got me!"

Fletcher smiled slightly as he stepped inside, following Jakoby and sitting next to him. "I see you were having a pretty intense conversation when I got here," he mentioned, looking at him curiously as he rested his head on Jakoby's arm. Yeah, the personal bubble? That didn't exist in Fletcher's world.

Grow up around a family as big as Jakoby's and you kind of forget the concept of 'personal space,' so he didn't really mind. He just moved one of his hands up to play with Fletcher's hair, the other giving a dismissive wave as he explained, "Oh, you know... just family stuff."

"Just family stuff?" Fletcher cocked an eyebrow, not believing Jakoby for one second. "Is everything okay?" he asked, running his fingertips over the other's wrist and palm. "You can talk to me, you know."

He nodded slightly, looking down at Fletcher's hand over his, "I know." Silence fell over them for a few minutes before Jakoby finally spoke up again, sounding equal-parts scared, betrayed and angry, "Tara wants to enlist." Tara, the cousin he adored the most; the one who understood him the best. The one he least expected this from, for a variety of reasons.

"Oh," Fletcher frowned, intertwining his fingers with Jakoby's. "I'm...sorry. That sucks," he tried to console, but he really wasn't that great at it. "There's not much you can do about it though, sorry to say," he said truthfully. "If she wants to enlist, it's her choice, not yours."

Fletcher was right - and Jake knew that, of course - but it didn't make things any easier. "I realize it's her choice, but that doesn't mean I have to be okay with it," he answered. "I'm hoping she'll change her mind... she can't do it for another year and a bit, anyway." Sighing, he gave his friend's hand a light squeeze, "Well. Five months, actually, but that's with parental consent and they'll want her to finish high school first." Unlike Mark, who'd enlisted at 17 - just like Jake had been planning to do.

"Well, five months is a good amount of time. Maybe she'll change her mind," Fletcher suggested, pressing his cheek against Jakoby's shoulder. "Or maybe you'll change your opinion on it. Who knows," he murmured, just enjoying the fact that there was someone beside him.

Jake scoffed at the second suggestion, shaking his head just a little, "Not going to happen." Not that he had anything against the troupes – because that was so far off, it was ridiculous; he had an insane amount of respect for the men and women who fought for their country. He just hated the idea of anyone else he cared about going to war and dying; one was more than enough for any family. Despite his agitation, he couldn’t help the small smile that came back to his lips when he glanced down at Fletcher, "Feeling better?"

Fletcher patted Jakoby's knee when he scoffed, understanding that losing anymore family members to the war would kill Jake. He shrugged his shoulders lazily when he was questioned, his eyelids lowering slightly. "Yeah...I was just lonely. I don't like being lonely," he admitted, snuggling closer to the other teen.

Just the thought of losing another relative to the war was enough to get Jake hurting – he didn't know what he’d do if it ever actually happened. He resumed playing with Fletcher's hair as he listened, giving a small nod of understanding. "Is it like a homesickness thing?" he asked, "Cause I get that way a lot, too."

Fletcher shook his head. "It's not even that. It's just...I don't know. When I'm alone, and it's dead silent, and no one is around...I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack," he mumbled, biting his bottom lip. "Like everyone has abandoned me and now I'm here, all alone." He let out a soft sigh. "I know, it's pretty stupid, huh?"

"That... sounds kind of freaky. Does that mean you've got anxiety or something?" Jake asked, looking a little worried, "Like, should I be learning what to do in case you have an attack?" He couldn't help frowning a little when Fletcher sighed, though. "I don't think that's stupid," he murmured, his frown turning into a sad smile as he added, "You know I'd never abandon you though, right?"

"Maybe. I don't know," Fletcher replied, shifting in his spot uncomfortably. "I've never had a really bad one. At least, I don't think any of them could be considered really bad." He gave a half smile to Jake at his words, though it seemed more hollow than anything else. "At least I know for sure that one person won't."

"I guess that's good, then..." Jake conceded, still a little worried, "As long as you don’t think they’re too bad..." Seeing the hollowness of his friend’s smile made his heart ache a little more than Jakoby cared to admit. Fletcher had proven to be such a great friend, and Jake hated to think that he had some kind of major insecurities toying with his mind. "What makes you so sure that everyone else will?" he asked, unable to stop himself.

"Everyone else in my life has," Fletcher said, swallowing a lump that was stuck in his throat. "I can't trust anyone anymore, because they always end up leaving me for something...or someone better."

Jakoby understood what it was like to feel abandoned, but something told him this wasn’t the 'so-and-so died and left me here' type of situation that he could relate to. Wrapping an arm around Fletcher’s shoulders, he asked, "What about your parents?! Aren't you going home to them in, like, a week for Spring break?"

"Yeah, but...it's not the same! They're not even-" Fletcher paused, thinking about what to say next. "You're so lucky, Jakoby. You have your family, your parents, your siblings. They wouldn't abandon you for a better life, would they?"

"They're not even what?" he prompted, raising an eyebrow curiously at the way the other teen had cut himself off. He coughed, looking away for a moment when Fletcher slipped up and mentioned siblings. Honest mistake, probably – Jake was pretty sure he’d meant to say cousins – but it still hurt. "I know I'm lucky," he agreed quietly. And he meant it. His family meant the world to him, and he was very lucky to be a part of such a close-knit group.

Fletcher noticed his slip up when he heard Jakoby's cough. "Sorry, you know what I meant," he sighed, patting the other teen's shoulder. He bit the inside of his cheek before answering. "They're not even my real parents. I'm adopted, Jake."

Jake just nodded in response to Fletcher's apology, not entirely trusting himself to voice anything on the issue. "Oh..." And suddenly it all made sense – or, Fletcher's dislike of loneliness and his anxiety about being abandoned, at least. Jake smiled sympathetically, tracing his fingertips over his friend’s arm, "Do you... know anything about the circumstances?"

Fletcher shook his head once more. "No. Just that was given up when I was a baby...pretty much right after my birth parents had me," he explained, bowing his head so his hair fell into his face. "Why the fuck would they have me if they didn't want me?"

"Maybe... it was a matter of not being able to support a kid, and not that they didn't want you?" Jake suggested, reaching out to lightly brush Fletcher's hair back behind his ear. "Life... screws over a lot of people, and sometimes it can ruin plans for things that were supposed to be great. Don't think of yourself as having been unwanted..." Pouting slightly, he added, "Besides, if they never had you, then I wouldn't have you now..."

"Don't bring a kid into the world if you can't support it," Fletcher said bitterly. "I obviously ruined their plans for their own lives, so they ditched me. So did my first boyfriend, that asshole. Just...everyone who is supposed to love me has left me."

"Would you rather they'd aborted you or something?" Jake asked, sounding almost as bitter, "Because I think adopted life is better than no life... And. Fletch, you know family isn't only about blood, right?" he added, sighing softly, "From what you’ve told me about your parents – the ones who raised and love you, they seem like great people..."

Frowning a little, he gave Fletcher a half-hug, "Speaking as one... guys are kind of dicks. I'm sorry you got fucked over."

Fletcher was silent before answering the first question. "I don't know. Sometimes," he murmured, sighing when Jakoby made a great point. "They are great people. I love them to death, it's just...I'll probably never even meet my real parents. They probably don't even want to meet me, and that kind of hurts."

He laughed softly, shaking his head. "I got fucked over quite literally."

Jakoby might've pouted at that admission – just a little. The thought of Fletcher wishing he'd never been born just... hurt. He didn't like it. "Was it a closed adoption? I mean, maybe they would like to meet you someday? You can't really know for sure unless you get in contact with them," he said, offering a half-smile, "I can't imagine knowing that there's someone out there with my DNA and not wanting to meet them..."

He raised an eyebrow at that, giving Fletcher a rather stern look. "You... might wanna explain that one before I go hunt him down and kick his ass based on assumptions."

"Well, if they gave me up, why would they want another chance to see me?" Fletcher questioned, huffing in annoyance. "To be honest...I'm not even sure I want to meet them. I mean, I do, but I don't. I don't know, it's so confusing."

He clucked his tongue at Jakoby's threat, nuzzling the other's cheek. "My first boyfriend. I was 13, he was 17. I lost my virginity to him and it sucked. It hurt, it was uncomfortable, and he didn't really seem to care," he listed, shrugging his shoulders.

Jakoby shrugged, and offered the only loose answer he had, "It isn't only kids who go looking for their birth parents, you know. You hear a lot of cases about the parents wanting to meet their kids. It might happen." Giving a slight nod, he added, "I think I could understand why you might not want to meet them, though. At least, a little." Look at how their decision was making Fletcher feel - it made some sense for him to not want anything to do with them. But at the same time, curiosity was basically a human instinct...

Smiling a little when Fletcher nuzzled him, Jake let out a contented sigh before getting a bit serious again. "I'm sorry he didn’t seem to care... You deserve better than that." He pressed a light kiss to the top of Fletcher’s head before adding, "I think awkward is just a fact about first times, though. Painful too, I suppose."

"You know, I don't count it," Fletcher said, his lips quirking into a tiny smile when he felt Jakoby kiss the top of his head. "I still tell people I'm a virgin...I mean, I know I shouldn't lie, but I really don't count it," he explained, choosing to ignore the conversation surrounding his birth parents. "And besides...a little white lie won't hurt anyone," he insisted, even though in the back of his mind, he had a hunch that lying about his virginity would get him in trouble one of these days.

"Ethically, it would be kind of a big deal to some people," Jake countered, biting his lip for a moment as he considered his next words, "But... I guess... were you safe? Because I guess if you know you're clean, at least it's not like lying is putting anyone in physical danger."

"...Don't tell me this, Jakoby. I mean, it was like years ago, I'm sure I didn't catch anything." Now he was getting nervous. His boyfriend and he didn't use protection and Fletcher never bothered to ask about his sexual history. "Wouldn't I have noticed?"

"Are you saying you didn't use protection?!" Jake half-demanded, giving his friend a slightly skeptical look before sighing, "Fletch..." That was concerning, to say the least. "You most likely would've noticed, I guess... but some don’t really show a lot of signs..." He didn't particularly want to freak Fletcher out, but. His health was kind of a big deal, okay? "There's no harm in getting tested, just to be sure."

"I was thirteen and stupid!" Fletcher whined, burying his face into Jakoby's shoulder. "I...I don't want to...I mean, what do I even say? 'Hi, check me for diseases that I possibly could have gotten when I was thirteen?' They'll think I'm a whore or something," he pouted.

Sighing, Jakoby look down at him, gently running his hands through Fletcher's hair. "I know, I know... and we all make mistakes." He shook his head a little at Fletcher’s concerns and gently pushed him down onto the bed, snuggling in next to him. "Well, you know... technically if you tell them you were thirteen, they'll realize that it was a while ago and probably won't think that you're a whore..." he reasoned, before adding, "I'd go with you, if you wanted."

Fletcher kept his pout up as he rested his head on Jakoby's chest. "But who has sex when they're thirteen? ...Wait, don't answer that. " He made a face, nudging Jake's leg with his own. "I'd like it if you went with me. That is, if I actually go. I'm still not sure if I want to or not.."

Jakoby would've attempted some kind of answer, but decided to drop it when Fletcher changed his mind. He'd been fourteen and a half himself, when he'd lost it. Still too young, but it was a little better than thirteen. "Well, I won't make you go," he promised, offering a small smile, "But you should at least put some thought into it."

This was one of the things Fletcher absolutely loved about Jakoby. He never judged him, no matter what he said or did. Another thing was that Jakoby never forced him into doing anything. It was one of Fletcher's biggest pet peeves and he loved that Jake didn't tell him "You need to go, you're going to go." "Have I ever told you how awesome you are?" Fletcher questioned, smiling brightly up at his friend.

Jakoby had just been raised not to judge people too harshly – so it was natural to just accept the facts as they were and just move on from them. That quality was kind of a blessing in a friendship like theirs."Yeah, but I think my ego could get used to hearing it a little more often," he teased, grinning over at his friend. He pecked him on the lips before adding, "Thanks, Fletch."

Fletcher laughed before squirming his way on top of Jake, sitting up and straddling his waist. He managed to look completely innocent while doing it. "You just like your ego being stroked," he pointed out, poking Jakoby in the stomach.

He smirked slightly when Fletcher moved to straddle him, his hands moving to the other teen's thighs. "Who doesn't?" he countered, giving Fletcher a 'no, seriously' kind of look. He sucked his stomach in when Fletcher poked him, and gave him a mock-glare, "Hey!"

"There's probably only one thing you like getting stroked more than your ego," Fletcher said with an over-exaggerated wink. He grinned when Jakoby glared at him. "Oh, suck it up, it's just a poke." He jabbed him with his finger again for good measure.

Jake couldn't help laughing at Fletcher's over-exaggeration and, rolling his eyes, he replied, "That sounds about right, yeah." He swatted at the other teen's hand, lacing their fingers together once he got a grip on it, "Quit it."

Fletcher pouted slightly, but listened to Jakoby, letting his hand lay limp in his friend's hand. "No fun," he mumbled, his other hand using fingertips to trace swirls across Jakoby's clothed chest.

"Psh, I am loads of fun," Jakoby argued, raising an eyebrow. He squeezed Fletcher's hand lightly, offering a small smile up at him, "Don't be so pouty, beautiful."

"Nuh uh," Fletcher shook his head. "You won't even let me poke you!" His pout softened when Jakoby called him beautiful. He leaned down and brushed the tip of his nose against Jake's, flashing a pretty smile.

"I'm not entirely sure that I see the correlation between poking and fun," he mused, grinning a little bit when Fletcher leaned in. "See, now that's much better," Jake murmured as he brought his hand up to cup his cheek. Jakoby traced his thumb lightly over the other teen's bottom lip for a moment before gently pressing a kiss to his lips.

"Poking people is fun," Fletcher replied, smiling a bit brighter. "You only like me when I'm smiling?" he inquired, brushing his lips against Jake's after the kiss. "Or maybe you just love my lips. You sure like kissing them."

"I love you best when you're smiling because it means you're happy," he agreed, smiling himself from the kiss. He raised an eyebrow at the final comment, fixing Fletcher with a curious look. Brushing his knuckles lightly against his cheek, Jake asked, "Do you mind?"

"Not really," Fletcher said with a headshake. "You're gentle and it makes me feel closer to you," he confessed, gently guiding Jake's hand to his lips and kissing his knuckles. "I have a thing for being close...makes me feel less anxious, though I still would want to be close to you even if it didn't make me less anxious."

Jakoby would be lying if he said that it didn’t go to his heart at least a little bit when Fletcher said things like that, and if he was being honest, he felt the same way. He enjoyed feeling so close to Fletcher – it was comforting and, well, it just felt nice. "I'm glad I can make you feel less anxious, then," he responded easily, his smile softening a bit, "Either way, I wanna be close to you, too."

"You're so sweet," Fletcher said, pressing his lips against Jakoby's cheek. "Would it be weird if I told you that you're probably my best and most favorite friend ever?" He let his hair fall into his face and onto Jake's cheek, giggling softly when the strands tickled his own cheeks.

"Eh, it's the Arkansas in my blood," Jake teased, his smirk fading into a smile when the other teen kissed his cheek. "Not weird," he assured, "You're kind of my best friend, too." Carding his fingers through Fletcher’s hair gently, he smiled up at him when he started giggling. "You're adorable, you know."

Fletcher leaned into Jakoby's hand, sighing happily. "Naah, not adorable. Just really, really cute," he laughed with a quick wink. "I'm kidding, I'm not THAT self centered." Fletcher then scrunched his nose. "I have a really girly laugh, don't I?"

Jake scoffed a little when Fletcher denied his adorableness, shaking his head. "Adorable and really, really cute," he countered, grinning at how Fletcher scrunching his nose like that was a perfect display of said adorableness. And he did have a girly laugh, but Jakoby wasn't going to admit that to him. "I like your laugh," he answered instead.

"That's the same thing, ya dork," Fletcher replied as he poked the tip of Jakoby's nose. He blushed a slight pink when Jake grinned and said that he liked his laugh. "I have to laugh more often then, huh?"

"There's some kind of slight difference between the two, I assure you," he responded, giving an intentionally over-confident smirk. Nodding, he pressed another light kiss to Fletcher's lips, "Yeah, you do." He carefully pulled Fletcher down next to him again, then added, "But right now, I think we should sleep or something. It's getting kind of late."

"Oh." Fletcher didn't even realize how late it was getting. He really didn't want to go back to his empty room. "Can I sleep with you?" he asked, a childish tone sneaking its way into Fletcher's voice.

Jakoby grinned at the childish tone in Fletcher’s voice. Honestly, that’s what he’d meant anyway, but it was cute the way Fletcher was asking. "Welllll," he started, hmm-ing for a moment before saying, "I don’t think I’m letting you go anywhere, so. Yes." He pecked Fletcher on the cheek before getting up and going over to turn off the lights.

Fletcher clapped his hands tiredly, realizing just how tired he was as soon as his head hit Jakoby's pillow. "Yaaay," he yawned, holding his arms out as soon as Jake turned out the lights. "Come on, before the monsters get you," he whispered teasingly.

Jake laughed, stopping to lock the door as well, before pulling his shirt off and returning to the bed. "My hero," he teased, cuddling into Fletcher's open arms. "G'night, Fletcher," he added, pressing a kiss to the other teen's jaw line.

"Night," Fletcher cooed as hugged Jakoby close to his body. Then he shut his eyes, drifting off into a sound and restful sleep.