InsaneJournal

In which Ben and Blaine are sad.
Who: Ben and Blaine
Where: Rose's living room and Ben's grandparents' kitchen
When: After this exchange between the two, Ben and Blaine skype because Blaine can't sleep in the wake of Ian's death.
Rating: SFW


benjymonty: Hello?

bjpippydo: Hi

benjymonty: How are you holding up?

bjpippydo: How does it look?

Blaine's lying on a couch made up to be a bed, dimly lit. He looks exhausted, and is obviously on his phone.

benjymonty: Exactly how I expected.

Ben is sat with his laptop at the kitchen table of his grandparents' house, brightly lit. He doesn't look tired, but does appear to be somewhat distant and preoccupied.

bjpippydo: We stayed up late blowing up zombies. I'm going to have nightmares about an Ian zombie.

benjymonty: Don't say that.

benjymonty: You're not going to sleep, you already told me that.

benjymonty: Can't have nightmares if you're not asleep.

bjpippydo: Oh great. So I get no sleep or I get zombie nightmares

benjymonty: You'll probably be too exhausted to remember your dream.

benjymonty: Which is probably a blessing in disguise.

bjpippydo: I suppose this is a bit of a blessing. I didn't have time to sit at home and freak out about going to college. I thought I'd have another week or so.

benjymonty: My classes don't start for another three weeks. I just wanted to move in and get settled but that doesn't matter right now.

bjpippydo: Nothing really seems to matter right now.

benjymonty: I still can't believe it.

Ben sighs heavily and scrubs a hand through his (messy) hair and over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed.

bjpippydo: It doesn't seem like it can be real, and at the same time... she was still bloody when I got here.

Blaine curls onto his side, drawing his legs up, looking blankly at his phone.

benjymonty: What even happened? How could it have?

bjpippydo: They went to a concert and got mugged coming out. He got hurt, she gave chase, pissed them off, so they turned back and shot. She called an ambulance after that. Her hair was still bloody.

This took a while for Blaine to type, and he paused several times as he got the words out.

benjymonty: Jesus.

Ben sighs again and shakes his head in disbelief.

benjymonty: He was eighteen, Blaine. The same age as us. I just can't comprehend it.

bjpippydo: Little bit younger. Hadn't even graudated.

bjpippydo: He will NEVER graduate.

bjpippydo: Ever.

benjymonty: It was his birthday last month.

bjpippydo: He had an awesome girlfriend.

bjpippydo: Was kicking his drug problems.

bjpippydo: Was getting his life back together.

benjymonty: I know that it's really cliched but it makes you realise how temperamental life is.

bjpippydo: Things were going RIGHT. You don't die when things are going right!

benjymonty: That's what we all want to believe but it doesn't work like that.

bjpippydo: It should

benjymonty: But it doesn't.

bjpippydo: But it should.

Blaine swallows obviously, even in the dim light, looking away. His eyes are wet but he's not crying.

benjymonty: We have to focus on moving on. What would Ian say if he could see us now? "Stop being such pansies, you sentimental bastards." Only really fast and with an accent.

Blaine smiled weakly at that.

bjpippydo: Yeah, I know. It's just... it feels wrong.

benjymonty: Of course it does. Because people aren't supposed to die when they're eighteen. Especially not people you know personally.

bjpippydo: Don't you die now.

benjymonty: I'm not planning on going anywhere. But just because I'm not planning on it, doesn't mean it won't happen. I'll try my best though.

bjpippydo: Thank you. Because I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. Not hold up as well as Rose, that's for sure.

benjymonty: Don't think about it. Ian would be well pissed if I died now and stole his moment.

bjpippydo: Yeah he would.

benjymonty: "What do you think you're doing, you silly English prick? Honestly, can't let me have one day, can you?"

Ben bites his lip as he types this. It doesn't show on his face whether he's trying to stop a laugh or a sob, although it's the latter.

bjpippydo: He always did fight with you over the silliest things...

benjymonty: It's because he knew I was better than him, obviously. Even though I argued it, I never believed it.

Blaine takes a deep, shaky breath.

bjpippydo: You're better than everyone.

benjymonty: I appreciate the sentiment.

Ben forces a weak smile and shakes his head.

bjpippydo: It's true. You're so much better than everyone. That's why I love you.

benjymonty: Now isn't the time. We're meant to be talking about Ian, remembering him.

bjpippydo: Yeah, but I just wanted you to know again. In case you do steal Ian's moment.

benjymonty: I do know. I've always known, even when you didn't say it.

benjymonty: And you know the same is true for you.

bjpippydo: Just making sure.

Blaine rubs his thumb over the image of Ben's face on the phone, as if he could stroke his cheek through the screen.

bjpippydo: I wish you were here.

benjymonty: I'll try to get everything sorted as soon as I can. I have college things to do still and then I need to go and see Raf. But then I'll fly out. Probably around Wednesday.

bjpippydo: Okay. I'll see about maybe getting a hotel room. I feel bad imposing on the Morgans like this. I invited myself, after all.

benjymonty: I can sort that out. You just focus on Rose, okay?

bjpippydo: Okay

bjpippydo: I was thinking of taking her to a pet store tomorrow, or pound or something like that so she can hug some real cats.

benjymonty: If you think that'll help.

bjpippydo: That's the only thing I can think of that helps her. Cats and hugs.

benjymonty: Then do it.

bjpippydo: Okay

bjpippydo: I wish Chambers were here

benjymonty: You'll be okay, right?

bjpippydo: Yeah

bjpippydo: If I can get some sleep.

benjymonty: What can I do to help?

bjpippydo: I don't know.

Blaine bites his lip, then types again.

bjpippydo: It's stupid

benjymonty: What is?

benjymonty: You know that I hardly ever think you're stupid.

benjymonty: And even when you are, I don't judge you for it.

bjpippydo: You think I'm stupid all the time. Thankfully, you love me despite it.

bjpippydo: Sing to me?

benjymonty: That is not true.

benjymonty: And okay.

benjymonty: What do you want me to sing?

bjpippydo: Jammers, you can't watch me run into a wall and not think that. Or OD on Kool-aid.

bjpippydo: I don't know. A lullaby?

benjymonty: Those are the rare moments where I think you're stupid. That doesn't equate to all of the time. Not the point though.

benjymonty: Any one in particular?

bjpippydo: Nope

benjymonty: Okay then.

Ben clears his throat and sits up straight before beginning to sing 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' in a soft tone.

Blaine does manage to smile at that, making himself comfortable on his couch-bed and letting his eyes close.

Ben continues singing until it appears that Blaine is asleep. Then, he leaves skype running and occassionally checks the screen as he busies himself doing other things for the remainder of the night.

It helps, having something else to concentrate on. Ben's voice, thoughts of Ben, Ben instead of Ian soon batters down the walls Blaine had built to hold his exhaustion at bay. Once he's asleep, he's out cold, the phone still loosely clasped in his hand.