Title: Where Do You Get Your Ideas From?
Author: inamac
Prompt: kelly_chambliss asked me to show what happens when Severus finds out the uses to which Minerva puts some of her art collection in my March 2010 story A Birthday Present.
Characters/Pairings: Lily Evans, Alice Ogden (Longbottom-to-be), Minerva McGonagall, Frank Longbottom/James Potter
Rating: R
Content/Warnings: suggestive artwork, bad fanfic
Word Count: 600
Summary/Description: Relaxation in the Order of the Phoenix, Circa 1970s.
Author's Notes: I'm afraid that I've been too engrossed in The Archers radio drama this month to give the prompt the attention that it deserves, but I did end up with this surprising sidelight on life in the Order of the Phoenix, and how Severus found out the source of some of Minerva's art collection. (Not quite what Kelly asked for, but I hope I'll be forgiven.)

For the purposes of this story I've used a minor canon reference to 1920s Auror Bob Ogden to give Alice a family name and history which JKR denied her.

Happy Eighth Birthday, Daily Deviant!



The stirring music that signalled the end of the Lily and Alice's favourite wireless programme filled the small sitting room where the off duty members of the Order of the Phoenix were relaxing.

"Will Jamie arrive in time to free Ric and Chalky? Can the trio foil Von Vormold's dastardly plot? Tune in again for the next exciting episode of Ric Morton, Special Auror!

Alice put aside her notebook to click the 'off' switch. Lily gave a sigh. "Ric sounds so dishy," she said, "And he's so doing it with Jamie."

"And Chalky," Alice nodded. "Only they'd never put that sort of thing on the wizarding wireless."

"So we have to write it ourselves. How is your story coming?

"Stuck. You know Uncle Bob used to tell me incredible stories about his time with the Auror Service in the 20s, but he never mentioned gay love affairs between agents."

"I bet they did though, " said Lily, picking up her sketch book and adding another line to the curve of what her fellow fan had described as Ric's firm, clenched buttocks, "All evening dress robes, cocktail lounges and country house parties. Like the Malfoys." She paused. "Severus has invited me along to their May Ball. D'you think I should go?"

Alice shivered. "I wouldn't. I'm pretty sure Dumbledore has sent Sev to look for proof that Abraxus is a Death Eater. The Malfoys are creepy. Like all these old families with their passion for Pureblood Tradition."

"You mean like the Longbottoms? You don't think Frank is creepy. I saw you kissing him behind the greenhouse last night. And not just kissing!"

Alice blushed. She had been going out with Longbottom since their schooldays, longer than Lily had been with James Potter, and there were bets among the members of the Order as to whether she or Lily would be whisked up the aisle first.

"Yes, well," she said, "call it research. I'm putting in a bit where Ric gets all excited by the feel of Jamie's moustache on his cheek."

Lily giggled, and turned her pad so that her companion could see the sketch, Muggle pencil on Muggle paper, which showed a Ric Morton who looked remarkably like James Potter, crouched, bound with rope at wrists and ankles on a flagstone floor, while a moustached Frank Longbottom lookalike nuzzled the crack of his exposed arse.

"Oh Lily! You do have a filthy mind. That's not what I meant at all! And you know it." She leaned forward to examine the artwork more closely. "Er, did you mean to give Jamie three elbows?"

"Oh bother. Have I? Sirius came in while they were posing and distracted me. Still," she looked at the picture critically, "you could always pretend that he's transfigured an extra arm for some reason. They are supposed to be Special aurors."

Alice looked thoughtful . "It would be a useful for lots of things. Imagine transfiguring a finger into a tongue. It opens up the possibility of whole new perversions they probably don't have names for."

"Transmogrophilia," said Lily.

"?"

"I asked Professor McGonagall – Minerva. You know she keeps a list for her Perennial Porn challenges. Which reminds me, I promised her this for her anniversary issue. D'you think it'll be finished in time?"

"Not if we keep chatting," said Alice. She went back to her notebook. Neither girl noticed the door of the room softly closing. Severus Snape had learned rather more this evening than he had wished about Lily Evans, Alice Ogden and the stern and straightlaced Professor Minerva McGonagall.

The End